Tuesday, December 31, 2002

And Old Aquaintance Be Forgot

I am in contact with Ian again. Naughty Jae. Bad boy! *slap*

Happy New Year everyone! Hope you have a good 2003. Work was slow, broken only by me hauling Lynda's bike down to her car (she won it in an Insurance Incentive) and then using some sort of electrical cable to fasten the boot. I hope she made it home safely!!

Am off up to Canterbury in a while. Need a bath as I smell.

OK this whole no sex/masturbation things is hard! (Oh curse my dirty mind) No really it is. No sooner have I said that than I text Ian/try and phone Stephen (does he ever answer..... nnnnnooooo).

*stands up in a room with a bunch of people sitting in a semi circle* "Hi there my name is jae, and I am a sexual complusive"

I Love Men.

For anyone confused by the whole MT thing..... he is a boy who I fancy more than anyone else ever. He makes my heart go boom! Among other things.

Monday, December 30, 2002

Let Us Start Over

I have read through my most recent blog posts and realise something. I am making less sense than I have ever made before. The spelling is appalling. And the actual writing? Very poor quality. Not that it was anything t write home about before. But still, you get my drift.

So let us start again. I am Jae. You are my dear Constant Reader. Some of you have been reading this for quite a long time. So you know that I am insane (in a bad way).

Right I have decided to go without sex/porn/mastubation/dirty thoughts for as long as I can. I need to stop being so darn slutty! I feel this is possibly going to be more 40 minutes and 40 seconds than forty days and forty nights. But we shall see.

Ok going without porn may be a step too far.

And dirty thoughts. I wouldn't be me if I didn't stare, tongue hanging out, with drool hanging from my chin, at anything vaguely male. And hello who is the person who can turn anything into some piece of awful innuendo? Me! Yay! I am not good at it. But I do it anyway. (ah see I even think that sounds dirty)

Anyone notice, Brighton's West pier has fallen down (a little anyhow)?

the NYE party better be fun!

Harry Potter.... Must Die!

OK so my stalking has finally reached a peak. For about five years nearly I have fancied one boy above all others..... MT. But thanks to my job and the internet I know a lot more about him than I really should (address, email address, phone number...... see scary!). It is now at an unhealthy level. I don't know, but when I get depressed, fancying him makes me smile. It's an infatuation that allows me to continue to function. My warped little mind is using MT as a kind of life belt in this mental abyss it inhabits.

I need a hobby.

Work is really strange. Today I went into the break room and realised how much things had changed. Twas summer when I started. There were many people there who I really liked, who are gone now. I have made new friends to replace them. But it isn't the same. I hope in the new round of temp employment there are some interesting people. I am going slowly insane without them.

Oh last night after work was picked up by Zoe, laura, John and Pete and we went to the cinema where we saw Harry Potter. Yawn. I say JK Rowling should get harry addicted to crack. Would make it far more interesting.
A New Years Treat

I will update more tonight. For now.... just click the link for you treat! Click Me

And if you guess who it is, and you don't live in Shepway, you win a prize!

Saturday, December 28, 2002

Brain Dump

As you know, I really don't like about 99% of the human race. They are not the kind of people any sane person would want to meet. Most people are stupid, nasty, foolish, dangerous, and deeply, deeply in need of a good shot in the head.

Let us take a case in point. The Holocaust. This was carried out by ordinary people. The SS guards were just like any fool you see on the streets. They have no brain/principles. And even today these people are not only allowed to walk amoung us, they are praised. White Van Men are just a small step from being Nazis. I have known enough of em to know they are 1) stupid and 2) bigotted.

Why do I dwell on this? Because I fear these people. They threaten my way of life each and every day. See here. maybe it is my messed up mind, but really I want to go hide in a gay ghetto somewhere and never come back out. Most straight people confuse me and I really am unable to comprehend them.

Gay rights are nearly secured. But gay culture? We are still attacked on the street. People still use the old "I thought he fancied me so I killed him, doused him in petrol, throw him in a river and then danced on his grave" excuse to get off almost scot free in homophobic trials. How can we just sit around and say "Thing are getting better". On paper yes. In real life? No.

So I have decided. Whenever anyone asks me: Have you got a girlfriend? I won't say no, as I normally do. I'll say no, I have a boyfriend. When people are homophobic, I shan't sit back and silently curse them. I shall question them. Interrogate them. And if they hurt me? So what?!

Time to put my money where my mouth is.

As my life crumbles around my ears, I use the age old method of sticking my fingers in my ears and going "lalalalalalala", to remain sane.

Hi there everyone! I have a new computer. And printer. And digital camera. And loads of cool games. Woo!! So expect many more pics of me doing... stuff....... yay!!

Right have done many things recently...... went to Leas Club on Tuesday for present giving. I went to Zoe's on Xmas Eve to collect my presents that I had left there. Xmas Day I got lots of things including: a talking Woody from Toy Story (Zoe), a new DVD player (from the family), a Heather Nova CD (from Karen), a Will Young CD (Laura) and calender (Zoe). Even Zoe's parents bought me stuff!

Boxing Day, went over Zoe's for Boxing Day tea, then me, her, Jodie (Jody?), Russell and Pete went down Spoons where I terrified Russell (who knows MT) with my amazing stalking knowledge. Seems Ellie has already tried to bribe him into getting pictures of MT in the shower..... darn she is fast....

Stephen sent me a text (finally!) saying merry Christmas Sexy, which cheered me up!

Ok last years theme for this year was jay kay On The Run if my long term readers remember...... this year it shall be Security. I want emotional and financial security, and must do anything I can to achieve this. Oh and I shall stop being a slut.

Hope you had a lovely, fabtastic Xmas dear Constant Reader.

Monday, December 23, 2002

Little Donkey

Ok so yes, my ability to stalk has been increased like never before thanks to this... muhahahaha! Tough on the outside, soft on the inside..... hehe...

I have also been a very naughty boy. Few details as present but should events turn interesting shall keep you up to speed. Naughty me.

Adam is 20 today!! happy Birthday!

Zoe and Pete visited me last night and we watched "40 Days and 40 Nights" and then "Fight Club". last time I tried to watch Fight Club was December last year, but I got distracted... cough.....

Very good.

On Friday me and Zoe realised we were turning into the same person. Yesterday we realised Pete is also turning into us.... poor soul...

Thanks Princess Ari for making me a Sir.

Oh work was so dull. Why do people phone up for price enquiries at Christmas? Have they no lives? Stacey cheered me up by singing Little Donkey and launching Operation Steal Supervisors Sweets. Everyone talked about cats at lunch (I didn't start it! Honest!) and poor Cheryl hates em, so stuck her fingers in her ears and went "lalalalalala".... v. amusing!

Sunday, December 22, 2002

Don't Click Here
What Is Wrong With Me?

I feel less Christmassy than ever. Even less than last year. And last year I didn't feel Christmassy at all. Stephen doesn't reply to my messages. I am stuck alone (family is on a tour of Medway collecting and giving presents to far distant relatives) in a village, on a posh estate filled with ignorant arses. Scooby is still missing, will have to start a poster campaign.

My wages have not come through due to "unexpected technical difficulties" at my bank.

But worst of all I have betrayed my principles, which I formed in January..... not to become like everyone else. I have become stuck in debt, trapped in some wasteland of faux emotion and prejudice. I have some how managed to steal my dreams away from myself by being stupid. I live among the scum I hoped to get away from (that is 99% of the British population, 99.9% of world popualtion).

This is what happens when the only person in charge of my destiny is me. God and religion is all a lie.

Maybe An Angel - Heather Nova (no Karen I haven't opened the pressie yet!)

I put my hands where your wings should be,
I put my feet where the earth should be
And I can't see very far
And when you said that you were dead I hung on

Something I feel,
You are an angel, or maybe you could've been
Something out here
You are an angel or maybe you could've been

I've got this light hangs over me
I've got this fear cuts into me
And I can't see very far
And when you said that you were dead I hung on

Something I feel
You are an angel, or maybe you could've been
Something out here
You are an angel or maybe you could've been

See how they run
And nobody said you would go
See how they fall
And I can't see very far
And when you said you were dead I hung on

Something I feel
You are an angel, or maybe you could've been
Something out here
You are an angel or maybe you could've been
See how they run
See how they run
All the same, all the same
Something out here
You are an angel

Saturday, December 21, 2002

I'm Way Too Horny

OK updates first. I went out with Zoe on Thursday, we had hoped the others who were back from uni would come out too. But they all had far more exciting plans. So we went to Spoons, had a meal, went to mcDonalds and had a Chocolate Orange McFlurry (rating 5/10) and then went to the Leas Club where there was an absimal DJ on.

Yesterday most people came out. Couldn't get hold of Adam (bad reception?). There was me, Zoe, Pete (yay!), Sam, Elliot, John, Laura, Sophie, Kim, Claire, and even Paul Lowe. We went to Spoons and talked, a lot. Tom Quaye came over and asked me who was the captain o my baseball team, as I bat for "the wrong side". Tut...... please note it should read other side not wrong side.... he is obviously a repressive. Poor lad.

Karen I just got home and you gift was waiting for me!! yay!! Thank you! Shall unwrap it at Christmas (because I am a good boy!).

OK shall phone Ste (formerly Stephen) and see if he wants to visit. I miss him. Oh and I am incredibly horny (to point of public embarassment) so something must be done!

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

All I Want For Christmas

OK. This week has been shit. I feel exactly as I felt last December. This is not a good thing, I can assure you.

But I got in from work today, and went on the web, and a act of sheer kindness warmed my heart, and made me smile. Someone has bought me something from my wish list. Own up (and I have a very good suspicion who you are!). I want to buy you something (please note money will be available for this purpose in january.) Oh and it was Heather Nova's best album.... with Maybe An Angel on it which makes me cry. (In a good way!) Thank you!

Right Tony has had enough of my ickle babies and thrown them out. I haven't seen Scooby in days. Millie is most upset by the whole arrangement, but manages to sneak a very quick snuggle and nap on my bed before she gets discovered every so often. He wants to get rid of them.Why? Because they have "ruined" a piece of carpet ruffly the size of my hand. He is ssssooooo shallow. Millie has been in this family 8 1/2 years, and I think she is worth more to us than a stupid piece of disgusting biege carpet (CHEAP!) and possibly him.

On a similar note he grabbed my mum during an argument today (please note she went through a highly abusive marriage, where she was beaten often in front of me as a small child) and she went mad. He had been say "I am warning you". When she fought back with avengence he goes "I can't believe you don't trust me. What did you think I was going to do?" Please note: He is molto dumb. Hello! Do you go up to a victim of theft, nick their watch then get annoyed when they get slightly defensive? NO! Millie is way ahead evolutionary as well it seems.

I am very, very down today. Scooby is missing again. I am stuck in this house. I am miles from everywhere. I am putting on weight as everywhere is only reachable by being dead lazy. I miss walking to places.

One day something will change. But whether I can put up with this till then? Good question. Funny how a couple of years ago I thought I had such a great time. Sex, drugs (caffeiene) and rock and roll (shaven haven).

I really am going to have to go to the doctors again.

Tuesday, December 17, 2002

Back At Reception

As asked for by Karen here is my Wish List

Last night an alarm went off at the Augusta Hotel in Folkestone. Mum was in charge of it so we had to go down and sort it out. It was abandoned on the 22nd October and as we went in it looked exactly as it would have that morning. Papers were still in their racks, teas and coffees festered on the bar. The reception was as it would have been as I sat behind it and waited for mum to return from switching off the fire alarm. Abandoned hotels are dead spooky. This was my third and they really do give me the willies.

Later on I went out with Sam and Adam (freshly returned from university) to Cineworld and saw Deathwatch. What this film really should have been called is "The Hole 2: The Trench". It was that awful (The Hole is the worst movie I have ever seen). What was it's point? Did the director really think he was being clever? Tut. Waste of a good muddy field.

Mmmmm....... mud...... soldiers.....

I am sssssoooooo horny today. Hello, it's been a few weeks without sex, I am like dying here. I have decided next shag is going to need to be far closer to my age. I am sick of older men. When is Stephen home?


I am in deep financial shit all over again. Merry fucking xmas.

I got a card today. It was from someone I used to write to. It sent me off down memory lane to how things were when I was 16. I had no boyfriends to worry about. Melly was still alive. I was leading a deeply exciting double life. Me, mum and the twins lived alone, although the twins stayed with Tony every other weekend and every Wednesday. Mum would often leave me alone those weekends and so I got up to all sorts of mischief, ;o), I used to hang out with mums mates, go to gigs of Shaven Haven, I used to smile.... shock! No worries. No committments. No work.

Dreams really don't come true.

Monday, December 16, 2002

And Now I Can't Stop Giggling

Hehe...... Sam came round and got me and we took his dog Josie for a walk through Saltwood.... hehe..... and we came to a kind of valley.

Here there was a groove in the valley side where Josie runs up and down in pursuit of sticks. The side is about oh 25 feet high, and about 85 degrees, so really quite formidable.... hehe.....

Josie dropped one of the sticks about a foot from the edge. We couldn't reach it. I advise Sam not to bother trying. He had other ideas..... hehe....

Climbing over the fence at the top and attaching Josie's lead to it to give him a safety rope of a sort, he abseiled stylee in effort to reach it..... the clasp, erm, unclasped...... and Sam slid, in a comic fashion down the side at about oh 70 mphs...... hehe.......was most amusing..... when he returned to the top via a side path he was a caked in mud...hehe...

OK then got home and Zoe came round and we watched About A Boy which, despite me snobby reprehension, I LOVED. Then we watched a new Poirot.... this smelt.....

Work was ok today... got big compliment from Help Desk..... "Jason we get worried when you come up here." "Why?" "Because you know your stuff so when you come up for our help the problem must be bad" Awwww..... shucks you guys!

Sunday, December 15, 2002

No One Will Actually Read This

It is the weekend after all, and I am like the only blogger who updates, or reads, on a Sunday. Happy Birthday to Mum who is 29 and 7 today.

I am so frustrated today. I feel trapped. Whereas back in Folkestone I could go for a wander if I got too stressed in the house, I have no escape any long. But what really is getting me down is because I can no longer walk anywhere I getting fatter!! :o( This is not helping my mood. I used to walk everywhere, but now have no where to walk to.....

Tony just asked me for the rent money.... I don't think I have that much....

I really can't be fucked with any of this any longer..... I get a job as asked, and then they frigging move us away, and tell me I should get a new job. I start to pay my debts off so they put my rent up. I make "nice" i.e straight friends for once, which pleases them, and they place me in a small isolated village where the average age is about 60 and Adam will be here for only like a few weeks.

No social life this week. I can't afford it. Nor next week, have to buy remaining Xmas presents so can't afford to.....

My Christmas cheer bubble just burst again.... This will be my third unhappy Xmas.... Last year I tried to kill myself.... can't wait for the next exciting chapter....

Saturday, December 14, 2002

Rant Rant Rant

Firstly the good stuff:went out with Zoe last night, went down Gee's 'twas packed so moved on to 'Spoons where we stumbled up a drunken Rob and not so drunk Arron, which was great. Then Ellie and Annie joined us which was also great! Had a nice time. On way home got fish and chips at Riviera, saw *drum roll* Mr Lambert and Josie... aaaahhhh evil!! Then we picked up David and I went home (thanks for being my inexpensive (i.e. free) taxi Zoe, I wuv you!).

First rant..... why do men put pictures of their cocks on gaydar profiles? What possesses them? Are they mad?

Second rant: Don't you just hate boring people who worry about pop ups and spam? Hello! Get a life and stop worrying! Tony has just installed a rather nifty thing that doesn't let me view my comments without turning the program off....... grrrrr......

Third rant: Ahh... I feel so flippng isolated here in Lympne that I am ranting more than usual..... I am ranting about ranting..... help!

PS is Adam home yet?

Friday, December 13, 2002


So I headed for work yesterday, just a tad worried about how I was going to get home. Talked to Lisa, one the of the not so sacked temps, about our prospects. Both of us agreed that it looked like we would be working over Christmas. Please note first lucky thing of the day...... I got two Star Bars free from the vending machine..... RESULT!

At the end of work I got a taxi to the East Cliff Pavillion (ah...... £7!) and was luckily in plenty of time for the start of the party, although still in my work clothes! The meal was delicious, we all sat in our teams, with Lynn joining our table. Me and her talked about everyone on my training team. I managed to nick Jenny's Death by Chocolate.... mmmm.....

The music was... well cheesy barely describes the true horror..... Fiona turns out to be quite the dancer tho! Cheryl came over and goes.... "are you gay?". "Yes". "You know I wouldn't have thought it, but Jenny said you were." Then she told me how her good friends are Brian from Big Brother and Graham Norton, and that she was out down G.A.Y. with Brian just last Saturday. She is thus now christened Queen Of The Gays.

Found Stacey at the bar, shock!, and she was dressed up to the nines.... I really should of made an effort....

Jackie (N, there are 3 in my team!) sat next to me and asked, "have you got a girlfriend?" "No, I haven't got a GIRLfriend" I hint. "Why not?!" she asked incredously...... "Because I am gay".

Now as soon as I said that she became my best mate, and within minutes we were doing the Time Warp ("Just a jump to your left, and a step to your rrrriiiiiggghhhtttttt"). :o)

Hmmm...... I have a suspicion I am not being sacked from Eurotunnel.... had a few hints from several different people. Mainly because Fiona kept asking people WHY would they be laying me off, she is a darling, and they kept going, erm, I don't really think we are laying him off......

Afterwards I wandered into town, bemoaning how this wasn't really my home town anymore. :o( Got some money out (second lucky thing, money in my account is rare) then found £4 quid in a phone box (really lucky, I made 800% back on what I spent on a call...yay!). Phoned a taxi.... I will not speak of how much the taxi home cost.... but ouch.... my wallet hurts!

Anyway..... I had one of the best times I have had in a while last night...... really fun!

Thursday, December 12, 2002

I Think I May Be Dying

Or I just have a really horrible cold. I can barely speak (shall be fun today at work!) and my nose has become a snot faucet.

OK so yesterday a package come for me. It was clothes. The ones that High and Mighty had said wouldn't come. That is why I have no money!! They have taken it out of me account! Buggers! So I now have even more new clothes (don't worry shall still only wear jeans and my "r u big enough?" t-shirt.

Yesterday when I told mum, Jenny at work had bought me a Kylie calender for Christmas, Mum goes "That's nice, she is a gay icon after all." Could this be a breakthrough? Doubtful.

Nearly died of boredom at work yesterday. If another person says something like "Can I go on the, erm, Eurotrain thingy, today to, erm, Belgium, from Felixstowe?" I shall scream and scream until I make myself sick.

I have just 25 pounds to get me through the day. This must include 1) taxi to work £8, 2) my works Xmas party and 3) a taxi home (£15+). Oh and please note I don't finish work till after the start of the party. FUN!

Still NOT sacked! What is the problem...... don't tell me they want me to work over Christmas? Evil..... Eeeevvvvvviiiillllll......

Wednesday, December 11, 2002

Jae Gets The Sack

Ok so I haven't yet. But while I was in a briefing about ET Motoring Holidays, all the other temps did. I haven't seen Stacey yet so I don't know if she did. They all have until the 20th and then they are out. I will have to speak with the Temp boss to find out about me, he comes round today. Erm..... I don't know his name (I have been working there for so long they have gone through too Temp bosses!). So for now Old Father Temp struggles on.

The customers were really dumb yesterday case in point:

"Good morning, ET reservations, Jason speaking, how may I help you?"

"Give me a price" No hello, or good morning.

"Certainly, do you have our discount card?"

"Yes now give me a price."

"OK what vehicle do you want to take?"


"How long do you want to go for?"

"What don't you understand you fucking idiot! I want a price! You are frigging useless......." slams phone down.

Hmmm... I was tempted to say "Well loo roll is just £1.99 down Safeway." But I decided to be nice. I mean how dumb!! If you want a price, you need to tell us what frigging product you want first!! Hello!! This is why I support eradicating the human race from this planet.... we are all dumb, and I am amazed we have made it this far.

*gets his rifle out again* Time for a little "ethical" cleansing..... all dumb, unpleasant people please step forward.......

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

Oh Woe Is Me, How Could This Horror Occur?

How could I be......

Cheer Bear
You're the Care Bear cheerleader! Your spunky personality and optimisim lifts everyone's spirit. Though you want everyone to be happy, you stand your ground on issues you feel strongly about and this can bring disunity among your friends. Despite this, you are a true believer in working together.

Ok so I haven't done a quiz in a while, and I saw this one over at Somagod and I could't resist. But this solves my problem, I can now name Stacey three care bears, YAY! I just hope she remembers the quiz we were doing....

OK so I have no money till Friday thanks to my deeply disturbing and out of character clothes buying spree..... and I have to get to work, buy a present for Jackie at work, and buy me daily "hit" of Pepsi Max...... oh I am sure I will find a way...... (see my Cheer Bear optimism in full force!)

Have a good day... I am off for a chuckalicious late shift........ yay..... wait this is crap..... oh....

Monday, December 09, 2002

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

I have noticed something through conversations I have had on the net and in real life. Gay men are really becoming way too normal. This is not a good thing! When I say normal I am not talking about being mentally stable and having an ordinary life. I am talking about being sexually repressed and mentally messed up like our heterosexual brothers and sisters. (I am sure lesbians are the only stable human beings).

I will take a case in point (and I saw this in an article in Attitude, by Will Self., as well so I must at least be on somebodies wavelength here). Almost every gay man has been asked the question, usually by drunken friends/work collegues, "Do you give, or recieve?" NO this is not about Christmas presents!! If someone asked me this question I could answer either way, both or neither depending on my mood. It isn't something set in stone.

Yet some gay men are suffering from self-hating stereotyping... to give is to be good, as it is "masculine", while to recieve is bad as it is "feminine". What a load of shite! If you are a man, you are masculine. What ever you do cannot take away from that essential truth. Of course transsexuals are different, mentally they are a female, thus of course things get slightly confuzzling!! But if you are an ordinary man getting fucked will not take away from your essential manliness. Some philosopher said the same thing about trees, Sam help me with the name! And some gay men are supporting the idea that in all gay relationships you have the masculine and the feminine. This is only going to confuse the ickle idiot Hitlers who read the Daily Mail and the Sun.

But it isn't just sexually that gay men are becoming boring, it's socially too. Instead of using the new found freedoms we have recieved over the last 30 odd years, to create a unique sexual and social grouping, most gay men simply want to copy the hetrosexuals way of life. How dull! Gay marriage is a silly idea. I agree all long term partnerships deserve equal legal rights. Just the concept of marriage is socially hetrosexual, slighty aging and definetly well passed its use by date.

We are allowing ourselves to be assimilated. Assimilation equals the end of innovation and progress. And by allowing ourselves to conform, we are further alienating those gay men, be they camp, into s and m, or just quirky. And we are leaving them open to "legitimate" homophobia. Straight people may support those gay men who fall into the "masculine/feminine" arrangement described above but what of the rest of us?

You see hetrosexuals will only ever supports us up to a point. It is rare to find those who support true freedom for any sexual minority. We must stick together and fight together for our freedom, our own identity, and final control over our destiny.

P.S. went down Gee's with Zoe last night.

Sunday, December 08, 2002

Time For The Main Headlines

It would seem I haven't broken up with Stephen. He has been ignoring my text as he has had no money to get credit, and wasn't contacting me as he thought I'd worry about that. Well.. d'uh!! Oh course I worry. That is what boyfriends are for, to worry about and take care of. Tut!! So he led me to feel that we had broken up rather than ask for my help. Then he tells me after a major shopping spree, where I am in no position to lend any aid. But anyway.. yay! I have a boyfriend!! Still....

Anyhew, as he would say, I went out last night to the leas Club, saw Ellie but she didn't see me, although I called. I stared consistently at the extremely cute new glass collector, as sexy bouncer must have left.... :o(

After that we headed to Blockbusters as it was so boring, where Sam meet us straight from his radio gig (catch him on meancountry.com every Saturday afternoon!) but left immediately as he didn't want to watch a movie. We got Goldmember, which was hilarious, than Zoe gave me a lift home, via picking up her very naughty brother who had stranded himslf round his girlfriends house.... naughty naughty!! Zoe was suitably big sisterish, deeply annoyed but still willingly to go pick him up (reluctantly!)

Oh, then late at night/early morning a certain missy..... (Laura!) phoned me up while drunk (I could tell she was drunk as she said her and her Steve were discussing how sexy I was, they must have been blinded). Oh it was great to hear from her!!!

Saturday, December 07, 2002

Oh The Weather Outside Is Frightful, But Will Young Is Quite Delightful

So last night Zoe came and rescued me from my deep grumpiness, and took me to the cinema to watch Harry Potter and the Chamber Of Secrets. It was quite good, although I have to say Malfoy (is that how you spell it? Sorry didn't read the books) reminds me so much of Luke, my former step brother.

It is really, really cold. Just thought I'd tell you that. And Scooby is still missing. I hope he is okay. Probably over at the zoo, rhino hunting.

Today I awoke early, and me and mum headed for Snodland, the second time is a month, and picked up nan. We headed for Croydon, and more importantly, High And Mighty. I managed to spend £200 on clothes (where did this amount of money come from?) despite hating shopping!! Oh well. More clothes shopping still to come! Got some jeans (quelle suprise!), a snazzy blue t-shirt, a blue shirt for work, and a new coat. But my fav thing is my new hoody.... yay!!

Oh my family are funny. Uncle Graham and Uncle David have purchased 200 Christmas trees, and in an Only Fools and Horses fashion are flogging them down their local market. Along with mistletoe (two pound a stem!). The mistletoe, of course, has been collected from various places around Snodland. And I saw some today. I never knew that mistletoe was a parasitic plant that grew off a host tree. It forms a rather fetching sphere as it sprouts from the tree. Very intruiging.

Oh and Step Auntie Tanya's Indian husband, and father of my cousins) has been convicted as a people smuggler, and put in jail. What a bastard. And she is supposed to be the responsible member of the family in Suffolk. Tut!

Have started to feel Christmassy!! Yay!

Friday, December 06, 2002

Oh Thank You Oh Merciful Masters, Now Go To Frigging Hell

Oh yes I am in such a good mood today. Now pass me the fucking shot gun.

This really annoyed me. Let's us break it down. Italics are from the article, the rest my notes.

Mrs Roche said: "We are not talking about marriage here. No Because that wouldn't go down with the Daily Mail hate brigade What we are talking about is the signing of a register." But she added that couples would be perfectly free to arrange their own private ceremonies to mark the event. Gosh she is but so kind, allowing us to do that.

The shadow home secretary, Oliver Letwin, indicated that the Conservatives would support the measure when legislation was introduced.

"Whilst we attach a huge importance to the institution of marriage we do recognise that gay couples suffer from some serious particular grievances," he told BBC Radio 4's Today programme.
Oh thank the lord, the fact we are but third rate subjects of Her Majesty is now known as "some serious particular grievances". The fact that we are denied very basic human rights, and don't just deserve these rights, THEY ARE OURS ALREADY, AND THE POWERS THAT BE HAVE NO RIGHT TO "ALLOW" US THEM!!!!!!

Sometimes I worry about the heterosexual elite that rules over us and thinks that it is being benevolent and kind by granting us rights, it itself denied us 150 years ago. And the thing is homosexuals go "Oh thanks, we love you." When we should be shouting "About fucking time you bigoted twats! Now give us some reparations for your treatment of us!" So far what they have "given" us is frankly unacceptably pitiful. We need a revolution in rights, and we need it now. My thoughts seem to extremely similar to this essay.

And I went to see the Xmas lights turned on today. It seemed to me, instead of being about Xmas, it was in fact all about how great the Mayor of Folkestone was, and how great the people who set it up were. It was all done very non-traditional, sickingly gimmicky and "post-modernist". And the choir were singing gospel and not flipping hymns...... deeply disappointed. Even Snodland does it better, and makes it FUN!

Thursday, December 05, 2002

What the fuck is up with everyone?

Scooby has run away, after the lock out. :o(

When did I lose my wonder of the world? When did I stop liking people, and begin to hate them with such venom? What the fuck is going on with me putting up with this planet and not fucking going mental and laying the smackth down on all these brainless infidels arses?

I have even stopped liking Graham Norton.

People annoy me sssssoooo much. They ask me: "So what are you going to do with your life?" I have never understood this. These people who live in their comfy suburban houses doing fuck all with their life asking me what I am going to do with mine!!! Why the fuck should I do anything with it, other than live it?

They talk about money, houses, what colour curtains they should have, and what Posh and becks are up to. All to avoid actually talking about themselves, how they feel, and who they are.

My family are always eager to get my approval on things (after they have done them of course, they wouldn't dare consult me before). Like this house for instance. And I am very dismissive and uninterested, and they seem hurt. They seem to crave approval, like all these flipping twats around here, and seem to think that material things are going to win mine.

I am so tired of watching the news. It used to interest me. Seeing things from distant places and going "Wow! How rare!" Now all it seems to be about is explicit details of paedofilia, and John Lesley, things that do not interest me in the slightest. Yet they seem to go into such detail that t leads me to believe that the general public are all flipping closet child abusers who do it by proxy by actually wanting to know the gruesome details. They don't seem satisified with knowing that these evil bastards have harmed kids. They want to know how. IT SICKENS ME!

Today I tried to list people I actually respect, or like, or care about. The list was very short.

Right time to put on a balaclava and bring down the social institutions of this frigging messed up world where people actually read the Daily Mail ("Unravelling the Bible Code, Part Two!").

Oh David Attenborough is my hero of the year.

P.S. have strange scratch marks on neck.

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

Well Blow Me Down

Oh clean your rancid minds!!

Firstly... the village shop is 'orrible, and the ladies there aren't at all friendly. Hmph!

Secondly... have been forced to put my cats back out in the cold.... :o(

Thirdly.... I nearly ran away just now. My sane sensible side reasserted itself quickly, but just for one second after seeing a room for let in Brighton, I was about to just up and leave. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

Fourthly... I have become readdicted to Civilisaton Call To Power. Ah!

Fifthly.... just got a nice text from Ben. How random. NIce but... random...

Now To Cheer Everyone Up......

The Random And The Evil

I went out in town last night with Becky, got a taxi and went to the Leas Club. She brought a friend alonmg named Claire, who is a lovely girl from Brisbane, and the night was great. Randomly Terri turned up with another girl called Lisa and things were going swimmingly until it became apparent that I was the only person out of the five of us not to have kissed a girl!

Terri gave me a lift home (she thus rules!!). Note to self.... never pay any attention to what Becky says when drunk.

Hmm.... I awoke this morning at 9 and saw that my cats were out in the conservatory. I found it to be locked. "Oh well" I thought, as my cats went loony trying to get to me, "I'll let them in the back door." That too was locked. The keys which are always in their locks were missing. Tony had got his way, and had locked my babies out. I am not best pleased!! Well, I, of course, let the cats in through the kitchen window (it was raining!) but Scooby is too ickle and stupid to understand, and remains in the conservatory meowing for me to let him in. :o( I don't think it helps that Millie keeps parading up and down in front of him basically going "Ha I am inside and you evil interloper are not. Muhahaha!" But still WHY LOCK MY CATS OUT?

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

Bobbing Along

Am in the mood for singing show tunes/Disney Classics at the moment..... maybe as The Song is now finished, and I have found out (joy of joys!!) that I am off on Monday so don't have to do any of the singing, or take the blame for the song, despite being the evil genius behind... *dramatic drum roll* "I Wish I Could Be Working Every Day" Now what tune do you think it is set to?

All my customers were 'orrible! Impolite, arrogant, and impatient. And that was just me after taking one of their calls!! Customers bring out the worst in me.

After reading on Gert's blog that she is off on holiday to Egypt, I want your thoughts on what I think of as "ethical holidaying". I would never go to a country I felt was morally corrupt, such as Egypt where about 50 men were arrested for being suspected as gay (please note that to top it off they almost certainly AREN'T!!). I felt bad just visiting Italy. I think of it this way. Would you go for a holiday to Nazi Germany, when you know they are killing Jews? Would you go for a holiday to Jamaica where they chase gay men into the ocean, and wait on the beach until the gay man drowns, or they simply kill him on the steps of a church? I am not trying to say that YOU shouldn't go, just saying I couldn't. Just interested in your thoughts.

Will probably go out with Becky in a minute. Yay! Becky is one of those cool people who I want to count as one of my mates. She ain't cool as in she is "cool". She is cool as she is clever, individual, not afraid to say what she thinks, and just plain fun. Of course these people I meet will never replace my school mates (and you girls too before you start complaining!), but I do like meeting new people.

Monday, December 02, 2002

And I Thought I Was Bitchy

Sheesh. Reading my friends blogs, comments and floobles is like being in the middle of a giant whirlwind of bitterness, resentment and hate. That's my job people!!

I am so not liking living here. It is like hell, only worse, as hell probably has stuff to do. I have to eat at the table, have to wait ages for a lift home, or pay out HALF my wages on public transport, I have no friends within any close distance, no co-op to shop at, no where to escape to beyond my room.

I am doing constructive stuff. I move out in March. But that still leaves four horrible months ahead. :o(

Work was great emailed The Song to everyone for their impressions/ideas, and helped do Fiona's decorations which are nice, if put up using slave labour (me and Jane). All the other teams saw us putting up ours so began theirs, but only Carrie's team has a hope in hell of beating our masterpiece.

Probably going out with Becky and her friend tomorrow. We shall see if I can afford the taxi!

Sunday, December 01, 2002

I Can't Remember Stuff

Oh wait I just have. Zoe came round last night to save me from my Civilisation: Call To Power stuppor. We watched bend It Like beckham which was rather good really. Also saw Top Ten Campest Pop Acts... where many talking heads attempt to say "Cor, that was camp" in ever more unique and complex ways.....

Work was slow and boring.... highlights me, Jackie and jenny attepmted to write the xmas team song for next monday..... oh and we started to put up our decorations, despite Fiona supposedly being in charge of that.... :o)

Let us remember the victims of HIV/AIDS on this day. It is after all World AIDS day...... millions are dead..... millions will die.... God Bless Them All.

Cheers go to Dusty who has made me a button!! Thanks!! Sexy Dusty Made This Link Me!!!