Friday, March 28, 2003


I woke up this morning, and was relieved to find that my throat eemed to have cleared some, and my joints weren't acheing. Yay, I thought, I can go to work today. So I stood up. This was a mistake, the world spun, and I had to hold on to the dresser to stop from falling over, my throat seized up, and brought back those razor blades. eek!

So no work I thought. But about twenty minutes ago I thought, "Jae, why not walk up to the shop, have some fresh air, and get a bottle of coke." Simple logic I thought, can't stay inside all week. So I got dressed, and headed out.... and nearly died.... eeeeeeekkkk...... it's cold out there.... made it to shop and back, but all energy is now gone, can barely move from this chair...

Who ever said flu is like a bad case of cold has never had the flu!!!


I was just lying in bed, and I suddenly got a whiff of a smell that I used to associate with illness, the musky smell of a bloke who has been ill in bed all day. And wow did that start a whole thing rolling.

My mind went back to the last time I was "ill" in bed. That time had been completely my own doing tho... and then memories I think my mind has discreetly missed placed, came flooding back. How one morning I had gone into town, went to Brighton Boots, and Brighton Superdrug, filled my shopping bags with pills, got a bus home, wandered past the building I was supposed to be having my seminar in (and just how many days/weeks/months had I not gone? I can't even remember when my brain went a bit wrong!) nd went in to my flat. I had said hi to Karen, pretended I was ill, gone to my room, and swallowed each and every last pill.

And that was a lot. And I did this all calmly, without any compunction or regard. I realise now just how mad I got back there, just how un-Jae I had been.

I am much better now I think... just thought I'd share my little trip down memory lane... altho this time I'll spare the details of what happened once the pills went down.

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