Saturday, April 13, 2002

All You Need Is Love

I just hate it when I find myself falling for a guy and not being able to stop myself. When you find yourself wanting to be in his company constantly. It happened to me yesterday. A guest walked in and instantly I knew he was gay. (I still find that disconcerting after four years, just “knowing”) Within a few minutes of him leaving to go to his room with his two female co-workers I was thinking about him. It’s not that he was mind blowingly attractive. He was just a plain old Joe. But there was something about him. I wanted him in a way I don’t usually find myself wanting someone, I wanted him to be with me (in an entirely innocent fashion as well!!), to be mine. And now I’ve got a funny feeling inside, like I felt with the sixth former, a sense of desperate longing.

I don’t like this one bit. Is love so alien to me now that I can’t accept how I’m feeling? Where has my sense of romance, of unrequited love gone? When I was fourteen I lived for unrequited love, for secret passions, and romantic ideals. Now I run from them. I hide behind my failing relationship, having trysts with people I don’t love, simply to avoid having to face the one important issue – love.

I’m still happy!! That is despite the fact that I did something very embarrassing yesterday. While I was out last night with everyone down Gee’s, I saw these two guys who I thought were really cute. They had their hair in the style of that bloke in Smallville, a style I find almost irresistible. But here is the thing, one of those guys turned out to be……. Will Temple. Oh yes that annoying kid from school. The idea I find him attractive is very, very scary!!

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