Monday, September 30, 2002

Don't be offended

OK so work was ok, had to counsel one of my workmates after some trouble with her daughter. Reena ate way too many fairy cakes today. As last day of month all the permanent staff were trying to get their insurance sales up to guarantee some commission.... Reena some how roped me into donating my insurance to her.... hmmmmm....

OK found the funniest site.... shan't link to it in case you are mild mannered and offended..... but the address is hilarious gay porn!! had me laughing for HOURS....

what, what? I hear you say.... porn, in that house.... oh yes people.... THE FAMILY HAS GONE TO SPAIN

viva espana!!

Sunday, September 29, 2002

I went over to Zoe's today watched "K-PAX" which was quite good... Kevin Spacey very good...

Had a chinese... was shown some wounds by Coco Pops boy after a cycling accident.. lovely... or not

The family go away for two weeks tomorrow... also last day at work before holiday tomorrow!
Uni mates update.....

Pete forgot to register for university and is thus now registered as a temporary student...

Sam is feeling a little down (everyone send him some big cyber hugs!). Also last night Pete and Chris went to see him in Lincoln (they go to Sheffield uni) and while out clubbing a bottle fell from a balcony and hit poor Sam over the head, causing lots of blood and he had to go to a&e in an ambulance... he is ok now....

No news from Laura or Claire... any info much appreciated....
what is it with me and bad moods? there I am sitting happily, when suddenly..... grrr.....

it is very annoying! had a good time down leas club, saw real cute bouncer.... oh those arms... oh........

little gem joined us, renamed elliot "quacky the duck" *genius*, john "wise owl" and me "giraffe". lots of good stuff!

then came home and started reading about gay men and their happy lives, in their normal height world... and got very depressed...:o( why can't I have a boyfriend? :o(

Saturday, September 28, 2002

Work was ok. I was the only person in from my team... so to try and ensure we stand a chance of winning free meal for next week I had to sell even more ludicrous amounts of insurance that will have the permanent staff in a fit. John Peace and Toby left today.

OK stupid fat fire man on TV doesn't even know what sport the New York Yankees play! God somebody shoot him!

Have been adopted by Dutch speakers at work as I am quite tall... just like their sons. The Dutch supervisor has been getting my shopping advice and Glynis thinks I am "normal height". Joy.... shall learn dutch move to Netherlands and meet tall man and marry..... and have many cats!

Am going out later with Zoe (who else?!) and John and Elliot.... a crowd!!

Friday, September 27, 2002


A Friday night in. Just four little words that say so, so much. :-(

I am a little down today. Kind of lonely. I have decided..... no more random sex. Sorry. I can't do it, I want real love. A man who can care for me. I am very needy for some tlc.

Things seem fine at work. Have some how ended up taking on Natalies late shift tomorrow (remember natalie, my "new" playmate at work?). Debbie, her mum and Ben's old supervisor, came up to me and sweet talked me into doing her shift.... am I not the easiest person in the world?

Have sold a ridiculous amount of insurance..... am getting dodgy *we are going to kill you and steal you insurance revenue* looks from those staff on commission..... opps!
Zoe came round and we watched VH1's one hundred worst videos..... they were BAD!

Decided to go to cinema, saw becky and chatted to Pete on phone on the way... he is okay but typically forgot to register with uni....

We saw "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" which, although not mentally taxing, was excellent! I want a Greek wedding!!!

Went to 'Spoons had a beer and Burger meal (cheaper than McDonalds and you get a beer, a huge burger and proper chips....mmmmmmm). Lesbian barmaid has a name..... Gemma!

I got an MT update from Annie.... he has big hands..... Thanks for that Annie! Imagine the consequences... yum!

Me and Zoe came home read AXM, watched League of Gentlemen..... (HM Prison Clitclink!!) v. scary!

Thursday, September 26, 2002

So yesterday morning on the way to work I realised something.... aren't cars ugly? I mean motorbikes are uber-sexy. Buses are practical. Trains are just plain marvellous. But cars? They smell. They are noisy. People lock themselves up in them to avoid any sort of real world interaction. They are 'orrible.

I "came out" to Stacey and Reena. It wasn't a secret or anything but the subject had never come up. SO when Stacey asked if I had a girlfriend I simply said... "No, I'm gay". Will see what repucussions there are on Friday, as have day off today ( why am I up THIS early then?!)

At break I talked with sexy Dutch guy. Note: his parents are Dutch but he has a perfect English accent (one of those drollsome highly sexy posh ones). Also I realised just how wonderful his eyes and his smile are. He must have girls literally falling over each other to get in his bed! Oh I could easily fall in love with him. If he smiles at me once more I may just. He is wet your pants sexy, the kind of guy any fool would marry.

My cold has only got worse... my throat is really hurting....

We call centre agents have picked up on something. Lots of soldiers have been getting their cars back to the UK. Some have told us to watch the news today for a big announcement. Joy, (that is sarcasm by the way I have no real want for a war) looks like we may definetly being going to war. Now Mister Blair, remember make sure Parliament gets a vote. We still live in a democracy you know!

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

Ah! Have a Karen style cold!! But worst of all I have a sore throat..... *sobs*

Anyway am actually quite cheerful this morning. I am on a late (Stacey's late may I add!). Today will be the day of goodbyes to Emily and Suzanne. Toby leaves at the end of the week (I think he is desperate to get away from me!).

So..... And Then There Was One.......

Things are really changing in my life at the moment. My mates and my work mates are leaving. I need to get out more!!!

Tuesday, September 24, 2002

OK why does everyone always think I am in a bad mood? There I was happily fantasising, half asleep when my mobile rings.


"Hi, it's me Laura. You sound grumpy" High level of disapproval in voice.

"I'm not, honest!"

"Hmmmmm.... anyway where do you get your "favorite magazine"" she says in code.

"What gay times?"


"WHSmiths of course...." where else when you get to meet annie every Sunday (hi Annie!)

"I thought so...."

We arrange to meet next week. Camp laughter puncturates call......... v. suspicious.... Laura I thought there was only room in your life for one gay husband? :o) I disapprove completely of you having fun. :o)
Hey Sam I do know how you feel kind of.... I got restless at uni long ago as we all know! Remember if you do need to talk just give us a bell!

Scooby caused an accident yesterday and some poor girls motorbike was written off... thankfully he is unhurt!

Mum saw two of Atomic Kitten today..... I don't know this jet set life she leads.... flying to Scotland every Friday... hanging out in top London hotels!

If my family mention the word "Zoe" one more time I shall beat them to death with a large stick.....

The follow is nicked from Pete and Sam
1) Starting time: 18:59
2) Your name: Jae kay
3) Nicknames: Gaybum, Braeburn, Big Gay Bear
4) School: The Harvey
5) Screen Name: Jkay8838 (my own), Jkay8839 (my monitored one)
6) Eyes: Blue
7) Height: 6’8”
8) Pets: 3 cats Millie, Angel and Scooby. They rock!
9) Siblings and ages:7. Significant ones: Beth and George aged 6
10) Been so drunk you blacked out: Me? Drunk? Oh please as if….. I mean I don’t remember being that drunk…. Oh…. Maybe I blacked out….
11) Gone out in your pyjamas: No
12) missed school because it was raining: I love the rain! Miss school because of it! Ha as if!
13) Set any part of your body on fire for amusement: No
14) Kept a secret from everyone: Most definetly
15) Wanted to hook up with a friend: No…. well maybe a little.. but not a lot….
16) Cried during a movie: I find I cry through too many movies
17) Had a crush on a teacher: No. Except that art teacher bloke.. the newish one….
18) Ever thought an animated character was hot: He-Man!
19) Planned your day based on the TV: quite often
20) Been on stage: I was Joseph in the school nativeity
21) Used Herbal Essences Shampoo? Of course
22) Favorite colour: Blue
23) day or night: Night
24) Summer or winter: Winter
26) Satin or lace: Neither!
27) Favorite cartoon characters: Bam Bam!
28) Do you like anyone at the moment: Lots of people actually
29) Friend you have known the longest: Erm… my canadian pen pal?
30) Loudest friend: Not me….. Elliot
31) Who is the most shy: None are shy. Some are naïve.
32) Who do you go to for advice? Pete, Laura, and well everyone
33) Cried: Two much
34) Reason?: Because I am me.
35) Cut your hair: a couple of weeks ago
36) Wore a skirt: No
37) Met someone new: Kira and Martin?
38) Missed someone: Melly!
39) Hugged someone: Laura
40) Fought with your parents: we don’t just fight we eternally despise each other.
41) Wished upon a star: I wish on every star…
42) Laughed until you cried: The time Pete explained about birds… and Blue Tits
43) Played Truth or Dare: Wetherspoons… all the time
44) Watched a sunrise, or sunset: Last weekend in Zoes car with Zoe and Pete
46) Read a book for fun: Bridget Jones
47) Ate rocks: Pardon?!
48) Are you lonely: Yeah
49) Are you happy: sometimes
50) Are you in love: all the time
51) God and the Devil: Not those two no…. but in some others I do
52) Love: Of course
53) The closet monster: Ah! What you mean there is a monster in my closet…. Get out!
54) Do you believe that Richard Simmons is gay: Oh he so is!
55) Superstitions: are the stuff of a good witch
56) What is your full name: Jason Alan Jonathon Kay
57) Who named you? Mum…. Eventually!
58) Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC: N*Sync rule!
59) What colour pants do you have on right now: Blue jeans…. (I guess this is american….)
60) What was the last thing you heard: Mum and Tony telling me how wrong suicide is. How selfsh… and wasteful
61) What is the last thing you said online: Bye!
62) Who is a cool dude: Emmsy is a cool dudette
63) What is your favorite number: 69 ;o)
64) What was the last thing you ate? Pasta
65) Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? Some isolated cabin deep in a rich and vital forest.
66) How's the weather right now? Cool, clear
67) what did you do last night: watched a movie with Zoe
68) what do you notice about the opposite sex: they aren’t as attractive as blokes
69) How old are you today: 19 years and three months and 7(?) days
70) How do you eat an Oreo: I pull it apart, and eat it in pieces… I am scared I know so much about US culture
71) Who makes you happiest of the opposite sex: Cool groovy lesbians!!
72) Dream car: none!
73) Favorite food: Lasagne
74) Favorite day of the year: Tuesday
75) Do you like to dance: not really
76) Fast or slow: slow then fast ;o)
77) Are you too shy to ask someone out: Yeah
78) If you could change your name, what would it be? T T
80) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: No they spend the night fighting on the shelf above.
81) What is the stupidest thing you have ever done: said “I love you”
82) What will your first daughter's name be: Melly
83) What will your first son's name be: Mark
84) Do you like scary or happy movies better: Scary!
85) Like or love: Love
86) Do you consider cheerleading a sport: no
87) Do you want your friends to write back: only if they feel like it
88) favorite body part of the opposite sex: erm……I think these questions are really homophobic!
89) one thing u want to say rite now: Live your life be free!
90) best day of this year so far? The day I ran away
91) what will you dream of tonight? MT
92) End time: 19:00 (the next day… I took a break ok?)
Zoe came over on Monday and we watched Shrek (which I love of course!). Then yesterday she came over.... with gingerbread men.....and we watched The Royal Tenenbaums, which was very good. Especially fancied Richie Tenenbaum (post beard)mmmmmmmmmm....

Hope work is better today. I am very horny at moment (yes still!) and can't wait for next week...... free rein over who comes over (Mike is already interested!)

Monday, September 23, 2002

Karen I love your new style..... I would say that on your blog but can't post comments... :o(...... don't know why!

Work was stressful today!! Glad to have been early.... Stacey has persuaded me to do a late for her.... d'oh!

Trying to resurrect the New and Improved Jae Project 2002. Time to get back on track!
It has come to my attention from reading weblogs of late, that many gay men are unhappy being gay. One (and I shan't be linking to them as I don't wish to!) said "If I could take a pill to make me straight I would."

Basically I don't want you straight people getting all confuzzled, and thinking this is normal. I am perfectly happy to be gay. I have never had problem with it. Sure I have had problems telling others, but I LOVE being gay. It is my one source of consistent happiness.

Anyone who ever suggests that being straight is better than being gay, you need you head examined. I wish that these "Wannabe straights" would shut up. It isn't a choice to be gay, but you can choose to repress those feelings (and be miserable). SO DO IT. Stop talking about it and do it.

Leave us people who are happy to be ourselves alone!

Now talking about being happy about being gay........ work in a minute...... mmmmmm cute Dutch guy!

Sunday, September 22, 2002

And Now For Something Completely Different....

Here is a little insight into how I see the pressing issues of the day.... please remember all views held here are my own, I do not need to explain them in depth to you and will only do so if asked really nicely.

The Child Abuse Fiasco

Child abuse is completely wrong. It is sick and absolutely abhorrent. Just like rape and murder. What is also sick and abhorrent is the lewd, and disgusting way the press report on it (do you really need to know such detail). And what is even worse is the way the "Moral Majority" react to it. Scaremongering from the press and stupidity from the masses.

Justice must always prevail. Mob rule and violence is ALWAYS wrong. We are human. The Gods have given us a choice. We can be more than the sum of our base emotions. Paedophiles (this is how us Brits spell the word) must be held in anonymity until they are convicted. My greatest ideal in life is "Innocent until proven guilty."

Men Face Extinction

Ha!! The right wing press, mainly, has been suggesting that soon men will be done away with, as science progresses. Ha! Women may not like you poor self-loathing hetrosexuals who write this SHITE. But some of them actually like the nice normal men (i.e. the ones who don't worry about their "impending" extinction)! Shocking. So get over yourselves!!

War On Iraq

I always support freedom and democracy. Iraq has little of either. Thus if ALL other possibilities are exhausted, I will support war. But only if G. W Bush promises he will treat all unjust, undemocratic nations similarly. Otherwise, what is the POINT?! Zimbabwe, you may be next.

Fox Hunting

Of all the threats to our great country way of life, the ban on fox hunting is NOT one of them. The Countryside Alliance (oops sorry the Little Hitlers) need to focus more on saving those in poverty, than protecting the way of life of rich gentlefolk. My family back home in Snodland hunt and fish. But only for food. Pests should be controlled with a quick shot to the head or fast acting poison. Using dogs to kill a tired, terrified fox is akin to feeding Christians to the lions. Both appeal to the base emotions (the latter appealing to mine!). But neither can ever be condoned in a civilised society. If you want to hunt for sport, go live in some backward nation like Iraq.

And finally....

Abortion and the death penalty. I support neither. I find both abhorrent in world where life is supposed to be sacred.

Abortion however is a womans choice. This is their right. And I support their right to do to their own bodies what they will. I may not like what they do, but if I am to be allowed to do what I please I must sacrifice some of my ideals for reality. I know it is confusing!

The death penalty however is not a choice of anyone who matters. The recipient is usually a fully developed human adult. Their body is their own property. We may take from them their liberty. But we must never take their life. It is the Gods who choose the means of death, once someone has been born. We must never take on that responsibility for ourselves.
So nan came over yesterday, it was nice to see her.

I went out to Spoons last night, meet Elliot there. Pete's bar bitch Adam served me immediately both times I went down, he even knows my drink.

Laura, Chris (Green) and Zoe turned up followed by Lauras friends, and a bloke Elliot had bit (!) on Thursday. It was a good night really, am sad to see Laura go. Also lesbian bar maid had a conversation with me. It is funny, before she knew I was gay she was rather cold, now she is really nice to me.

Got a text from Pete.... he is having a good time. He is in a flat with 6 blokes (mmmmmm.....) and has seven girls in each flat either side.

Walked home with Elliot. In KFC one of the cashiers tried to serve me before the bloke standing ahead of me. I politely said it wasn't my turn. Once the bloke had been served he turned round said thanks mate... as you do...... then touched my bum, winking as he did..... hmmmmmm..... straight blokes are CONFUSING!! And it wasn't just a light pat on the bum. It was almost a grope! Even Elliot commented on it.

Elliot stayed over.

Saturday, September 21, 2002

The Loft Story

The loft has always been my space. So it was my duty to start the moving out process there. I didn't realise it would be so emotionally draining.

Firstly I had to go through over 500 letters.... from my Canadian pen pal, the SFX saga, Stephen, and random bods.... I threw the SFX lot straight off. Then I lovingly perused the others. It was really sad to peer through the dusty remnants of my past. People I had loved, lost, hated, treated badly. All were there in my letter collection. I miss getting letters. At one point I used to get 10 a day (that was during the SFX penpal scenario)!

Then I got a surprise. A letter from Melly while in hospital. From my more mature point of view I see it was really a cry for help... although at the time I treated as Melly being her usual fun and silly self. I cried when I saw it. Sobbed. Melly I will always love you.

Then I went further back, uncovering old journals, my own version of ancient texts. :o) So many entries. So much stuff I had forgotten. Then I found a porn collection of shocking quantity. I can't even remember it, but it was up there. God it must be like 5 years old! Threw it out anyway.... which was good for me really as with the current parental settings I haven't seen porn in ages, yet was restrained and grown up and didn't even give this collection a passing glance as I chucked it. Except one that said, "When the fuck did I get you?"

I realised that I have almost 1000 issues of 2000AD! Ouch have decided to throw out my entire mag collection to ensure I have space for my comics at my new house.

Then finally as I moved the boxes aside I found my old hideaway. It consisted of a mattress, a bunch of books, a writing pad filled with my stories, a torch and my Book of Shadows. I hadn't been there in years. My Book of Shadows and a Dean R Koontz book (half read) were left open. It was like one day a couple of years back I had been called out for dinner..... and never gone back. I sat there for a while reading my Book of Shadows, and wondering what happened to the nice quiet Jae who once sat up here reading. When was he replaced by bitchy, loud Jae?
Oh my....

right now I am cleaning out the loft, which I shall tell you about later.

But right now I am in shock, I have just seen this weeks Malling and District Kent Messenger. My "Aunt" Muriel is on the front. She is 84 years old. It seems she has had a really bad fall, and the picture shows her looking yellow.... huge black and purple bruises all across her face. Now that was unexpected.

Imagine those pitures you see of elderly people after they have been mugged or something..... it is that bad.

Poor Muriel.... she may not be the nicest person in the world but she don't deserve that.
I think I scared Sam Markram's ickle brother last night. I was sitting outside the Leas with John and Zoe when he came up to me ready to start insulting me, his friends with evil smiles on their face. Then I said.... "Shut up, Markram." This confuzzled him. Suddenly his friends were like "How do you know HIM?" .... they wandered off him going..... "Honest I sooo don't know him." Warning to all Folkestone people, I know a lot more about you than you think! On similar note know where MT lives. See it was only a matter of time.... muhahahaha..... am I becoming Dr. Evil?

It is kind of exciting..... my mates are off to uni (have fun you guys!) and I am moving away. And although both things make me very unhappy, at least it will be a change. I have to look on the bright side of things.

As my regular readers are off for a while the two of you who remain need to give me a shout out..... so say hi in the comments... and I shall come over to your place and do the same.

God I need a boyfriend to distract me from thinking. Thinking bad, me no think, me bash. :o)

OK have made solemn promise to never go clubbing again unless I want to. So there Becky and Ben! Nuh nuh na nuh nuh.....

Friday, September 20, 2002


Work was strange.... Reena informed me Stacey fancied me.... which is actually quite flattering if only a bloke fancied me....

I went out straight after work.... found John in Spoons and moved on to Leas club. Laura arrived ({{hugs}}) and I got chatted up by some bloke at bar. Pete and Zoe arrived, then Becky, Ben and Terri (Becky's friend). Ben and I went to get money out and I chatted to him about how he was feeling after he was sacked. :o(

Then MT arrived. I NEED him so bad. Thanks to Ellie for ensuring I know he is staying in Folkestone and not going to uni (where I would have followed!).

Pete and Laura left for club, gave them big hugs. Shall miss you!! :o(

Then Becky and Ben left without a goodbye after telling me I was the worst mate in the world for not going clubbing with them. :o(

That left me feeling really quite depressed. Only MT, John and Zoe cheered me slightly. Well mainly MT did and I think the word cheer should be replaced with word.... horny.

This boy called Alex sat with us for a while. Now he had hugged me, Zoe and Pete a couple of weeks ago. Realised he is really cute. Has reall nice eyes.

Am slightly depressed still. Am I a bad mate for not going clubbing as I hate clubbing?
God late shifts really are strange, you meet all the "late crew" and stuff (saw playmate Natalie who I presumed was missing..... no she was just being one of the late crew..). But guess whose sweet voice drifted over the partition walls to me today...... Jeremy's...

He must have been on holiday looking all tanned and stuff..... YUM!

It is a shame you can't stay in contact with friends you make in dreams...... made some great ones last night but had to break it to them that they were not real. Darn my lucid dreams! And one guy was so cute.

Pete (who is in lurrrrrrve) and others leave tonight. Have a dilemna. Will of course go out with Pete and others and make incredible fuss of them buy them drinks and tell them off for being all student like. But Becky and the work mate crew (Ben included) will be out as well. I can't really hang out with them as it is like the Hardc0re groups last night together... but if I ignore them or just say a brief hi I WILL be hated for ever and ever and ever..... hmmmmm

And no I am not going to Indigo... shall not do things I don't consider fun!! Oh wait.... oh no..... I just realised who is coming out tonight...... *bangs head against keyboard*.....

Thursday, September 19, 2002

I am a happy bunny today people!!

So here is a story. On Thursday I recieved a letter saying "Give us 100.19 pound now or you shall die muhahahaha!!" from a debt company.....

So being stupid I sent a cheque for the amount straight away leaving me poor, and I guessed the cheque would bounce....

But today I got a letter saying... "We are sending the boys round..... muhahahaha".... I was even less happy so phoned up to see what was happening.... the lady who answered said don't worry pay us by the end of the month and everything will be okay.

I go away..... and realise I have already paid them last month. Hmmmmm....

So I phone up again and inform them that I had paid all of that debt. Man who answered quickly realised I had a duplicate account..... he cancelled it... apologised for all the hassle and I went and cancelled the cheque!!

Which means I am as happy as can be.... for once I am actually keeping up with my debts and it was their mistake not mine!!

So let us all sing and dance!

Go outside and feel the morning sun!!!
Since Ben left I have been forced to find and make new friends at work and not be afraid to chat with others. Reena and Stacey are now becoming my regular crew.

I had a team meeting yesterday, made new team member Fiona laugh. I had warned her that the two jackies always argue about the team outing so much so it never occurs. Only one Jackie was in so when she mentioned it I quickly agreed that a team outing was needed, causing Fiona to guffaw.

Where have you all gone? I still have a message board you know! :o( Say hello. The only hits I seem to get are from Google and OutInTheUK.

Note still not talking about how I am actually feeling... clever no?

Wednesday, September 18, 2002

In a bad mood still... so let's focus on some funny things....

We all remember Stephen don't we? You know... my ex? Well in a bizarre "ain't it a small world?" type thing it has come to my attention that Pete's dad has him on his MSN friends list. Hmmmmm..... how freaky!

At work I had lunch with Suzanne/a, who I think I scared (in the best possible way). We were talking about the two new blokes.. sexy Dutch bloke and Terry, MT's mate. She was amazed I know so much about them (had been using my detective skills). The Dutch blokes name is Bas.. etc.

So the conversation turned to MT, as an example of my brilliant detective skills. She looked at me in shock and fear as I recited what I know of him. Then she goes... "Is that Andy's brother?".... "Yes" I scream excitedly..... "Oh I live round the corner from them then."

As you can imagine my jaw dropped open... "Oh you do, do you? So where do you live?"

She laughed, then slowly stopped as she realised I wasn't joking..... "You're serious aren't you?!"

Anyway shall find out where MT lives... it is only a matter of time.... God I scare myself sometimes.....

In a cheerful incident was randomly given choccy donut at work.... yum!

And Pete I am so not the loudest person you know.... I mean there is..... and...... bugger....

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

And The There Were 2.

That is what a rather downcast Emily scribbled on my pad today at work. :o( All us temps were rather downcast. We liked Ben. And who will be next?

I will miss Ben. All the other gay men I have known I have either been going out with or are friends of people I have been going out with. Ben was just a work mate, and I loved that. Now he is gone, and work won't be the same again.

Yesterday only got worse, as my finances continue to unravel and I made several social faux pas.

So won't dwell on it. Instead..... check out this interesting idea...... here Found at Emily Dubberley

And Saddam has made a concession.... see here Now when he breaks this agreement (and he will) we can legitimatly go in and take him out. Hopefully the US will set up a democracy and not their usual mess.

Another Folkestone person?..... here

And oh my God who remembers this picture of a certain person we all know?..... here Can you guess who it is yet?

Monday, September 16, 2002

I think this may be the worst week in my life in ages, and ages.

So I am poor. My debts don't seem to be going down. My friends, all bar Zoe, John and Elliot, are leaving. And now Ben has been sacked from Eurotunnel.

Poor Ben. I really hope he is okay. He made going to work fun. :o(
Well yesterday was very random.

I was slowly, but surely, going out of my mind. Tony and Mum have begun to pack (note we move out in a month!). Thus they asked stupid questions like "Can we throw this out?" while holding up my first edition #1 2000AD. I had started to get annoyed. That was when Pete phoned and I made my escape, praying my parents didn't do anything foolish.

We met up outside his house, where he told me stories of the week past. I realised he and Laura and other bods are leaving this weekend!! And I have no money to go out and get drunk with 'em. Sheesh!

We went to the co-op where Pete discovered the deep mystery that is the co-op automatic door. We wandered along to Safeways, annoyed Zoe, then went to 'Spoons and had a meal, (thanks Pete) and headed back to Safeways to meet Zoe. She had already left. Bought some water, and as we wandered towards her house, Pete throw some at me. To get himself back he tipped water over his head..... hmmmm.... what was that about?

He turns to me "What is his name?" "Who?" I ask stupidly..... "The ninja pirate." he replies as if this should have been obvious.......... this really sums up our conversations. For the answer check out here

We got to Zoes house, and were reminded how cool Jody and her boyfriend Russell are. They don't just tolerate our inane babble. They think it is amusing. We bow to them.

Leaving Zoe's we headed to the beach... I think, it is a bit blurry. There we wandered, and then sat on some well placed rocks, staring contemplatively out to sea. I realised that in Lympne, there is no sea. :o( There used to be in Roman times.... but no more.... And I realised this would be everyones last Sunday together. Claire, Adam and Chris are already gone. Sam leaves in a couple of days. And then the rest....

Oh wait I remember we went shopping and saw Annie. Now I know from Pete, Ellie was asking about me the other night.... but so was Kira.... I am pleased!! People like me.

OK so then we went to Petes as he smelt. Here we searched his entire collection of music (all 1000 tracks)..... wow! Then we moved on.... to my house? Did we do anything between that? Here we stayed for a while.

Then in the dark we returned to the beach, scared Zoe with scary stories while I looked out over the bay at all the bright lights and dreamed I was feeling better and had a boyfriend and was happy.

Then we went home.

Random stuff.

Sunday, September 15, 2002

So today is my day off. It annoys me very much to have a day off on a weekend as it means I have to deal with my family. And I don't like that one bit. It is only half nine and already mum has start stressing over things. It really gets to me.

I am very horny today. Very, very dirty minded.

I think I may go back to bed, read a little, and avoid my family like the plague. OK so maybe I will go surf some more blogs and stuff.....

Saturday, September 14, 2002

Ever since I started work, it would seem, ben and Emily have been telling everyone I am gay, forgetting to mention Ben was too. It was rather disconcerting to discover this today. Not a bad thing just like "Huh, am I THAT obvious?" kind of thing. Seems Toby looks like a scared deer all the time as he has been warned I am a bit of a sex crazed bloke..... this rep is really bad!!

Very quiet on the phones today so me and Reena spent time discussing The Sign, which she saw last night. Says it is very good.
Had lunch with ben and random long haired bod. They both insinuated I was a slut. Hmmmmmm...... I tell you I am innocent!! I am so not a slut. Honest. :o(

Right shan't dwell on house move. Shall do my best to forget as it is just making me unhappy. I have already begun to fall back into my fantasy land, my minds safe haven. So I will remain unhappy but will try to find something to cheer myself up, which brings me back to my sugar daddy plea! Oh and John when pretending to be MT try not using your email address!! :o)

I hate living here, so horrible. Have discovered amazing mathematical equation: depression + lonliness = very horny jae.

Am I the only one who enjoys getting random searches directing to my site!!

Friday, September 13, 2002

OK so I am talkative today. I have been on a late shift... on early tomorrow.... aaaahhhh!!

Stacey at work seems to be a good laugh. She seemed genuinely pleased to see me today.

Jenny, who I find out is not in fact a true supervisor but is just standing in (for like a year), seemed to make a joke when I said "I have a long one on the phone" (my speak for "help I am about to die, as customer is sssssooooo stupid"). "You wish" she said with a dry smile. Hmmmm.....

Mmmmm.... think I will dream of Sam H tonight.. he was looking very good. He scared everyone when taking orders.... "And what do you want?" "And you?" "And Jason how can I help you?" Everyone jumped, gave him a suspicious look and Marie-Anne asked "How do you know his name?" in a very suspicious way. :o) After we explained she laughed and said "Jason knows all the boys". I really do think I have a bad rep. Greg said something similar today. OK call me mister celibate from now on. (not that I will actually be celibate but hey, who cares?)
Oh joy the evil ones (formerly parents) are arguing again. Ggggggrrrr...... can't they do this in the privacy of their own lives well away from mine. After all I have lived here more than mum, Tony and the twins. I don't expect them to argue in front of me. Anyone wanna come join me in a faux argument to ruin their day? :o)

Just before I went to work I watched Prince Charming by Adam Ant... I love that song. I love that video. And he is gorgeous!! Yes I know this pic is from Stand and Deliver (Oi Oi You're Money or your life....) but I love it!!

Work was great Colin and Selani left ( :o( ) but had lunch with the team which was nice. 12 of us went and I was the only bloke (Roy didn't come) we spent two and half hours dossing in restaurant. Was served by dishy Sam H (former head boy for all who are confused).

OK I am now accepting applications for sugar daddies..... any offers?
I keep thinking about Lympne (is that how you spell it?) And I keep thinking how lonely it will be. Here in Folkestone I am ok, I need not spend anytime at home, there are plenty of places to go.... town, the cinema, the co-op ( :o) ), out with my friends, or just for a walk. There is a cruising area, a gay bar, and somehow that makes me feel better, knowing they are there even if I use them hardly ever.

In Lympne all these things are a bus journey away. I know that sounds ok. But I walk almost everywhere. I don't like public transport (my legs don't fit and I hate human beings...... causes problems!!). I will not use it. And thus I will be trapped. Away from any hope or joy. I could think positively, but shan't. Now I have nothing in my life. No home. No freedom. No love. No privacy. All have been taken from me.

And, may I add, I am pretending it isn't that bad to my parents face, I don't want to be accused of using emotional blackmail again. So remain silent, but tearful in my room.

Thursday, September 12, 2002

My life is like over. First I am told that we are DEFINETLY moving to Lympne. Then I am told Scooby is being given away to some body in Tony's family.

I think I shall begin planning JK on the Run II. I am not even remotely happy. Far fucking from it. Rather die.
Ben, Emily and I had lunch with a girl called Emma, she is bisexual. She is great.... but Colin, Helen, Steph, and Selani have all left, or are leaving tomorrow. :o( My newest playmates are leaving. Just as I was leaving someone phoned in a bomb threat. The police arrived, very scary.

Walked home with old lady from call centre.... she is very nice, and one of those cool, Lib Dem voting old ladies. Still don't know her name.

Somehow was persuaded to do a late shift tommorrow... oh and it is team lunch at Paul's tomorrow.. what shall I wear?

Note my links section is growing!! If you have an icon you want me to use to link to your site send it to me and I shall do so!!
I am so horny today. Aaaaahhhh..... but have no credit on phone. :o( And so cannot contact Mike or Jon (using my home phone is a big NO NO). Aaaaaahhhh.... and it is unlikely I will be able to till next pay day. I have ten quid to survive on for one whole week!! Really need a shag. I am sorry you have to put up with this but, hey, I am only writing how I feel.

Anyways, saw the documentary "9/11" (God I hate that way of dating its 11/09 people!) which was harrowing, disturbing but insightful. It was strange to see inside the World Trade Centre (it is not Center!).And even stranger to hear the sound of bodies hitting the ground.

Wednesday, September 11, 2002

OK, I have just got a nasty letter from debt company. Don't worry can sort it, just. BUT..... I will not be able to go out next week. So to all my real life mates, I shan't be able to go out on any trips that involve.... money. I will not borrow money from you either. So I will be here at home should you need me. And if you go around each others houses I will come, as long as money is strictly not involved. Okay?

Today went spiffingly (word of the week!) and realised how really, really cute cute new guy is. Toby is so last week!! I know I am fickle.... but it isn't like I will ever get with these blokes (bad memories of Claire's avoiding committment comment spring to mind!!

Security warnings everywhere at work, held a six minute silence (well one minute plus another 5 minute phone silence.)
We here at come back to what you know remember the victims of 11/09/01. We shall, in respect of their memory, continue as normal. Don't let the terrorists win. Go see how I feel here

Ah! Just cut myself shaving. Is this not the most embarassing thing ever? Going out wearing no clothes is less embarassing!! It makes you feel like everyone is saying "Duh! He can't even shave!!!"

Talking of embarassment, have to face ben today. :o/ Oh well he sent me a text yesterday saying how the new sexy temp was training with his team.......... grrrr...

Got an email from man who wrote that Attitude article. How cool is that? :o)

Tuesday, September 10, 2002

"You come over unannounced
dressed up like you're somethin' else
where you are and where it's at you see
you're making me
laugh out when you strike your pose
take off all your crappy clothes
you know you're not fooling anyone
when you've become

Somebody else round everyone else
Watching your back, like you can't relax
Trying to be cool you look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
and You fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no no"

Complicated Avril Lavigne
Firstly I must apologise for the comments, they seem to randomly appear, disappear, and reappear again. This is beyond my control, I think, so bear with it.

Secondly..... Happy 20th Birthday Claire!!!!!

So got a taxi with Pete into town, had no money, and we went in Spoons. I do believe we have struck up a friendship with one of the barmen!! So got a drink, went upstairs, was joined by Elliot and John, then by Claire and her friends Heli and Alex (last seen here). Ben soon turned up. I was not drunk, and after much scaring of poor Ben, Heli and Alex, we moved on to the club. To find it closed. It was v. embarassing. grrr......

Anyway this made me very annoyed. I walk Ben back to the taxi rink, where he said Claire was cool and he liked John, but hated Pete. And I apologised like a hundred times for the night. Did other stuff.... went to Leas Club, went to Claires house, walked home, and Elliot and John stayed over.

Anyway am in bad mood with self........ NB Jason don't go clubbing, or invite Ben, or do anything. OK?

Listening to Shaven Haven.

Claire said something to me last night. She told me I was avoiding commitment and emotional involvement by only fancying those blokes who are completely unattainable.... MT for instance. I don't think she quite understands me very well........ what kind of scary guy could become emotionally involved with me? Stephen, quite possibly. I am all up for it, just I don't believe other blokes would be with me. I am just too weird.

Monday, September 09, 2002

The Circus Comes To Town

Today was really great at work...... spoke to many people who I usually am too shy to speak to.... Reena, Stacey mainly (they sit opposite me and in direct eye view about 1 foot away and I never speak to them!!). Stacey went slightly..... erm.... hyper on candy floss, and threw popcorn and drew me pictures, and said things like "he is naked" down the phone to my customers..... v. funny.

Candy floss? I hear you ask. Well it was circus day at work invovling fun games ("Fishy Duckie!! Fishy Duckie"), pop corn, sweets, dips and as much candy floss as you could eat. I won a box of mint white chocolate matchmakers!! Some came dressed up....... everyone was smiley and happy, and we paid little attention to "customers".

At lunch Ben chatted excitedly about tonight.... am going clubbing but don't want to..... but Ben and Pete are making me..... Ben said if he likes my friends he will let me go home early...... looks like a late night for me then.... :o)

Ben also mentioned how "we" (who are we?) have been looking for this site...... it isn't hard so will find it soon...... try "Darren day topless" that seems to work..... should I edit old posts to avoid embarrassment?

New new new temps started today...... one really cute..... me and Ben fought over who was going to be allowed to have him.....

Sunday, September 08, 2002

OK so got home, had a bath, and then texted Pete to see if he was still up for shopping. We decided to go to Ashford on a train. At the station we found a strange glowing box with two buttons on it. One said "Information" the other "Emergency". Being sensible we pressed infomation........ In a loud booming voice "You are being recorded, and the police have been called" We sat down like good little boys. Police never came. After a while old lady shouts across platform "Trains ain't running anymore, ya need to catch a bus".

Yeah right, we thought. We headed for town, creating a crazy new plot for this site called "A Who's Who of Folkestonecore". Went to Smiths, saw Annie, bought a magazine, then went into Debenhams. We became hopelessly lost, left through a side door and tried again. This time we found clothes, Pete had a fashion crisis so returned to see Annie for advice. "Black" was her advice. We went to Mark One where Pete found a snazzy number but were hungry so left for McDonalds then would return to buy it. Saw camp server again (name of Gareth) and meet up with Elliot.

Finding Mark One now closed (Grrrrr says Pete) we headed into Marks and Sparks then to Spoons, see Lesbian Bar Maid who gives Pete...... the "look". Then headed down to beach, Elliot bought a shirt...... I became horny again at sight of beefy boy topless..... darn well at least that was 3 non-horny hours!!

Return to Spoons for meal, (hadn't we just had McDonalds?) and barman from last night seemed pleased to see pete had survived Uber-Shot. Discovered Elliot was also incredibly horny..... it really is catching, and I apologise all who catch this from me!! Walked to Gee's saw Vicky, had chips (more food) then went to beach (again) where we laid down burnt things and meet Sam. Went and got more chips. (hhhhmmmmm) Cruised in Sam's car, Pete hung out window, went on porn hunt for Elliot which ended in me buying coke (cola). Went to the play park (oh the memories) scared a couple having sex, Pete hung out window more, lost his wallet, went home.

Now that was random!!!
Nice day today. The train ride up was quick and pleasant, and gave me some “alone time” in which to ponder. Trains. The only way to travel. Even when it is still way too early on a Sunday!!

Well I am satisfied for now, Mike was v. good. V. good indeed. That is all I am going to say. But seems my early start has left me with a lot of day off to fill!!!

Have to clean out my bottom draw today… am very scared what I will find, it has become my place of hiding stuff I didn’t want to face… time to face my past.

So you think things are getting better do you? It has been a while hasn’t it?

Today’s topic: Male Rape.

All of the below is the edited work of Johann Hari, writing a very emotive article in Attitude read it.

50% of all men who rape other men are “straight”… That is a shocking statistic, if you imagine how many men who rape women are “gay”, now isn’t it?

Let us hear from Jan Evans, Maidstone Prisons Sex Offender Treatment Programmes co-ordinator, about one such monster. “He was to all intents and purposes heterosexual… but then he found he had a crush on one particular bloke in his office.”

“This person was very quiet, only a lad, about 17 or 18… so he targeted this one bloke and really bullied him… [after an office party] he drove him to a car park and raped him. He was so disgusted at his feelings that he blamed the victim for the whole thing. He stabbed this boy and set him on fire.” The boy survived but was permanently disfigured.

Did you know that only 5% of all male rape is reported… 5%!!!!!!!!

In the prisons meanwhile…

“I’ve been sentenced for a D.U.I. (driving under the influence) offence. My third one. When I first came to prison, I had no idea what to expect. Certainly none of this. I’m a tall white male, who unfortunately had a small amount of feminine characteristics. And very shy. These characteristics have got me raped so many times I have no more feelings physically. I have been raped by up to five black men and two white men at a time- I’ve requested protective custody only to be denied. (The prison) said there was nowhere to run to, and it would be best for me to find a man I would/could willingly have sex with.”

“I probably have Aids now. I have great difficulty raising food to my mouth from shaking after nightmares. I’ve laid down without physical fight to be sodomised. My heart and spirit have been raped as well… that’s something I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for.”

And that dear Constant Reader comes from the supposedly most advanced nation on earth… the USA.

Things here are no better.

“…. A study by the respectable academic magazine Prison Journal surveyed prisoners and found out that an extraordinary 21% of inmates had been forced at least once to have sex in prison. Gay men are particularly targeted for rape on the spurious grounds that they will enjoy it or be more ‘practiced’”

Maybe we should think again before we make those “soap in the shower” jokes, don’t you agree?

I was so upset by this article I was almost physically sick… it contains many stories… And the scary thing is… what can we do about this? How can we stop those who rape other human beings (be they male or female)?

What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted.

1. Get to a safe place as quickly as possible.
2. Call someone who can help you – a friend or relative.
3. Do not shower, eat, drink, or change clothes. You would destroy evidence, which you might need if you want to prosecute.
4. Get medical attention. If you go to a police station straight away and explain what has happened they will arrange this for you. Do not feel embarrassed about your injuries- doctors and nurses are used to dealing with injuries to the penis or anus, and they will treat it just like they would a broken arm or a burst eardrum. You might have internal injuries, or have contracted a STD that can be treated at this early stage.
5. Write down everything you can remember about what happened. It will be the last thing you want to right now but it could be vitally important as evidence.

Saturday, September 07, 2002

Ah...... am soooooooooo horny. Scared toby with glares of lust so badly he looked like deer caught in head lights (v. sexy deer may I add). Pete and Chris came round, chatted to Greg, then went out in search of.,.... Sarah. Went to Sainsburys.... saw MT's car, went into trance, saw him inside, looking gorgeous and making already horny Jae very, very horny!!

Went to Leas Club, said goodbye to Chris, who is going back to Sunderland and stealing Zoe till Friday. :o( Found out Laura is in Menorca. :o(

Pete and I discussed horny status (seems my horniness is catching both he and Claire claim I, innocent Jae, have corrupted them, huh!) then Annie plus two nice random people arrived. Jody (Zoe's sister) and her boyfriend came to see us. They are scary in that they seek out our company despite our scariness. Love them as they are COOL.

Followed Annie and chums down to Spoons like little lost sheep. Pete made one of Annies friends drink an uber-shot. It is v. scary. Everyone left I ordered taxi, eyed up gay men leaving Spoons gave them "the look" (see Troubled Diva's site for more info). Pete I think I may coming clubbing more.... seems Folkestone gay population is finally reaching high levels...... the club is now MIXED!!!

OK must have sex with bouncer at Leas Club. His arms are SSSSSOOOOOOOO nice. Having sex tomorrow, plus may go shopping with Pete........ mmmmmm sex and shopping.........

And Pete, Annie Mike is not too old. He is just the right age for his sexual manliness.........
Hmmmm *ponders* why is our group so unlike any other? I mean, of course we are not like those preppy Leas Club people. They are far too uptight. But I thought that more "alternative" people would be more fun. But they are not.

My group of friends are liable to be silly, to dance and sing loudly in public, to loudly discuss sex and random stories while sitting near old people. It seems few other groups like to have any fun, instead seem more interested in sitting in Leas Club/Spoons and talking quietly. So I order all Folkestone people to: 1)sing while waiting in a queue. 2)when in groups of two or more, discuss your fav sex position/how long it has been since you had sex. Do this preferably on bus/train/at a crowded bar. 3)pole dance around any thing even remotely resembling pole.... post box/pillar/policeman. Really put your back into it!!

NB.... all of above copyrighted to Pete.

Friday, September 06, 2002

It really does seem to take hours for anything I publish to appear on my site. This is only relatively recently this has started to occur. I spend loads on this blog.... and still it takes ages to publish my... erm..... really interesting comments (yeah right)

Anyway am very horny. I have been down spoons, found gay population is increasing daily..... where are they coming from?

Mike keeps doing dirty texting every night, which is making me like gagging for it. Need man..... must have man..... yummy men.....
I went out on Wednes. night. Saw Becky and Ben. Love them. Had nasty incident involving my lap and pint of lager. Grrr....

Yesterday got up early, walked to train station with John and Pete, they had to go back in Airport stlye rush as had forgotten passport!! Got train to Dover, got tickets for ferry, had depressing thoughts about looks. Ferry was fun (NB: was with Annie, Chris, Claire, John, Pete, Sam and Zoe) as annoyed old people with such classy songs as "White Wedding" by Billy Idol (see below) and George Micheal's "Outside". Left bar just as the sound of Gloria Gaynors "I will Survive", sighing with satisfaction at job well done.

France was as always great (feel much better mentally when in France) had fun, although everyone else appeared tired/annoyed. But I love le French so Yah!!

Went round Claires after watched Goonies had serious (ly good) chat.

V. excited bout Sunday now.
I went to France yesterday and will tell you graphic (makes it sound more interesting than actually was) details when I get home later on.

OK am I a whore? When I am not having sex I complain loudly about being boring, prudish and just in need of good shag. When I have to choose between two men for sex fun on Sunday, I feel like a whore. What is up with this?

Well shall be a whore if that is what it takes. Have choosen Mike and shall be going to his place..... in Margate...... on Planet Thanet....... aaaaaahhhhhhh. But he is super great in bed, so shall not worry 'bout being there.... not like I need to interact with the yokels is it?

Anyone else noticed how horny I am..... I don't know where it has come from but seem to have gained massive kick of testosterone. Rarg..... scary man.

Wednesday, September 04, 2002

:o( Am in bad mood. Entirely my own fault. Should not of gone out tonight. Shall remember that in future.

Have decided not to go see psychiatrist on Friday. Don't think anyone can make me better.

Texting with Jon, and with Mike, who I got back in contact with a couple of days ago and he just sent his phone number by email. He is quite a bit older than me and we haven't slept together in ages, but currently just want someone to hug and stuff so anyone (male) will do.
OK work is getting interesting.... ok not interesting but at least less repetitive....

My team won the insurance incentive!!! This means we get a double long lunch breaks all next week and on Friday the 13th a real slap up meal!! Yum!! Because of the stress caused by the telegraph offer on Monday, the big bosses (you know the real power brokers) bought all us lowly scum, chocolates and jelly sweets. And lots of them may I add. *Jae sighs contentedly*

And on Monday it is circus theme day, should I go in fancy dress as advised? Or just eat all the pop corn and stuff?

Am going to Leas Club in a bit to see Becky, and Emily and possibly Ben. Work bods UNITE!!

Chris is back visiting YAH! And we are off to France tomorrow .... again, I hear you cry!! Yeah twice in two weeks is a bit indulgent but hey I am young!!

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

Comments are working so say hi!!!

I have decided that I need a sugar daddy. Well it all started today. There I was eating my lunch with ben and German Steph, and Steph asked Ben how he could afford all this stuff he eats (he eats loads!!). He brought out a bank card. "This card is in my name. But all the money on it is my boyfriends, which he allows me to spend as I wish." Plus Ben's boyfriend is a rugby player and owns several businesses. Here is a picture that I think shows my jealousy...

I want one. I want one right now!! Not in a minute. NOW!! :o) I am not shallow, much!

We have sold the house. Which was nice.

Nose still hurts after Saturdays shenaigans. Had many comments on haircut, all good. Geoff seemed particularly taken with it.

Alisha's Attic "Push It All Aside"

We have got to stop fighting
We have got to learn to get along
We have got to know for a relationship in heaven
We've got to tame the devils on our tongues

Oh it gets harder every time, we both cross the invivible line
It feels like we're on two different planets
We're broken who's gonna fix us, and put us back together again

So let's push it all aside
Take a swallow of pride
And realise
That nothing could be sweeter than loving each other
If we forget who was wrong and who's right

Yeah let's push it all aside
take a swallow of pride
and realise
that nothing could be sweeter than loving each other
if we forget who was wrong and who's right

We have got to stop fighting
And put our ammunition to one side
We have got ot understand exploding
isn't ever gonna close the gap between us
it's too wide

Oh it gets harder every day
We spit back at each other and say
It feels like we're on two different planets
But when all the damage is done
It's too late to be sorry

So let's push it all aside
Take a swallow of pride
And realise
That nothing could be sweeter than loving each other
If we forget who was wrong and who's right

So lets get some understanding
Just take a deep big breath and say
You can forget all the words I said
Keep them far away
Cos they don't mean what I meant
Now they're gone anyway

Monday, September 02, 2002

Hmmmm am still way too horny, despite having had sex. This is just my luck and means more sex is called for.

Seems Zoe has been texting with someone who she assumed was me. Wondered why I hadn't heard from her. Seems this Jae (we shall call him "Jae-Z") wouldn't mind using her "tunnel" Definetly not me!!

Saw sexy next door neighbour guy (the one I only ever see in the summer) at barbers today, wearing very little as always. Was wearing big baggy shorts which enabled very good view of boxers, not of course that I was perving or anything. Sexy neighbour guy looks like....

Hmmm... evil daily telegraph offer has, as predicted sent all us call centre agents slightly go-ga. In fact I pray for the return of ordinary customers, as Daily Telegraph ones are more stupid and more nasty. And considering our normal customers that is saying something. One person made my supervisor cry. EVIL!!

In better news I have had a haircut (woohoo no more traffic accidents as people slow down to stay at my fluffy hair style)

Ben was outed at his sisters birthday. He brought his boyfriend round, and when asked who this older man was, Ben's drunken sister shouted "He is Ben's boyfriend!" Well done Ben, you have past the first trial. Ben leaves in 3 weeks. :o( We will miss him. We being me.
Just had strangest dream. It started out with me living in some East Coast town, happy as Larry. Then my therapist (!) arrives and tells me we must visit my home town to "face my demons". Said home town was at max, 150 yards down the road.....

Anyway once there the car broke down, I lost the therapist, and storm brewed up forcing me to seek refuge in an American style cinema. Where to my horror I discovered a lost enclave of people still watching Star Wars: The Musical, which is very scary.

Escaping from that neverending hell (the film was on a constant loop), I sought refuge in a house with a young mother, her eight year old son ,and a crazy old lady with a pet iguana. It quickly became apparent that said town was under attack from a group of neo facist soldiers, and I must say the old ldy was a mean shot and great for defending the house.

We hatched a cunning plot, and headed for channel tunnel (in America?). We were stopped at immigration by v. cute soldiers, at which point dream went off at a tangent, a not unpleasant one may I add.

Dream ended with us escaping from neo facists..... strange.

Please note I continue to find Darren Day inexplcably sexy, and he turned up in an earlier dream..... OK people this is a good taste EMERGENCY!!

Sunday, September 01, 2002

:o( Embarrassed my self no end last night. Let us see: broke chair, danced badly, had nose bleed, managed to accidently phone Mum while going to toilet, thus letting her and Tony hear me pee. Numerous other things as well but shan't mention them. Grrr..... I AM NEVER DRINKING AGAIN.

John stayed over, and I awoke at about 8am in a chair downstairs, jumped up thinking gosh will be late for work, John informed me I had no work to go to. Chatted with Greg and then went back to bed, had bath, and then Jon (different person to John) came round for me.

Jon was looking great, wearing white t-shirt and jeans, sitting in his car (a green Laguna if interested), and smiling a sweet smile. Spent trip to his house catching up, me doing my usual stories of "fun" at eurotunnel, him doing his "One time, in the City (financial district of London by the by)....." stories.

Got to his place where we had lots and lots of good, harmless fun. 'Twas very good. Got home around half three... found large roast dinner waiting for me which I consumed quickly, was purring like a cat who got the milk.

But happiness was not to last long. Mum started going on about retiring in 3 years (she is only 35!!) and then about moving to Lympne. She asked me why I didn't want to go there. I told her it was far away and if they moved there I would just have to get my own place. This was not emotional blackmail but mum seemed to think it was. She told me that I would get depressed living on my own. I told her my depression is not caused by lonliness, that in fact somedays I wouldn't mind some space to myself. Tony stood up for me for once.

She is now sulking after her suggestion that she bought me a flat was rejected as "control freakkery" by Tony. I had only mentioned I might one day think of moving into my own place. And now I am in bad mood have stocked up on newspapers, coke and chocs and shall retreat to my room, with my incredibly out of control hair.... note to self get hair cut....