A Reply

On Saturday at his party Elliot casually mentioned that he thought my sexuality was a "choice". Now it is time for my reply.

I did not choose to be gay. As Archbishop Desmond Tutu (a personal hero of mine) once said, you would have to be crazy to choose to be gay!! I would never have chosen to be gay. I would have liked a simple life. But I would never give up being gay now that I know there is nothing wrong with it.

In fact homosexuality seems perfectly normal to me and I find hetrosexuality hard to contemplate. I find men not only physically attractive but mentally attractive too. I am 100% gay. Girls are nice to chat to and all but... no thank you!! If you think homosexuality is a choice then you are more deluded than you think....

::use my guest map::

Saw Six Feet Under last night. It is better than ever!! Love it!!

::use my guestmap::

Work dull. Had lunch with Ben and That Girl. Walked home and it was really nice, sunny but cool, and I was so cheerful!! Home still stressful. Oh well I will survive (*Jae goes off singing and dancing a certain song, very camply!!*)

::use my guestmap::

Had to listen to my voice during an evaluation today. I sound camper than I expected.... oh well...

Oh by the way, hardly worth mentioning, why not, if you feel like it, use my guestmap? Not that I am bothered or anything...

Come Fly With Me

Okay so I rearranged my links, in readiness for a whole new set of regular reads. To all those who I took off my list, sorry but there were just too many!!

Anyway note: my new Folkestone section. Thinking of getting rid of Flobble and sending it to the great DreamPortal in the sky.

Does anyone use my new guestmap? No, so go use it!!! It is so easy!!

So you think things are getting better do you? Part three of many....

The Soho bombing. Need I say more. No as you can find out the details here.

All readers must read this

And please read this boys blog and his Monday 15th July post and see how much "better" things are.

No matter how small the incident of homophobia, stamp it out. Re-evaluate your opinions, are you homophobic? Even I am trying to remove any latent homohomophobia. So you can as well!!

Somebody Find Me Someone To Love...

Today I started on my early shifts (thats 08:00 - 16:15) and I had lunch with Ben, Emily and That Girl. Got alift home with Emily, she is a doll. At lunch Ben told us how he has no friends, due mainly to homophobia and bitchiness. And I felt so sorry for him. I so wanted to say "I'll be your mate." I mean I need more gay friends, he needs more mates (period). Perfect?

Reasons why I didn't:

1) I am a boring old fart that I am sure Ben gets so very tired of each day...
2) I fancy him. Not a very solid basis for a fair and equal friendship. And likely to cause me mental anguish.
3) And we live in Shepway. What is there to do???

Anyway on a related note, I reached the end of my tether today. I have a large man shaped hole in my life (oh please you have such a dirty mind, dear reader!!) and it is getting to me. I can't cope without a relationship. When I ran away to France me and Stephen were on a break. When I was "ill" me and Colin had parted.

I need someone else in my life, I feel like half a person without a boyfriend. I don't care about the sex (much...) I just want someone to chat to. I am now officially entering "Jae on the pull" mode. Watch out world. Jae is on the prowl. (*readers giggle at hilarity of the idea that Jae might manage to pull in Folkestone*)





take the cher test.


and go to mewing.net. because laura isn't cher.


Thank You Montgomeri

What makes a good night out?

I am never quite sure.....

I know for a few months over the winter I was really into clubbing and I suppose I thought that did. But each summer I remember what makes a really good night out. I have since about February gone off clubbing in a big way.

The best nights I have ever had comprise a few key features....

1) you must be with friends, people who you are comfortable enough around to enjoy the silences as well as the loud times.

2) you must be outside. This is key. I am Wiccan and during the summer there is nothing I like better than being out.... And contrary to popular belief Britian has nice summers... (the Green Festival in Mote Park was sooooo cool!!)...

3) Random bods..... they are usually friends of friends who turn out to be great fun and a good laugh... And as you are very unlikely to meet them again, you don't need to be hung up on impressing them..

4) plenty of food and drink. the night out must start at about 11am when you head off and finish only after the fire and the Bbq have turned to ash around 3am.

5) the music should be groovy but not overpowering... Morcheeba or Garbage.... Something summery and light.... it should be in the background while you have that deep conversaton about politics followed by a round of "what's your fav sex positon?" and then the telling of the "funny" story involving you, a cucumber and a trip to a&e....

6) you shouldn't get too drunk!!!! A few beers here and there and there will probably be some hash going round (not that I have any) and it should be mellow, not drunken

7) random trips to shops/beach/tattoo parlour are encouraged.... as long as you are only away from garden/beach party for no more than 15 minutes.. any longer and you will be alienated...unless you have a cool story to explain your abscence

What is your idea of a good night out? Leave a message!!

H.M.S. Diet Coke and the Purple Penguin

Chris and Zoe came round and whisked meoff to Dymchurch beach (which I was only talking about last blog!!). We wandered along, got wet in a stream (well I did the others cleverly jumped it) and then set forth the H.M.S. Diet Coke on its maiden voyage. Said can floated well so we set it on a second voyage in a faster stream. Then it got beached. We thought it was done for but then after much jumping up and down and sand throwing we unbeached it. Sadly one of Chris' shoes was lost to the great river. :o( We salute you shoe!! Then after traversing a patch of sinking sand we heard Claire screaming "Jason" from the sea wall.

She was out with her youth group and Zoe and Chris mentioned how drunk and camp I was last night :o(
Was I that camp? tell me I can take it.

Then we went to the amusements and I won a Purple Penguin called Bananas from a grab machine. Now you know how I spent my time in Brighton, winning cuddly toys on the pier (*hugs Honey*). Gave it to Zoe.

Fun night.

Highlight: Zoe randomly going "You know, I don't think seagulls wee." :o)

Songs That Mean Stuff

Yes here it is the (non) definitive list of songs that bring back memories and what those memories are.... (note there are a lot more than this!!)

"Holiday" by Madonna. This song is the first song I remember and brings back memories of being a child, and of Melly-Mels.

"Lovefool" by the Cardigans and "Head Over Feet" by Alanis. These songs remind me of my 1997 trip to Italy. This trip marked the beginning of my homosexual awakening. It was really nice, sunny weather and these songs remnd me of a carefree, happy time in my life.

"Frozen" by Madonna and "Mulder and Scully" by Catatonia. Reminds me of my first crush on the Sixth Former. I would listen to these while doing my paper round, and they aren't exactly happy or depressive memories. The lines:

"Things are getting strange,
I'm starting to worry,
This could be a case for Mulder and Scully"

are very appropriate!!

"Come Back To What You Know" by Embrace (that title sounds familiar...) is the song that reminds me of my time at Saga my crush on Adam the internal mail man, and my descent into my first depression, liable to make me cry.....

"Sweet Like Chocolate" by ? and "Summer Girls" by LFO. The best summer of my life!! Being on Dymchurch beach or having a random garden party, or making out with Colin while my mates all get stoned out of their heads (Jae looks on disapprovingly in between kissing :o) ) That summer was so hot and funky. Liable to make me dance even worse than usual...

"Stomp" by Steps. Mine and Stephens tune.......

"Maybe an Angel" by Heather Nova. Will make me cry, this is the song that I spent the days after Melly-Mels died listening to.....

So I have told you some of mine, why not tell me some of yours. If you have read this leave a note in my comments with a song that means something to you.....






Which incarnation of Kylie are you?

Thanks to Gay, Dead Or Canadian for this...

The Day Of Two Birthdays

I am so no drunk okay!!

OK so me and Pete completely missed each other!!

This gave me a chance to observe really cute gorgeous guy across road who I never see in winter but who spends his summer half naked and so obviuosly looking for a good shag (from me of course... or not). What does he do all year, as he lives exactly next door yet I obsessive Jae never see him!!

But in the end we got a taxi to Lyminge and I bought Elliot a card and a "Amazing Maze". Pet6e bought a crazy wizard hat. As we walked from taxi on Lyminge high street I checked to ensure I had my wallet. I did but Pete had forgotten hat!!!! I loudly proclaimed taxi driver was an idiot. Just as taxi driver pulled up to give Pete his hat....... whoops!!

Any way John and Elliot was at Elliot's birthday, plus his sister Lydia. His mum gave everyone hello and goodbye kisses (how brave!!) and there was jelly, beer and pass the parcel. I got a crazy bird song maker and a fart whistle.

Then after watching "Chasing Amy" ( a straight mans fantasy movie.....in which a lesbian turns hetro) we got a taxi to Hawkinge and Sarah's birthday BBQ.

She was drunk, one of her normal friends was (I hate to bswear but I m drunk) fuckable....

We (Me, Pete, Elliot, John, Laura, Zie and Chris) scared her sae friends.

Highlight: "Why are you so wierd Jason?" says Elliot

"I am not wierd just gay" says Jae

Whole party bursts out in laughter....

Update

Following the last post Elliot invited me to his birthday thingy so I shall go buy him a card and something random (porn?) and get a taxi up to his.

Feeling nostalgic. Listening to Madonna's Ray of Light album ("Substitute for Love"). I am in love. Goddam it. Feels like 1998 all over again!! Although 1998 is like the second best year of my life so far so that isn't a bad thing!!

Meeting Pete in Cheriton soon...... Hear he has some interesting stories....Oh and Pete you really need to publish a story about that letter of complaint it is so so funny!! :o)

Jae Is At A Loss

OK so I have the weekend off. And have nothing to do. Any ideas? I am so bored. At least at work I get bored while doing stuff.

And I really need a boyfriend. Really, really need one. I haven't been without one since the very beginning of 1999. Colin, Mark, and Stephen. Plus random bods who I wouldn't call boyfriends ;o)

I feel slightly lost, not depressed or anything just wandering around with little to do. Pottering around the house making a fuss of my babies (that is my cats for my non regular readers).

Save me before I do the hoovering or something.....

Run Away!!

Today at work was boring, lunch with Ben and That Girl (must find out her name). Ben told me he had thrown up earlier on. We also discovered that we were known as "The Gay Ones" and are considered a couple (not in a love way as in a couple of mates who are always together). Alex joins us, and Ben stops reading my Gay Times hands it back to me making sure that Alex sees the cover (porn star). He justs loves outing me!!!

Then....

18:00 Jae awakes mid call when old lady starts saying "Hello anyone there? You ok love?" and sees Ben is missing, but computer still on.... he must be on a break.

18:30 Jae sees Ben still not there, starts to worry that Ben might be throwing up on toilets and there was no one to help him....

19:00 Jae decides Ben might be dead, starts to enquire of Reena where he is. She doesn't know.

19:58 Jae really worrying, evil call comes in (Mat had cancelled someone booking!!). Goes to supervisor to ask advice while there, informed by the Second Most Boring man In the World (who sees I am worried out of my small little mind) that Ben is fine just gone home ill. That Girl asks "Who is ill?" "Ben" "Oh is he the other gay.... um..... one..." Walks away looking embarassed. Jae realises he doesn't just like Ben. He has a major crush.... Slaps his own hand..... (no dirty thoughts please!!)

I am bored of being single (I know it has only been two weeks!!) and am on the look out for a relationship... (* Jae's male readers run for cover!!*).

Went out to Spoons with John, Pete, Zoe, Claire, and Chris, Pete and Chris really drunk. Me tired. They went to Indigo and I went home. Highlight: bloke with really nice arse stands nearby every so often bending over the railings.... mmmmmm nice.

Homage

As I harp on about them enough why not go visit here and pay homage to the legend that was Shaven Haven!!!

Wow, Great Night Out

So yesterday at work...... Becky and Mat failed to turn up as they had gone done Indigo and were suffering hangovers. My mentor Valerie paid me a visit with some evaluation she had done on my calls. I got 77.74% coming second in the group, Ben beat me with 78%.

Realised John Pierce is in the running for Most Boring Man In The World when he spent lunch reading a dutch magazine to me, Ben and that new temp girl I had lunch with the day before. Ben confided in me "The people here are really getting me down...." pauses, "...not you, of course" Seems his team won't really talk to him, and he is thinking of leaving. :o( He also told me he is thinking of doing a Jae (not in that way you dirty people...) and run off to France on his own for a while.... I hope I haven't started a trend among young Shepway people.....

Ben left at 7pm (an hour early how did he manage that!!!), and after work I got home tried on my nifty new jeans (woohoo) and then rushed out with Chris, Zoe and Pete to the Happy Frenchman. The times before when I have been there (Shaven Haven gigs and the like) I have always found it dead dull, filled with old people.But not last night!! Everyone I have ever known, and then who have fallen off the radar were there. Chris Bassant (Lynda at work is his mums best friend) and Chris Dunham from school. Some random bods I had once spent a day stuck in a bus in a car park with. In France.... Sam Johnson, a couple of gay blokes I recognised. Some of the FOD crew (drama people who frequent Gee's)... oh and of course I finally all too briefly met Emmsy of blogging fame!!! Check my links if you don't read her blog. And there was this guy there who was the spit of CD. Oh he was fine!!

Cool people, brilliant band, really cute guys (some actually gay), people with actual fashion sense. I had a really great night. Me and Pete hatched tentative plans for a complete reinvention. Got home had a reheated pizza, chatted about deep shite with Tony, went to bed happy.

Mum is back from Scotland highly stressed.... major stressoroni...

Picture of MT on back of Herald me happy......

And Happy Birthday Emily

I got to work yesterday and there was new trainee buddied up with Jackie. She said hello to me, and I said hi back kind of confused why she had greeted me. She transferred to Lynda right next to me, and I realised I recognised her voice, it was Steph Wright!! Felt mildly embarassed I hadn't noticed her.....

The High Commissioner phoned up Ben to complain they had recieved a com fax. Ben told them I had sent it. I mentioned "The Secret Life of the Office" to Lynda and then Reena joined then suddenly the call centre came alive with people proclaiming how they could never work for that bloke.

Had lunch with Ben, one of the new temps who started with Alex and the most boring man in the world. Me and Ben discussed whether we were going to come out to our teams... they are already asking questions. I said I would. I have nothing to hide have I? We discussed Emily's birthday. Someone from Snodland who knows my family phoned up!!

After work at 20:00 me and Ben rushed to Tesco's got Emily a card each (mine was of course a naked muscled himbo) and grabbed a taxi for Spoons. We meet Ross (an experienced agent whos started again on the same day we did), Mat and his laddish mates. I went to get another drink, saw Becky, Emily, Susanna and a few random bods at the bar. Then I meet Rhys Griffiths and Terry Sharp from school had a good natter with them. Me and Ben joined the girls, Becky and Emily confirmed they would not tell Ben anything. And I headed off for gees in another taxi.

Pete, Laura and Sophie (three people I haven't seen in a while) were here. It was great seeing them although Laura seemed depressed which brought me down a little. Got home and had a very surreal dream. Of late I have dreams and I actually remember them. Odd.

Off to work soon.

Happy Birthday Sarah

Before the serious stuff.....

Happy Birthday Sarah!! Where has she been?

And I forgot to say but yesterday I had a phone conversation with the High Commissioner of the United Republic of Cameroon. As you can imagine this made me happy..... but I have yet to tell anyone as I keep forgetting!!!

So you think things are getting better do you? Part two of many

The scene: A country where same sex relationships have been decriminalised. Two young men, both aged 17, are arrested by police on suspicion of having sex in a car park at a secluded beach (hardly a crime at all in my opinion). They are forced to strip and are beaten with an iron bar ruthlessly. At the police station, they are subjected to homophobic insults, are not allowed to put on their underwear, and are refused permission to contact relatives or lawyers.

May I remind you these are 17 year old boys. Imagine how scared you would be.

There is a subsequent investigation of the incident, but the official conclusion, some 16 months later, is that no cruel, inhumane or degrading treatment has been meted out to anyone in custody.

Where did this happen? Why the "idyllic" holiday destination of the Bahamas. This country survives on tourism, so every visitor there is in reality supporting the continuation of homophobia. Support Freedom and Justice and don't go on holiday to openly homophobic countries.

And if you think this only happens in other countries.....think again. Thank you Duncan for the link.

The ETCC Rules!!

I just saw "The Secret Life Of The Office". It is about life in a call centre. The company was 'Holiday Autos' and the managing director was a mad, crazy control freak, who seemed to hurt his business more than he helped. The call centre staff looked harassed and unhappy. The male managers using gimmicks like alcohol to bring about short term increase in sales.

I work for a company who run the busiest rail service, in the world. Yet our call centre is always a calm and pleasant place to work. If you make a mistake, you are corrected gently, and promptly in a helpful way. Everyone is kind and thoughtful. The call centre supervisors (mostly women) are always there to help if you go wrong.

Deduction: women make better managers than men.

Oh woe is me.... shut up!!

OK I think you have probably all had enough of my wallowing in self pity, so I won't do it anymore (tell you about it anyway!).

Work was so dull. Had lunch with Ben when I discovered me and Emily were the first people (except his sister and his boyfriend) who he told was gay. Rather proud. :o)

So many stupid/nasty people phone up!! Thinking of recording their details and stalking them. Had my calls monitored today. Told I was doing well. Alex (not Rebecca!!) the new girl made terrible booking errors yesterday and today I had to clean it up. Joy!!

Radio Conspiracy

OK so we've had "Lovefool" by the Cardigans, which sent me off to venice (1997) where me, Sam Markram and Tom Quaye were attempting to get to the coach before it left (across Venice!!), then we've got "Truly Madly Deeply" by Savage Garden.

That sent me off to 1998 and my paper round and coming to terms with being gay and desperately hoping that I'd see the Sixth Former that day at school.

Not having a very good day. Leaving for work now. :o\

Half An Hour Later

Lyte Funky Ones "Summer Girls" has just been on the radio and now I really am properly depressed today. I miss my friends of 1999. Colin and the like. We had so much fun. Then they left to get themselves lives and I stayed. And me and Colin broke up and I don't think I ever quite recovered from that.

One minute I had a cute boyfriend and good friends . The next they were gone. Jenny went to Machester. Colin to Glasgow. The other six went off to their unis too. And now I only see them once a year for our reunion. And "Summer Girls" is played like a hundred times, it was the soundtrack for the best year of my life so far.

And now I am left to ponder, my day at work is going to be shit. And I haven't got Colin to talk to about it. And I haven't got Jenny or Caroline to mess about with to cheer me up. My current mates are great. But... I can't communicate properly with them (not their fault, it's my fault!!)

Is there I chance I might just pop out of existence today? Please say there is. The ground could swallow me up and I would welcome it today.....

Stressed Out

In highly stressed, likely to kill, mood. I have a hangover from yesterday to deal with (my fault entirely) and now I another kind of headache at work to face. The Fallout from John's accidental mention that I fancied Ben (again my fault I should never have wrote it here).

I believe Emily and Becky are trustworthy. But I also believe all humans are fallible. Emily and Ben are very close and it's only a matter of time before he finds out, and I lose yet another gay friend. :o( It will become all arkward and I'll withdraw into myself again. I may fancy him but I never suggested I wanted to go out with him or anything. And now just for saying that I am going to have an awful couple of days.....

Depressed and grumpy.

Take the Purity Test
#
My Results

We have calculated that you are 34 % impure
Saint: Hmmm - suspiciously pure! Are you sure you're being honest with yourself? There's nothing wrong with being careful - but don't be scared to experiment. Get ready to live a little…

Hey I'd like a recount!! :o)

Cat Out Of The Bag

So I almost walked to spoons but feeling so bored I decided to get taxi. Elliot and John were there, Pete, Chris and Zoe had done a runner. Becky, Emily and Susanna arrived. Susanna was a girl who went to school with Emily and Becky and started with the new temps today. Males from said new temps were very cute.....

Anyway I got very drunk, (stilll am) went to Leas with Elliot and John while the girls stayed at spoons, git lift home with Johnns mum.

At spoons John let slip that I fancy Ben. Thank you so much John.... Now he will know within 24 hours!!! Oh well I am drunk so right now I don't care. But I will later on!!!!!

Shrek and Other Such Fun

Last night went out with Chris and Zoe, "flew" a kite (as well as you can when it stays on the ground), and then went round Chris' house to watch Shrek (which of course I watch every chance I get). Nice night, thank you guys.

The story below really is just one of many. I want to remind people that homophobia (big and small) stills exist and that we still must watch out. Please remember in no country do gay men and lesbians have the same rights as heterosexuals. Only in South Africa do we approach it. That's NO COUNTRIES!!! That is unforgivable.

Today at work had lunch with Ben, swapped mags with Ben and discussed the worst example of homophobia we could imagine, A fate worse than death. That is coming tomorrow.

Got a lift home with Ben and his dad and I think I am supposed to be going out right now, am so very tired.....

So You Think Things Are Getting Better Do You? - Part One Of Many

At first, the cyclist thought it was a scarecrow. Bound to a fence post in the middle of the Wyoming nowhere, what else was it going to be? Only when he got closer, he realised it wasn't a scarecrow at all. It was a person. A man. Well, a boy really. A 21-year-old of around 5'2" and eight stone. He was unconcious, broken. He had no shoes on. There was a deep gash in his head. The boy's face was covered in blood save only for those tracks cleared by his own tears.

Matthew Shepard had been tied to the post at the end of a dirt track, he hands fastened behind his back. He had been beaten with fists and pistol whipped. The boys who tortured him- Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson- stole his credit card and his shoes and left him for dead in the cold dead of an October night.

But he was alive. He lived for 5 days, his parents by his side. On October 12th 1998 he died, the first day of America's National Gay Awareness Week.

Shepard had been to his local unis LGBT meeting and after failing to persuade any one there to go the rowdy Fireside Bar and Lounge he was given a lift home. No one knows what porsessed him to then leave his house and go to the Bar on his own.

McKinney later told his girlfriend "a guy had walked up to him and said he was gay and wanted to get with Aaron and Russell. I got aggravated with him and didn;'t want anythoing to do with him." Later the two bigots decided to pretend to be gay and lure the naive and emotionally scarred Shepard with promises of sex and then rob him. They took him out into the wilds, stole his card, took his shoes to slow him if he escaped, and battered him to unconsciousness because..... they could.

They were on their way to rob his house when they got in another fight they got life sentences and the girlfriends were charged with accessory to murder. Shepard, a HIV+ boy who once on a school trip to Morocco had been gang raped by six men on his way to his hotel, never came back to conciousness.

At his funeral, while his parents were present, Baptists protested with signs such as "Fags Die. God laughs" and "Matt Burns In Hell".

And some gay men have the audacity to say things like "I am gay but that isn't important" or "I am no flag waver". (Will Young and Scott Mills I am looking at you). Shepards mum says of Matthew: "He wasn't a saint. He was just a young man in search of himself. He was special because he was gay. Because he has always been different, that difference made him more thoughtful and empathetic."

In his search Matt was like many other gay men, who are happy living their lives, no matter how difficult the circumstances.

Support Freedom and Justice.

Am really pissed off now

Why do frigging internet people think they can pass judgement on me?

That stupid stalker bloke who I told you about, he IMs me and I had forgotton about him (his air of mystery was so boring). Then he gives me my home address then passes comment on my relationship with Stephen. Well sorry mate but even my friends and readers don't know the whole story. He has really pissed me off saying "Oh you sure know how to treat people" and the like. Am in a really nasty horrible, scream and shouting kind of mood now.

I don't go around suggesting things about the bloggers I meet and i certainly don't expect some internet stalker to pass judgement on me..... I hate this fucking world hope all these nasty people die horrible painful deaths.

Is their a word to describe being really, really, really bored?

Last night was nice I went round Zoe's to watch The Mummy Returns, with her and her brother. There simply wasn't enough half naked men fighting to keep me interested. But it was a nice night any way.

Zoe told me rumours that Pete is "stuck to a ceiling in Belgium". Sadly it is all too believeable....

Today work started at 08:00 and was so slow. Dave dumped Becky by text. She was upset not in a crying wringing "look at me" kind of way, but in a far deeper, and poignant way. She told me stuff that I can't reveal but I really felt for her and offered the best help that I could.

On 11:45-20:00 shifts Mon-Fri. Joy.....

Starting tomorrow (it is Europride day today) I shall begin a feature to show you why Pride is still important in the 21st century. Starting with the Matt Shepard story...

Especially For You: A Really Long Post

Well I never have got round to telling you about what happened to me in between my suicide threats in Rome and my reappearance in this shitty little town did I? So here it is in full and only slightly edited (for the first part check out my January posts)....

I got up really early in the Hotel Scott House and packed up my stuff. I was really, really stressd out. Using my ticket I purchased the day before I boarded the train bound for Milan. An old lady sat opposite me and all was quiet until....

....a group of Italian students arrived, two sat in my booth and the rest took over the carriage. They were doing some sort of project in some town (Regina something or other) and were still doing it as they travelled. It involved going through a magazine and randomly circling things.

Well that was how it appeared. Travelling back through the snow (I never thought it snowed in Italy!) I became heavily involved in helping the students, well they literally dragged me into their group and adopted me against my better judgement. So for four hours I was happy, completely forgetting how depressed I was. Well I did have cute Italian guys to watch and joke around with. They were all so nice.

They got off just before Milan and I was left alone. In Milan I literally had to work my socks off to get on to a train to Paris. I had to go 1st class as it was full which meant I had no money left. I spent the trip (by TGV I was so pleased to see one again) in a small compartment with 4 businessman and a confused American rich student who constantly had to ask me things like "Wheres the loo?" "Do they have a food cart?" Despite my pointing to the large picture signs which were simple to understand he never grasped the idea that the toilets were right next to us.

I arrived in Paris at about 11pm. I had been travelling for over 15 hours, the TGV had broken down on the way. I had no money. No room. And no chance to contact mum until the morning. So I travelled the metro to the Gare du Nord, and wandered around until 4am.

While I was wandering I entered the Moulin Rouge district. I was offered sex shows 15 time and sex 5. I was plied with British (!) women and everything. I ran away from there!!

At 4am the Gare du Nord opened for Eurostar crossings so I sought refuge there. Myself, a mad Swedish gent, a lovely Dutch expat living in Spain and a really ugly homeless man crowded round platform 10s (I think thats the number) standing radiator. The Swedish bloke was very intelligent and when a Japanese family joined us he chatted away in Japanese. He left then the Duth lady and I discused cats until I pointed out her train and we parted. Sadly said train was in fact going in completely the wrong direction. (Hope she is ok....)

After discussing with my mum money she promised to get 40 pounds in my account by 10am.

It quickly became apparent that there was more to platform 10 than meet the eye. I was being cruised. I consulted my Spartacus international gay guide and low and behold, platform 10 was a gay cruising area.

The people around the radiator changed and I was chatting with a gay guy when two boys of about 15 arrived lugging really heavy bags. They looked at me and the bloke (Jean) and then began kissing in a rather heated way, in an attempt to get a reaction. They were obviously out to make a point. Me and jean exchanged looks of "Ah bless, how sweet"

Then two old ladies started kicking up a fuss telling the boys off, making the bigger one get protective of the more effeminate one. Me and Jean told them to leave it but they went and got one of the gendarmes with their army escorts. They came over told the old ladies off for making a nusicance and left. :o)

The boys left, heading for a run away attempt to Amsterdam. I mentally wished them all the luck in the world and felt my spirits lifted by such a sweet couple. I really wished I had done something like that when I was 15.

Around 11 I got my money and a ticket for a train at 16:00.

At 13:00 a small bomb exploded, but no one seemed to care. France is a strange place.

I got my Eurostar to Calais, another train into town, I joined a group of foolish day trippers who I helped get home as they had no idea how to get the port. On the bus the driver looked at me, smiled and said "You again, enjoy your trip did you?"

The ferry took ages and I got home so late. Mum came and picked me up from Dover station and was so over dramatic, and then I was home in my bed, and my travel bag was falling to pieces and I couldn't stay awake any longer. My adventure had ended.....for the time being.....

I'm Bored

It's Mardi Gras today!!! Beginning of the Pride season. I will be going to Brighton on 11/08/02.

Tried phoning Zoe but she was still asleep (lazy!! :o) )

I went to town and bought Gay Times and Attitude. Saw Annie and Elliot. Caused a minor riot in WHSmiths as lots of daily Mail readers rushed to get away from my purchases.

Just seen that Skuba has made it into the Gay Times index. Pah. It smells. Service is horrendous, and the bar staff really are rude.

Jae Goes Solo

Amazing but true, I went out with people who are not my normal group of mates!! I got to Skuba just on time, but Ben was half an hour late. I didn't see Emma until she was outside when I saw her walking away with a bloke and a girl. You were looking particularly cool Emma. :o)

Anyhew me and Ben decided Skuba was too boring and the clientele too predictable so we went to the Leas Club and found Mat, Becky and her boyfriend Dave. Mat is such a lad, which is funny. We all went to 'Spoons and then Mat and his mates went off done Indigo, and Becky discussed how camp I am of late and how it took Mat a week to realise I was gay. He he he.

Anyway Dave is far nicer than Becky made out, he seems to have a real nice sense of humour. He reminds me of Richard from uni. Ben spent the night on the phone to his boyfriend or trying to decide whether to say hi to John Pierce. He did.

Gota go seems Mister Scooby has brought me another gift..... a dead smelly mouse......

A Mixed Bag

Okay so this morning was awful. I was on my own as Lynda was away and got so bored i resorted to actually doing paperwork, god damn it.....

Lunch time perked me right up tho. Chatted with becky and Dave and we got Mat a birthday card. He was dead chuffed. Saw Emily and Kat. And Ben positively ordered me to go to Skuba with him tonight, at 19:30. The afternoon came and i felt much better, i chatted to the new temp, Rebecca, who starts properly on Monday, and tried to give myself an air of maturity. She said i sounded really good on the phones. At which point Ben popped over, pasted a post-it with his phone number on my head and throw milky buttons at me. My air of maturity was gone.

Ben proceeded to go round everyone in the centre and hand out what appeared to be alimitless supply of buttons. Amazing.

Mister Alan is back!!! Good news!!

And thanks to Matthew for this:-




I'm Vintage Madonna, who are you? Madonna Quiz by Turi.

Paste the code into my comments and tell which one you are!!

Mister Alan, where fort are you?

Mister Alan has closed his blog. I'd just like to put on a record that I am very upset about this. Mister Alan thank you so much for the hilarious accounts of your goings on. Come visit sometimes.

Oh What A Drag

Did nothing last night. Did get a phone call from Aaron which was rather random. Work really dragged on and with no ben and Becky on different shift patterns to me I have spoken to only Lynda (she sits next to me today) in the "real world" today. And all that was was her telling me off (sweetly) about eating chocolate and drinking coke.

Oh well. Use my new funky guest map people!! Thank you Matthew

My Solemn Promise

I promise from now on to be the nicest I can possibly be. I wipe the slate clean. If I have disliked you before now it's time for a fresh start. Today in the chat rooms (it's my day off) I met some really nasty gay blokes. I refuse to be like them.

Forgive me if I have hurt you. Let's start again shall we? And if I meet any nasty people I shall go out of my way to ensure I don't let them get to me and if they do that I ensure they never get at anyone else ever again. Nasty people beware. I have had enough.

So big big hugs to everyone. Leave a comment and say hi!!!!

It's Got To Be Perfect

"It's got to be perfect,
It's got to be worth it
Too many people take second best,
But I won't take anything less"
"Perfect" - Fairground Attraction

I know everyone knows I am gay. But still I sometimes forget. Not the sexuality part, but how I identify and who with.

In the past I have been a bit of homohomophobe. This is a term I saw Matt Lucas use to describe those gay men who are prejudiced against camp men and avoid leading a gay social life. When I used to go out to the gay bars in Canterbury with Stephen, you would find me chatting and laughing with the straights and the lesbians, while Stephen went off with his gay friends.

I realise now my self imposed isolation from the gay community in the interests of social inclusion with straights was a big mistake. In the last few weeks I have begun to realise how lonely I feel since losing all my gay mates. It is not depressing me as such it's just suddenly I understand what is missing in my life.

My straight mates are great and I wouldn't want to lose them. But I also need to spread my wings, rediscover the "chicken" inside myself. I apologise to the gay men I have ignored simply because I wanted to avoid the gay ghetto and I warn those gay men who are bitchy and cruel, Jae is back on the scene and he ain't going to let you hurt him this time....

Ben was telling me he has no friends in his home town (homophobia is rife on Romney Marsh as everywhere in this country) and asked if he could come out with me. Why, I think it's time to give him a call, don't you?

In other news the strange bloke who emailed me, I think I know who it is. Shall keep you informed. And if you hven't checked out my links recently, why not? There's loads of newish links there. Go visit.

Toblerone Mischief

Work really dragged yesterday as there were hardly any calls and most of the calls were price enquiries. Had lunch with Becky, me and Evil Fat Bitch are now at least on rolling eye terms, and one bloke phoned up and asked (this is a car shuttle service may I add) "Are driving licenses important?"

I walked home with a spring in my step not realising until I got to my street that I had walked all the way home with very limp wrists. I have begun to notice I slip more and more each day into campness. Nothing wrong with it, but it's strange how quickly it has turned up.

I went out with Annie, Zoe and Pete to the Leas Club, saw Becky again, then I saw Elliot. It seemed to take the others longer to spot him despite the fact he seemed to be on fire. Any way John, Elliot and, I have been told Ed arrived. We left. After discovering a whole, brand new alley way, we headed for Gees. Saw Sonia, who was excited about her new computer publishing abilities, Pete had a really nice drink (mmmm aniseed), and Zoe had some chips (mmmmm chips).

Pete gave me a belated birthday present!! A giant Toblerone!!!!! Woo Hoo!! Yummie Yums.....

Annie told me about a party she went to last night at the hockey club. Guess who was djing? MT himself!!!! And I saw his big (and he is very well tall, and broad shouldered) brother Andrew the other day, who is just as gorgeous....Spent the night reminding myself... MT is not to be lusted over.....

Absolute Randomness

I had a very random night last night. Claire, Pete, me, Zoe and Chris drove around for ages trying to find something to do that didn't involve Wetherspoon's. We went to Dover, Samphire Hoe (thats all the rubbish from Eurotunnel dumped in the sea, given a new name and calleda nature reserve), discovered Pete's lush new phone works in tunnels and ended up at Claire's via some cheese stick buying. (They are delicious)

Chris and Zoe went as they were tired or something and me, Pete and Claire went into her house. Sometime in the evening Claire's German students who are staying for a couple of weeks came in and asked "Is Michael Howard a good MP?" Thus we all dispensed some good bits of wisdom "He is a bastard" "He takes from the poor and gives to the rich" etc. Completely unbiased of course.....

Claire's mum, bless her, gave me a lift home. Six Feet Under just gets better. Last night's involved the ghost of a gang leader dispensing advice to David on coming out and not being "no ones bitch". QUALITY.

Wanna Be In Mister Scooby's Gang?

Today, after a few weeks of rejection from Angel, Mister Scooby decided that I am to be his new best friend. So today I was not best pleased to find while seating down a "nice" "gift" lying between my feet. It was a dead mouse. Cheers Scoob's. Bring me Tom Welling next time okay? :o)

Mum, the troublesome car and her depression have left the building. She is spending her first few days at her new job at HQ up in Worchester, so she is away. Leaving me in the company of Tony and the Twins. As you can imagine, I am so happy.

Or Not.

My first full day of proper work. There is a lady on my team who has so got it in for me, for no reason. This has cheered me up immensely. You see now I have someone who I can annoy endlessly. She will wish she never started on the New and Improved Jae. I only like nice people.

Me and Becky are so pleased to be on the same team. It really helps. We have a little extra safety net. Ben is on the team next to us and sits next to one of the Pierce twins (from the year above me at school). Pierce is so gay. And Ben thinks he is cute. Poor deluded Ben..... Jeremy is cute!!

Becky, me and Ben went to lunch together in what appears to be a hidden break room. No one else EVER goes there.

Much happier today.

It Has Been A Very Horrible Day

Everyone here is depressed, except me, which means I am in yet another really angry, ready to tear off some ones head/arms/legs mood. Not even got a Toblerone to cheer me up, and even if I did I wouldn't eat it as I have lost my appetite completely.

But to remain cheerful I decided to get an online birth chart reading. Here are some excerpts....

.....Be sure to reward the loyalty you value.... It's easy to enjoy new duties and routines. You can improve your sense of well being. Take pleasure in new experience. Personal relations get better now.... Consider abstract subjects. Make a dream come true.... Rather than plunging into a bottomless pit, keep your eye on self-transformation.........

.........TIP: Your power is volcanic Jason. Within you is a crucible of creation................

.........Altogether, you prefer to deal with pleasant realities. When you're under too much emotional stress, you vacillate and procrastinate, especially when it has something to do with money. Occassionally you can become ultra aggressive when feeling emotionally or physically cornered...............

...........You need partnership, including mental compatibility. When your primary relationship is going well, you're most happy, when it's not you are most unhappy............

Not The Way It Seems

After re-reading my last few posts I get the feeling some people may think I am depressed or something. I am not!! Just very annoyed with myself for allowing myself to start fancying Ben. So no need to worry, okay?

Debbie Debs and Tony have gone to France today.... I am guessing a big Toblerone gift is on its way... joy!!!!

Mum On A Rampage

Mum got a new car on Friday as she starts a new job on Monday. She is very proud of it. Now it would seem George was throwing stones yesterday and one accidently hit mum's car. She found out today. She is in one of her moods (this happens every weekend) and has made George feel really awful.

It was when she said, "You never threw stones did you Jason?" to me in front of George that I went mad. I have more important things to do than put up with more of her silly mind games. I shouted at her, berated her, told her george hadn't meant to do it and to let it go!! My anger is increased ten fold.

While babysitting last night I went onto the gay chat rooms, places I haven't been in years. It's nice to talk with other guys about politics and sex etc. Calmed me down. Pride Season starts on the 6th with London Mardi Gras. Anyone wanna come to Brighton Pride on the 11th of August? All welcome.

A Mystery

Hello, okay I just got an email from a guy called Mark. He says he knows me and he knows I was once known as Jason Martindale. Here is his profile.

Member Name: Mark
Location: Atlantis
Sex: Male
Marital Status: Single & Fabulous
Hobbies: Erm... DIY
Computers: Lap - Top
Occupation: Student
Personal Quote: Loaded with cum & cash

Who is he? How does he know me? Only bloke i remember called Mark who would know my email is my first well shag..... But he wouldn't have known me as jason martindale. I am very confused. I haven't been called that since I was about 10.

Jae Flips Out

I went shopping today with Chris, pete, John and Zoe where Pete got a brand spanking new phone, which is the exact one that Ben has. While purchasing aXm from WHSmith the cashier attempted to make conversation, but I blanked her, I had other things on my mind (more of which in a mo). Said cashier turned out to be the lovely Annie. Sorry Annie, really sorry. I really didn't realise it was you.

I can't sleep, I can't eat, I am in a really angry mood with myself. I even turned away a chinese take away, mum's clever effort to cheer me up. I think people should know me well enough by now to guess... Jae has another obsession. Ben. I am absolutely in a rage with myself for letting it happen, and am glad I won't be seeing him very often now as otherwise I would go mad with obsessiveness. Yet again I fancy the most unattainable man possible. So right now I am babysitting B and G in a really bad mood. Always my mind and heart set out to make life hellish for myself. Grrr...

Incidently Pete introduced me to a new spelling of Jay which I really like. Jae rules!!!

All Sobered Up

Time for a sober account of last night. Me and Pete went to Skuba as planned. Lee greeted us "Hello Ladies" and we had a nice time, with dancing lesbians, camp barmen and some really nice people at the bar who chatted to me when ever I went up there. This was quite often.

Becky, Emily and Ben arrived and we moved on to the Leas Club. Becky and Emily were already drunk, and i was well on my way there. Meet John in Leas. Becky and Ben kept asking me, quite cruelly, "where do you find your friends?", which I didn't justify with an answer.

I went to the loo and Ben went with me, to chat, he wouldn't let me leave him alone in there as straights scare him. Me and Ben with little regard for my mates, ran to catch up with the girls who were already well on their way down the hill to the clubs. I feel in a hole. Embarassing.

Ben couldn't get into the club because he was wearing trainers, and my interest in the night ended. Got really bored, and drunkenly angry. And John never did turn up all tho I waited up for him until 04:45.

Still Totally Fucked Up

While drunk i suppose i should be honest. do i fancy ben? no. it really is that he has final;y made me remember that str8 people are only out to hurt me (no offense meant). i am gay, and the formally hated ghetto looks veryb safe and appealing right now.

somebody save me.

Totally Fucked Up

So I am drunk right now. Oh yes, I went to skuba with pedro and that was fine. I got a little tipsy. ok so a lot tipsy. ty=hen becky, emily and ben arrivced and i was quite happy to see them., we all went to leas club, met johnny (with h, don't taslk to jon without h anymore), i went to loo where ben told me to look after him as straight blokes were around.

he informed me the girls had left for the club so we ran (with little regard for poor pete and john, sorry) to join them, i fell down hgole. got in club, ben didn't, he went home.

joined pete and john and we went beach (club) where ig ot bored and realised i was turning into "evil jason". I quickly left the club. i apologise to everyone. Evil jason took over and i remember throwing a couple of upstart rudies to the ground outsidre debenhams (they wanted fags i think). Became scary, people crossed road to avouid me. i am not in a good mood. in fact i feel like smashing things right now.

straights bore me, any help here? Can no longer bear straight places (no offence to my mates who i really like)

waiting for john, he is staying over.

TFI Friday

Surreal night last night. Check out Pete's Site for a blow by blow (no dirty thoughts please!!) account.

This morning I was paid and the evil cash machine let me have money!!!!!! Muhaha!!

I was buddied up with a lady named Jane in the morning, went to the Leas Club for lunch in Dave's car, then returned, gave Lynn a bunch of flowers, a card and a bottle of wine. I then joined my team and went LIVE on my OWN!!! Traing is now over, I am a big kid now. Had a nasty bloke on phone who made my life a living hell for 5 minutes. Bastard.

I am going out on a work night out tonight I'll probably be in Skuba if any one wants to join me. Phone me at home to arrange it if you know my number. All welcome!!

OK. OK. OK.

Got 91% on my second test and then went live. Oh yes it is now just one day between me and proper work and just the lovely Becky for company. It will be sad. I mean I will still see the group, only far less frequently.

Today the customers were arses. My buddy was a lovely French girl called Reena. Everyone was complaining and miserable. Or just plain dumb. Oh well, Reena said it was just a bad day.

This morning we did a round of "what you doing tomorrow?" I simply mentioned that I wouldn't mind going to Skuba but doubted my friends would come.

Returning from my session on the phones Becky and Emily informed me that their (+ Ben) would be going to Skuba as well. I think it was just a passing thing, not really serious. But they are definetly interested. They will also being going down the front. I shan't as my mum is too (it's her leaving do for work), and clubbing with your mum is not my idea of fun!!

I say OK way too much on the phone it's reflexsive and I really need to stop it!! And today I was told I was the most talkative of the group.

Oh and before I forget I saw Elliot at McDonalds when I went there with Becky, Emily and Ben. Pete great idea about Skuba tonight!!

Good Luck Fay

Today at lunch time Fay and I left early to "go to Tesco's". As we drove there she told me that she was leaving for a new job at ABC Holidays call centre. It was quite a shock especially as this morning Emily had been talking about people who leave during training to Lynn. It's really quite sad as I like Fay, she is intelligent and good natured. I wish her luck in her new job. She was escorted out of the ETCC after lunch by Lynn. During afternoon break me, Ben and Emily (the non-smoking group) sat round the table starring at Fay's empty seat. :o(

New temps started today. They stole our table!! Will tell them off tomorrow. They need to know their place!!

We go officially live tomorrow, and will thus probably not be together on Friday. I doubt I will see much of Ben anymore so it really is time to find myself some gay friends. Time to go to Skuba, no?!

Going Live

I became the first person in my group to handle a call!! I went live!! 9 calls to my name now (my first was an upgrade to Club Class WooHoo!!). New temps start training tomorrow so it won't be long before we must fly the nest.

We also had a test on the MARCUS computer system. Hope I did well. Went to Leas for lunch, on the way Fay stopped to get fuel so me and Ben had some time to chat "gay". We discussed how having gay friends is different to straight mates, our various trips to G.A.Y, and his rugby playing boyfriend. His life is like a fairy tale. dreams do come true.

I was buddied up with a German girl named Steph who forced me to take calls and told me how everyone was chatting about me at lunch. Grr........

Tonight was great. John, Elliot, Chris, Zoe, Pete and I went to Brookhill Country Park and had a BBQ. Zoe cooked and it was fun!! We had the whole place to ourselves. Thanks guys. Muchos gracias.

We Saw The Whole Of the Moon

Some apologies: Sorry to all those who thought I might go to 'Spoons tonight. But Zoe did ask me out before you so I kind of had to honour my agreement with her. Sorry guys.

I have just had one of those evenings that turn out to be so very unexpectedly nice. Chris, Zoe and I headed up to the East Cliff (that's near the martello towers and that great big pill box) and flew a kite, played some Snitch (a game involving a velcro ball and some velcro pads, work it out) and then went and got snacks at Sainsburys.

After that we headed for the White Cliffs of Dover and watched the ships sail in and out of port, complained as the view of France was far better from the East Cliff, and watched the red moon rise over France, spectacuarly quickly. Really peaceful and rather lovely. That was until a giant horse hornet attacked causing us to flee to the car (running, screaming like small children), which it dive bombed occassionally. A couple seemed to be doing some rather unsavoury things in the car next to us (no not actually next to us in Zoes car!!).

Hands up. Who likes their job?

Last night was dragged out last night wearing, shock horror, shorts. Went with Chris, Zoe and Pete to Pete's dads house, Macdonalds, a park, Hythe Canal, Pete's mums house (watched crystal maze). Yet another surreal night.

Work again today (really nice sunny day) and in exciting news I have been assigned a team (Jenny and some French lady surpervising) for next week and I have my first weeks shifts (early on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday).

Learnt about insurance and amendments today. I had to buddy up with a guy named Jeremy today and do all the typing during the calls. Him being cute, gay and Australian made it very hard to concentrate. As Lynn got my chair she warned me the back was loose and I shouldn't lean back in case "you end up with your legs in the air". This caused Ben so much amusement that even two hours later he was still giggling about it!!

Tracey, agancy lady, came round as she is interviewing more temps and told me off (in a jokey way!!) for being a "miserable old bastard" as I didn't acknowledge her waving to me last Wednesday when she did her rounds. I just did the "ooh err" handbags at dawn symbol and she laughed.

Becky is "annoyed". Sarcastically of course as she has the same shifts as me and we are in the same team!! By the end of this week my group will split up to join their teams and we all agree it will be a sad day.

I went to Leas Club for lunch in Kat's car. And no Karen I really don't watch BB3 anymore. It is rubbish.

Two Weeks In Review

It has almost been two weeks since I started the great "New and Improved Jason Project 2002". The first stages are complete. I have a job. I have dumped Stephen. I am shedding the final remants of my shyness. Success!!

But still to come. Jason stops bitching and starts being ultra outgoing and friendly. Jason gets a whole new, cuter boyfriend. Jason expands his group of friends to include not only the nice Folkestone lot but a fair proportion of random bods (Pete I blame you for my use of the word "bods" :o) ).

I suspect many of you think I have a crush on Ben. I don't. What I have is an obsession with the fact that I have found a gay bloke who I am not going out with/shagging. It's great, I like it. Reminds me of Uni Zoe who I used to chat with. A feeling of utter openess (FLASHBACK: did I invent the word "backness" last night?) that I am only just starting to foster with the Folkestone crew. More gay/bi/lesbian friends per favor!!

Aftermath

So I am single!! Woohoo!! But having dumped Stephen it means I now have a grand total of 0 gay friends left. I know I shouldn't care but isn't it nice sometimes to have someone on your own wave length to talk to? Having Ben at work has made me appreciate it even more. Need to get more gay friends (where the last ones all went I don't know).

I went out last night with Pete, John, Chris, Zoe, Laura, Chris (G), Smiley Laura, and Adam. I drank a large portion of a bottle of Jack Daniels (never a good idea!!), and paid the price all night being drunk, with a pair of really awful beer googles. The security guard at the Leas club was nice wasn't he?? They all went down Indigo with my free tickets. I really didn't feel like going.

I did see Mat (and that is how he spells it) from work at the Leas. Said hi.

The Deed Is Finally Done

I just broke up with Stephen. It's kind of a shock to the system to say the least. I don't feel altogether good about it although I am not regreting it that much. I know lots of people joke and jest about me and Stephen but we have been going out so long. It's left me feeling rather insecure, and slightly terrified of the future.

For the first time in two and half years, I don't have a boyfriend. That is quite a big deal.

Festive Greeting

Yesterday was Solstice and I did find a little time to celebrate!! I got a birthday card from Debbie-Debs (she is never on time!!) which went :

Dear Signore Jason

I hereby and forthwith wish you greetings of the festive variety,

ENJOY!!

Love Debbie.

I told you. She is mad.

I went out to Bar Vasa, Gees and the Leas Club with Pete, Chris and Zoe. All were very busy. But they all lacked a certain something...

Saw Stephen Stanley, James Price and Scott (all from my primary school) in the Leas Club.

I'll Do Anything For a Mars Bar

Thursday was great. I did another buddy thing with John, I passed my test (100%), and we all moved to the computer training room and phoned each other up. Great fun. Becky and me spent much of lunch chatting, and Ben spent most of lunch time convincing her that if he "signed up" ten gay people he'd get a kettle. Loads of laughs when she actually believed him!!

I went out last night to Gees (band night, no Andy, Face to Face [really rubbish]) and the Leas Club (empty) with Chris, Zoe, Sean, Ellliot, John, Laura, and Pete. Not the best night, not the worst one either.

On the way home I bumped into a girl from work (she is 6'4") who accosted me (while drunk and good naturedly) for cigerettes, money and a quick shag. She got none. Her name was Rebecca and she spent Friday looking rather sheepish and apologetic!!

I was the only person from my team to go to work during the game (for £7.50 we could buy an hour and half "off"). So I was buddied up with Holly. She was lovely. One of our calls was a complaint (unfounded may I add) from a French man. Despite Holly being really nice to him he ended the call nastily with "And I am glad England lost!!" No need for that!! After the tears from some of Holly's team mates over the English defeat I rejoined my tardy group for another day of fun.

I had to wear a bright green top, get a new security card, and went to France. OK so to the Club Class Lounge which is technically on French soil.Oh and we all (minus Mat) went to the Leas Club for lunch. What Emily is to Ben, Becky is to me. We spent our time as we wandered round the terminal discussing cunning plans of avoiding afternoon lessons (all seemed to involve my untimely death/injury/embarassment). Then we discussed the perfect man, and then we kept phoning each other and attempting to book impossible combinations of shuttle. She is great and popular (she looks like Kylie). And Kat is a loon (in a really good way!!)

During our second break we were told Tom Cruise willl be filming at the terminal in two months!!! Me, Ben and the girls are well excited. Also Sarah (Lynn's boss) joined us for lunch. While looking at Ben's nice new phone she noticed his screen saver. A great, big cock. This was thus passed around the whole call centre much to me and Becky's amusement.

I will be dumping Stephen tomorrow. Becky promised me a Mars bar if I did. The deal is sealed.

Another Day At The Office

Last night I went to the cinema to see Spiderman with Pete, Zoe, Chris, and John. Chris and Zoe bought me Dreamcathers by Stephen King and Sarah bought me a Tops Of The Pops CD. Thank you guys. Pete being his usual self bought me a Fathers day card (with the words fathers scribbled out) and a lump of rock that has those purple crystals on it (I've got a piece already). Thanks Pete.

I didn't like the movie. I arrived for work at the same time as Ben and we had a discussion on the relative merits of Tobey (sic) Maguire in tight clothing. The morning was occupied with more learning plus my first test (General Knowledge Level 1). People don't realise that Eurotunnel call centre staff are supposed to know everything. Everyone except Mat (who goes home) went to lunch at Bar Vasa. On the way back in Fay's car I heard Emily and ben (who are getting to be very close) whispering. Enquiring as to what about, I was told they were discussing the fact that I never properly walk home with Ben (I am always a couple of hundred metres in front of him and he can't catch me up). So I apologised and promised to always walk home with him.

In the afternoon it was back on the phones with John. He always spends his time watching the Eurotunnel web cameras. We got a funny phone call about watching the football on Friday. After much searching we discover the Terminal wil have a giant TV screen putting the customer at ease (the sad football obsessed freak).

I did wait for Ben with Becky after work but he didn't show, which upset me a little more than it should. I mean in that I didn't get to walk home with him way, I wasn't annoyed that he didn't turn up. Intruiging.

Mum has gone away for two days so I am alone in this house with Tony and the kids. More incentive to enjoy work evenmore than I do now (and I love work!!!)

Birthday Boy

I went out last night with Chris (that big enough for you?!), Sarah and Laura. Nice to see them as I haven't seen them in ages!! We went to 'Spoons for a drink and the others (Elliot, John, Zoe, Kim, andPete) arrived. Elliot, John and Kim were the first to give me a present and a card. The card was one with George from Rainbow on it and it sung "Happy Birthday". Cheesy!! I loved it!! My "gift" was a Gamecube box. That is, a cardboard box. Thanks guys (I think).

So today I am 19. The last teenage year of my life. :o( But I am happy. So what presents did I get? Some arty pics based on album covers (Marilyn Manson, Placebo and Foo Fighters), a New York Yankees baseball cap (I support the Red Sox!!), a Ben Sherman shirt (its really, really horrible tho), some new shoes, Stephen bought me a designer rucksack (which I love and showed off to all my workmates) and I got five pound from Great Aunt Joy and ten pound from Nan. Beth was rather original creating a birthday card and envelope for me. Bless her.

I went into work to find Kat doing a rendition of "Happy Birthday Mister President" and then I was given a birthday card and a box of scrummy chocs (shared liberally of course!!). I hadn't even told them it was my birthday!! Really made me feel good. This morning was more learning and the afternoon was listening on phone calls (I was partnered with a man named John (he is a very senior call centre agent). It was interesting. Me, Ben, Fay, Becky and Emily went to Tesco's for lunch.

Despite my familys best efforts to the contrary, I have had one of the best birthdays ever. It's been so lovely. I wish every day could be like this (minus me coming home and being stressed out by these people).

OK Karen you want to know more about Ben? He is cute, quiet, shy, funny, playful, and polite. He will be doing a nursing course next year, and I think he is genuinely a very nice person, indeed.

Parents and kids really stressing me out today. Fuss, fuss, fuss. Oh well shan't let it get to me!! New and Improved Jason is far better than that!! Just to let you know I shan't be going out of my way to watch BB anymore. It smells. If you want to keep up to date just go to my links and goto Big Brothers site.

A Little Adventure and A New Job

Firstly I issue a retraction of my spelling "Scibble Do" it is actually spelt "SkibbleDu" although pronounced how I wrote it.

Last night Pete phoned and asked if I wanted to go on a little adventure with him. We headed towards Safeways until I pointed out it was closed, a subsequent speedy direction change brought us to Lynwood, The Six Former territory. Here we meet a group of children. "Hi Pete" said one. "Do I know you?" says Pete. "Yes we are Tony's kids, your cousins". My mind boogles that Pete doesn't recognise his cousins. Anyway they turned into our guides (although I knew the way!!)

We made it to Sainsburys where we hoped to see a petrol station being knocked down. Sadly news of said destruction had been wrong. After a stern "We are closed from one of Chris' collegues we headed firstly for McDonalds, then for Zoe. She gave us a lift to the seafront where we saw a rehearsal for a play at the amphitheatre, went to the beach and had a nice little car crash. Returning to Sainsburys in the faint hope of Chris having finished Zoe did some rollerblading in the car park. Another surreal night out.

Today has been brilliant. Work has been great. I am training with Ben (more of him later), Emily (lovely girl), Kat (hilarious and sassy), Dave (the daddy of the group, literally he has a baby girl), Becky (cool), Fay (nice, intelligent, and quite) and Matt (distant). Our trainer is called Lynn.

I meet Ben and Becky outside the call centre where we chated about our previous life, then got let in. We had to sit through a safety video (yawn), do a safety tour of the building, and then travel to the terminal (I went in Emily's car) and get our security passes. I started to suspect that Ben was gay.

We were allowed to go shopping in the terminal where I visited Pete at WHSmith. Afterwards was lunch me, Emily and Ben in one car the others in another two, Matt disappeared. We went to Tesco's for lunch then Bar Vasa, where we bonded. On the way back Emily asked me if I had a girlfriend, I said "I may as well come out and say I have a boyfriend." Ben leaned forward, and in a highly camp voice said "So Have I!!"

Afterwards we spent the rest of the day in a lecture taking notes. It has been great. Although Tony has tried to get me down it hasn't worked!!

Visit Chris. See you all tomorrow.

Scibble Do

Friday Pete, Chris, Zoe and I went to Gee's karoke. Through some bizarre coincidence, I had meet Pete's drinking mates in a kebab shop (which thrilled him no end). It was dull so we went to the Leas club and meet Sam. I quite liked it, we had seats, it was really lively, it was nice. But some of the others didn't so that is how on a Friday night we found ourselves playing, and I am not joking, Stuck In The Mud. Needless to say there have been better nights.

Saturday I took George to the barbers for his haircut, watched Trooping the Colour, then I meet John, Elliot, Chris, Zoe, and Pete at the Black Bull pub to watch England (yes I am being "politically correct" to keep my "English" readers happy) thrash Denmark 3-0. OK so we watched the first half at the pub then we left Chris with his family and watched the second half at Zoe's house. During the game a lost seagull chick (who was just the cutest) wandered into the house and then wandered out again. Bless.

Peter then suggested we go on an "adventure" which turned out to be a trip to Claire's (Cla as she is sometimes known) house. It was lovely. Her mum fussed over us making pizza and chips and sharing her Southern Comfort. Claire was ill and kept coughing so Pete came up with a version of Bless You just for coughing. Scibble Do. Zoe and Chris joined us later to watch Princess Diaries (Lily rules). Thanks Claire for a lovely day.

I got home to discover my family had been taken away on one of the family buses (oh yes we have "family buses") to some family knees up or another. (I think it was Tony's grandads Platinum wedding anniversary or something.) Which gave me the house to myself well into the early morning. Joy.

Today I have pre-new job jitters and I went shopping at the "Tents" (Mac Arthur Designer Outlets). I love it there. Cute guys in nice clothes, good shops, loads of fun. I bought a giant Union flag while Mum and Debbie Debs bought Svengland (sic) flags

I have discovered I fancy far too many men. If you are:
a) a human male (definitely not negotiable),
b) alive, (ditto)
c) not a mate of mine,
d) not Stephen or Jon
e) have all your limbs in tact (this one could be negotiable) I probably fancy you

Chris I like the new look blog, can I link to it or what? Note I have changed back to my old comments design, its easier to see hyperlinks etc.

Good Luck Sam. Have fun counselling at Camp America!!

I Hope This Feeling Never Ends

Still as happy as can be despite about twenty people asking me if I am "in a bad mood". This included the Co-Op lady, the Barber and Laura. Note to everyone, asking me if I am in a bad mood is more than likely going to cause me to get into a bad mood. :o) VH1 are having a Madonna Day today so I am very happy!

I would like to wish a very happy birthday to my beloved Nan and to Big Dad for yesterday. They are 64 and 65 respectively. I hope Nan has a good birthday as this last year has been hard for her, giving up her house so that she can look after Little Tony (Melly's son and my favourite/most hated cousin depending on my mood). Stephen passed all his uni exams. Adam's University Challenge team won their first round, well done. This means he will be on TV twice. That's another party, guys. Who wants to come to Indigo on the 22nd, I have free tickets?

Tony went snooping in my room last night which normally would have got me depressed. Instead something unique happened. I got angry. For the sake of my continued residence in the house I withdrew to my room otherwise I would have started shouting and, far worse, swearing. I went down to Gee's with Pete for band night (Mental Floss, they were crap). On the way I had to aid some poor child who was really badly hurt after a cycle accident. Everything turned out fine thankfully. Then with Zoe we decided to pay a visit to Skuba (where there was recently a nasty incident involving a broken pint glass).

If at all possible, Lee seemed to have got camper. This time he was doing renditions of ABBA songs with added lyrics ("I've got an apple that needs filling" "There's not a penis out there"). He still calls me Steve, which is irritating. It was nice tho. Then we sat on the Leas Cliff Hall overhang and had a nice pleasant conversation before heading home.

Today I decided to get my hair cut (my hair had started to draw crowds of onlookers, you know, the ones who go and watch car accidents). Feels much better now.

I am going to be working for the "New Appointments Group" who have today been hounding me for references (I gave them four already!!). I don't control the lives of those I reference, so why do I get the stick when Debs and Leigh are in meetings?!

I was going to do an in depth investigation into how unhealthy my obsession with MT is. But found it so shockingly sad and obsessive I shan't be publishing it. Needless to say it borders on stalking and I need to STOP!!! ;o)

STOP PRESS!! Stephen's job in Heaven has not materialised he will be home this weekend!!!

Jay Kay does Romney Marsh without innoculations!

I went out with Sam last night to deliver Liberal Democrat newsletters to the villages of Newchurch and Ivychurch. Newchurch is a very strange village. The church hall is huge. It could hold a few hundred people despite the fact there can't be more than 70 people in the village! There is no pub. Most houses don't even have letterboxes! Ivychurch was more normal. It was bigger, livelier, and the church hall was appropriately sized. There was a pub. After we finished delivering the leaflets we decided to have a drink in the Bell Inn in Ivychurch. We went in. All 5 people at the bar went silent and stared at us as if they hadn't seen outsiders since the sixties. Probably haven't. It was a nice pub though. Afterwards we went and woke Pete up and took him to Gees. Sonia was barmaiding and she is always a good laugh.

Sam leaves for Camp America on Sunday! Adam is recording his University Challenge today. I will inform you all of when it's on so we can all have a good chuckle (in a nice way of course).

Is it time to stand up for myself?

"Everything is Everything,
After Winter, must come Spring,
Change will come eventually."
Lauryn Hill "Everything is Everything"

I haven't felt this good for just over four years. I have started writing stories again. I actually do stuff instead of sitting passively in front of the TV. Although, unfortunately, my parents continue to irritate me. I am giving them two weeks to change. Then I am going to sit them down and tell them how I feel. If, as is usually the case, they refuse to listen then they are in for a shock. I won't be taking any abuse from anyone any more. The government may take my rights away (that stupid new amendment to the Communications Bill and Section 28) but my parents should not. I want to be allowed to use my own account again. No filters. No time limits.

If anyone (Sarah) still wants to get a flat at the end of this summer I really am up for it now and we can start planning like yesterday!

Question of the day: How can anyone find Gareth Gates attractive? He looks younger than Aaron Carter, and he wears rubbish suits. Need I say more.

New and Improved Jason gets a New and Improved Life

I know I told you all here a few weeks ago I wouldn't mention a certain person ever again, but events have made me change my mind.

MT (from know on, to ensure I don't get flagged up by google again, known as MT) is a bloke I have had a bit of a thing for, for like my whole gay life. Well yesterday morning I received a text from Laura saying she had booked his holiday (Laura is a travel agent by the way). Of course I was dead jealous, and when me, her, Pete, Zoe and Chris went to the Ashford cinema to see the Time Machine we chatted about it in the car. So we went into the cinema (thanks by the way Zoe) and who should be sitting not two metres away? MT. So I spent half the movie staring, in a highly embarrassing way, at him. God he is so hot. I know I shouldn't fancy real life (as opposed to Dermot and Tom Welling) straight blokes but I can't help myself when it comes to MT.

The movie was great (in a highly entertaining but not artistic way). It spawned a dream involving me, MT, Dermot O'Leary, Dame Edna Everidge and a horse with a strong resemblance to Her Majesty. All in late Victorian dress. And no sex. Surreal.

In more amazing news, I have a JOB!!! I had to go up for an interview in Ashford today, Tony gave me a lift . Once there I had to do a few typing tests which I passed. I was informed I would be on the back up list as a girl was coming in to take the last place. Bugger I thought. The girl was someone I knew from Brighton!! But anyway as my train pulled up at Ashford International, I got a phone call from the nice interview lady (Tracy) who told me I had got the job. So I trudged back (passing the girl who I gave a sympathetic smile to) and signed some things. The train home was slow and filled with Americans.

I will be starting on Monday at 5 pound an hour, working at the Eurotunnel call centre (in the old Exhibition centre). Groovy.

Saw Zoe's sister Jody at the station and saw Zoe and her mum in Safeways.

Argentina and France are out of the world cup!!!! Britain and Ireland still in!! Sandy has run away from the Big Brother house in a daring/idiotic rooftop leap. Hoping someone cute replaces him.

Not My Birthday Day

Oh yes today is the day I was due to be born 19 years ago. As always I had to be arkward and arrived a week late (and it still took mum a week to think of a name for me). Which (Jason does a quick calculation) means I was concieved on the 11th September (oh dear...) 1982.

The last two days have had a eighties theme (Dave Lee Roth music videos, Masters of the Universe [Dolph Jungdren turned me gay!!], Adam Ant and Tiffany). I went out last night after being invited to 'Spoons by Elliot. Getting a lift with Chris and Pete I arrived to find Elliot wasn't there!! How rude is all I can say, Mister (or should that be Missy) Elliot.

In 'Spoons I hatched a "fiendish" plot to steal a Wetherspoons News until Chris pointed out that not only were they free, they had a label saying.. "Please Take One". Darn it, foiled. Zoe joined us and so we resumed the great Jaffa Cake hunt. This hunt is a tad dangerous. Last time I needed a rescue party (Chris) after I got lost in Tesco. Well we found them this time with no incidents, joy!!.

As we qued me and Chris chatted about Oujia Boards and how he would test them (by asking what the name of his grandma was something we wouldn't know). So I decided to guess. Long story short, in the end me, two cashiers and a large group of other shoppers had joined in the game. "Mildred?" "Mavis?" "Lynne?" We finally found out it was Elizabeth and we left happy having made some new friends.

After a brief trip to the beach and a nasty incident involving me, Pete, a back seat and a failed head first lunge into the latter, we all went home.

The poor side of the BB house ganged up on the rich and Jonny and Lee are up for it.Goodbye Lee.

I thought until last night that the West Wing was the best American drama ever. I was wrong. I am now totally obsessed with the drama "Six Feet Under" and the comings and goings of the Fisher family. Its on Channel 4 every Monday at 11 and repeated on E4 every Wednesday at 9. Watch it. I besiege you. It is the second best thing on TV (the British drama "Murder" is slightly better). Do it. I am one hopelessly obsessed fan. It is even better than the Sopranos!!
OK question of the day (just for fun I know the answer).... I remember this show involving two children and a magic man with a strange tuft of hair who lived in a windmill. Can you guess what it is?

I Am Just A Little Girl

"'Cos I am just a little girl, you see,
But there is a hell of a lot more to me,
Don't ever underestimate, what I can do,
Don't ever tell me what I'm meant to be"

"Just A Little Girl" Amy Studt

Firstly I have had a little bit of a revelation yesterday. You know I can often be self-pitying, self-absorbed and downright selfish? Well the depression that has been on me for the last couple of weeks has done something odd. Instead of lifting it has morphed into a kind of deep set anger. The dark cloud has lifted to reveal a red haze, if you will.

It is not really anger. it is more a kind of energy that has given me the hard push I need to move on in my life. Good bye Old Jason with all your emotional hang ups and laziness. Hello New and Improved Jason, who is filled with a renewed wonder for the world.

Big Brother Update

So Alison left on Friday, claiming that Alex was a "fairy" (what ever could she mean? :o) ). Then on Saturday the house was split into a rich side (big food budget, hot water, access to personal items) and a poor side (no budget, cold outside shower, no access to personal belongings) by glass bars for the remainder of Big Brother (each week anew task will decided where each housemate goes.. By virtue of a task Spencer, Adele, the Snow Queen, Jade, and PJ (the most boring person since Baroness Young) are the unlucky "poor". On the rich side Sandy (the arch planner, who now is thinking of walking), Lee, Sophie, Jonny, and Kate (the "House Whore").

While Sandy schemes and plots with Adele and Alex, Lee is chasing Sophie (literally as well as emotionally), and Kate is being a right whore simply to make friends.

Who exactly searched for the following at Google?

A Piece of My Mind

Instead of telling you how I feel today I think I shall give you my feelings in the form of pieces of advice.

1) Never make a 6'8" bloke angry. Big mistake.

2) Never fall in love with a straight bloke when you are gay. Ouch, does it hurt. I did it yesterday with a long term family friend, who is an obsessed cyclist (what is it about me and cyclists?)

2b) Never fall in love with a number of straight blokes over the course of 4 years ensurng you go slowly round the bend.

3) Keep smiling.

Very boring night last night. If I have to move from a pub within an hour of arrival again I may go mad. Saw Natalie and her sister the other day (Hi you two!!)

BREAKING NEWS Saw Mr. Singh!! He is willingly to go to court against Mr. Lambert on my behalf to ensure I recieve my £652!!! Isn't he a true gent?

Hello All, Yet Another Missed Post

Right update time. Thursday night I went down to Gee's for band night with Adam, Peter and Sarah. Andy, The Barman, was not there. I stupidly had two Jack Daniels and Cokes (big mistake as always). The band (Black Cat Bone) smelt and after their first song they blew a fuse and band night was over early. So we moved on to the Rotunda where we met Chris. I was persuaded to go the Log Flume (something I haven't braved since the time when me and Jon Edgeworth went on it eleven times when we were 11). It was fun.

Friday I went to the Black Bull pub with Chris, his family and Sarah to watch England beat Argentina 1-0. A little later after a brief stop at Zoes house for pizza me, Zoe, Laura and Chris headed for Gee's. It was empty. We left for the Leas Club which was packed. A quick trip to rescue Sarah's cat (i.e. let it in) failed and a massive search for jaffa Cakes ensured (I admit this was one surreal night). Saw Zoe's mate Lauren in Tesco's where I also amazed everyone by getting 100% lost.

Spent today watching Touring Cars Championships. I love motor racing!!!

I Have A Minute. Tell Me Everything You Know

Oh wow. I love my new carpet. It is great!!! My room feels more like home now.

Stephen phoned. The job maybe on after all. He has an interview tonight. I wished him good luck. He ranted about how terrible his life was. I ranted about how bad mine was. Mutual healing ensured. Discussed my birthday (18th of June. Mark those diaries!!), my present (I am guessing it will be rather dirty or some more jewellry [I lost my fav neckchain he gave me!!]) and how he might visit to "celebrate" it. "Cheers for the present, Steve. Oh by the way you are dumped. Sorry"

Was going to rant about heterosexuality and the League of Castrati but that can wait 'til tomorrow as I have very little time.

See you all tomorrow my dears!!

Carpet Monster

Well the last few days have been good. Nice and peaceful and fun. That is if I ignore my family, of course. But it has been nice.

Today a storm blew in bringing thunder and lightening plus loads of rain. Got a brand spanking new dark green (my favorite colour) carpet for my room today. Finally getting rid of those evil floorboards. I have spent the day reading my third book of the week (The Regulators by "Richard Bachman", that's Stephen King to you and me) and looking after the Twins (AKA evil brats from hell determined to have me admitted to a psychiatric ward).

Stephen phoned. His job in Heaven has fallen through so he might be home for the summer (so I can break up with him). Currently he is living with a 45 year old named Jim. Smells like a Houseboy to me, don't you think?

OK does anyone remember a cartoon of the early nineties about a school on a space station with a normal boy, some three mouthed girl, some flying alien who was always falling in love, and some really crazy cteachers. Any one know the name I think it was something like Space High.

God Save The Queen

I went out last night with Pete and Zoe and after carefull deliberation we decided not to go to Gee's. Instead we picked up Sam and went to Pizza Hut, went on a McFlurry run (where we saw Olly Smith a old friend of mine, who is like 6'4", hunky with some real sexy stubble. Hubba Hubba), and then went to Ashford cinema to see "40 Days and 40 Nights" with the lovely Josh Harnett. It wasn't too bad.

Today I am in a very British, royalist mood. I watched the Jubilee parade ALL day. It was great. I love the Queen (and really fancy that hunky prince William).

Big Brother haven't really seen it. Alison, Alex and Sandy are up for eviction. Sophie seems nice. Major fights going on. Lots of sexual tension and Dermot O'Leary is looking so fine on BBLB (he is presenting with Lynne as is tradition).

Think I need sex as I am in a real "Phwoah isn't he nice" kind of mood.

Beaches

Happy 50th Year on the Throne Your Majesty!!

Last night I went up to Sarah’s house to "hang out". We watched Scary Movie, which was just hilarious. Then we went to pick up Pete from work and watched Big Brother (their "All Or Nothing" task was so easy!!!) plus a documentary about Queen (the band). Sarah’s cat Benny is so cute!!

Today I went down to the beach with mum to avoid the England match. Every house either had a Union Jack for the Jubilee or a St. Georges flag for the World Cup, some had both and one had an Irish flag and a Union Jack…. Interesting combination.

Anyway the beach was deserted despite it being the nicest day of the year. We laughed at a poster for a Jubilee Jazz concert in Hythe (I mean how silly…. This will become significant in a minute!!). Went home had a picnic, watched a new housemate (Sophie) enter the Big Brother house (God I am sure it gets worse each day). Then Pete and Sarah came round and we all went to…. The beach, nice and calm, then we went to a park where we sat and watched….. the Jubilee Jazz concert!!!! Plus we made daisy chains. Got home had a barbeque, went on a McFlurry run and so here I am!!! Busy day all in all…..

Big Brother really is crap. This year they just put a bunch of normal people in. That is not what we want to watch!!! Remember Penny? Brian? Anna? Marjorie? These weren’t ordinary people (okay so one was in fact a chicken but still….). ordinary people aren’t interesting!! As a fan of Big Brother since the very concept was created I am appalled at Channel 4. And Alex (or as Pete calls him “The Snow Queen” Why? Because he is so far in the closet he is in fucking Narnia [you see what he did there..])

A Travesty of Justice

“Would all housemates please gather on the sofas immediately.” – Davina

Fine so far, the housemates look cocky. After informing Jade and Lynne they had been nominated they were sent away. The others were informed they had three minutes to evict one of them. PJ, Lee and Jonny’s cocky expressions disappeared immediately!!

But here is where it all went wrong, Lynne, a lady who tells it as it is, was evicted. Fine I thought the housemates have spoken. But then the crowd went mad. They booed poor Lynne, a display so vile it has not been seen before. Sure there has been booing but never this much. Lynne’s crime….. she once, while drunk, told Spencer he was a bit cocksure. Davina was not happy telling Lynne she would be fine and giving the crowd the evils and not being very nice to some fence jumpers. .

I love Lynne, confident, unafraid of confrontation but apologetic. I think Spencer had a soft spot too….

Adele is bisexual and has a girlfriend. Lee says its fine with him. He says Adele makes him feel far better than anyone before.

It is my reckoning that a new housemate should arrive today to replace Sunita. Both Claire (Nasty Nick’s replacement), and Josh have arrived on Saturdays. It really scares me that I know that….

I believe the housemates will not nominate Jade but Alex and he will be evicted. He is a freak, annoying me no end. And as I have told Laura he is so far in the closet he is in f***ing Narnia. Dom Joly (from Trigger Happy TV) was EVIL to Alex’s dad yesterday on BBLB (Dom Joly is not addicted he only watches 18 hours a day!!!)

Sorry if I don’t reply to your comments, between reading my fav blogs and emails I don’t have time due to the ban. But I do read them!! That poll may be there for some time as I don’t have the time to make and publish a new one.

Where Have I been?

”Doctor, doctor, won’t you please prescribe me something?
A day in the life of someone else.
Don’t let me get me.
I am my own worst enemy”
“Don’t Let Me Get Me” Pink

Gonna be a bit long, okay?

Yesterday I was in a very dark, unhappy and, ultimately, self-destructive mood. I wrote a rather nasty post which involved some rather choice words. I decided not to post it, or anything that tried to be jolly, as I felt it was inappropriate. (You know me, I hate swearing!!)

So let me update you on what has been going on. On Wednesday Tony came home from work and had a go at me for no reason. He preceded to ban me from the internet. Again there was no reason. I have not looked at porn or anything salicious (love that word) as Tony put the AOL settings as those for a 12 year old months ago. I pay for my own AOL account but I have been banned from that for a while. I am only allowed on the internet for half an hour each day when Tony is home. I won’t bother telling you what this did for my depression. You can probably work it out. Tony has a way of charming people so that they don’t believe he does these things. That don’t believe how much he goes out of his way to hurt me. I won’t dwell on it any longer but needless to say I have never been so depressed (that includes the events of December and January when I think you’ll agree I went rather bizarre).

Anyhew I went out to Gees, Leas Club and McDonalds Drive-Thru with Pete, Chris, Sam and Zoe last night. Gees band were Clacket Lane. Quite good. Lent Zoe my old school tie as it is her last day at school today (is it some girls school tradition to wear Harvey ties?). That cheered me up. Then got home to discover that Ruby (Wax) was on V Graham Norton dressed in some sort of sleeping bag in the shape of a penis. This also cheered me up!! Then went to bed and had lovely dream involving Dermot, Tom Welling and a beach. This of course was a very cheery dream indeed. ;o)

Where is Peter Tatchell when you need him?

Queens on the Leas, a Fetish picnic, has been cancelled because of police warnings of severe homophobic reprisals. Probably from the police themselves no doubt. I really worry about the Kent gay community if we are going to let some homophobes stop our fun. The police are there to protect us, we are not the ones in the wrong. If we are unable to stand up for ourselves then we will have our very lmited rights curtailed even further. This is a fact of modern homosexual history in Europe, has no one paid attention to rise of the BNP, le Front Nationale or the Freedom party? Am I the last gay man in the world to know about the Strichjungen? Answers on a postcard…

Big Brother Update Sunita left the house yesterday at 7pm to become the first British contestant to ever leave of their own free will. She promptly had an interview with Dermot on Big Brothers Little Brother. Phwoah!! He is gorgeous!! Lee turned 22 yesterday, they had a wrestling party. Alex (the twat) held a house meeting to discuss important topics such as: the toilet lid, late night snacks, and Spencer’s atheletes foot. Even though he is so obviously in denial over his sexuality I still want him out tonight (although the housemates don’t yet know they will have to evict someone instead of nominating as is usual!! evil laugh). I want Alex out but I suspect Jade will be the first (or is that second) to go.

Isn’t Eminem hot? 2002 World Cup starts today. I will, as always, support Brazil. Who are you supporting? The Queens Golden Jubilee weekend started today anyone doing anything?