As the year draws to it's end let's take a look back through the power of Temporal Vision! *imagine swirly lines and a satisfying whirring sound now...*
So we'll end the year with some random posts. Todays theme is totally random hot men! Hello! I love arms... I really love arms... and bums... and Philip Olivier... This cutie is from Male and Beautiful
Just a little further. I've got more but Blogger is playing up... :(
Not in a mood to write so here's one I prepared earlier.
In this world we gays have to put up with homophobia from some hetrosexuals. But the thing that annoys me more than homophobic hetrosexuals is homo homophobics.
Some of them just don't like "camp" guys and think they give the rest of us a bad image. Erm. Camp guys, and tranvestites, are our front line. They are the people who have to put up with the worst of the crap. We need to respect them not attempt to pretend we have nothing to do with them like they are some kind of disease carrier. You can't believe that societies acceptance should be based on us cutting off our more obvious members!
Some of them don't like anal sex or anything that might "feminise" men. They like to call themselves "goys". Now theirs is a perfectly acceptable sexual preference, being into frottage etc is not a bad thing. But the way they talk about the gay community on some of their pages makes me sick. Some even refer to us as perverts! Erm. No. Just because I like anal sex, I'm not a pervert. If I meet a goy who thinks I'm a pervert I may not be able to resist beating their wimpish arses till they scream like a girl. And no. That doesn't turn me on. I just think it'd be a fitting punishment for daring to call me a pervert.
And some of them are just weird. I once dated a guy (I tried to find a link but got distracted by this weird night out...) this guy was obsessed with Maggie Thatcher, hated "blacks" and thought gays should keep to themselves. Obviously this was just one date and I walked out half way through. But really. WEIRD!
Sorry if this looks awful again. Still having no luck publishing with Blogger so am using a second rate desktop publisher.
Yesterday Jim made a fab dinner which was so huge I cannot begin to describe it. I still feel full. Ok. I can still force a few After Eights down. But otherwise...
Doctor Who was on last night!! The Runaway Bride was quite good. The monster wasn't exactly scary (very eighties...) but Catherine Tate was a laugh. And David Tennant is the best Doctor ever. And I want to have his babies or him to have mine. I still can't quite decide which so I say both for now. I suppose at this time of year it is better to give than receive... :) Oh I am in a disgusting mood this morning...
Boxing Day today and I'm off to Martine and Nicks to see the family.
Hope everyone is having a lovely festive Christmas!
Sorry this looks a mess, blogger is messing about...
Friday had a lovely Christmas lunch with the team in the Riverside. Mmm... Guinea Fowl.
Yesterday we got up, reluctantly, and headed to Greenwich market to get the final finishing touchs for our Christmas. Now I had been dreading it all week. I imagined crowds of people, pushing and shoving and being their usual stupid selves. But no! We got there early, it was still practically empty and we were in and out within minutes. It was great! I got an impulse purchase present for Mum to go with the planned one; a hand made glass vase. I bought my auntie Martine a lovely candle holder. We bought some cheeses, some bread and curries for lunch from our little Thai lady. Nice!
Christmas telly has begun! Gremlins was on. It can't be Christmas until they've shown Gremlins. Love that movie. And Twins was on, which is rubbish except for the scene in the motel room where Arnie is half naked. Oh my God he still does it for me.
We have more food than two people could eat. Luckily I count as 2 myself so with Jim I'll have it sorted by the end of Christmas Day!
And now "thanks" to Bryn for tagging me with this...
The rules:
1. The player with this game starts with "3 wishes he/she would love to get for Christmas" and also has a list of "3 wishes he/she definitely does not want for Christmas"
2. Then he/she tags 5 friends and list their names.
3. The ones who get tagged need to write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, as well as state this rules clearly, then tag 5 more victims.
4. And the ones who tag need to leave a comment that says, "You've been Christmas tagged!" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
My Wishes
1. To have the dedication to make myself look good for Jim next year. Clothes, body and mind.
2. For everyone, everywhere (even all those who have annoyed and upset me this year) to have a peaceful, fun and safe (ish don't wanna be boring now do we???) Christmas.
3. To find a way to match up my interests and a job. This is my deepest wish and given that my interests are obscure (cryptozoology anyone?) it's unlikely.
My Non-wishes
1. To lose Jim
2. To have to move from Greenwich. Fingers crossed for me.
3. To still be doing customer service this time next year. Truely it has broken me. I swear (ashamed, I am). I hate. I feel homicidal. Must move on.
Victims
Everyone who has received a Christmas greeting from me on their blog. Ner
Dear Constant Reader, I have failed you! Today I received an email which complained about the lack of pics recently. I hadn't even noticed. I'm so sorry. I beg you forgiveness and submit the following for your consideration.
Philip Olivier - That boy has the perfect... everything! He just makes me feel dirty. In a very good way
Jensen Ackles Makes Me Hot. My Man of The Year Award is going to him. Just thought I'd let you know.
Charles Dera Is A Very Naughty Boy. I'm sorry but this man turns me on so much. He is the personification of animal attraction.
We Have Bush. I Repeat... We Have Bush. Don't you just wanna pull those sheets down a little further? And those lips are just begging to for a kiss.
As most people will be beginning their Christmas Internet Hibernation may I just say Merry Christmas! Have a brilliant time!
Ok... Just had an email from a customer accusing me of not being able to spell (there was no spelling mistake in my email!) and of stealing her money (because she received a receipt for her payment she thinks we've charged her twice. Stupid). Don't they know it's Christmas time at all?
Went to the Vauxhall DHL depot to collect a parcel for Jim. It was a bit of an ordeal (the entrance gate was too short for me which was fun, and I had to put up with probing questions about why I was picking up Jim's parcel) but I got it. As I left some guy started off on one about the fact no one told him he needed ID to pick up his parcel. People really are DUMB. Could you imagine the fuss he'd kick up if they gave his parcel to someone else! IDIOT.
On the way out I did impress the gate house people by resting my parcel on the top of the gate, squeezing through and collecting the parcel from the top on the other side. I don't think they'd ever seen anyone do that before.
And I don't think Jim is in a very good mood with me.
I walk up to the little Delice De France I use for my occassional Pain Au Chocolat needs this morning and join the queue. The little lady is serving someone when she looks up and sees me. She smiles sweetly and while distracting the person she is serving I see her reach for the pain au chocolat. I knew what she intended to do straight away. Before I knew I had been forceably queue jumped and was wandering off with my breakfast followed by the evil eyes of the rest of the queue.
I was kind of pleased that she treated me with such respect, but a little sheepish as queue jumping is my last taboo. I feel so ashamed. She forced me to queue jump! But how could I not take the delicious food as she held it out to me?
In other news I do believe that I've had enough of answering customer queries already today and it's not even 9.00am. Hello people... if you wanted some desks for your office by Friday maybe you should have ordered them before today??? Does that not make sense to anyone? Am I just completely insane for believing in forward planning, especially at CHRISTMAS? Does anyone actually know Christmas Day is on Monday? They seem to act as if it isn't.
And if you place an order, and then a few days later receive an invoice don't write in to the company asking them if they have charged you twice. It'll only cause you to receive an email from some sarcastic bastard like me who will take great delight in mocking you. Sadly said amazing sarcasm will go completely over your head.
I have always been a little self hating. I've always considered myself a little inferior to others, a little uncool, a little imperfect. This has always been my approach to my interactions with others, I will consider them superior to me unless they prove otherwise.
Well this outlook on life isn't working for me. On my daily commute I encounter people who make me look like a genius, who make me look decisive, who make me look bloody awesome.
I always thought people who say "I'm great" or "I love myself" were a little too arrogant and up their own bum. And I've always taken solace in the fact that even when other people screw me over I can say "Well at least I was a nice person and I wasn't arrogant in that encounter". Well fuck that!
I am now prepared to say that there are a lot of people in this world who I am better than. That guy who tried to push in front of me to get to the train. Those two idiots who were hogging the ticket machine during rush hour who weren't even buying a ticket. The stupid people who drive the wrong way down motorways.
And so now rather than put up with these peoples problems (i.e. not make a fuss if someone pushes in front of me or says something offensive) I'm going to change. This morning I told the people hogging the ticket machine to move out of my way. And the guy who tried to push in front of me to get on the train while I was politely letting other people off? Well let's just say he didn't make it onto the train before me. (Elbow. Doom. Nuff said)
I'm 6'9". I have a high IQ. I'm a nice person. I don't have to let people disrespect me. Assertive Jae is here. Screw all the stupid, arrogant, thoughtless bastards of the world.
Is everyone being an arsehole this week? I have just got to work and took a cursory glance at the customer communiques from last night. I have one phrase spring to mind immediately. "Whinging POMs!"
Why do we have to put up with these creatures who think that being nasty is acceptable behaviour? I'm fairly certain this country has more than it's fair share of sociopaths who are selfish, without any morals and lack any concern for the feelings of others.
My opposition to the death penalty reduces day by day.
Firstly: last night I went out to Seven Sisters to hang out with John and Vixie and some of their mates (and some bloke called Elliot... who he? :o) ) Was great to see them all and I was an awesome poker player considering it was my first time, don't you think? 4 hands won in a row! :o) John and Vixie had a Christmas tree with a penguin on top... how cool!!
Now to my main point. I've recently noticed an increase in emails from macrophiles. These are people who LOVE tall people. Being 205cm tall (this blog is going metric because feet and inches really don't mean anything to me!) this means me. I have always got emails from such people, and sometimes even been offered quite large sums of money to have sex with them, beat them up or do many other unmentionable things to them. But I'm now getting about 1 a day.
Now guys I have a boyfriend. I am not going to have sex with you. I am not going to come round your house and let you take pictures of me ducking under your doorway. I sympathise with you, I really do. I'm a bit of a macrophile myself. Nothing turns me on more than a guy taller than me (or those two 213cm Scandinavian guys I saw last year... phwoah...). Email me, by all means. I love chatting with new people. But please do not offer me sex or money unless you are Jensen Ackles. It isn't going to happen. And please do not send me pictures of you looking extremely cute. It makes it painful to say no. ;)
But it is very nice to feel so wanted. :)
Why not check out Big Dons Boys for some pictures of tall guys.
Just read this. Loads of people moaning about Christmas. Some even say that political correctness has ruined it and expressed mock fear of offending someone by saying "Merry Christmas".
These people must live dull lives. Every single non Christian person (Muslims and Hindis) I know has a Christmas tree in their house and I don't think you could offend them unless you insulted their mother!
Is it just me or do some people not deserve Christmas?? How can political correctness ruin a celebration that occurs within your own home?? Do you invite people over to your house at Christmas who you feel awkward around or something? If you do you obviously a bit daft.
But hey there's still some nice people around! Like Mark! He's bought me two presents from my wishlist and thus deserves some big hugs! Thank you so much Mark.
And hey Christians seem to be the moaniest people at Christmas (mainly because us secularists stole the holiday they stole from some pagans. They don't like it up 'em, do they now!!). Dark takes on Christmas are part of a tradition! A Christmas Carol isn't a laugh a minute book! Gremlins, The Nightmare Before Christmas etc etc. Keep the Christmas nightmares coming!
Hmm... last night out with work was a bit mixed. We spent a few hours after work in the office with nibbles and alcohol. We also opened our secret santa present. I was quite proud that the gift I bought was well used and I was so happy with what I got!
I got two huges packages which when opened revealed a "Bowl 'Em Over" game (miniature bowling) and a Aquadraw Bear!! You can imagine the fun a bear which can be drawn upon could create! Nazi Bear! Super Ninja Bear! Naked Bear! :) Thanks to RJ who was my not so secret Santa (the fact he spent more time playing with my toys than I did was a dead give away!!)
After that we had a limo arrive and rode to Mayfair in style, with alcohol and music. Proper cheesy music too which I would have enjoyed more if the three people at the controls hadn't change the song after each first bar was sounded. Grr....
We ate at the Mamounia Lounge. Ok so it looked nice. It was the kind of place you'd bring a lover or have a double date. Romantic, expensive and a way to show off how cultural you are. However. It had a live Moroccan band who were so loud none of us could hear each other. The service was AWFUL and we'd been there three hours and the desserts hadn't even been served. Maybe some people thought that was done so we could enjoy the atmosphere. No. It was done because the kitchen was SLOW. And starter (Wood Pidgeon) was gorgeous. But my stuffed guinea fowl was slightly burnt, something I didn't notice till I'd nearly finished and had no more Red Berry Jus to cover it in. And the place was so poncey! I mean it was filled with all the Nouveau Rich who I HATE. Come on guys get some class! You might dress right but trust me class is so much more than that.
To top it off I had the misfortune to have to sit next to a couple involved in hideous public displays of affection and opposite a gay guy with a very obvious crush on someone else. I kept looking down the table to the fun end and getting jealous.
So, much to the disgust of my manager, I left early (11.30pm). This was when we had to fight to get our coats back! They'd put my coat (without asking me) onto someone elses jacket as well and said person had lost the ticket. They told me and him we'd have to wait till everyone else had left before getting our coats! See what I mean??? Bad service with no style. Needless to say they gave us our coats before everyone else. I just stood there till they went and got it. :) Being an immovable object has it's advantages.
Considering I'd never been there before I was extremely pleased with myself for finding the tube without knowing where it was and without directions. First try. :)
Yesterday I went to lunch with my Mum. She had been in Vauxhall on business so I met up with her and went to the Riverside. It was lovely to have my Mum all to myself for an hour. Tomorrow is her 40th (sorry her 20th 21st) birthday.
I can not believe my Mum is 40! God... she sure doesn't act/look 40. It's funny how some people age so quickly, and some people never grow up! Don't get me wrong my Mum is one of the most intelligent and mature people I know. But she still flirted with the bar man at the riverside and still laughs like a teenager.
My Mum and I have always been very close. We grew up together after all. And we've been through tough times. And sometimes I think maybe she doesn't realise just how much I do love her. So Mum, even though you probably don't read this, I love you. I couldn't have got through some of my worst times without you. And if you ever need me I will always be there for you. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I work in customer service for an online retailer. This may explain the title.
Let's just go through the process. If you need some goods urgently it's best to check the stock before ordering. Our website provides a stock check on the product information screen which shows the customers an estimated delivery date. It's that simple! Just like Amazon!
But customers can't quite comprehend this. Normally we deal business to business mainly with consumers being a small, annoying but tolerated nuisance. But at the moment the business' are quiet (because it's nearly Christmas!!) And consumers are busily buying gifts on our site (WHY?? We don't sell fun stuff!! "Here you go, have a stapler"). And they are stupid.
All day today I've had calls such "I ordered this yesterday and it still hasn't arrived. It's really urgent and this is simply not good enough. Your company are a bunch of twats." I check the order and find no parcel tracking. I become concerned. I check the product on the website. Stock check: 6 + weeks delivery. I go back to customer and just want to say "Hi. Are you blind? Did your brain get removed at birth? And did your mother not teach you that swearing is bad. Swearing at strangers is even worse. So why don't you piss off?"
But of course I don't. But please people, if you order online, read the stock check! If you really urgently need the item and don't check the stock check you are a dumbass who deserves to have an awful Christmas.
And all consumers are constantly in a bad mood. Grr...
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.
It is becoming increasingly likely that there is a serial killer in operation in Ipswich. They would appear to be preying on working girls (for now) in the areas red light district. Some newspapers have begun to compare this case with that of the Yorkshire Ripper. Peter Sutcliffe... what a vile man.
I just wish that each time someone goes missing the BBC didn't refer to them solely as a "prostitute". We get the point. Time to start remembering that these are women that are dying. People. God speed to the police as they hunt this murderer down.
I had my first Christmas dinner of the year on Saturday. It was the TVW Christmas Do and of course yours truly had been invited to attend.
Jim and I headed down to my parents in the early afternoon and I was quickly roped in to helping put the Christmas tree up. Not really a chore, more an oppurtunity to have some fun. Sadly my sister spent the whole time sulking because I'd told her off for talking back to Mum. I'm a mean big brother.
After that Mum drove me down into Folkestone to the East Cliff Pavillion. Last time I was there was for Eurotunnels Christmas Do 2002. I loitered outside and a few people thought I was the bouncer. I had some fun with that, misdirecting people and such like. Well if they are just going to assume...
Finally Stacey arrived and I gave her a big hug. We went in had a pint at the bar. Despite being exactly 3 minutes late (I keep a close eye on such things) we were the first there. I do believe that no one in Folkestone understands the concept of time. Anyhew... the others quickly arrived, mainly new people I didn't know followed by the old crew who all shouted at me loudly and gave me big hugs which confused the new people. The new people spent the rest of the evening giving me odd looks which said "Who the hell are you???" :) While I was at the bar some petite blonde girl approached me and hugged me. Because I was so in my "TVW" frame of mind I couldn't place her for a moment. It was Becky!! Yes Eurotunnel Becky! I was so pleased to see her.
I got sat at Team C's table who haven't calmed down since I last saw them. Before the starters had been brought out they were already singing (I'm taking some artistic license when I say that) "All I Want For Christmas". It was good to see Stacey though.
Before I'd finished my starter I received a text message. Rob was in the Pavillion with his work! And when I met him at the bar, Olly was there too. Olly was someone I used to walk home from school with as he lived in my street. He also first introduced me to the concept of a soggy biscuit. He corrupted my innocent mind! :)
It was a good night and it was nice to chat with Henry and Rosanna.
Got a taxi home. Weirdest taxi ride of my life. I got in and the taxi driver seemed friendly enough and we drove off. We chatted, he asked me what I did for a living and I told him I worked for an internet company. He said he did too so I asked him what line of business it was. He told me it was a bondage business called Victorian Dover. And so we spent the rest of the journey talking about the ins and outs of bondage. Specifically is it Dominatrixs or Dominatrices as the plural of Dominatrix? Dominatrices loses some of the power of the word...
Sunday after two helpings of breakfast (just like the cats I managed to convince two different people to make me breakfast... mwhahahaha) we headed off to Dorking to go visit Paul and Jane. We had a lovely time with lots of alcohol, food and a trip to their local pub where Jim and Paul were accosted by a rather forward lady while playing pool. :)
Got home about 8pm after a busy weekend. I need a couple of days off to recover from the 20 odd pints of beer and the acres of food consumed. Christmas has arrived!
Today was a very sad day indeed. It was Nicks last day! Since Nick started he has been one of the few people at work I really don't mind seeing outside of work. Goodbye Nick! I'm just glad you're not going back to America just yet.
So to celebrate his final day we went down to the Beehive after work, had loads to drink there, before JP, Nick and I headed to Soho and a small cafe called Lido where we met two of JPs elusive friends; one was an arsonist (well his lighter was quite distracting so he couldn't have been anything else) and the other was quite cute, kind of like Nathan from QAF UK. Had a nice night.
Supernatural should be ready for download... I can almost smell Jensen Ackles. I actually got so desperate for a Jensen fix that I read some Supernatural slash. Shudder. Women should not be allowed to write gay erotica. They are so crap at it. It was 15 pages of build up followed by a quarter page of vague fumblings. Just not the same!
Most of the time I don't really notice being tall. Sure I'm 6'9" but I've always been tall, I feel normal!
But some days I really do feel extra tall! Days like today. I feel so awkward on days like this. Just walking through the doors becomes annoying. Normally I duck under them without even thinking about it. But when I feel like this I get to the door, stop, stare into that dusty place above it that very few people ever get to see (trust me when I come round your house I will always find those dusty places you missed!), and then awkwardly duck under the door. It's all a lot of effort.
Recently I've noticed something worrying. I'm starting to get broader. My shoulders are certainly larger than they used to be (I can remember I used to measure them with my hands and wish they were larger... so I know!!) which is not quite as desirable as you might think. The doors in our flat are quite short and quite slim. I'm approaching the point of actually filling them!
And trains. They are becoming annoying. I don't know whether I'm growing again or something but I am now a couple of inches taller than the crevice that leads to the door (I'm probably now half a foot taller than the doors themselves). This makes for interesting travelling on busy trains. Or on trains with an annoying shortarse blocking my way out of the crevice.
I've started to notice the staring again. And the whispers behind my back. No I'm not paranoid!
When I was 16 I was about 6'5" and people began to stop me in the street so they could exclaim "God, aren't you tall?". A couple of years later I got to the height where people stopped doing that and instead would just stop whatever they were doing and stare. Even if they were directly in my way. And they often thought I was deaf and say to a mate "Fuck ain't he tall??".
As a self conscious teenager this used to bother me a lot. But as I grew older I stopped even noticing it. It still happened but unless who I was with pointed it out I wouldn't hear or see it. But it's started to bother me again. And it's starting to make me angry. I want to go up to them and scream at them about how I didn't stare at them despite their horrendous looks, so they might want to extend said courtesy to me. And I didn't really want to mention just how fat their were but if we're mentioning the bloody obvious... etc... etc...
I hate days like this. Maybe screaming at someone might make it better... that'd sure put the fear of God into them.
I'm off work sick at the moment and did take a moment this morning to watch the thunder, lightening and dark clouds from the kitchen window as the rain battered against it. Little did I realise that just a few miles away a tornado had touched down. Amazing, glad no one was killed.
I love watching the news after an event like this, suddenly they are terrified that tornados will start striking everywhere and that this winters weather is going to be awful. One BBC reporter said that authorities were remaining alert as they feared "something" might reoccur.
The conservatives over there are a bunch of arsewipes (much like our own... :) ).
"Just because you can conceive a child outside a one-woman, one-man marriage doesn't mean it's a good idea," she said. "Love can't replace a mother and a father."
What is it about this whole need to have a mother and a father, otherwise the world will go to pot? I grew up without a father. I have never been in trouble, I have an IQ of 129 and I'm a tolerant individual known for his inability to hurt others without a very, very good reason. I'm not saying that's a result of not having a father (I think whether you have a mother, a father or neither doesn't matter a damn!), I'm saying that not having a father did not stop me from growing up a good, intelligent boy.
What I want to know is what consequences people think not having a father will lead to? I think genes are more important. If two nice people conceive a child that child is likely to be nice even if both parents are absent! Check out Chapter 5 of Freakanomics
After many months of not being able to, Blogger has deigned to allow me to "upgrade" to Blogger Beta. Goodbye old template! Hello new (temporary!) one.
If the link to your blog has disappeared let me know. If you want me to link to you let me know!
As a former Blogspot Plus (and Blogger Pro one as well... I've always been a sucker for Blogger) subscriber I used to have the option to not have that annoying search bar above my blog. No more. Grr...
A few days ago some guy who I don't know decided to email me this article. Please do not read it if you don't want to be annoyed. I have been annoyed by it so much that I've finally got to write something down to get it off my mind.
"I told you my first boyfriend left me a month after we got together. The last time I saw him, he said something that frightened and hurt me. I was crying a lot but he didn’t seem to be upset at all. Heartbroken, I asked him why he seemed to show no emotion.
“I’ve been out longer than you,” he told me. “I’ve been with lots of guys, and so will you. After you’ve broken up a few times, it won’t hurt anymore.”
I was shocked. This was my father’s unfair stereotype about gays, and here it was coming out of my (now ex) boyfriend’s mouth! I was angry, but as I got deeper into the gay community, I found that most—if not all—of the gay-identified men I met lived according to these words."
OK. I've been around the block a few times (I was such a tart when I was a teenager!). I have NEVER met a single gay guy like that. This leads me to believe that either that statement is erroneous or this guy made some big mistakes in choosing boyfriends. In fact the whole article reads like some mentally disturbed person is writing on their experience of homosexuality. He seems to believe that the gay men he choose to hang around with are representative of "a lot of" or "most" gay men. This seems flawed considering the story he painted above shows his choice of friends and boyfriends leaves a lot to be desired.
"I never met anyone who was in a long-term, exclusive relationship"
Where did hang o ut at? A sauna??? The local cruising ground???? This guy seriously needs to meet some non scene guys. There's a lot of them. I've met at least 3 couples who have been together more than 20 years. And I don't even socialise with other gay men!
Homosexuality seems to work at first because it satisfies the surface desire. Like I said, we developed homosexual attractions and they’re real. Giving in to them feels good. But even when they are satisfied, the deep longing that’s hiding under the attractions is still there, unmet.
My deep longing was to be ina loving relationship with a man (as I find men highly attractive). Once in a relationship with a man who I love and who loves me any longing disappears. Maybe, I know this might sound strange, this guy was longing for something real gay men don't want!
When I was going to an Exodus group one of the first things that really made me rethink my sexuality was a list my group leaders told me to make. Actually, it was two lists. The first one we made was of all the things we found most attractive in other guys. I had a very specific list: it turned me on when guys were muscular, athletic and confident. There were some other things, too.
A couple weeks later they asked me to make another list. This one was of the things I was most insecure about in myself. Again, I made a very exact list. After I finished, we took out my previous list and compared the two. Unknowingly, I had made two nearly identical lists. Almost every feature I looked for in other guys was something I felt bad about in myself.
This gave credibility to the claim my group leaders made—that I had so far rejected—that homosexual attraction in men is rooted in envy. While this idea seemed insulting to me before, it started to make sense. Growing up, I was always insecure in my appearance, performance, and I was very timid around other boys. These things got in the way of my desire to be accepted by them and be one of them, which is a desire every boy has.
One word: narcissist
I just hate ex gays. I wouldn't mind if they just said "Homosexuality wasn't the answer for me". Ex gays seem to think what they feel is how all gay people feel (secretly). Sorry but nobody knows my mind better than me... homosexuality has been the one light in my life during some seriously dark times. It is not based on my need for a father figure. It is not based on some feeling of envy as to how other guys look. I'm 6'9", I'm a bit above that kind of feeling of inadequacy some people harbour. Why would I envy other guys, I don't want to have their bodies (too much hard work!). I want to HAVE their bodies. If you know what I mean. ;op I was accepted by other boys at school. I have friends from school who I still see (or at least should see more often, still sorry about Saturday guys!!)
I think Archbishop Desmond Tutu (the only one in the world who has my total, unwavering respect) says what I want to say best when he said:
"The orientation is a given, not a matter of choice. It would be crazy for someone to choose to be gay, given the homophobia that is present."
And that is what the ex gay movement is about. It's about people wanting to be straight because they are so small minded that they actually care about how people perceive them. They are scared to be themselves because they obviously find themselves quite disgusting. They are envious, bitter and deeply disturbed. I'd be fine with that except for the fact that they are forcing young gay people to attend their courses. THAT IS WRONG!
Oh well... if anyone out there knows an ex gay remember to give them a hug! They need it.
If you want to read a very interesting study on homosexual couples look here
If you want to read the writings of some fellow ex gay watchers see here
If you want to become an ex gay go here. Please leave this blog!
If you want to buy me a Christmas present go here.
Last night after work I went out with Jim and our friends Paul and Jane. We had a drink in the Thomas Moore, near the Tower of London, before heading to Wapping for dinner at... Il Bordello. As you should know, Dear Constant Reader, this is my favourite restaurant. I felt alarmingly stuffed and quite drunk by the time we fell into the Captain Kidd pub. A nice evening was had by all.
After the delay caused by my laptop dying I've uploaded my curling pictures. The best ones (in my opinion!) are on my Flickr.
Because my laptop died I've pretty much lost all my Thailand pictures. I've got about 30 on Flickr and this blog but I took way more than that. :( Oh well.. the rest of my pictures were on my iPod so phew!
No Supernatural this week. :( But did find out Jensen Ackles is 6'1"! Almost normal height...
Watched But I'm A Cheerleader. Today. Forgot how much I like that movie. Eddie Cibrian helps as well...
As a libertarian I dislike any attempt by the Government to force people to do what they don't want to.
The current proposal is to force people who provide goods and services to end any discrimination against people just because of their sexuality. Not only will this mean Christian charities would have to support homosexuals, it would also mean gay bars and gyms would have to let in hetrosexuals (I don't mind the occasional ones but in large groups they tend to be violent, uncultured yobs, and then it gets left to me to sort out). I'm against it. People shouldn't have to serve homosexuals if they don't want to. That way we'll know to avoid them and also mock them if they try to get services from us (or if we see them in the street).
Now the Christians are obviously against this, you know how they like to ignore the whole goodwill to all men, do unto others as you'd have done unto you etc from the Gospel. Bravo to them I say. Just as long as they realise that the Government should immediately take away all funding for Christian projects (and overtly homosexual ones) and disestablish the Church of England. No more religious education in school. No more state religious schools. No more involvement by religious organisations in our Government. True freedom of conscience! But obviously the Christians will go on about how wrong that would be! Think of the history! They want their cake, and they want to eat it too. They can either have freedom of conscience or they can have a piece of my tax pounds. They have to make a decision.
Oh and all queers should ask everyone they serve if they are Christian or not and obviously act accordingly! ("You want your hair cut? By me? HA! I think not Father")
Christmas is coming and Jae's Wishlist is available. I know I'm cheeky but people have bought me things before... :)
Here's some liberal opposition to the churches from the standpoint of supporting the anti discrimination law.
I love being British but sometimes I wish everyone in this country would just stop MOANING!
I love this quote:
New Zealander Megan McLennan travelled to Copenhagen a few years ago with a friend, hoping to find the festive spirit in abundance.
"We arrived on 23 December, the last day of its Christmas market.
"Queuing at the tourist information centre to find out what would be open over the festive period, we overheard an American couple in front asking the same question. 'But it's Christmas,' the bemused tourism official said. 'Copenhagen is closed'."
"That became the refrain over the next few days as they wandered empty streets, noses pressed against the windows of shut-up shops, restaurants and galleries.
"The only eateries open were the purveyors of ethnic cuisines, typically being staffed by migrants who more often than not were also a long way from home - and on minimum wages to boot. Our Christmas Day lunch was falafels at a kebab house. "
You mean to tell me that the Danish wanted to NOT WORK, STAY HOME WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND HAVE FUN AT CHRISTMAS??? Shocking stuff!
Consumer culture, that's what is killing Christmas! Note to all people: when you moan about places being closed on Christmas Day what you are actually saying is "Someone has the audacity to want a day off and not serve my every whim and desire".
And I love the things people quote as why they hate Christmas:
Christmas arguing. If you argue at Christmas, the one time of the year you really shouldn't, your relationship is in need of some TLC. If it's a tradition then YOU NEED TO MOVE ON!
Stressful shopping. I hate shopping. All year round it stresses me out. That's why I shop online and I shop early (I have only one present left to get). Stressful? Only if you're stupid. And there's a news story at the moment about problems getting deliveries... I work full time, so I send the goods to my work rather than my home. Sensible? YES!
Bad television. 1) is this that important? and 2) Let's think about this for a moment. Christmas editions of Fools and Horses and Doctor Who have been amazingly popular. Movie premieres (notable example being Jurassic Park back in the day) make the day great. Christmas movies offer the best nostalgia available through the gogglebox.
Cold weather. what do you expect? It's the frigging winter! Stay indoors with a warm drink, the heating on full and a good book/person in your lap. Lovely.
So here's what I say... if you don't like Christmas either leave the country or shut up. It's here. It's staying. Get used to it!
As you can probably tell from this I've got the Christmas Spirit upon me. My Christmas playlist on my iPod has started to be played once more (after a year of me longing to open it), my Christmas dog at work has been switched on and barked his first rendition of I Wish You A Merry Christmas and my Christmas shopping has started to arrive. I'm quite jealous of what I've bought the person I picked in my works secret santa. I might get one! :)
I am a non smoker. And after spending a weekend in smoke free Scotland I have to say... I love being in bars where smoking is banned! The experience is so pleasant. No more horrid smells. No more coughing. No more annoyance as someones second smoke keeps blowing into my face.
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