You Get What You Give

I went out last night to the Leas Club, with Becky, Terri and a girl from London named Sue. It was fun, although I always seem to end up knowing way more stuff than I want to know!! Eek!! I hate having to come out to people. There I was expressing my support of some girl who slept around in a kind of "You go girl" kind of way and Sue thought I was expressing some desire to sleep with the slutty girl. Then, of course I had to explain myself, that no I didn't want to sleep with her, but was just expressing solidarity.

Grrr.....

But Terri did give me a lift home... yah!!!

God I need a boyfriend. I am simply not being satisfied as is. I need regular sex, or I will go absolutely insane!!!!!!!!!!! No really.... every time I have ever gone loony, I have most certainly not been getting enough. See scientific or what?? Note to self: clean up dirty, repulsive mind, or find way of expressing it without grossing out everyone else in world

Have decided that I can't afford to go to London or out in Canterbury as planned. I have NO money until next Friday. I am going to be bored! No sex, no fun, no drinking.... aaaaahhhhh.....

The Interview

I didn't really know how it went. Then at the end of my shift I was taken to a back room with Stacey and Patricia, and we were all excepted for a permanent job!!!! Yes as of the 14th I will no longer be a slave/temp!!! *does little dance*

If This Ain't Love

My trip to London this weekend seems to be about as likely as the Palestianians and Israelis living in peace. Possible but not bloody likely! Which is a shame. I don't quite know why it may not go ahead. Just haven't heard anything from the people I am supposed to be staying with, and my funds, thanks to that bout of flu are low/non existent.

I am going out with Becky tonight, to catch up, and have some Stella.... mmm....

I am still coughing like a maniac (and Jason, what does that mean??).

I really can't wait to have my own place. There'll be a stock of Jack Daniels, Stella, and Diet Coke. No computer for a while, which means no blogging!!! Eek.... And no cats, which means no smelliness! Well ok, it means LESS smelliness. Oh and I will be free to bring blokes back to my place and do what I want, which I haven't been able to do since I was 16/17.

I had a long phone conversation with Stephen last night, during which I became aware just how much I owe that boy! When we first started dating I
was completely unassuming, quiet, and I was adamant that I was Jason firstly, and being gay was just an insignificant part of me.

Now? Thanks mainly to Stephen, I am loud, camp, and I am adamant that I am gay and Jae is just an insignificant part of that. But he did say that I had changed him slightly. Hmm...

Just got back from Bill's house with the sliding gates and the hugeness... who needs 3 sofas in one room???

Whoosh!

Ok after a very wierd dream yesterday morning, I went to work, got bored, attempted not to spend all my money on nothing... failed.... got home, found step dad had double locked front door so I couldn't get in. Grr.... Zoe, Elliot and John arrived and saved me, and off we went to the cinema. Elliot pulled faces at lorry drivers all the way there....

Went and saw "Rules of Attraction" which although basically crap, was random enough and pointless enough to strike and chord and I ended up loving it. Specially when old people walked out half way through. Hehehe.... And it had men kissing in it... so it rules....

Stephen texted me that he got off with a skater boi on Monday... am not happy.... :op

Tired, very tired...... got permanent job interview on Friday just did my CV.... am bored of job already.... but it pays...

The Limit

Now it has been the case that I had imposed a height limit on new people I went out with. It was 6'2", it was that or some types of sex became uncomfortable. But (oh yeah should warn you readers, this is one of those sex post thingys) as in the last week or so I've gone from "versatile" to "prefer top" I am lowering the height limit. And the age limit too. Age limit was "older than me" it's now 16. This opens up a whole new world of people I can scare!! Yay!

Am sssooo bored... don't make me go to work.. please... they don't have cute men there any more, so I have no one to take the boredom away. And Stacey and I have been seperated..... to keep the office noise level to decent levels. Grrr.....

We'll Fight The Powers That Be

Listening to Twisted Sister who rock ssssooo much.... *head bangs*

I went to work today. I advise anyone not in a job. Don't get one. Do you really wanna have a boss, responsibilities... and a TIE?? You know if I could wear whatever I wanted to work... I'd love it.... work clothes suck (and not in a good way), casual stuff rocks...

My soundalike left work today.... have a new swirly chair.... yay!

Decided never to learn to drive today... just to see if I can be one of these 30 year olds who can't drive, and still have social life....

On that note... have been phoned up by three people I really can't remember ever knowing, who know me from some night or another.... what, what? Do I just hand out my phone number to everyone when I'm drunk?? Must not do that anymore.

Also keep getting random calls from Lib Dems. Eek!

Smile!

OK..... if you come round to my house, please, please, please take my Manic Street Preachers albums when I am not looking and burn em!! God. I have had This Is My Truth Tell Me Yours for way too long.

I've had 4 men say I was cute in last 24 hours (and one say he loves me, but that was Elliot and I think he was actually talking to Kim or his parents or something :op) which always makes me uneasy... what do I want? A good bloke, with a good life, in a good place, with good people, and peace and quiet (not too much tho!). So pretty easy that one. What don't I want? A family. Committment. Stress. People who have lost their basic goodness.

I think I am losing my ability to have sex, and not let it mean anything. Eek! (hit me if I use that bastard sound again!) Stephen said there are gay Skater Bois up in Heaven (the club, not the place!) may have to go see, and try and stop myself making sex into such a big thing.... when did I last have it?? 4/5 weeks ago??? Ah!! Definetly gonna get me some skater boi (note to all this won't actually be a real one, just some guy in skater fashion, who thinks he is one but can't skate.... but hey... would I Slutty Jae complain??)

The Pact

Yesterday: Zoe and me went shopping, rented and watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding, did some Lego for George, got Elliot and John, went down Gee's and That was about it. It was ok.

I am sure you know that in January 2002 I promised a tramp I would never be like "them". The normal people. The suited and booted. The people who have abandoned their dreams, and fed themselves to The Machine. I broke my promise. Sorry. I wear a tie to work. I read a broadsheet (yeah it's the Guardian but still!), and I have stopped giving money to the homeless. In other words I am no different to most other people who have a half a brain.

But now I really do solemnly promise this. By January 2004 I will live in my own place, I shall not have any debts and I WILL be happy. Better late than never huh. So no more broadsheets. No more news, or normal stuff. And one day I hope to be like Peter Tatchell. A taller version who can whoop Mugabes fat arse back to the 20th Century where it belongs.

Stay away from those people who have cotton wool between their ears, chatting to them lowers your IQ don't you know?! You know the ones, they have no light in their eyes, and believe David Beckham is actually a meaningful conversation, instead of just being a nice piece of arse. Hmm...

In fact I am in one of my "Better get the gun" moods. Rebekah Wade of the Sun.... bam!..... Rupert Murdock... bam!.... any Christian who hasn't read the Bible ("The meek will inherit the Earth" listen up!)... bam!.... and also any wimpy person who is homophobic.. this is because we gays are supposedly an easy target... BAM! Target that.

And who said murder isn't an art? Note to self: am still ill.

I Would Rather Be Anything But Ordinary, Please

*Not Intended For Reading By Regular Readers Or Random Search People Intended For You OUT People*

So you've read my blog, I have it linked to from most my profiles, it's no secret! And then you stop talking to me. Because I've attempted suicide, ran away, and been generally depressed. Well here is news for ya... this blog is way saner than my old diary!!

You men are ssssssssoooo fickle! Hello!! I am me. You chat to me. You think my silliness is great. Till you find out my silliness was created by tears and pain. Then you hide. Wimps. Girls. You will be scared to know that most people aren't this upfront about their blips and errors... and they are the ones to watch out for... oh wait... you are those scary people!!

Bottling things up, being conservative.... they died in the 20th Century along with other bad stuff like Hitler

Annoyance

Hmm.... I live in a messy world. I understand where most things are, can find things easily... messiness is just a state of mind.

So it really annoys me when people tidy stuff up!!! In last week due to tiding my Republica CD, my security pass, my timesheet (which I need to get paid!) among many other things have gone missing!!!!!

Grrrr....

Illness.... a little better... coughs feel more normal instead of throat tearingly painful....

Thought of Day: Wouldn't it be amusing if the Iraqis won?

Foolishness

I woke up this morning, and was relieved to find that my throat eemed to have cleared some, and my joints weren't acheing. Yay, I thought, I can go to work today. So I stood up. This was a mistake, the world spun, and I had to hold on to the dresser to stop from falling over, my throat seized up, and brought back those razor blades. eek!

So no work I thought. But about twenty minutes ago I thought, "Jae, why not walk up to the shop, have some fresh air, and get a bottle of coke." Simple logic I thought, can't stay inside all week. So I got dressed, and headed out.... and nearly died.... eeeeeeekkkk...... it's cold out there.... made it to shop and back, but all energy is now gone, can barely move from this chair...

Who ever said flu is like a bad case of cold has never had the flu!!!

**LATER**

I was just lying in bed, and I suddenly got a whiff of a smell that I used to associate with illness, the musky smell of a bloke who has been ill in bed all day. And wow did that start a whole thing rolling.

My mind went back to the last time I was "ill" in bed. That time had been completely my own doing tho... and then memories I think my mind has discreetly missed placed, came flooding back. How one morning I had gone into town, went to Brighton Boots, and Brighton Superdrug, filled my shopping bags with pills, got a bus home, wandered past the building I was supposed to be having my seminar in (and just how many days/weeks/months had I not gone? I can't even remember when my brain went a bit wrong!) nd went in to my flat. I had said hi to Karen, pretended I was ill, gone to my room, and swallowed each and every last pill.

And that was a lot. And I did this all calmly, without any compunction or regard. I realise now just how mad I got back there, just how un-Jae I had been.

I am much better now I think... just thought I'd share my little trip down memory lane... altho this time I'll spare the details of what happened once the pills went down.

Cough

My illness thingy has only got worse, I have started to cough like some mis-firing machine gun. I feel awful, and I have a really high temperature... none of that stops me coming on here tho.... but God I hate being ill!!

Nothing else of great interest has occured... oh except am scaring myself silly by reading the Stand..... you know the one where the whole world dies from a superflu epidemic... *cough*

Eek!!!

Avril Rocked My Socks

So after getting my hair cut I met up with Zoe at Central Station and caught the train to Charing Cross. I still felt awful but not as bad as I had when I just woke up!!

Got to London wandered up Oxford and Regent Streets, went into the Disney Store and Hamleys, got lost on Carnaby Street, found Soho, had a McDonalds in Leicester Square (is it the biggest McDonalds in the world??) and then went and got the tube from Oxford Circus down into Brixton. In Brixton we discovered one of the basic truths of the world..... all Wetherspoons are inhabited by scary old men. Only difference between Brixton 'Spoons and Folkestone 'Spoons is that in Brixton the old men were black. After that we headed for the Brixton Academy for the Avril concert. The queue was MASSIVE and Zoe and I seemed to be stuck between a group of evil girls, and two demon children...... Avril waved to the crowd from the roof of the building, and then we were in.

The support band was alright, nothing to write home about. But Avril rocked!!!!! And me and Zoe seemed to have the best view in the whole building........ it was well fun..... we made our way back on the tube again, and made it home around 1 in the morning.

Am off sick today.... blah!!

Death Warmed Up

OK so the plan was to pretend to be sick, not go to work, and then head off to London with Zoe to see Avril Lavigne. So I wake up this morning, and discover I actually am sick!! I feel... BLAH! My limbs are stiff and painful, my nose is running like a tap, my throat feels like I've swallowed a razor blade, and I feel like I am drunk. I can only move in slow motion. Grrr...

Oh well am off to barbers in a minute to spread my illness...no flu is going to stop me getting to London!! My head is all fuzzy.... just want to sleep...

Zootastic!

I went to the zoo yesterday!! Port Lympne to be precise, and it was very fun..... tigers, and lynxs, and gorillas, and monkeys.... oh it was fun. Then me, Zoe and John headed for McDonalds and Gees.... a good day all in all...

The state of the war? A big mess.... quelle surprise....

The Geneva Convention, thanks Emily....

Let's Not Talk About It Anymore

There were two parts to yesterday.

Part One: It was so sunny yesterday, there wasn't a cloud in the sky, and Mum, Beth and I set off for Tunbridge Wells via the scenic country side route, Pretty Woman blaring from the car stereo.

It was truely awesome. It was one of those days where I just thank the Gods for its brilliance. In Tunbridge Wells we did the obligatory stop in Long Tall Sally for mum, and then went and had lunch at a nearby cafe, which was gorgeous and the American waitress was so lovely and chatty.

Back at the car park, we discovered it and the park that it backs on to had been taken over by skater kids. As you can imagine I was as happy as could be there... Sk8r Bois!!! Mmmm...... One was sssooo gorgeous 6'2", blonde... phwoar!

I got home and relaxed.

Part Two: I got a lift into Canterbury (just how many miles did I do yesterday?!) and gave Stephen his birthday cards for today, and a present I picked up for him in Tunbridge Wells. It was super stylish clock which was so gorgeous I had to force myself to let him have it!! It was all worth it to see him smile and show it to his family.

His family were oh so amazed to see me again, and just when on and on about how tall I was. Then Stephen, his uncle and I went out on the piss. We went to the Two Doves, met up with Stephen's mates Tall Paul (just back from London protest) and Little Rob (just back from bitching school as far as I can tell!) and I was rather taken with the 50 year old land lady, as she loves 4NonBlondes as well and put "Whats up?" on... yay!!

We moved on to Bar 11, where me and Stephen's uncle were quickly accepted into the straight peoples group (for the rest of the evening I was refered to only as Tall Bloke) and it was fun. Haven't been in there in ages. But I started on the JD and cokes, and that is when the evening turned sour. Eek!! While I was at the bar some straight blokes accosted Stephen and his friends, and one had unbuttoned his shirt, cornered Stephen and was lewdly shouting "Suck my cock." Well I was most annoyed. And barged over to their corner, and sneakily, but diplomatically pushed the bloke away from Stephen, got between them, and rose to full height, along with having mean JD face on this was sufficiently scary to get all the straight blokes to leave the Bar.... muhaha..... why do people cause such trouble?? Why can't they just have a nice pleasant evening?? And if they are "straight" why can't they stay the fuck away from our bars?

I apologise to all those who I spoke to on net last night... eek.... it was the JD talking!!

My head really hurts now......

Phoebe or Monica??

Yes that is the question. Who is my favourite? Is it Monica and her obsessive compulsive disorder or Phoebe and her zaniness? This question is tearing me apart! ;o)

What are we to call this war? The Second Gulf War? The Iraq War? Or Gulf War II: The Adventure Continues?

I had a phone call from Stephen last night. :o/ I have made my plans, made sure I know when the last train leaves Canterbury for home. I don't want to get stranded up there now do I?! It's a quick present giving and run.

I really wish this blog had smell-o-vision so I could relate to you how smelly this village is!! God it stinks!!

This shows that even in war sometimes good things do happen.

When I'm with you Its paradise No place on Earth Could be so nice

Zoe and I went to see a preview of Just Married at the cinema, managed to get into the deluxe screen at no extra cost! Was ok, altho Zoe was tired, and I was feeling like I was on a completely different planet!! I have felt a bit zonked for the last few days.

Mmmm.... Ashton Kutcher.....

Work was ok today.... but it is evil rent day today (instead of taking it each week the oh so thoughtful landlords [formerly parental units] now take it once a month thus ruining my entire weeks wages!! Yayness!!) Off to Canters tomorrow anyone wanna come?

Oh and Debbie Debs, Mum and Tony just spent their time being deeply, and loudly, homophobic in the kitchen... grrr... am not even bothering to stand up to them.. shall just move out soon....

And Now For Something Completely Different

Work was ok today. Spent my lunch break reading The Stand (I forgot just how much I LOVE that book!), then got a lift home in one of the Family (like the Mafia only meaner) vans.

War? What is it good for? Getting rid of evil dictators and showing scarily dumb American commanders. "When the President says go, it's hammer time" Oh how poetic!! How absolutely fucking grand that the world is in the hands of such people. Intelligent Americans, rise up and take over your country! Our commanders say things like (and I quote from the news) "The men are composed and prepared to do their duty. We are the professional Armed Forces of the British Government and trust implicitly in their orders." See that is good public relations. That is how commanders should behave in public.. dignified and civilised and showing decency when INNOCENTS are about to die!! American commanders take note. The world is against you... so play the media game okay? Just a little quiet composure, some serious expressions... and no bloody loud rock music when addressing troops, I am talking to you Vice-Admiral Timothy Keating! (unless you are in Predator in which case I'll let you off, as long as I get to keep Arnie)). Just a little bit of that and the worlds your empire.. sorry... oyster...

I hope this war is successful and short. I hope and pray that no innocent dies. That the Iragi army surrenders, that Saddam is brought to justice, and that Baghdad doesn't have too many McDonalds and Starbucks once they give in.

I Can't Think Of A Title

Hmm.... went into town for lunch today... rebought "The Stand" by Stephen King.... one of the books left in Brighton. Stacey and Patricia went off to a different room at work leaving me in a corner surrounded by strangers... eek!!

Erm... am ignoring money problems (a very constructive approach), am ignoring most texts sent to me. Am living in Jae world for a little while. Yay!! I have decided I need a new job.. one that involves less work and more pay. Yes.... Claire Short is my new career move.

Oh What A Lovely Morning

It has been a nice day today. Not spectacular, not too bad. Just nice. Had lunch with Patricia and Stacey at Brickfields, which was all rather civilised.

The WAR

I think it's time I let you in on a little secret. I am for the war on Iraq. Not this particular war but I am pro getting rid of Saddam. Of course I am against this particular war as it is lead by a dictator who lost a free election, but retains power any way... yes George W. Bush.. some of us remember you didn't actually win!!! The UN really should do something about these people who we call President be they Mugabe, Bush or Hussein.... oh sorry I forgot... the UN is run by Bush... sorry!!

War on the US and Iraq.... free their oppressed peoples!!!

I've Come To See

So last night I did regain my sparkle which I had missed placed yesterday morning. Smallville was on you see. Long term readers will know that I am obsessed with that show... for purely artistic reasons of course. It has nothing to do with a certain Tom Welling and his lushcious eyes.

Then there was the news (blah!), a great show called Car Junkies (all about hating 4x4 (SUV's)) which is one of my most popular topics (I HATE them!) and then a show about The Real John Curry, the out skater who won gold and died of AIDS. I have missed TV. Darn my evil social life!! Get's well in the way!!

Today after some lovely debt letters I have almost lost my sparkle... but shan't .. OH NO...spent lunch eating chips under a tree with Stacey as it was such a lovely day

War.... is sssoooo last century deary!

My Head Is In A Spin

OH last night was... a bit of a come down from the rest of the week. I went out (at like 9 so it weren't no fun) with Pete, Sam, Zoe, Elliot, John, Rob, Arron, and Wee Gem to Spoons. Elliot was stupid and not funny. The words "He can't handle his drink" were always on the tip of my tongue.

John texted Ben and said I loved him, which is a right mess that I am still try to clean up. Sorry to hear about the house John. Hope everything turns out ok.

Gert has removed me from her Blogroll. This blog must be getting crap if people have started to remove their links to me. :o(

Am actually not a happy bunny today. I hate living in this house.

Now I Am Ready To Rise Again

Oi! Emmsy innocent ickle me never had sex on Thursday. I am being a good boy this week. I have been so busy! So after doing Leas Club and Skuba with Chris (think I was too insane for his liking) I did a full day of work Friday, went straight to Bar Vasa to meet Jon (no not Jon or John, a whole new person) for a drink. Then Zoe picked me up from there, and we got Pete, went to Tescos, I bought so much chocolate it's kerazy and we watched Comic Relief which was great but really sad as always. :o( If only the United States spent it's riches on selfless charity rather than on pointless drug laws and "defence" (war) budgets.

Then went to work today for 6 hours of overtime (that £52.50 ta very much!) and got home and went and gave £25 to Comic Relief. Now I want you to do the same. Go on. I am a temp and I can afford it. So can you!! One problem I did have with Comic Relief last night tho was the use of the words "shirt lifters". Hmm.... anyone says that near me gets their head kicked in!!!

It's Stephens birthday on the 23rd and I have been invited to celebrate on Saturday in my old haunt of Canterbury. Shoud I go?

A Little Fun Link as suppled by Marino at work.

She's A Millionaire

I went out tonight with a bloke named Chris from OUT and Dover. He was nice.

Mmmmm........................... sex... and porn........... and naked bums......

Sorry I am not writing much, just don't have the time!!

Pete's Back!

Oh you heard right. Pete is back.. went out with him to Leas Club, Spoons, and Gee's (on way discovered the Happy Frenchmen was full of the infirm, and The Front was shut!).

Yay we love you Pete.... in other news, I need sex asap. And I think Brian from Placebo is in order!!!

One Life With One Vision

OK so the CDs I got in my Amazon box were actually replacements for ones I left in Brighton. I got Catatonia's "International Velvet" and "Equally Cursed and Blessed" and also Republicas self titled album (see title!).

I went out with a bloke named Lee today, who I meet on Gaydar, and had a nice, albeit short, evening at Skuba. He was polite, and funny.

Now see, you all thought I'd complain about the fact I had no gay mates, and do nothing didn't you! Ha! And I didn't buy one drink.... hehe....

Yesterday was strange at work, it was lie a normal day at Eurotunnel.... and they thought it was ssssooo busy that they had to buy us McDonalds to cheer us up. Silly people me, Stacey and Patricia thought it was so bizarre!!!!

Go here I love it! Had it for ages just keep forgetting to link to it!

Woop That Ass

Uncle Derek phoned last night. Told me off for not visiting him in Manchester and invited me up end of April (in Derek speak that's probably about 3 years time!). He informed me he was gonna "beat my arse". Can't remember why, but oh well......

Derek is one of those guinea pig students who test drugs for phamaceutical (sp?) companies for a little cash.... which is possibly the coolest idea in the world!!!!! If I do come up to see Derek will stop by Sheffield to see the old crew.... so watch out.. better not tell Derek tho as he told me off for even considering share my time with anyone but him. Hehe...

Am meeting a bloke named Lee on Tuesday, a bloke named Chris on Thursday, and theres a possible, very preliminary possibility.. of a trip to Brighton... see I am expanding my horizons!

Gypsy Jae

I miss you Melly. Two years without you is far too long.

So I had a fab day yesterday. Today was sad, of course, but revealing. Mum, Beth and I headed for Snodland and as we approached the town limits we spotted a roadside flower stall. Deciding to buy Nan some flowers we got out to buy some. The two stall holders were of the usual in bred Snodland stock, one being Gypsy Joe, owner of the local wood yard.

As soon as he saw me he couldn't take his eyes of me (and not in a good way). "Who's your father?" he growled. "Mark Cole", my mum replied. "One of the Bristows?" he questioned. "Yes" Immediately he warmed to me, and started cooing and going "awww... I can see Ivy and Len in him" (their were my great grandparents on my fathers side.

I didn't think much of it, other than that he recognised me just by how I look. We went and saw Nan and Little Tony, who is a young tearaway now. Then Nick, Martine, Rhys and Auntie Shona (wife of the very recently deceased Claude) and we got in two cars and went to the cemetary, where too many of my family lie. The newspaper today had four memorials to Melly, and one to Claude. The family dominated that page today.

While the others went and paid their respects at Claudes bitterly fresh grave, Mum, Nan and I went to see Melly's beflowered resting place. It is sssooo unbelievable that she is dead. It's been two years and I still don't believe it. Said Hi to Harry's resting spot, so cruelly ickle among those adult ones. Then went and saw Claudes still fresh flowers.

Hmm.... then me, Beth and Mum went and saw Auntie Joy and her two HUGE cats (daughters of my Millie) their are almost twice Millie's length.

On the way home I asked about the Bristows. Mum said that my great grandparents were Bristows (and they loved me loads so I was like "cool!"). She said they were the largest Gypsy family in town. "Pardon?" I asked in none too nice a way. "They were Romany's, your father was born in a caravan. They weren't none of this traveller scum, they were real life Roma's"

And so that is how I found out I am part of an ethnic minority. That I am a Gypsy. Not slightly. I am half Roma. As far as I knew the Kay's and Nan's family the Witherdens were out of towners so I had no other relatives in Snodland. But now Mum has told me some home truths. I am related to the school bullies, our family friends, and about half the town. I am related to the two largest families, the Scholings and the Towners. And I am reported to be heir to Len's fortune.

How kerazy is that?! Melly.... I need you to keep me sane!!

Still excited about yesterday. Was great. I love having gay mates, it is so refreshing.

Jae Has A Fab Day In London

So after a quick early morning (1 am) cleaning of house, I feel into an uneasy sleep as was so excited about London trip.

I awoke at 8, said Hi to Mum, then rushed off to the station, where I got a ticket for just £13 (that's the cheapest ticket to London I've ever had!).

While waiting for Ben at Charing Cross station I played the count how many gay men I can cruise game. Always fun (3 by the way).

Ben arrived and we headed off for Kudos, a gay bar with much nice stuff like chairs and things (oooooo.... chairs). Then we made our way to Oxford Street, found the Disney Shop. There was a protest for poor Bangladeshi factory workers outside. Me and ben braved the jeers and crossed the picket line (these protesters should really be in Bangladesh sorting out the problems not ruining childrens trips to London!)

Bought Stacey a wind up, jumping Tigger with a chicken suit (hmmm... sounds madder than it originally looked). Before y'all get jealous she is paying!!

Then we went to Hamley's where Jae ran around oooing and awwwing at everything, and touching and pressing buttons and going slightly mad.... woo... funness!!

We went to HMV, then Prowler Soho (the gay shop in the gay village). Then Stephen phoned, somehow Ben said maybe we should invite him out. Which I did. I did warn Ben, may I add! We had walked about a million miles already so to meet Stephen we got the tube (ssssoooo busy) to Waterloo. Then we walked into town with him (I am ssssooo knowing how to get round London now)

He chatted endlessly, Ben started to regret his decision. We went to Comptons and were joined by Scottish guy and camp bartender friend of Stephens. Stephen offered me sex. With Ben's advice I said no. Me and Ben made our way back to Charing Cross, and said goodbye.Got home around midnight after thirty minute wait for taxi from Sandling station!

Ben is my fave person in whole world today. He is a good friend. He is quiet, silly, sarcastic (in a really nice friendly way that I love), dirty in a very innocent way. He made the day sparkle, thanks Ben!!

My Bed Is Made For Two And There Is Nothing I Can Do

Got my parcel from Amazon which I will tell you about when I have more time.

After work I went out with Zoe to Spoons, had a burger, went and got a McFlurry then moved on to the Leas Club. We were joined by Elliot, Arron and Rob. Then HE arrived. MT that is. He strode in all gorgeous. Then he sat near me. Mmmm... Then he moved over to us and said "Anyone sitting here?" Zoe says "No" Jae sits and stares in a dazed way at him. He says "Can I have the chair?" Zoe says "Yes" Jae sits....

Oh my God....

HE spoke to someone I was with!! Woo!!

Parents home in 4 hours (that's 4 a.m.)

Strange Days Indeed

That reminds me... I must find my John Lennon album.

Firstly... had a strange incident today. I heard this bloke on the other side of the room talking, I just got this feeling... I know that voice. His voice was rather gay. I thought on it hard and long.... who had a voice just like his? It bothered me for a whole hour, before I realised.... he sounded exactly like I do when I listen to my phone calls... eek... I sound far too gay I have decided.

I was reading an article in the Guardian Online section by Dave Green about blogging, one of those arty farty types who thinks you should only blog if you have something interesting to say. You know, the type who are snobs and regard others efforts as "amateur" etc. One day I am going to start a ring for all us badly designed, badly written blogs and journals... we have a right to blog too you know!!! It is amazing that some people can be so harsh ! if you don't like it... don't read it... simple and concise (by the way I never finished the article.... I took my own advice)...

Oh have I told you... I am going to London on Saturday. I gave everyone at work hourly updates. Jason, remember. 12 at Charing Cross.

The Americans have gone to far this time! And I am not talking about politics for once! See here. Grrr..... if they don't want him fine.. means more gorgeousness for us!

Touch me, Touch Me, I Wanna Feel Your Body

It has been a slow day today, where I continued to argue in favour of Charlie's eyebrows (see pic below) at work.

I think Ben may cancel our trip to London.... nnnnnnooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm... must clean house, and deliver LD newspapers...

*LATER*

Yayness! I had a missed call from Ben at work and I thought that this would be the usual "Jae we like you, but not that much" kind of excuse for him cancelling the trip to London.

I just got a reply text to one I sent him earlier, and it said... "Don't worry wasn't phoning about anything important just wanted a bit of a chit chat.... looking forward to Sat... Ben x" Cool!!

Oh and am I the only person in the world bar Ellie, Annie and possibly Arron and Rob to know Annies "big secret" before it became common knowledge? (Sorry can't divulge as Annie has forbid it) Got a phone call from Pete and a text from Zoe promising hot gossip.... and I already knew it for months. I didn't realise it was gossip! Why didn't I tell anyone?! I thought you all knew!!

Smelly Cat. What Are They Feeding You?!

I smell. Sad but true. I smell because I have damp jeans on (airing cupboards don't work!) and the smelliness of the house is now transferring on to me. I think I should really tidy up... *pong*

It's pancake day!! yayness! But can't make pancakes so will need to eat lots of Kit Kats in compensation.... well can't have them lying around during lent... hmm... I think I'll give Kit Kat's up for lent. Better eat these ones up quick in that case *munch munch*

I am not visiting Melly's rotting corpse till Sunday so am going to London on Saturday with Ben. He said bring a friend so this is an open invitation to all... meet us at 12 at Charing Cross station. Go on. I dare ya *mad loony chuckle* Becky unfortunatly can't make it no longer (ah am so common)

Work was.. interesting..... Stacey read my aXm mag.... told me I need to take some poppers, that she was going to get her boyfriends penis
extended, and told me about how she went and bought some "chicken fillets" (breast enhacers) for a friend from the transgender shop down Black Bull Road. Elina declared herself a dinosaur... just shouted it for no reason... and I came out. Well Stacey got asked "what's that mag?" "it's a gay mag" "a gay mag??" "yes" "who's?" "Jason's of course" *Funny looks from whole office sent in Jason's direction*

Oh well am out and proud now.

We Are Beautiful No Matter What They Say

Ain't that the truth? :op

Oh I have done loads of stuff today. Yeah... right!

I am sure I did something this morning that was interesting. Other than turn up late for work. Erm.... it obviously wasn't that interesting as I can't remember it.

I am such a perve. Spent whole day staring at a bloke in my office's bum. Well it's his own fault for wearing such tight trousers.... mmm.....

House smells of cat... my fav smell..... but my family will psyche if I don't get rid of it.

Oh wait interesting thing was Ben started uni today... and I remembered to text him. See I can be a good friend sometimes. Oh... must text Zoe back... she texted me like 10 hours ago.... ok so this is not turning out to be interesting... it's been a slow day...

**LATER**



Mmmm... I so would... I know he is only 17 but oh.... he is sssooo delicious.

I Should Be Making Things Easy On Myself

Ok so it wasn't a very long hiatus.... I mean how long do you think I can go without blogging?? And I feel much better. What have I been up to?

Well on Friday I had a really rather good evaluation where my trainer Jackie told me that I was rather good. :o) And I recieved a hundred and ninety squids worth of holiday pay from Eurotunnel so it was a bumper payday (have been internet shopping already!)

Saturday I got a taxi down to Newington (a very small village), and circumnavigated around that via a little used footpath to get to Peene (an even smaller village) where I had a rather bizarre renedevous with The Leader (of the LD) by a broken bridge, I gave him the leaflets I couldn't deliver and he gave me the paper to deliver. Then I wandered the three miles into town to buy aXm and went home.

Thinking I had a few hours before I had to go out I settled in for a rest. Then the door bell rung. It was Frank, Melly-Mels boyfriend who I haven't seen since just after she died. So I had three hours of chatting to him. I discovered Mum and Tony plan to get married on her birthday in Lympne castle. Yuck!

I went out, got vaguely drunk with John and Zoe, and spent night secretly staring at camp bloke on table just across from us. Muhahaha.... he was cute.

Today have done... nothing.... but get my head together and think about things. I realised I may have been seeing my relationship with Stephen a lot differently to how he saw it. And anyhow I am only 19 and I have my whole life ahead of me to have a whole hoard of other boyfriends.
(mmmm..... ) So am a lot more cheerful and upbeat today.

Ben texted me today and invited me shopping in London on Saturday with him and Becky. But I can't go am visiting Smelly-Mels' grave.... see what sacrifices I am making for you missus!!! Tut!! May I just make it clear to Melly.... I am sacrificing going to London just after pay day with Ben so I can go and pay my respects to a piece of ground and her rotting corpse. That is how much I love her.

I've Come To See

So last night I did regain my sparkle which I had missed placed yesterday morning. Smallville was on you see. Long term readers will know that I am obsessed with that show... for purely artistic reasons of course. It has nothing to do with a certain Tom Welling and his lushcious eyes.

Then there was the news (blah!), aa great show called Car Junkies (all about hating 4x4 (SUV's)) which is one of my most popular topics (I HATE them!) and then a show about The Real John Curry, the out skater who won gold and died of AIDS. I have missed TV. Darn my evil social life!! Get's well in the way!!

Today after some lovely debt letters I have almost lost my sparkle... butshan't .. OH NO...spent lunch eating chips under a tree with Stacey as it was such a lovely day

On Hiatus

Yes thats right blog fans. I am giving it up for a while. If I continue to write on here I am just going to be hypocritical, and will just be whining.. and we don't want to hear that now do we.

Just for the record. It's five years since I first saw the sixth former today. :o( Another thing to be be sad over.

In case I don't see you.... good afternoon, good evening, and GOOD NIGHT. *bows and walks away*

And The Dark Cloud

.....

That's all I can say. Who the fuck was I kidding? Happiness ain't gonna come. :o( I HATE MEN. They can all go to fucking hell. I have been hurt so badly. It feels like my heart has been ripped out. Maybe ...... wasn't all I have to say. My sun has been eclipsed.

:o(

:o(

:o(

:o(

The Dark Angel

I seem to be the harbinger of doom. Today I have dealt with 8 cases where our customers have died, and two where their house caught on fire. :o/ I am like on the bad luck line I think!!

Nothing much to report today. The family go to the villa in Spain as of Thursday! Yayness!

Eek..... I Actually Had To Work Today

Yes so it was my first day actually on the phones. I think it went alright. Apart from the start. Elina (one of my trainers) goes "OK two of you won't be going on the phones today" *Jae sits there chanting quietly "please be me, please be me"* That's David and Marino. "One of you we may want to try on some other lines as we feel you are ready for that. *please don't be please DON'T be me* "That's Jason. Bugger. I hate it when people think I can do stuff!!!

Other news MT spotted in Spoons yesterday........... I wish I'd been there.... Wouldn't be easier if I could just marry him?? Then everyone.... bar him and his girlfriend... would be happy. We need a UN resolution on the matter.

Sad News

My Uncle Claude died yesterday after a long illness. He was a member of my extended family, and a very lovely man. My thoughts go to his family.

This story is sick. Hunting for food is fine. Hunting for fun should either be done by hand or not at all. I mean killing an animal of such beauty and power with a gun is so wimpy it's unbelievable. If you want a lion's head as a trophy, wrestle it like a MAN. Don't shot it from your safe 4x4 (don't even start me on people who own 4x4s) with your expensive gun (penis extension as you've got no knob) before going back to the hunting lodge for a spot of afternoon tea and a cream bun. WIMPS!

And come on UN. Make a stand against the US and Iraq. Take the war into your own hands, and make Iraq a UN protectorate. We can't stop this imperialist war... the military scheldure has gone too far.... but maybe we can divert it and make it something good.

It's Always The Little Things That Make Me Sad

You can tell me
I won't fall apart
So just be honest
And straight from the start
And it's so plain to me
Although the world may not see
Your smile's a disguise for
The truth that's written in your heart

More Than I Needed To Know - Scooch

My emotions are so misplaced sometimes. While people die of stravation, famine and disease...... my heart is broken by one cassette.

Imagine. It's 2000. I haven't yet meet Stephen. My experience of other gay men is limited. I feel very much alone, and the only place I am truely me is in my own room, usually writing in my journal. I am just 16.

At school we had study periods where we had to go sit in the library.... and study. I used to take in my cassette player and listen to music. There was one cassette that I must of listened to a thousand times or more. It was made for me, by a stranger whose name was Eden Kay. He didn't just give me a cassette of camp classics, he gave me an escape.

When I felt bad those songs saw me through. They took me off to the gay club in my head.

I found that tape today. Mum had hidden it away because she knew that when I saw it I'd be "annoyed" to say the least. The Twins had taped over it. With Big Willie Style. I wasn't angry, I was heart broken. Over a stupid, lifeless tape I was actually upset. I, of course, haven't let Beth or George know. Tis their birthday and I won't ruin it by being annoyed with em. But still.

I would get another sorted... but some of the songs are so... classic... *cough* that I won't ever find them!!

Anyway.... this is one very sad Jae signing off...

Happy Birthday

Beth and George are 7 today! And I think yet again my presents are loved...... there's an "I Luv Smash Hits" CD for Beth and an "Eight Legged Freaks" DVD for George.

Still need to deliver those leaflets.... maybe tomorrow....

Hmmm... I love the way the Conservatives are pulling themselves apart... hehe.... see the full story here

From the first website I ever actually liked comes the funniest pic in the world!!

Things Always Seem Better From The Outside

Yesterday me and Stacey went for lunch in Broadmead Village. This is an estate which I lived in up until 1999. I used to hate the place!! But God how I regret it!! The place is an oasis of calm just off the motorway, with trees, grass and gorgeous paths. We followed the stream (which me and my mate Jon used to dam up! hehe) annoyed the ducks, stared in a menacingly hungry way at the Koi Carp and went to the old shop where I was head paper boy. Barbara was sitting at the till. Bless her heart. She looked like one of those artificially aged people in the movies, with their grey skin, grey hair and faux wrinkles. Only it was real, time had taken hold of her. She recognised me immediatly.

"Oh Jason how you have changed, you haven't visited us in years!"

It was so nice. I had Stacey planning her future happiness there, and I was too..... so peaceful and calm and lovely. I can't for the life of me remember why I hated the place.

Last nights movie trip was great. Ben Affleck rocks. And the movie wasn't sickly sweet, it was quite funky!

Today was last day of training.... I think I have it sussed...... almost.... :o/

Tired

I am so very tired today. I went out straight after work last night and met up with Ian at Spoons and obviously this lead to other stuff..... am very bored of being submissive, and of this relationship in general.... from now on it's dominant Jae.

Today I got a £71 rebate from the Inland Revenue.... from my Focus Do It All job (three years late!!) .... but yay!!

Work was ok..... just a quick update as Zoe and John are here and we are off to see Daredevil.... mmm... Ben Affleck......

The Fall

The first real fall of the day was that Julie, one of my fellow trainees was sacked today. For being too slow..... it took ages for Eurotunnel to fire Ben for that reason!! Hmmm....

The other "fall" was that my depression which I have successfully fended off for the last couple of months came back with avengence. A tad like an old enemy. But more like an old friend, one who I am way too comfortable with. I shall continue to remain as positive as I can.... but God... I hate being depressed!!

The "job" is going ok. I just hate the atmosphere..... it's all sssoooo not me.

Only good thing so far this week is that I have decided that Stephen, another trainee, is fit in a former school bully brought to their knees way..... mmm.... that sounds rather apt actually.....

I know I have recently been getting more and more dominant in my sexual dealings... but still this is sssooo wrong.... in a nifty way....



Take the What
animal best portrays your sexual appetite?? Quiz

Hmm..... Unhappy Jae

I started my new job today. I am training to work at the Three Valleys Waters Call Centre. And so far I don't like it. The trainers are nice. The job seems fine. The people seem friendly. But I don't like it.

Stacey and Patricia (The Eurotunnel "exiles" as Patricia calls us) are there. But I really am not going for it. It is too serious. Too strict. There is something about it I really can't like.

I think the bottom line is... it ain't Eurotunnel. It isn't safe. It isn't a known quantity.

Anyway today I am feeling a bit..... BLAH!

I wish Eurotunnel would take me back. :o(

Give Peace A Chance

Comments are down.

The biggest political protest in this countries history occured yesterday (somewhere between 750 000 and 1 500 000 people were involved). Euan Ferguson in The Observer said of it:

"round the corner in Piccadilly, the ground shook. An ocean, a perfect storm of people. Banners, a bobbing cherry-blossom of banners, covered every inch back to the Circus - and for miles beyond, south to the river, north to Euston."

I don't want you to think I am anti war. I am not. I am just not too sure that a unilateral pre-emptive attack on a soveriegn nation by the USA, Britain and Australia is the way to go about solving problems. It would set an alarming precedent. I support a UN led war on Saddam (and hopefully other dictators and scoundrels like Mugabe, the Saudi royal family, Sharon and Bush [ok so I was joking about the last one!]) whereby should Saddam break human rights conventions or not cooperate with the inspectors then the UN forces could go in, and set up a UN protectorate and ease the country towards self determination. Surely this "coalition of the willing" would be willing to support this, and defend the ideals of peace and justice? Surely they would be more than happy to give resources, intellignce and experience to such a venture?

But anyway this march was such an expression of people power that surely Blair may now remember he is our Prime Minister and not Bush's lap dog? Bush leads the US not the UK!

For the next few days I'll be highlighting some sites I really found interesting such as:

The World History Of Male Love Library was really intruiging, and has made me wonder whether the issues of dominance and submission in homosexual relationships are rather more important than I previously thought. It has at least made me think about my sexuality in a whole new way. Less history more anthropology.

I Have A Man On The Phone

Firstly.... Dolly the cloned sheep is dead!. Not very well reported!!

So yesterday was my last day at work. It was actually rather sad. I skipped into work, and for the first hour or so I thought nobody had remembered, which was good as I could skip on out at the end of the day.

But everyone had remembered. My team gathered round me to say their good byes, al said they'd really miss me, and they gave me LOADS of chocalate as a parting gift. Lynda gave me a kiss on the cheek, which was rather disconcerting...... Then all the supervisors said goodbye, all checking I was OK..... By the end of the day most people had said goodbye and had said how sad they were that I was going. Then finally I took my last call.... a price enquiry, put my phone on make busy, did a last minute check of my desk to make I wasn't leaving anything. I went and handed in my security pass to Cheryl, the late shift all said goodbyes and there was plenty of disconcerting kisses.....

I said goodbye to Emma, and then to Lisa (who took the job I refused) and went off very much saddened by the whole day. NO MORE EUROTUNNEL JAE!! No more LPG, TOD, CRM.

Jenny and Cheryl told me they'll miss me coming up to the help desk and saying "I've got a man on the phone" which they claim is my catchphrase (no one told me!) and the way I say it cracks em up.

On the love front. I have been offered money to beat someone up. Honestly. As in a fetish kinda way. I can't do that! Especially not for money! Can I?

I am going out on a date with Ian on Thursday.

I don't think Stephen loves me anymore.... no Valentines from him. :o( Not even a text message.

Got one Valentines. It was from Ben. Hmmm....

*Later*

Yay...... a message from Ste...

"Soz I didn't reply to ur txt but haven't had any credit lately :( HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!! Though admittedly belated. How's u been then; tall, dark haired n handsome???

Hope all is well at ur end, things are fairly standard at this end, n bout a month n half till I turn 21. YAY!!!!

Anyhew I will chat soon, take care

Love Ste xx"

Lets Not Talk About Sex

Before the serious stuff..... Happy Valentines Day, Dear Constant Reader. I hope love finds you today.

Thanks to a certain Luke I am now the very proud owner of 4NonBlondes "Bigger, Better, Faster, More!" which contains my all time most fav song ever........ "Whats up?" It's on right now. And making me cry. :o)

Noe for something completely different.

Jason's Valentines Address

I don't believe in the institution of marriage. It is an ancient concept created for a backward time.

We, as a culture, need to move beyond partnerships that are based solely on procreation and romantic love. That is not to say they are not very valid reasons for a partnership. But there are so many more! Marriage is denying people REAL choice.

It discriminates not only against gays and lesbians but against hetrosexual couples who don't believe in marriage, and many other forms of relationship beside. All because of some dream of fairy tale romance and nuclear families which is not a timeless concept but one that was a direct result of the industrial revolution.

Please read Peter Tatchell's article entitled "Civil Committment Pact" which details a far better, fairer way of doing things. It's wouldn't stop you from getting married if that is your thing. But it would allow everyone to share the same rights whoever they want to designate their "significant other".

I'm Scared - Of My Own Country



This country has gone barmy. We have lived with a terrorist threat for 30 years. We are used to our train stations having no bins, the underground being closed, the Ring Of Steel around London. These measures are for our protection. But now. Now people are scared. And they are blaming the wrong people.

Muslims and asylum seekers are the first line of blame. But who next? Black people? Koreans? Jews? Homosexuals?

First They Came for the Jews

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.

Pastor Martin Niemöller

We must not allow the terrorists to destroy our freedoms by fear alone. We must reverse those draconian Anti-Terrorism Laws. We must speak out in defence of asylum seekers, and against the crappy, slow asylum system that helps no one. We must fight those FOOLS in the right wing press who call for an imperialist war in Iraq. Saddam Hussein is an evil tyrant. But it's the West who made him that. We should not STEAL Iraqs oil to feed our pollution creating economy.

Remember Iran, Vietnam, Afganistan. Problems caused on the whole by American and British incompetence and meddling. We must fight our enemies... Al-Qaeda, bigotry, the BNP..... before we create new ones. And we must do it soon.

Further Reading


You are Marla Singer. You appear to be a cold
person deadened to the outside world who can
take care of themself, But on the inside your
just like everyone else. You seem to be a jerk
on the outside, not caring about others. But
you really do care about others you just show
it a little differently. It's hard for you to
express ideas and thoughts making conversations
short. Something has happend to make you the
way you are. probally some act of cruel
society. You try to be nice but are afriad to
get to close to anyone. You want to be noticed
for who you are and not who others see you as.
You are the voice of reason. And allthough it
doesn't seem like it other people listen to you
and respect you. but sometimes you can be a bit
melodramatic.


Which Fight Club main character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Stolen from Mysterieux

What Can They Do? Sack Us?!

That's mine and Lisa's current thing to say at work.

"I think we should extend our lunch break?" "Well what can they do? Sack us?!"

"I think we should swear at as many customers as possible! " "Well what can they do? Sack us?!"

Penny was back from maternity leave, told me off for still working there and told me she could see a traveller in me (honest to God there wasn't!) and told me to travel for a couple of years, preferably Australia. Does she really want to get rid of me that much? ;o)

Had my first proper down day of the year yesterday. Felt horrible. But of course my new found positive attitude fought back, and today I have been offered two different jobs by each of my temping agencies. Not just considered for them. OFFERED THEM! Yayness... now must decide which one and disappoint one of the agencies. Hmmm.....

I went on the train to Ashford today to go to my first job interview, much funness as I lurve trains. Had my interview plus a crazy bizarre test along lines of: The cafe is open from 8.30 -till 19.00, when does it close? (Twas like the 11+ all over again!) Made way back to train station (via magazine buyage, an argument with a Big Issue seller ["No really I don't want any change" "ARE you REALLY sure sir?"] and realising I had no money.... oh well) where was followed by drunkard... all the way to Folkestone Central!! Oh well..... realised "Would Inspector Sands please come to the Control Centre" at the station actually translates as "Theres a fucking big fire, just don't tell anyone!!" thanks to a handy dandy fire drill.....

Had second interview over phone while doing fire drill at station.,....

Got taxi from station home, nice taxi man who chatted for ages which was nice. And that is how I got here..... now to complete this fun day, I need a million pounds and some bloke with nice arse.

The second part of The Second Coming (see Sundays second post) was way better... killing God to end evil? GENIUS....

Must stop using CAP letters....

A Slap In The Face

Hmm.... so there I was contemplating handing in my resignation. Ladeda. And then The Boss arrived and told us to phone our temping agency, who told us..... we were sacked.

As of Friday I have no job. I will miss working for Eurotunnel. And I won't if you know what I mean. Luckily I have suspected this would happen so have lined up a few interviews already. The first of which is on Wednesday at my old temping agency, exactly 8 months after my last trip there.

In other news...... Jacqueline (formerly Really Nice German Lady) went into labour at work... so I never got a chance to say goodbye!

Also got offered a job down in Cheriton (HOME!). Mum and Debs are about to become property barons... and why do I know people in OK magazine? Grrr....

And now have just realised who random person in my msn contacts is.... my former best friend... only after a bizarre conversation....

Jason kay says:
Hi, this is going to seem incredibly rude but i haven't been on msn in years..... why are you in my contacts?
I see dead people says:
pass, y r u in my contacts?
Jason kay says:
Hmm..... this is bizarre.....
Jason kay says:
did you ever go to brighton uni?
I see dead people says:
neva even consided it y?
Jason kay says:
just i went there for while....... and have some bizarre random contacts from there too!!
I see dead people says:
he, na, i think i may have added u 2 my contact list when u first e-mailed me, possibly, my memory is crap
Jason kay says:
but the question i must ask is.... WHY DID I MAIL YOU?! I hate it when my brain doesn't work... which is quite often.... hmmm..
I see dead people says:
lol i added my name to friends reunited, remember?
Jason kay says:
erm.... no.... what school? ah... sorry has been a long day so am really being dumb!
I see dead people says:
sellindge CPS, U dont know who thi is do u? it *******!

And finally have no Pepsi to drown sorrows.... :o( And I picked up a knife!! The worstest bad luck will soon be upon me..... NNNOOOOOO!

Has been a horrible day.

Preachy Jae

This, I think, will surfice as Mondays Post as well.

I just saw a programme called "The Second Coming" by Russell T. Davies. Davies is a man I respect he wrote Queer As Folk and likes Doctor Who. In other words he is a genius.

But this programme has made me very annoyed. Firstly: it was a pile of shit. SHIT. Good and Evil are things to big to be discussing on ITV (a channel where they warn audiences before some shows that there may be "frank discussions"). Secondly: I hate people who preach. And that was what this thing was all about. Preaching.

I try not to talk about my religious beliefs much. Why? Because I believe my relationship with the Gods is something intensely private. Also its because I try not to have "beliefs" as such. I try to have a "good idea" about things (see Dogma for an explanation!). Russell T. Davies has written something which so far has turned out to be deeply insulting and hurtful. He has gone a step too far, and trys to put words into the mouth of God. He may think he is being clever, funny and entertaining.

Truely, he is no better than those idiots who wrote Leviticus. He is a lazy writer. He is a bad writer. And his Son Of God is an INSULT to the very concept. But maybe part two will change my mind. You never know.

One bright light tho was when the announcer during the ads goes "The New Harry Hill Show is after The Second Coming". Made me smile. :o)

To Hell And Back

I was going to tell you how many C list celebs I am friends with but that will have to wait as am too stressed for that!!

Firstly heard Sam on the radio. yay!! Way cool!

Hmmmm...... having listened to so much Chicago music I can say one thing..... IT ROCKS......

I foolishly agreed to go to IKEA with Mum, Debbie-Debs and Beth. It started off with attempting to find a parking space, while mum hung her head out of the window screaming abuse at anyone who came near (she wasn't driving may I add!). Then it was sssssoooo busy in the store. Me and Debs must of tried every sofa rating its colour (too brown... too green..... too black) and comfyness ("I couldn't watch TV on this it ain't got no arms!"). At the same time I was cruising some really cute single guys but they were shopping at normal gay man speed, so I fell way behind having to allow for the slowness of the girls. Got some nice looks tho.

Made it to restaurant where we waged war on everyone, barging and pushing. Then feeling rather chuffed we made it to a table... then Beth spilled her jelly and everything went BLAH! Did make plans to move into Debs Sandgate flat when she moves out.

Then as we waited for Debbie to catch up later on I bet Mum fifty pence that Debs wouldn't be silly enough to buy a massive rug. Thats fifty pence I'll never have again! She brought out this HUGE rug and then we joined the queue for NO TROLLIES ONLY SMALL GOODS!!!! (there were only three of these aisles out of 30) despite the fact we had two trollies..... We ditched them, and I tried to persuade Debs to ditch the rug. She didn't and I ended up lugging it round. Hmph! The queue was like a million miles long. Finally we got to the front where Beth managed to smash a vase..... grrr..... then we lugged all our stuff to Debs car, she opens the boot and its already filled with boxes....

"Oh I forgot those were there"

Using massive amounts of brute force we fitted everything in (with background "Mind my orchids" from mum). we finally made it home after detour down the M2 in search of McDonalds. We find a burger king. But nobody wanted anything anyway....... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............................

So after that we all need abit of tension relief.... so click here for a real treat!!

If You'd Seen it, If You'd Been There

OK so went out last night, after busy day at work, to leas Club, where I oogled bouncer with Zoe. But we soon got bored, so we moved on (after briefly spotting Ellie thro a crowd shouting "Jason I love you"). We went to Spoons saw Becky and Terri, phoned Pete, got bored, moved onto Tescos bought Chicago album, cream eggs, and loads of pepsi max Got a phone call from Sam (gossip yay!). Got home, was very drunk, went on net while listening to album chatted to Greg, looked at porn, fell asleep.

Woo...... am tired now!!

OK everyone go visit Karen's site and say some nice things to her. She isn't too happy right now, and that is never a good thing. Karen we love you!

Thank Fuck Its Friday

Five late shifts in a row have sent me over the edge. I was actually talking to myself yesterday, and Zoe was witness to some hideous make up of new wordsige...

Here is some evidence of my insanity from this morning:

Zoe: hmmm safeway seem to have paid me about £20 too much! cool
Jason: okey dokey sounds great!! 20gbp? drinks are on me!!
Jason: no on you!
Jason: what am i saying?
Jason: aaaahhhh

And the really scary thing is I said gbp instead of £...... my job has taken over my mind!!!

Anyway got a DVD out from Blockbuster with Zoe.... Reign of Fire. Twas a tad "lame" (quoting Zoe). Hmm..... we are still waiting for "Seriously Dude Where's My Car?" with the gorgeous Ashton Kutcher. Mmmmm..... wanders off thinking about Ashton and some hot wax.....

All That Jazz

Seems I have been paid sick leave for once!! Yay!! This is my last week working for my current temping agency. :o( Next week the new lot take over, and already they are shaping up to be..... below par shall I say.

Have not had any snacks for two days...... am beginning to suffer withdrawal symptoms!! Must..... eat..... chocolate.....

On side note...... am so tired of being around straight people all day at work. Emma came in last night for her part time late shift, and I all but grabbed her, and asked her how her girlfriend was. Not having Stacey there to be silly with anymore, has caused me to look around and see only boring people. A couple of nights ago I had Roy complaining that there were too many poofs and lesbians about. Hmm.... he must be the last to know!! Some guy was in yesterday, appeared to be training. He registered on my gaydar...... must investigate further......

God This Is Hard Work!

OK. About a week ago I was on a site I go to, to chat and mess around. This one bloke messaged me and "Hi how r u?".

I replied "I'm fine thanks a bit blah as have just got back from work! :op How r u?"

"I'm fine"

I could tell this would be hard work. It went on like this for about half an hour till he had to go. Phew!! He has just messaged me again. "Hi how r u?"

I replied.

He said.... "I'm fine" *sobs* This could be a long day.

The Enormous Blob

I am sssssoooo fat....... ah! All this using cars and stuff is meaning my waistline if growing way too much! Must go back to walking more!!

So begins The Jae Kay 2003 Project building on last Junes successful project

1) Stop being this fat!!!
2) Continue to increase happiness
3) Ensure constant financial stability
4) Have sex with lots of gorgeous people
5) Get more gay friends!!!

Yesterday at work, I got given yet another week of lates on my rota (this means I am working next week!). Thats five weeks of lates out of six weeks of work!!! Also me and Lisa were having our lunch in the break room when we were witness to some shocking behaviour.... by our supervisors!! Sara attacked the vending machine till it gave her free stuff, among many other loutish behaviour..... tut!!

No more stacey at work! :o( I miss her loads!!

Just Another Nancy Boi

"Alcoholic kind of mood
Lose my clothes, lose my lube
Cruising for a piece of fun
Looking out for number one
Different partner every night
So narcotic outta sight
What a gas, what a beautiful ass"
"Nancy Boy" - Placebo

I went out with Zoe and John down to Gee's last night which was fun. I played some of the worst/best songs in the world on the jukebox, before Zoe and John started complaining. Muhahaha

Also rediscovered why I love JD so much. Because it tastes flipping great! Oh was also rather annoyed that "She Fucking Hates Me" - Puddle of Mud had all the "fucking" silenced out on the jukebox. Bliming censorship!

My life of hedonism I had when I was 16, seems to be returning. Sex is once again no big deal. Yet I don't really feel comfortable in accepting this life, as it'll mean giving up things I have come to love. When I was 16 it was just Jae Against The World. Random shags, drinking, and hanging out with what my family would probably describe as "bad sorts" was ok. Now I have a job, a boyfriend, a beer belly, and friends who I love. (Beer belly will definetly have to go). And yet I feel drawn to return to being a little risque. Because then I can really look down my nose at the boring hetrosexuals who deny us our rights, an act of total rebellion should I say.........

And it all breaks down at the role reversal
Got the muse in my head, she's universal
Spinning me round, she's coming over me
And it all breaks down at the first rehearsal
Got the muse in my head, she's universal
Spinning me round, she's coming over me

Does his make-up in his room
Douse himself with cheap perfume
Eyeholes in a paper-bag
Greatest lay I ever had
Kind of guy who mates for life
Gotta help him find a wife
We're a couple when our bodies double

Grumpy Tired Jae

Oi Pete! Somebody used your phone late last night to phone me up. They woke me then said "Hi my name is William, I hear you bend over and take it up the bum. Wanna come visit?" Unfortunately after a rather bitter "No not really" my phone cut off so I couldn't berate said stupid person further..... hope it wasn't you! May come visit just so I can locate and destroy said William. Waking me up! tut!

I have been watching Back To The Future DVDs for the last few hours........ wow, those films rock!

Twas about 10 years ago this week that my old primary school took a trip to what was then the E***tunnel Exhibition Centre. Little did I know that a few days later my mum was going to run away from our house with me, and move here to Shepway district and start a new life to escape her abusive partner. And little did I know that 10 years later I would be working in that very building. Funny how stuff happens isn't it. Ah this means I have lived in this district longer than I lived in Snodland.... that's not good!!!!

In other news....

Greg has thrown in the towel. I am so not happy with that whole scenario. :-(

Big Man Restless is 31 today!

Firstly let me just say how sad I was to hear about this story. Brave people who endevour (sp?) to better our civilisation have died. God Bless them all.

OK not much to say... went out with Elliot, John and Zoe last night to Leas Club and Spoons which was great..... Elliot I hope you are ashamed of yourself and your comments about urinal politics!! Snowed again last night.

Per tu:

They Had It Coming!

I went and saw Chicago at the cinema last night. Twas great!!! May I sing you a song? No? Fine shall hum to my self in background *hums while typing*

Then when me and Zoe came out of the cinema we found it had been snowing! That's twice in one year! Wow! So today of course this meant all the frigging mental people who hadn't paid any attention to the weather forecasts of the last week got stuck on the motorways for 12 hours..... and blamed the Government! Hello! Tis winter..... snow is to be expected, and snow causes disruption...... thats the whole fun of it!!

And then they phoned up the call centre..... "As its snowing we don't have to pay amendment fees do we?" Errrr..... let me think "YES you do!" You should have made arrangements or been prepared to pay the fee! tut!! This world is kerazy!

Tis Justin Timberlakes birthday today according to Zoe...... happy birthday! Now come and unwrap you present...... hehe....

Oh poor Stacey..... I found a note pinned to my desk today "I AM BLUE WITHOUT YOU" written in blue and with a sad face drawn on. I want to give her a hug and tell her everything will be ok. :o(

Where Is Everybody?

Seems its just you and me again blog, everyone else has buggered off!

OK so last night Peter (I won't use his surname anymore as I really don't want to pop up on the search engines!) came round to meet me. He is in charge of our local Lib Dem party (from now on LD) and is our prospective parliamentary candidate. He came round with a bloke called Shaun, and we chatted about what I could help out with. Am now Lympne's only LD willing to deliver leaflets. Previously they had a 76 year old with a pacemaker from Hawkinge doing the rounds! Also invited me to a Chinese evening on Saturday.... don't know if I should go yet. And Sam he finally worked out I was your friend!!!

AH! I have a couple of days off work, and now my phone rings!! It was somebody dumb called "Leon.... thats L-E-O-N" (I would never have known....) for Tony wanting to know Bob's phone number in Spain. I think he means Bill, my grandad. He was most dumb, and started talking to me as if I was Tony after I had categorically stated I was not!! HELLO!! I hate phones. And people.

Where is the snow they promised? Hmmmm........

I know there are other things I wanted to say, but I've forgotten...... I'll be back!!

Two Minutes Later

I'm back!! Go check out this blog as its rather good!

Jae Is A Great Big Lush

On Tuesday night I phoned Stephen, who is fine. Hmmm...... seems he doesn't really mind if I sleep around. I have yet to decide if that is a good or a bad thing. I am going to ponder it some more.

Yesterday went to the Leas Club with becky, we chatted for a while about nothing as always! I was in the middle of saying something when someone caught my eye. Some really fit guy wearing a gorgeous top came wandering down the stairs. Then I realised..... it was MT. Oh I had forgotten how simply gorgeous that boy is! Of course whatever I was saying was now lost as my brain had turned to slush. Around half nine, ten o'clock Arron and Rob turned up which was great. But by this time I had drunk way too many Stellas and as MT was there had lost all power of thought (he kept bending over, how can you expect a boy to concentrate under such conditions?). So sorry Arron and Rob for my state!!

I am skiving off work today, as couldn't be bothered to go.

In A Daze, But Still Being Positive

Work was so strange today. The morning it was all really bad customers, causing me to dream of throwing a sicky. Then the new temp agency lady came round, and really didn't impress me. Sure we get a rise, and perhaps a kind of commission..... but she really didn't seem up to her job. I ran and phoned my current bosses and almost shouted "Help! I'm A Temp Get Me Out Of Here!".

Stacey is sacked as of Sunday. :o(

The office was so hot today that I could barely think. Then got told I am part of a new experiment in call standards..... can't go into it... but it is a really good thing!

On way home had to pick up twins from a family friends house. They live on the Leas. Mum parked up outside their flat, in a small car park bit on the cruising area. And I had to sit there while all these other men, just out of the office looking for a quickie were sitting in their cars cruising.... me...... JOY! Or not.....

Am off out with Becky tomorrow.

Down In The Ghetto

Without Prejudice was on last night. Oh yes it was very homophobic as always, but this time at least the gay man got to the last two, despite being in a relationship with two men.... (I want two boyfriends!.... oh wait I have two..... *glee*)

Three years ago I made a concious decision to stop going out on the scene, and make friends out in the real world, and if they happened to be gay, even better. I didn't want to be ghettoised, or prejudiced, and I thought people had moved on enough to mean being gay meant very little.

So here I am after three years, and I realise just how stupid I was. I have begun arranging meetings with other gay guys my age down in Folkestone, as I tentatively step back out onto the scene. My mates are the best in the world. And I love them loads! But I also need some gay mates, who I can chat to, annoy, oogle over men with and generally have a laugh with. When I am with other gay men (and gay women for that matter) I feel far more at ease and secure.

Going to straight places is great..... but it always leaves me feeling a tad isolated. Anyway I just thought I'd write down that my experiment is over, I am heading back to the ghetto (on a part time basis, as of course I love going out with my friends way too much to stop!!)

Help Tony's family is here, and they have already mentioned my height..... you'd think after ten years they would have got over it... but no they sit there and stare like dumb cows chewing cud..... STUPID people!

Nothing Standing My Way? This Can't Be!

So after answering a whole bunch emails that were not junk (I never have none junk emails!) I set off for work and what I thought would be a meeting with the new temping agency. They never showed. Very professional of them. Tut! So I phoned my latest boss at my current agency who is looking for permanent work. And she told me she was putting me up for a job with a salary of........ £15900. Wow. It is in a call centre in Ashford. The hours are really long, but so you get loads and loads of time off. It would be perfect.

Transport links to Ashford are better in Lympne than the ones to Folkestone, and with the money and time off I can actually come visit people!! I am really going to try for this job. If I get it it would solve so many problems!!!!

Work was good, quiet and for once I wasn't fretting too much over my future. After work went to the cinema with Zoe, and watched About Schimdt. (Please see About Shit) It was rubbish, had no storyline or direction. It could of been good if someone had slapped the writer round the head a little more often and told him to stop faffing around!

Turns out Peter Carroll came to visit it me yesterday but I wasn't in. He is the Lib Dem prospective parliamentary candidate. i.e. The Boss.

I would just like to say one more thing. I am so glad I was not born straight!!! Have decided being gay is way too much fun. But we already knew that now didn't we!

Five Worst Movies Of All Time - First Draft

1. The Hole
2. Being Considered
3. About Schimdt
4. Deathwatch
5. Needful Things

Do I Look Like I Can Be Bothered To Actually Write Stuff?

This is how I spend my days off:

Jason says: oh hello.... didn't see you there!
Jason says: how r u?
Stephen: not too bad, but busy doing a write up
Jason says: sounds evil....
Stephen: yep totally
Jason says: been up to much?
Stephen: nope nowt
Jason says: neither have i... except boring stuff like sorting out my job... blah... am off to see chicago at the cinema tonight tho...
Stephen: well smart, thinking of seeing at West End
Jason says: oh i bet that is EXCELLENT....
Stephen: Hope so
Jason says: have checked my gaydar account for first time in ages.... ah, too many messages!!
Stephen: bless any nice guyz?
Jason says: an army one!! armybilad, and it would seem that the front in town is becoming a gay bar! yay!
Stephen: hang on http://www.gaydar.co.uk/armybilad
Stephen: noval
Jason says: ah... the poor fools.... oh well seems to be some nice people who wanna go out for drinks which is good...
Stephen: well smart, pic the fit ones, hehehe
Jason says: i only go for character, not looks stephen.... *cough*
Stephen: hehehe
Jason says: don't you believe me? :-)
Stephen: I do
Jason says: thousands wouldn't
Stephen: hehehe
Jason says: ah... am bored of replying to silly messages now....
Stephen: hehehe
Jason says: there am all done, everyone got a reply.... aren't i good!
Stephen: yep sure are
Jason says: cool... azm bored now..... bloody days off do this to me! what to do? hoover? *laughs*
Stephen: hahaha
Jason says: am going stir crazy.... can't wait for zoe to come pick up and take me to ashford!!! am so isolated from anything fun here!
Stephen: awwwww
Jason says: am definetly going to check out the front bar now... hope it is friendlier than skuba
Stephen: hehehe will have to visit when I'm back
Jason says: yay! we can go scare the new owners.... muhahaha
Stephen: hehehe
Jason says: right have just discovered the limitations of gaydar classic..... grrrr....... double grrr.......
Stephen: hahaha whats ur profile
Jason says: jaekay
Stephen: http://www.gaydar.co.uk/jaekay
Jason says: i thought you knew.... just been having a conversation with someone who knows you....
Stephen: OMG who???
Stephen: well???????????
Jason says: he is 6'4...... paul i think his name was...
Stephen: OMG Paul Prentice
Jason says: goes to kent uni?
Stephen:Yeah, friend of mine for ages
Jason says:oh.... well now it seems very random me chatting to him......
Stephen:hehehe, god I've know him for bout a yr or so
Jason says:he seemed nice
Stephen:yeah he is, good friend n listener
Jason says:cool..... right i better go and do stuff instead of spending hours chatting to like 20 people! don't quite know what i am going to do but will figure something out! see you soon .... love ya. Jae x

Hmmm...... never did make it to Chicago, I had promised to babysit..... bugger..... but did get propostioned by cute army lad.... which is always a good thing! Zoe came round and we saw a new betting TV channel.... called AVAGO (as in Have A Go). It was sssssoooo rubbish that is was brilliant. The amount of viewers is so small the presenters seem to know them. For instance "Oh look we have a Gladys from Folkestone playing, I wonder if she knows Paul" Paul as in someone who often plays, but wasn't right then. Appallingly good.

Ian phoned. What is it with all these men all of a sudden?

The BNP have won another council seat. Anyone who votes for them is betraying the memory of all those who fought and died fighting the nazis. And that really isn't a very British thing to do now is it? (Betraying your fellow countrymen that is , not fighting the nazis [that is actually a national pastime])

Congratulations

Congrats to So... and Blogging Brits as they have both been nominated for the Bloggies (thats like the Oscars for Blogs). So will you all go vote for them!!

Oh dear me..... see here. It's as we all suspected. I don't think this meets the stringent criterea of a "just war" (was it Kant who spoke of this..... Religious Studies seems so long ago!).

But these people are stupid. Hello! This man gassed his own people. He must be deposed. Just not by the Americans. Let the Europeans or the Russians sort him out.

I phoned up the new temping agency yesterday. They will be coming to the call centre to register me on Friday. I don't know if things are going to turn out okay though. It seems temps all over the company have been laid off. Hmm...... and they have some crazy new plans involving video phone. Imagine waking up to me in the morning!!

Ah..... have some 18 year old who wants to "meet up". I shan't do it as I am being very good. "What do you mean?" you all shout, "he is probably just looking for friends". Note: on every occassion a gay man has said "Hey let's meet up" it actually turns out to mean "Let's fuck". And I am in a relationship, and for once I am going to be good little Jae. *halo appears over head* But his picture does look very nice..... *halo falls and knocks Jae to the floor*

Freedoms and Human Rights

The Government takes us further from our Socialist roots, towards some soulless money driven state by introducing this. It is disgusting that our Government is setting up an elitist university system, where the poor are most badly treated. All people everywhere should be given the same oppurtunities. It is up to them what they do with them, but they should get them nevertheless. University costs should be met through taxation. If that means 1) tax rises or 2) NO EXPENSIVE POINTLESS WAR FOUGHT FOR OIL NOT HUMANITY then I am all for it. Please note I am for the removal of Saddam Hussein for the good of the Iraqi people, but not so that the oil guzzling United States Government can get its grubby blood stained mittens on Iraqs oil fields. Knowing the US they will probably instate an undemocratic dictatorship, as they are apt to do, in Saddam's place. And hello!! Why is no one talking about finding Osama?

The American Government is attempting to curb abortion. Yet more stupidity. I am 100% against abortion, but 110% in favour of a woman's right to choose. It is a woman's right to decide whether she wants to bring a baby into this world. Any attempt to curb such a right is immoral, dictatorial, and quite fundamentally wrong.

My access to the internet is being impinged upon more and more. I use my own account now to get around parental controls that were stopping me reading your blogs. Now the Dictators of Stupidity who rule this house have moved their attempts at flagrant censorship to the computer itself, which now restricts the sites I can read on my user. They even delete my pics from My Documents (please note said pics were two head shots of Legolas!). It actually made me want to cry. Why do they pry, and censor, and control so much? Power? This has put a right fucking downer on my day..... Will try to keep positive.

Strange Relationship

I really think my relationship with Stephen is normalising. For three years we have had a very strange relationship, going from deep love to deep ambivalence. Phone calls, texts, and letters were rare. I think finally we are now headin for normal boyfriend status, where we both make an effort. Which I suppose is really quite cool.

My Dream Catcher has been nicked by Beth for her room, as she keeps "having bad dreams". Well considering that said Dream Catcher is part of my religous beliefs, I think it is rather cruel to take it. I can't just go and nick it back from a six year old now can I? So it'll have to stay. Grrrr.... she nicks everything of mine.

Check out this cool site

The Craft

I watched the Craft last night which was great. Then had a bit of an experience which I shan't go into here.

I am currently looking at a map of the world which shows how each country deals with the death penalty. Only three "western" countries now have it. South Korea, Japan, and the United States of America. Disgusting!! Even Turkmenistan and Yugoslavia have abolished it!! I think not having the death penalty is something we in this country should be intensely proud of! But no we want to bring it back..... fools that we are.....

The Sunday Club

Firstly Stephen phoned me up yesterday to tell me about his latest piercing.... on his ear for once!! This is the second time he has phone dme in a week..... yay!!

Secondly I have reason to believe that someone has stolen Scooby and put a new collar on him (ignoring ours)... Mum says she saw him.

Work was so boring today... got in trouble as I called a customer a weasel..... whoops....

Watched Without Prejudice last night. Evil homophobic, ageist (he hates young men) bloke from first show was back on the panel. Even he was disgusted with himself after choosing a well off business man over a working class lesbian mother. Hello!!

Walking Higher

My ache to get away from this house is so great, that sometimes I feel like screaming. This afternoon, for instance, mum cried because the house was such a mess. It was spotless. Her and Tony's obsession for cleaning is driving me slowly round the bend. There is more to life than this!

But for the first time in years I am optimistic about being free from this. I now believe that my dreams have, at least, the chance of coming true.

One day I will live with a man who will make me smile, in a modest, carefree existence. I just need to grit my teeth thru this for that to happen.

One day my family will be what I make it.

Grrrr

Remind me not to read other peoples blogs. Well at least not people I know as it gets me depressed. Grrrr......

Firstly..... The Salon is most definetly the gayest show in the world. Yesterday morning I watched a fat gay man (trapped in the rat race of life) get a belly massage by one girl, while her twin sister gave his boyfriend/trophy house wife a facial....... sickenly good TV.....

I went out last night with Zoe and John, and we went to the Leas Club (sorry if I ignored you Ellie... I really didn't see you, I was MT cruising you understand...) and got the best shock in a while..... Sexy Bouncer is back!!!!!! On a Friday night now...... oh those arms......

In another good move... I saw Emily of training group fame, who explained why she never said goodbye (she was really ill) and seemed really glad to see me.... which was nice.....

At work they have put up posters declaring how all temps are now laid off (so thoughtful)...... with careful instructions of how to sneakily keep your job.... hehe.....

Anyway am still in orgasmic bliss at thought of Sexy Bouncerness.......... yay.......