Saturday, February 22, 2003

It's Always The Little Things That Make Me Sad

You can tell me
I won't fall apart
So just be honest
And straight from the start
And it's so plain to me
Although the world may not see
Your smile's a disguise for
The truth that's written in your heart

More Than I Needed To Know - Scooch

My emotions are so misplaced sometimes. While people die of stravation, famine and disease...... my heart is broken by one cassette.

Imagine. It's 2000. I haven't yet meet Stephen. My experience of other gay men is limited. I feel very much alone, and the only place I am truely me is in my own room, usually writing in my journal. I am just 16.

At school we had study periods where we had to go sit in the library.... and study. I used to take in my cassette player and listen to music. There was one cassette that I must of listened to a thousand times or more. It was made for me, by a stranger whose name was Eden Kay. He didn't just give me a cassette of camp classics, he gave me an escape.

When I felt bad those songs saw me through. They took me off to the gay club in my head.

I found that tape today. Mum had hidden it away because she knew that when I saw it I'd be "annoyed" to say the least. The Twins had taped over it. With Big Willie Style. I wasn't angry, I was heart broken. Over a stupid, lifeless tape I was actually upset. I, of course, haven't let Beth or George know. Tis their birthday and I won't ruin it by being annoyed with em. But still.

I would get another sorted... but some of the songs are so... classic... *cough* that I won't ever find them!!

Anyway.... this is one very sad Jae signing off...

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