Shopping: Is It Really That Hard?

Shopping. It can't be that hard, can it? Pick up goods. Take goods to checkout. Queue if necessary. Prepare money/cards for assistant. Bag goods, exchange money, leave. It's very, very basic. So how come so very few people seem able to do it? 

I can forgive the obviously senile, the elderly and the disabled. But how can you reach the age of 30 with good health and still not be able to understand how to purchase goods in a shop? 

The shocked look on their face when they are asked for money as they pat themselves down, perhaps hoping the assistant will say "Oh, you know what... don't worry about the money today!" The idly standing around whilst the goods are swiped before they suddenly think "Oh, these need to go in a bag!!!".  

It's mindboggling. If we can't perform this simple task, is it any wonder that most of our species believe in sky fairies or that many have bought into the hilarious lie that if you just work hard enough in this life, you'll get to a better place in the next? 

We are surrounded by morons. There's nothing more that can be said. People who can't even carry out their basic daily tasks without stretching their limited intellects to breaking point. It sounds elitist, and hey... it is! I'm no genius but I can catch a train, go to a shop AND work out how to use machines all in one trip! Next time I find some overpaid suit staring stupidly at a train ticket machine or see someone wondering just how a queue works, I'm just going to give them a slap. It's for their own good. I urge you to do the same. 

If you feel benevolent and particularly generous, this writer always appreciates things bought for him from his wishlist

Mistaken Blogging Identity

This little blog of mine has been going for nearly 8 years (next months my blogaversary). Some might ask why I set it up. Fame? Fortune? The adulation of a million Dear Constant Readers? Nope. I did it because of two things:

1) I have kept a personal journal since 1998, and had a lot of problems with keeping them private.
2) I felt the best solution was not to keep them private! Hence why for many years the subtitle of the blog was "What is more dull than a discreet diary? One might as well have a discreet soul! - Henry Channon 1897-1958"

But of course there's the difficulty. It'd be a bit arrogant to go up to my family and say "Here's my diary, read it and weep!". And really I wouldn't mind them reading it but preferably I wouldn't want to know about it.

The solution came in the form of an article in the Guardian Tech section on the 23rd of August 2001. I was introduced to the wonderful concept of a "blog" and thought "Oh yes, here's my medium". I wasn't trying to be a published author. I wasn't trying to be famous. I wasn't trying to save the world. I just wanted a place where I could keep my journal, where I could update it from any computer and where I could at least live the concept of a non discreet diary.

And since then many blogs of mine have come and gone. Dreaming of Chong Nonsi (nee Ahhhh! It's Uni Time, Block 33, come back to what you know and Dancing with Myself) has been the only one to stay steady.

Of course now there's also Moonlight Investigation, Jae's Second Life, Walk This World With Me and a number of others. There are adverts, and blog traffic exchanges and links galore. But the ultimate concept is not to do anything but have a place to write down my thoughts. If you, Dear Constant Reader, were to stop reading this I would continue to write here and on those other blogs. Although then you, Dear Constant Reader, can never leave as you were even around in my pre blog days, gotta love figments of my imagination! ;)

So it irks me somewhat that some people believe I've set out to change the world and that any of my blogs have an agenda beyond dumping rubbish from my brain. When I rant I do not do so because I think it will make one iota of difference. I do so, so that I can operate in my life without ranting at others in person. All those mean people on the tube you see every day? They need a blog. The media are always mocking blogs, laughing at those they believe are screaming for change and not making any. I KNOW based on my 8 years of blog reading, and blogs come and go with a depressing regularity, that there are those who write political blogs because they believe that somehow they shall make a difference. Some even seem to (like Guy Fawkes or Liberal Conspiracy). But that's not why most people, in my experience, blog. And it's not why I blog. So if you see something on my blog that offends you, upsets you or you disagree with feel free to comment and tell me. But don't make the mistake of believing that I say things with an expectation of them actually happening, don't suggest that I am somehow so full of self importance as to believe that someone will give one flying fuck what I write. Insult me, belittle me, but just don't suggest that.

My blogs are not for you, they are for me. That's my one conscious concession to selfishness. You are all very welcome to come along for the ride, I love all those who've ever taken the time to read my blog. Just do so with a little pinch of salt, and remember: IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT I SAY. I am just Jae, a 26 year old guy from Greenwich who's sphere of influence is limited mainly to my tenants and whether or not their tap gets fixed today or tomorrow0. I'm hardly going to shake up the established social order of my own flat, let alone the world! So try to keep things in perspective and not get too angry when you leave a comment. Manners are free.

RANT ENDS (and you are so lucky I choose this rant today over yet another "How to use the bloody train" rant which I think even you, oh patient one, have grown tired of)

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Hater

So the last two days have been kind of a let down. Based on the G20 protesters self promotion and the media furore around the event I was expecting nothing less than an apocalyptic rearranging of the natural order of our civilisation.

Instead we got some broken bank windows and a couple of bloody noses which, even if we count the one possibly unrelated fatality, is probably a better tally than a Friday night in Soho. Hardly revolutionary.

Thanks to Zoe who bought me a book from my wishlist! Hater by David Moody which is, based on the first few pages I’ve read so far, the sort of book I like. Zoe is hereby awarded “Dearest Constant Reader” status.

Things I’ll Never Understand, Part One of Many

1) People who press the buttons to open the train door before the button lights up. And I don’t just mean press it once, they stand there pressing it repeatedly and, in so doing, inevitably miss the moment the button lights up and make us all wait an extra second. Sure I don’t mind the extra second, but it just seems to be counter productive as I’m assuming they are pressing the button so furiously as they are anxious to vacate the train. Based on my experience I’ve so far never seen a train door open BEFORE it lights up thus is there really any point standing there repeatedly pressing the button like a numpty? Nope.
2) People who read magazines in W H Smiths. So you are bored, waiting for your train, and you decide you want to have something to read while you wait. Do you: i) go to W H Smith, buy a magazine, keep people in the retail and press sectors in honest work and go to a place out of others peoples way to read it or ii) go to W H Smith, decide to be a cheap arse and thoughtlessly stand in the way of those paying customers wishing to get to the magazines you are standing directly in front of just so you can peruse some trashy mag? Which do you choose? If it’s ii) I think you suck. I went to W H Smith the other day and spent almost 5 minutes trying to reach one magazine during which time not one of the mindless zombie readers even thought to move an inch let alone let me pass. And if you are reading this magazine just to check that you’ll like it before purchasing it, I shake my head in disbelief. Buy the magazine. If you don’t like it, don’t ever buy it again. It’s £5 and possible disappointment or you save money but cause inconvenience to others. £5 is cheap, surely, to avoid getting in others way? Or am I the only person who cares about other people when in public?
3) People who can’t use pelican crossings. It’s real simple. There’s a button, you press it, you wait for the green man to appear, you walk. It seems every time I get to one of these crossings everyone is standing there like an idiot and not one of them has thought to press the button. I appear, press button and due to the length of time that’s passed since the last normal person came by and pressed the button the green man comes on immediately and everyone crosses. Amazing!
4) People who wait until the last minute. Be it waiting to get their ticket out until they are at the ticket gates at a station, waiting until the cashier asks them for money before they begin the long hunt for their purse/wallet or expressing surprise that those behind them might want to use the cash machine as they finished half an hour ago but have decided the machine gives the space to rearrange the contents of their coat pocket/bag.
5) People who moan about other people getting in their way, and delaying them. Who do they think they are? Do they think the world should revolve around them? Arrogant bastards the lot of them ;)


This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist