Thursday, October 31, 2002

Happy Samhein to you Constant Reader

Okay I have a question for all my non-British readers. What is the significance of November the 5th?

Work was dull, but was not a problem.

Sam has left university. Sam good luck in what ever you do. Wanna go out for a drink soon? My diary is filled till Sunday. Wanna go then?

Feeling incredibly gay today. Oh have I told you... I have a boyfriend. ;o) Oh sorry yes I have. Just like to say that. Oh look..... over 10000 visits!! Thank you guys (please note.... random SKUBA searcher has returned!).

I need a subject to write about so have you any questions, or subjects for me? Ask me anything. I will always answer! Go on... even do it just to make me smile. And if you don't have a question..... just say hello!!

Wednesday, October 30, 2002

I am so glad that I did not go to work yesterday! ET was closed the whole day, the train crews had to help out at the call centre as things went BALLISTIC. I successfully missed it!

Today at work I must of taken 300 calls... all asking "Is it open now?".....

I have a picture to show you....

I am the one in the middle (no really I hear my mates say). Stephen is the one on the right. Don't ask me who the other one is. This pic is from a whole different Jay's life, I barely remember it. 'Twas my "I only hang out with gay people phase" when I was just 16.

Blogger still banned over on JKay8839. Hmmmmm... (aaahhh did it again, stop using that noise!!). Am definetly thinking about Gert's advice about getting a second job. If I do get a permanent job, I will know my hours ages in advance so a bar job wouldn't be out of the question.

I have been over using the above sound. Hmmm...

Things that annoyed me yesterday. The train being so deeply slow.

Stephen phoned my mum while I was on way up to have a "chinwag". This annoys me. He knows I dislike her, yet still goes out of his way to talk about her. He even suggested we go meet up in London with her. Ha!!!!!!! The other thing is I hope he doesn't treat me like a child this time. He sometimes seems to act as if I have never been out to gay shops or clubs, or had sex with other men. It's like "I have been gay for a long time, I have lived in Brighton and down the whole 'gay thing', just because I don't really do that anymore doesn't make me any less experienced than you!!"

People: I have a boyfriend. That feels real good to say. Yay!! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Oh me and Stephen split because I am a complete arse and can never decide whether I like him or not.
And Jason Has Sex

Hmmm... ok so lets start at the beginning. The train tanoy bloke was deeply sarcastic... when reading out the reasons we were delayed (5!) he made everyone laugh. I got off train.. meet Stephen. We went into Soho, visited the Prowler store. Stephen made a big thing of the porn section. I was like..... have lived in Brighton... am NOT A CHICKEN!!! We went off window shopping (went to Ralph Lauren [tis huge} and Disney store [made a scene as I love Woody way too much]). This foreign gay couple came up to me and Stephen (they saw we were gay and thus had to chat with us) and made me take thei picture... yay! Then got tube/bus to his student digs, he made a pizza, we watched Masters of the Universe, and we had sex. I knew it would happen. It was like this exual energy in the air, and as I was very horny I really couldn't say no.

And may I add twas one of the best shags I have ever had.... mmmm....

So me and Stephen are back together.... (have already been told off by Becky, Ben and Laura sooooo don't bother)

Then made my way home (deeply satisfied) and went straight to Leas Club, saw Ben and Becky got drunk... I do love those two.. they are great... Am going to Ben's leaving do at Paris on Friday...

Oh and Blogger still banned on other account.... bugger

Mmmmm... I want Stephen again.... he feels nice..

Oh went to Comptons...... and saw a fire in Soho.... (mmmmm... firemen.....)

Have you guessed.. am drunk and tired... sober versiopn later...

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

Yay!! I have successfully avoided paying my rent until Friday (note= pay day!)!! Rock on!! So am off to London.

In sad news Blogger, Gert, Emmsy, Emily, NellieQ, Sister Mary Matthew, and the Group Captain have fallen victim to some tougher parental controls. Thus I can't actually read your blogs, or post to my blog from the account I am allowed. This is being posted from my secret account although repeat usage of this will get me a stern telling off. Aaaaahhhh!! This is what I have to put up with.

Mum and the Twins are also going to London but on different trains *breathes sigh of relief*

What will I do without the ability to post to my blog? Hopefully I will be alowed on it later.... Censorship really stinks.

Oh and Tony accused me of burning his shirt.... now pardon me for saying this but.... I DON'T IRON STUFF.... I am one of those people who really can't give a fuck about what clothes I wear and how bad they smell/look...... (PS I hate people who do care about such stupid stuff.... like Elliot..... he tells me off for wearing my fav t-shirt a lot.... well I AM SSSSOOO SORRY... or not.... is Elliot a girl? Just wondering....)... so how could I have bloody burnt his shirt.... he too worries way too much about his appearance and too little about how he treats others...

Monday, October 28, 2002

If I can avoid paying my rent, fat chance :o(, I shall go to London tomorrow to visit Stephen. I just need to get away for the day. Me and Stephen were texting last night and he basically told me I have to go. I haven't seen him since we split up, and it'd be nice to see him again.

Had another Buddy today. She was very nice but talked more than me which isn't a good thing!!

Mum had £1000 stolen from her account last night. O-er missus (thus am unlikely to escape rent paying......)

Am moving on the 12th November.......... la la la la.....

Leeds Castle fireworks on Saturday... yay!!!

Thanks for all your support guys... your cheques are in the post...

Sunday, October 27, 2002

*looks at the current world's population* You must have a lot of frustration then.

What pisses you off?

Created by ptocheia

Thanks Nat!!

I blog because I am unhappy. It is as simple as that. The day I become satisfied will be the day I stop doing this.

I wonder if you know what its like to feel suicidal all of the time? Since the age of 14 I have halfheartedly attempt suicide (as am big wuss) about twice a year. Last year I took a very large overdose. This year I did something different (a change will do you good yadda yadda) and ran away to Europe for a couple of weeks (half hearted yet again Jason, naughty boy!). Today I feel suicidal. And this is because of Mum and Tony. Usually I try and blame something else. The weather. Steps splitting up. Mental imbalance.

But today I can say that I have been contemplating suicide as I can't stand it here anymore. And knowing there is nothing I can do about it which isn't very drastic is even worse.

I love a lot of my life right now. I have lots of friends. I have a job... with prospects. Money is coming in. But the most important thing in my life, my home, is missing. No I didn't lose it down the back of the sofa (at least I hope not). All I want is to come home and not feel unwelcome, insecure, and alienated. I want to not fear coming home. I want to leave work, and smile instead of leaving work and desperately wanting to claw my way back in again.

What I really wish is that for one day I could smile and mean it. I could feel wanted. I wish for one day I only met nice people who smiled and joked and were highly random.

What I really wish is that I had a home.
The Sunday Club

The last few days in a nutshell....

Marie-Anne left work, thus leaving me as the most senior temp in my team.

My Auntie Chris was expelled from Australia when her visa expired and she foolishly asked the authorities what to do about it (she was emigrating there). The Australians arrested her, put her in an internment camp and then sent her back.

My Aunt Jill and my three cousins went on holiday a little while back to the south of France and were thrown out of their holiday camp for being too noisy. It now transpires that they had a film crew with them and their exploits will be on TV in January.

I still don't know when we are moving.

Angel baby is all better after a trip to the vets. Yay!!

Had a Mexican for dinner last night. I thought yay! This is nice all the family round the table eating. Mum had to go ruin it by stressing out... same this morning.... Tony of course, tactfully, called her miserable. I am sure any sane man who had lived with a woman for 10 years would know 1) when its her time of the month 2) when to keep his mouth closed. I can't believe he doesn't know how to handle her.

I went out to the Leas Club last night with John, Chris and Zoe. I simply was way too interested in that bouncer. He is ssssooooo fine a roonie.

Am sssooo not doing overtime next week. Am sssooo tired!!

Things To Remember

Going out on Tuesday with Becky and Ben.
Terrorists ARE NOT going to attack the Leas Club (I've been reading too many newspapers)
Don't spend your money Jason!!!!
Create marvellous Pumpkin like creation for Zoe's Pumpkin Competition thingy.
Get this man to fall in love with you...

Saturday, October 26, 2002

It's Over. How terrifying was this story? Chechen terrorists... I have lost any remaining sympathy for your cause. Freedom is never worth the blood of innocents.

Went out last night. Zoe and Chris came and picked me up. we then went and got Jody and Russell and made our way to Spoons to meet Rob, Arron (or is it Aaron?) and Elliot. 'Twas a good night all in all. Some cute guys, nothing to call home about however.

I am so tired. Could sleep for weeks. I am also so horny. Poor CDG and FT (another guy I like at work) have to put up with me googling them every time they..... breath.... eat..... exist....

Oh yes have realised that my sexual tastes have done a whole topsy turvy move from submissive to dominant. Ho Hum.

Friday, October 25, 2002

woke up this morning.... with a big grin on my face. Walked to work humming a tune despite it pouring down with rain. I was told off by some miserable bugger for being too happy on such a "depressing day". Well I happen to think rain rocks.

Yes I know call me King of Mood Changes. Had another buddy today .... girl by name of Jo... she was scared by my issue of Attitude... obviously not my kind of person.

I love men.....

Thursday, October 24, 2002

I am poorly again. In the head. Sometimes it comes in quietly, creeping into my mind until I feel so depressed I could explode. But other times it hits me like an express train. This is one of those times

I woke up this morning and SLAM! there it was. Confidence seemed to ooze away from me. Happiness packed its bags and has now taken a holiday. Illness is the absence of love. I certainly have no love of myself today.

I then got up and went up the shop to get my news paper and obligatory bottle of Pepsi max. It was okay until on the way back some old git stopped me, and said "Cor, it must be cold up there this morning". I had to restrain myself from 1) hitting him 2) sobbing and 3) flinging myself under the nearest bus.

I got home, and came on here, as usually the net cheers me up when I am down. But blogger wasn't working. So I went to my usual places for a chat. And my usual chat partners were there. "Yah!" I thought they are always fun, and silly, just what I need. That was when they started doing their flirting thing with me, telling me I am cute and stuff. Usually I think that's great.

But today it only hurt me more. They don't know me. I am not cute, and if we ever meet I would just be dumped on as freakily tall, slightly bizarre Jae.

"I went thru some nights consumed by shadows" where is this from? Ten points for guessing correctly.
Blogger is almost as good as a big pile of poo.... almost

When you read this it will mean Blogger will be publishing my blog finally. Blogging used to be fun. Now it is all stressful. Calm down readers, I shan't be stopping, but once I've moved (hmm.... when is that happening?) I shall begin focussing more on my Xanga site, moving my links, signing it up to the same cliques and blogrings etc.

Once all that is all done, I shall throw in the towel over here on blogger, get off Blogspot Plus (my old non Blogspot Plus blogs post fine I have just discovered!! See here) and not renew my Blogger Pro. Don't worry you will all be invited to visit my other place.

Of course if Blogger starts to improve/or I am too lazy to move my site then I retract all of the above.
Washington Sniper... Caught? Could it finally be over?

Why do human beings feel the need to harm, scare and generally abuse other members of our species? See here. Are we just animals? Because I am sure we can be more than this. My job has made me realise that their are more stupid people in this world than I would have credited. But surely being dumb can't explain war, hatred and terrorism can it? Sometimes I worry about this world. Imagine *starts singing* what we could do if we all worked together. Just imagine where we could be tecnologically, socially, and morally. Although each day my political optimism disapates a little more, I do still dream of a day when humanity finally becomes more than just a biological term.

Yesterday at work I became so stupified at how dumb some customers were (i.e. those who think being rude to call centre agents will get them a good deal. This is not how it works!!) I decided I may start to drop random questions in to see just how dumb they were.This lead to a discussion with Stacey which lead to some marvellously stupid answers.

"Stacey, name me three pre-WWII Prime Ministers?" (Of the United Kingdom may I add) "Um.... Hitler? Nelson Mandela, didn't he wear a patch" "I think you may be thinking of Napoleon, and/or admiral Nelson"

"Name me three countries other than the U.S.A in the Americas." "Errrr.... the Seychelles?"

Stacey did get her own back....... "Name me three Care Bears" I couldn't name one. Despite having once been a keen fan. Oh the shame. My best effort was "erm.... fairy cake?" So can you answer our questions?

This site rocks!!
Don't you just hate it when Blogger refuses to publish for like days? Some of us were under the impression that this was a way of enabling instant expression. What really annoys me is that I decided to pay for this. Boy what a fool I was.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

Cover Your Ears Children!

I need a fuck. Sorry kids but I got say it as I feel it. And fuck seems to be the word that best expresses what I need.

I am so tired and stressed, and I get home from a 10 hours shift at work to deal with four human beings who I dislike (although in three of the cases also love as they are family, but that is the only reason). And its been months/seemingly years since I have had any physical contact with another bloke.... and mentally that is taking its toll. I need a man/group of men. :p

Oh isn't the Bill getting good. One lesbian. Two gay men and a closet case (aka Ste from A Beautiful Thing.... ps Ste will you marry me?).

Am having a pint... but nobody is here..... is this the first sign of alcoholism?

Tuesday, October 22, 2002

OK so sniper strikes again. Horrible. What can you say? I mean more people have died in "normal" murders in the same area in the period this has been occuring. Are their murders any less scary/disgusting/upsetting? What's your thoughts on this media circus?

Fireman strike soon. Joy. So they want a 40% increase in pay. Fine, they work hard. So they want to ruin Guy Fawkes Celebrations by striking from 2nd November to 4th November. Fine, they deserve that pay rise (can I have one too?). But they will also put people's lives at risk. And people WILL die because of their actions. Not might. WILL. People who probably support the pay rise for the firefighters WILL die. And all so the firemen can get a 40% pay rise, which we all agree they deserve, well we will until people die I hope, in which case we deduct 40% and give the combined total to the victims families.

No doubt the more lives lost the quicker they get the rise. Lucky them. My thoughts remain with the soon-to-be victims of this bloody ransom.

Hmmm.... stressed out. Can I have a back massage, a pint of Stella and MT naked, and also gay. Thanks for your co-operation.

I have a message for the random (yes people their browser recognises google after just two letters now) searcher who comes here looking for SKUBA. Stop right there mister/missy and tell me who you are please. I don't bite or nothing.... unless you are a gorgeous man who wishes me to. I really wanna know who you are!!

Monday, October 21, 2002

OMG GBLogs has closed. :o( Have been a member of that portal since august last year!! Good Luck jen with what ever you do.
*sobs* Blogger wouldn't publish yesterday. :o( So read yesterdays posts please, if you would be so kind.

I went out to Spoons and Gees last night with Zoe. I drank quite a bit considering that there was only two of us. It was nice to go to Gees after so long away. When did I last go to Gees? Shall have to check that up but I guess it was quite a while ago.

As is a Sunday tradition I played around with the Jukebox much to the horror/dismay of all the hearing folk within the bar. I played such brilliant classics as "Your Woman" by White Town (is the only song to ever get to number one sung by a gay about loving a man? Oh is my gaydar and my understanding of the song missing the point?), "Take A Bow" by Madonna, and "Come Back To What You Know" by Embrace. Anyway Zoe grew so annoyed she put up some good songs. Then Vikki gave us a quid to play even more songs! Woohoo!!!

Bah! Work! Am so not in the mood. Am in mood for a little bit of loving with Charlie from Busted. Ok so am just plain in the mood for a little bit of loving from any bloke. Am such a big slut somedays.

Sunday, October 20, 2002

I have a long list of "secret" blogs. These are blogs that are way too good to be linked to by me. Don't want them knowing I read them and then them coming over here and finding out how crappy this blog is. One of these is The Big Man Restless rather good blog that it is. Started up only a little about a week or so ago.. I think... I do lose all track of time...

Anyway... lo and behold twas linked to by that seeming God of blogging Troubled Diva. Where it was pointed out about some tendency of gay bloggers to link to other gay bloggers. I don't really fit that pattern... looking at my links I link to those I enjoy. Most of the blogs I link to aren't super popular.... but they are super great!!!
Why am I sssssooooo angry?

This story just made me sssssooo angry. I mean really too angry for words. I want to go out to this backward nation, and kill each and every homophobe there. And when I say kill I mean slowly, painfully drain their lives away, until they beg for me to stop, and then put a bullet through their head. Sorry but that is how I feel. I am pleased that this boy was granted asylum here, and I hope that if similar cases occur the same courtesy will be extended to others. It's not the first time this has made me irritated, I remember listening to a documentary by Rikki Beadle-Blair and crying at the end. And read down to the bottom of this to see my heroes (that's Peter Tatchell to you) protest against the nomination of TOK, a horrendously homophobic Jamaican band.

Oh and while watching Heaven and Earth I became so angry that I had to read this to stop me going on a murderous rampage to nearest CofE congregation.

Speaking of which..... hmmm.... for weeks I have been annoyed by the church goers at All Souls CofE church parking their cars on the yellow lines while they go and worship despite a car park being a mere two minutes walk away (and that is if they crawl). But today I became so annoyed I may write a letter of complaint to the priest or whatever they call him. The illegally parked cars were all along the road, causing a girl of 7 to have to brave the road without having clear view of traffic. She walked out straight in front of a car. Only because a man dragged her out of the way, and it was a competent driver in the aforementioned death machine, that she wasn't killed.

I would of thought Christians would of been more careful about keeping to the law (oh wait, no I wouldn't). I am off to write a few letters I think.

Saturday, October 19, 2002

OK everyone, I want you all to be good and read this. Sometimes I worry about what goes on in this town....

At work there is a place on some far distant wall that when really bored I stare at. There is only one desk between me and there. Selani used to sit there and her being short she never noticed me absently staring in that direction. But a new girl sits there now. she is getting very worried.

It's not like I am staring at her.... it's just she is directly in the way of my staring space....

Well today guess who decided to sit there.... Cute Dutch Guy (CDG).... oh how I had to really try not to stare... oh he is sssooo gorgeous... but so frightfully boring....

Anyhew (omg sound like Stephen that is his fav word) spent down chatting with Reena, informing customers that despite stupid firemans strike (like I live on tuppence but don't plan on striking....) we would remain open. Some didn't believe me. That is how stupid customers are. Aaahhhh football is on!

hmmmm was going to link to a guardian article that talked of links between al-queda and the Washington sniper (just for you John!) but couldn't find it....

Friday, October 18, 2002

I looked at myself in the mirror today. This is quite rare. I hate my own reflection, almost as much as I hate windows. In fact in the last two years I haven't looked at myself in the mirror beyond cursory glances. Most of my self image is based on photos.

So this morning, I made a conscious effort to look at myself, and to not turn away scared of what prolonged exposier might do.

I saw a very unhappy person looking back at me. Looking tired. But I also noted something. I am not as ugly as I thought. Sure I ain't gonna win any beauty contests, but I am not the hideous, scary freak I had been hiding from. I look normal.

Debt worries seem to hang around me eternally don't they? Note to self: Leanne Woods

Saw Reena at cinema, and then watched Red Dragon with Zoe. 'Twas rather good. And Ralph Fiennes is sex on legs. What do you mean "You shouldn't fancy the serial killer"?

Oh God, I wish Tony wouldn't lock my cats outside when it is so cold.....

Thursday, October 17, 2002

So You Think Things Are Getting Better, Do You?

Why I do this particular series.....

One day I was in a gay chat room, and I was shocked by how little the other guys there knew, or even cared, what rights they did and didn't have. Then I realised some actually believed that they didn't deserve the same rights as hetrosexuals. I have never gone back to a chat room, and plan never to.

I thought maybe this wasn't the case out here in the real world. But after questioning some gay people I know, Stephen, Ben, a few random bods, I found they hardly knew anything about what goes on for and against us. Ben didn't know the age of consent was now 16. And 90% of the gay men I speak to seem to share the whole self hating thing. If you are gay, and hate being gay, go away. Right now. You are far worse than homophobes. And I don't want you having anything to do with me.

So I started this to remind me what is going on out in the real world. The hate. The injustice. To remind me to be proud of who I am despite these things.

So I have good news.... Baronness Young died last month. Sorry if any one is offended by me suggesting I am happy a dear old lady has passed away. But she was no better than Hitler. And my great grandad did not fight in the war, just to allow the Nazis to rise again as "Conservatives". I feel very sorry for her family.... having to deal with her passing, and the shame of having her as their mother.

And some bad news. Lady O'Cathain, hello and welcome. You homophobic bitch. Hmmm..... think I may have to write another letter to the Queen. I am worried about the quality of peers she is allowing into the House. Can't have all this intolerant riff raff in there now can we!

OK..... who keeps visiting my site through WWW.GOOGLE.COM, searching for SKUBA FOLKESTONE and why oh why do you keep CAPS LOCK on? please leave comment, I just want to know!
I Think I'll Die Another Day

"I think I’ll find another way
There’s so much more to know
I guess I’ll die another day
It’s not my time to go

For every sin I’ll have to pay
I’ve come to work, I’ve come to play
I think I’ll find another way
It’s not my time to go"
Madonna "Die Another Day"

Angel has got a lump on her back. She will have to go to the vet. I don't want her to be ill. She is my baby. Just the idea she is, makes me cry.

God lord.... my debts continue to come back and haunt me. Yes folks its time for round 3 *ding ding* ...... who ever said that going to university would be a good thing for me? So far it has been the thing that has made me most unhappy in this life.

I don't know when the move is, haven't even been to the house. I am so kept in the dark about things.

Anyway, will not wallow in self-pity, have decided I must fight. I mustn't give up. Something good is just around the corner. It has to be. So shall wait, and save money, and persist, until finally I am free of this "family" and never have to speak with them again.

Oh at work yesterday I got another temp sitting with me. His name was Neil, and he did all the talking and typing so I just had to sit there and watch. 'Twas great.... had someone to talk to as Reena and Stacey were off, and Lynda has family troubles so she wasn't in the mood for my silly jokes.

OH, and some foolish coach driver forgot 46 passengers on the Terminal yesterday. Just drove off without 'em. The FOOL!!

Wednesday, October 16, 2002

if suddenly posts stop, or something, remain calm. Do not panic. Keep all arms within vechile. Don't disembark an til we have been brought to a complete stop.

Yes people in the move I may lose access to the internet for an indefinte period. And access to Sky. *sobs* So will be in Lympne with no internet nor any music channels... *sighs with resignation*

Why bother fighting this? .


Tuesday, October 15, 2002

*breathes deeply* Bye Bye Happy Jae. Bye Bye Freedom..... see ya soon.. I hope....

Oh sexy Dutch guy is so so SEXY. In a Jae kinda way. He seems to care little about his hair (found out his mum made him cut his hair to keep with ET (new code for where I work!) standards) and he wears clothes he is comfortable in instead of really fashionable ones...... This makes him far far more attractive to me. He looks ssssoooo great.... I ssssoooo go for grunge.... oh... get over it Jae....

Did you know that one of the victims in Bali came from Hawkinge. And another from Dover? Thats really close to home. My thoughts are with the families.

FUNNY STUFF: Stacey answered a phone call while crawling around her desk.. couldn't stop laughing... and she was buddied up with Joe and stuff...
I would like to make it clear that I do NOT endorse the shooting of Muslims, or Christians. I was simply suggesting that sometimes it is hard to remember that Muslims are not evil, and that it's the Fundamentalists that are worng.

But also remember I am part of a minority of which many Muslims and Christians would like to see the back of. So I have never really had any liking for either religion. All organised religions have a lot to answer for and until they admit that at times they are wrong, I shall not and will not suggest that Islam, Christianity, and the rest are in any way "good". OK?

Oh I seem to be gathering a group of bisexual girls around me at work.... Emma and Julia at the moment. Hmmm.... its like a little GLBT meeting every lunch time.

Another shooting. I have a piece of advice for the Americans "Gun Control". See what fear guns bring? And Mr. Bush, if you really do "weep" for the victims why not renounce your own guns as a symbol of your empathy?

Monday, October 14, 2002

Bloody Islamic Terrorists again.... each time something like Bali occurs I must remind myself they are exceptions and that not all Muslims deserve a good shot in the head. Shall remain tolerant.... altho I am a supporter of an attack on a Iraq, maybe Dubya could do a little more of a war on terrorism instead of trying to settle his daddy's old scores?

Oh had another brilliant evaluation... offer of permanent job increased to "I will go ask for you to have a permanent job" from Jenny. She said some really nice things. When I told her I might have to leave as I was moving to Lympne... she told me off!! Told me to sticj it out for a couple of months... get a permanent job and move back home to Folkestone... I don't think have ever had such nice comments before...

Me and Stacey on overtime together.... went to Tescos with her.. (I miss Ben!) and saw Peters mum....

Parents come home on Wednesday... don't want them to. These two weeks have made me realise just how bad it is when they are here... a few months... thats all... then I will be free...

Sunday, October 13, 2002

Porn, Truth, and Morality

When I was young and naive, and filled with hope, I thought freedom and justice were intrinsic to a democratic state. Sexual repression was for the stupid backward nations. But in the last few years my hope has been drained and I have gone from being optimistic about humanity, to being deeply pessimistic and worried about what the future holds for us in the sexual minorities.

Just look at this news story. Porn can and should be something good (see this old news article), something beautiful, erotic, and entertaining. Certainly I admit, most of it, especially the American shite, is deeply disturbing. But why do governments think they have the right to tell us what we can and can't see, and do, in the privacy of our homes? They don't!!

Parents will say it is for the protection of their childrens innocence. Shouldn't their innocence be the parents responsibility? If you don't like what you see on TV, don't watch it!! Get rid of the TV and make 'em go to church.

Another thing that worries me is how prudish people are about nudity, and sex. It makes me laugh when I read in the Guardian about the stories other papers are writing and what they are saying about things! Romps!!! What kind of freak calls two people having sex a ROMP!! You have to be a total prude to read these stories with their stupid innuendo. The thing is people who read this stuff probably think it is highly erotic, and they are just so naughty for reading it. (That is exactly the word they would use.. naughty). I could be more explicit in my own room, on my own!!

Children shouldn't be hidden from tasteful nudity, where it is treated as natural. Otherwise they will grow up to be really, really messed up just like all the readers of the Sun, the Daily Mail, the Telegraph.... etc.... and that would be an immoral attack on their freedom to be happy. I mean when was the last time you saw a happy Telegraph reader?!

On a different but not lighter note..... all they wanted was a good time

Saturday, October 12, 2002

Had 'orrible day at work.. don't want to discuss it...

House seems fine despite leaving it in the... erm... competent *cough* hands of Elliot and John this morning... my cats are still alive and stuff...

*brmph* so my Saturday posse what you been up to today? All none of you... why am like the only person in the whole of the blogging universe who updates at a weekend... :o( Talk to me. Tell me stuff!!!

Why the fuck hasn't the bastard responsible for this been struck down by a bolt of divine lightening?
Work was fine, had to sit through lunch with Sexy Dutch Guy trying to make conversation and me thinking.... hmmm..... your nice to look at but really you are so boring it's best you just sit there and look pretty!! I didn't say that of course and tried to be as polite as reasonable...

Decided my chair was in fact not my chair and went on a thrity minute long hunt for my chair wih Glynis.... until we discovered I had been sitting on my chair all along... any excuse to get out of work!!

God Terry (see first ever buddy!) has really nice nipples... mmmm....

It was John 20th Birthday! yesterday and so we went out to celebrate.... first off Zoe picked me up from work... we headed into town to get him a present (a groovy Plasma Ball) and saw Smiley Laura!! Then met Elliot in Woolworths.

We went home and Zoe cooked us a dinner (mmmm... pizza...)... oh wait saw MT in safeways *swoon*..... and then sje went on a mad cleaning frenzy in kitchen... Please.. I am a bloke... I like mess!!

Then she went off me and Elliot got a taxi to Spoons, met up with John, Zoe (again), Aaron, Rob, and also saw sexy Alex of previous posts (aaahhh feel like cradle snatcher for fancying him!). 'twas fun. Then walked Zoe home.. ordered two taxis... why? Don't know.... Elliot went off (against my advice) to find swings..... taxi arrived... John filled with moral duty to await Elliot... I wasn't (have work in like 6 hours now!!)...... so we left while looking for him....

Got home.. gave John his present.... and Elliot has just wandered in with kebab and many tales of woe... that'll teach him!!

Friday, October 11, 2002

Well last night was strange. Let us look at some things of note.

I got drunk. Which has become quite rare.

I knew EVERYONE from the Lesbian Bar Maid at 'Spoons to Colin the taxi driver.

Ben was as usual very quiet. Becky, who goes out with him far more than me, asks me "God Ben's quiet isn't he?". "Errr... no he is always like this." This was when Becky informed me that in fact Ben is pretty...erm... rowdy. Obviously not when I am around.

I was conversely pleased that Ben knew immediately on our first day at work that I was gay. Yet Becky hadn't a clue, and told me I "look straight". Why both things please is something I will have to ponder.

Oh dear I really did make rather firm plans for a month long random jaunt to Europe. Had hoped I was dreaming. Bugger....

God had to try and persuade Becky that Jon Peace is 1) not attractive and 2) a twat. Think I managed it.

Sorry about my language last post. Mister lambert just really is not a subject I should discuss.

Thursday, October 10, 2002

Aaaahh... have got drunk and spent money and stuff I shouldn;'t do.....

OK so it was quite dull before I got drunk... I sent zoe an sos and stuff....

I went to 'Spoons to meet Becky, Ben and Terri. Got there last (first time I've been late for like ever!!) and got strange looks from Gemma (formerly Lesbian Barmaid). Becky noted strange looks... realised I once chatted with Gemma two years ago in West Bar, a gay bar in Canterbury... aaaahhhhh!! That's why she gives us the look of recognition Pete!!!

Anyway saw Elliot, Ed, Natalie and a person from work.... plus sexy dutch guys mum......

We then moved to Leas Club... Terri left with headache.... organised a party in London.... plus a random month long truip to Europe, had so much to drink... got drunk... axctually had fun...


Scared Becky in taxi as ttaxi driver was Colin of |Faulty Towers fame... we chatted about demise of Peter Fucking Bastard Twat Lambert.. (the stupid effeminate slutty hetrosexual grrr.......)
*For my newer readers.... this is a kind of very irregular series where I discuss stuff... usually about gay rights....*

So you think things are getting better, do you?

Well yes. Somethings are. So reading through some recent Data Lounge stories, I thought hey let us do a cheerfull edition!!

We are now increasingly visible and recognised as shown by this story. Most people know someone who is gay, bisexual, lesbian or even transgendered. And most people have begun to realise.... we ain't so bad!!

I mean how many people below the age of 30 are homphobic? Many less than even 10 years ago. In fact many young people openly support gay rights. See here

And even our more rabid detractors are beginning to see the light... only beginning.... but it's a start!! See here

The media has always been one of the major obstacles to the cause of human rights.... let us hope that our newspapers take a few tips from this story

Oh and my hair has been cut people, I no longer look like a walking bush.... for a week.... hey Pete how is your "grow your hair really long campaign" going?
Hmmm.... here we go again.... see this. Scary.

No I didn't watch Tipping the Velvet last night, mainly as the Daily Mail had called it "explicit" and that obviously means "really, really dull stuff". I really wish I had the chance to teach the editors of the Daily Mail the actual meaning of explicit....

Shall do one of my "So you think things are getting better?" tomorrow or later on. Yeah!! My last one got me an email from the writer of the Attitude article I... erm.... "quoted" (plagirised). He said it pleased him, and he was flattered not offended... I mean I gave himfull credit etc....

I love my cats. Scooby is quite literally becoming my stalker. He even sits on the side of the bath when I am having a wash!! He is so cute!! Or scary, however you feel.

Oh I have the day off!! Woohoo!!

Wednesday, October 09, 2002

OK so got up... looked at messy house, had major incident involving loss of security pass... found it... ripped shirt, got changed, went to work.... thought shit this bad day.

Had an evaluation.... my best yet during which my mentor cooed with pleasure at my.. erm.. statistics...(call statistics may I add!!)

Had a boy named Joe buddied up with me.. he seems nice weird hair... oh I need hair cut as well....

Have signed up for overtime for next.... four.... weeks... whoops!!

Oh had a top secret document passed around about top secret stuff... 'twas in French but I still understood everything. Yay!!! Am I becoming... intelligent? Nah... just can read French... how did that happen?

Tuesday, October 08, 2002

Work was dull today. Stacey asked me to marry her, I said no.... the usual.

God Sexy Dutch Guys new, sexier look almost made me forget how deeply boring he is. I sat opposite him at lunch.... yawn!

Karen saw Dolly Parton. She is so lucky!! I love Dolly!! *working nine to five.....*

Monday, October 07, 2002

Oh My God!! Adam was just on TV. And he answered questions and stuff!! Me and Zoe didn't actually understand these questions so we can't say whether this was a good thing.

How it sounded to us....

"Blah blah blah blah Oxford blah blah?" - Presenter


"Yes Adam of Leeds"

"Blah blah Orange" - Adam

"That's right!"

Me and Zoe aren't stupid. Just we know stuff... about stuff! Not lots about nothing.

Anyway well done Adam. It was so strange seeing him on TV!!!

Got a strange phone call from Pete... oh wait no.... it was from Pete's flatmates...hmm.. and nice phone call from Sam!!
Firstly isn't this very scary?:

- James Martin, 55, killed in the car park of a grocery store in Wheaton on Wednesday evening
- James "Sonny" Buchanan, 39, killed around 0745 on Thursday as he was mowing grass in the White Flint area
- Taxi driver Prenkumar Walekar, 54, shot dead while putting petrol in his car at 0815 in the Aspen Hill area
- Sarah Ramos, 34, killed 30 minutes later outside a post office in Silver Spring
- Lori Ann Lewis-Rivera, 25, shot dead at a petrol station in Kensington
- Pascal Charlot, 72, shot in the chest as he walked in Washington DC on Thursday night
- Woman, 43, shot and wounded in Fredericksburg, Virginia, on Friday

And then this. It is almost like a horror movie.... except there is no director to shout "and that's a wrap." Very terrifying.

Oh work is having a Health and Safety week... which meant an embarassing fifteen minutes of stretching a "Stretchy Rubber Thingy" to allieviate stress.... joy!! Then I returned and holding my "SRT" I had to put up with Geoff going "Oh I do like a man in rubber!". Yes, yes Geoff.. hilarious. Then when he got his he firstly turned it into a Rambo esqe bandanna. Then did a rather engaging ballet dance twirling it round above his head...

There I was sitting nonchalantly when I saw the most gorgeous guy....EVER! I uncontrollably stared/drooled in his direction until he looked at me and waved hello.... and quickly stopped when he saw the hunger in my lust filled eyes. That was when i realised.... it was Sexy Dutch Guy! He had got rid of his dreamy curls..... and looked even more... edible.... phwoah!!

Stacey was on a late, and came running in screaming "Jason did you miss me?!!" She is quite loony... in a really coooool way.

Mmmmm.... pizza is nice.... mmmm....

Sunday, October 06, 2002

Zoe just came round (bringing choccy cake with her again... she is a little love [am I becoming Penny from BB2?]). We watched My Family... lots of people seem to assume this is a new show... it ain't and I've loved it since it started..... tonights episode was ssssoooo funny!!

Then we saw three to tango..... very good movie (as in entertaining not actually quality!)

Aaaaahhhhh work in 10 hours... should sleep..... bah who needs sleep... I am big scary man rarg after all!

Oh Pete phoned... is doing well... missing lectures... the usual (Mister Naughty Pete!!). Told me of some very scary lifts in Sheffield which I must now see just to verify their existence..... sounds sci-fi like to me......

Had a dream involving me, Pete, Chris and Emmsy (I was scared too Emma!!) in a runaway car!! Bizarre!!
Sam was back from uni, so me, Zoe and John (down from Canterbury) went out with him to the Leas Club, nice night in all. Nice to see Sam and John (and Zoe too, but I see her everyday, just call us the new Will and Grace).

Oh my god that bouncer at Leas Club gets better and better looking. Those arms!! I swear he makes me go all funny, in a "I want to get you into bed in the next five seconds, or shall explode" kind of way.

John spent the night, and I go to work tomorrow!! Hmm....

Oh if you get a chance watch BBC2 at 8pm tomorrow. My mate Adam, and his girlfriend Jenny, are on University Challenge , playing for Leeds Uni. Watch it, we will.

Saturday, October 05, 2002

Went shopping with Zoe in Ashford, bought The Gay Times and Stephen King's new book.... something about a Buick I think..... I only buy 'em because I love Stephen King, pay little attention till I actually read 'em!

Shiver Me Timbers

Your pirate name is:Mad Dog Kidd

Part crazy, part mangy, all rabid, you're the pirate all the others fear might just snap soon. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Find out your pirate name here

Some blogs for your perusal.... Diamond Geezer, Puff Pastry and the Gay Dating Blog

And this:ShyBoyFolkestone. Why? Because it has the word Folkestone in it silly! :-) Am I turning into a small town boy? Bugger!

Oh one thing I didn't mention yesterday is that Zoe came round on Thursday (quelle surprise!) and we watched Monsters Inc. which was very good. Yes, yes we do go to Blockbusters way too often!! Am probably going shopping with her in a minute to Ashford.

OK anyone know of any new Blogging tools of interest at all? Anyone know of a free ad-rotating program, so I can have several banners that load randomly? Anyone got any good blog links they can recommend to us all?

Happy Birthday Greg!! Have a great day!!!

Oh it's John's 20th on the 10th.... remember people!!

Right anyone got anything they wanna ask me?

Friday, October 04, 2002

Somedays, we all need a little cheering up. Todays my day.

Feeling shitty today... hmmmm.......
Hot In The City

OK so I can't do this whole cold turkey thing, and couldn't be bothered to go to Brighton... maybe tomorrow... more to do on a Saturday...

So instead I walked into town, saw bisexual Emma from work, and Alison (you remember the woman whose marriage I broke up?) and bought a replacement Billy Idol - "Greatest Hits" (per tu Melly!) and Kelly Osbournes "Papa Don't Preach" (Kelly rawks!!).

*does funky dance to Hot In The City*

God life would be so much easier if I was born straight.... then I wouldn't have to deal with bitchy little queens.... come on, where are all the nice gay men?

Thursday, October 03, 2002

I Want His Babies....

"I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep,
Cause I miss you baby, And I don't want to miss a thing,"

Aerosmith "Don't want to miss a thing"

Yes 'tis decided I shall be going PC and internet cold turkey tomorrow. No blogging, no email, no chatting. Nadda. So leave a supportive message for me. And keep an eye on your site meters and comments and verbally berate me if you find me on them!!

Stepping into the abyss...
Hmm.... a few people in the last few months have suggested my obsession with MT is just a way of avoiding committment. You know fancying someone who is absolutely not available.

This is a false perception (i.e. I fancy him to avoid committment). I came out of a two year relationship in June, and now feel a relationship is not the be all and end all. I completely understand about MT, he is just something nice to look at.

Also if the right man came along, I would JUMP at the chance of a relationship. But most gay men I have meet have had no sense of humour, seem overly concerned with what they and other people look like and what they wear (what the FUCK is that about?), and seem to just want to blend in with everyone else.

I want a man who is quirky, who wants to be themselves in public, who cares more about how they treat others, than being cool, or sophisticated. Stephen at least meet some requirements, although I didn't love him, as he was slightly, shallow. So would people stop worrying about my relationships and obsessions, I have had my MT obsession for 5 years. It is just a crush people! Harmless fun.

Right. Cats. Usually cats seem to keep themselves to themselves. If they need food or attention they will let you know. They lead their own lives, of which we cat owners are just a small part. Scooby is different. He needs constant fuss, attention and correction. He never leaves my side when I am home. He needs to be constantly reminded that the boxes, are NOT for fun, that my feet are NOT food. He is like a dog, and its really odd!! I have never had a cat quite like him.

Wednesday, October 02, 2002

I am watching the best Faking It at the mo. Made me "homesick" for Brighton. Almost certain to go down on Friday. Yes, on my own. But you know I don't care I just want to be there... it has been 9 months after all.

Talking of "long time, no see". Stephen phoned out of the blue, haven't spoken to him in over three months! I sent him an email last week to see how he was and he phoned to check up on me. He asked me about my love life... I was like well.... I've slept with a couple of people.... made me all depressed... cheers Stephen!

Chris at uni has hilariously created a bald spot on his head in a hairdressing accident.... poor Chris *raucous laughter*

Hmmm... Zoe is a little down at the mo... she is missing Chris. She came over again tonight, and was really looking forward to going out in Canterbury with John and Elliot tomorrow. But, typically, Elliot invited Ed, knowing full well that Zoe wouldn't go out with him there. I haven't the foggest about group politics.... people have tried to explain, but I don't understand. BUT Elliot YOU know that Zoe wouldn't come with Ed there. It is really unfair on the poor lass. And it annoys me, that I seem to be the only one (other than John, who is certainly not included in this sweeping statement) who is bothering with her. Come on guys (Chris included) give her a call!
Seems Ben doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Do you think I have a in built dislikability index that stops all gay men liking me? Am I that horrible and selfish and cruel. Bah! :o(

Am watching Murder She Wrote... will cheer me up... Jessica's no nonsense attitude will lift my spirits!!
Yesterday was "do nothing constructive" day. Today is "Try to relax" day. Even when being incredibly lazy I am completely unable to relax!! Does that make sense?

Oh God I am also trying to distract myself to stop thinking. Me and thinking do not mix! I get all depressed if I do. I keep getting close to mopping (is that how you spell it? sounds more like what you do to clean the kitchen) about being depressed then I jump up and do some cleaning or put music on really loud.

*in caveman voice* Ug! Me no think. Me eat. Me sleep. Me be happy.
I love sex. As Jeffrey says.... isn't it amazing that our bodies come inbuilt with a capacity for such pleasure? Isn't it just great?

Have discovered also that porn is very, very boring. This doesn't mean I am happy about being banned from it, as I am 19 and should be allowed to make my own choices.... freedom of expression is very important... and as I pay for both rent and internet connection, and do many chores I feel I deserve some respect!

What to do today.... go see my nan in Snodland? May go to Brighton on Friday.....

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Zoe came round, brought me home made choccy cake (she is a genius!) and we watched tv, she bullied me into cooking my dinner (I am so lazy she literally had to make me or I would have gone without!). We saw Chicken Run.

OK readers time for another census, as I seem to have picked up several random readers who are being very quiet. Hi there. Now say hi back just use my comments or better still my message board (as I love getting message board posts!). Go on I am a comments whore!!

Want to link to some places found randomly.... NellieQ. Thought I found this over at Natalies Place but also seems it has been lurking strangely in my fav folder for a while now.... strange.... 'tis good...

Also want to link to this site: Alternative Sides as it seems to be quite good... and promising..
Drollsomeness and Other Stuff

Being bored and having Zoe tired up in family stuff (her Mum's birthday) I decided to go for a quick trip to the shops. As I neared the Harvey (my old school) I realised something.... MT might be about....

As I walked past the car park I saw it.... the T mobile (his car...) and my heart started to pound....I moved on quickly. Just when I thught it was safe, who should I pass leaving Safeway's. Yes. You guessed it. My heart went badda badda BOOM. Oh, I may have to invent my own version of *DON'T CLICK IF YOUR ARE A SENSITIVE SOUL*the Bait Bus to get him (that was a joke by the way and not an actual suggestion before you worry!).

Moving on I got to the shops in extra quick time, spotted two blokes dressed as batman and Robin. Was shocked that WHSmith still havent go Gay Times or Attitude in. Did my usual style speedy shop (I don't see the point of loitering) and purchased Ruby Wax's memoirs How Do You Want Me? and Avril Lavigne's CD Let's Go.

as I wandered home I realised something... I am back!! Jason, fun loving smiley chatty boy who I left behind in Brghton is back for a couple of weeks. I realised that while in town I had two conversations, of some length with the check out girl at V Shop and a Big Issue seller.... things I used to do but stopped doing after I returned here to Folkestone. It is sad but as soon as my parents return, I will become grouchy, shyish, stressed and horrible again. But for now am happy, confident, and horny as hell.

"Oh happy day, oh happy day" *does funky dance in Jason style*

Go here. Thanks Emily
I can't quite describe how I am feeling today. Don't worry I am feeling good! Just can't quite put it into words. But let us try.

I am feeling happy to be me. Not anyone else. But pleased to be Jason Kay, tall, freaky and gay as I am! I am today pleased that I don't quite conform, that I do sometimes think for myself... and I Think Different (*winks at Greg*).....

I am also pleased I can do whatever I want for two whole weeks..... and my cats are pleased about this too. Millie has decided that eating cat food is ssssoooo below her, and that she deserves fish/ham/expensive stuff. Angel is pleased I am at home and has been cuddling up to me. And Scooby seems pleased that as I never tell him off he can do whatever he wants (rummage through the boxes that litter the house at the moment, viciously attack plants etc.)

Today is do nothing constructive day..... have been watching tv, chatting on the net, trying to create impression that house is clean without doing any cleaning....