Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Ex Gay Movement

A few days ago some guy who I don't know decided to email me this article. Please do not read it if you don't want to be annoyed. I have been annoyed by it so much that I've finally got to write something down to get it off my mind.


"I told you my first boyfriend left me a month after we got together. The last time I saw him, he said something that frightened and hurt me. I was crying a lot but he didn’t seem to be upset at all. Heartbroken, I asked him why he seemed to show no emotion.

“I’ve been out longer than you,” he told me. “I’ve been with lots of guys, and so will you. After you’ve broken up a few times, it won’t hurt anymore.”

I was shocked. This was my father’s unfair stereotype about gays, and here it was coming out of my (now ex) boyfriend’s mouth! I was angry, but as I got deeper into the gay community, I found that most—if not all—of the gay-identified men I met lived according to these words."


OK. I've been around the block a few times (I was such a tart when I was a teenager!). I have NEVER met a single gay guy like that. This leads me to believe that either that statement is erroneous or this guy made some big mistakes in choosing boyfriends. In fact the whole article reads like some mentally disturbed person is writing on their experience of homosexuality. He seems to believe that the gay men he choose to hang around with are representative of "a lot of" or "most" gay men. This seems flawed considering the story he painted above shows his choice of friends and boyfriends leaves a lot to be desired.


"I never met anyone who was in a long-term, exclusive relationship"


Where did hang o ut at? A sauna??? The local cruising ground???? This guy seriously needs to meet some non scene guys. There's a lot of them. I've met at least 3 couples who have been together more than 20 years. And I don't even socialise with other gay men!

Homosexuality seems to work at first because it satisfies the surface desire. Like I said, we developed homosexual attractions and they’re real. Giving in to them feels good. But even when they are satisfied, the deep longing that’s hiding under the attractions is still there, unmet.


My deep longing was to be ina loving relationship with a man (as I find men highly attractive). Once in a relationship with a man who I love and who loves me any longing disappears. Maybe, I know this might sound strange, this guy was longing for something real gay men don't want!

When I was going to an Exodus group one of the first things that really made me rethink my sexuality was a list my group leaders told me to make. Actually, it was two lists. The first one we made was of all the things we found most attractive in other guys. I had a very specific list: it turned me on when guys were muscular, athletic and confident. There were some other things, too.

A couple weeks later they asked me to make another list. This one was of the things I was most insecure about in myself. Again, I made a very exact list. After I finished, we took out my previous list and compared the two. Unknowingly, I had made two nearly identical lists. Almost every feature I looked for in other guys was something I felt bad about in myself.

This gave credibility to the claim my group leaders made—that I had so far rejected—that homosexual attraction in men is rooted in envy. While this idea seemed insulting to me before, it started to make sense. Growing up, I was always insecure in my appearance, performance, and I was very timid around other boys. These things got in the way of my desire to be accepted by them and be one of them, which is a desire every boy has.


One word: narcissist

I just hate ex gays. I wouldn't mind if they just said "Homosexuality wasn't the answer for me". Ex gays seem to think what they feel is how all gay people feel (secretly). Sorry but nobody knows my mind better than me... homosexuality has been the one light in my life during some seriously dark times. It is not based on my need for a father figure. It is not based on some feeling of envy as to how other guys look. I'm 6'9", I'm a bit above that kind of feeling of inadequacy some people harbour. Why would I envy other guys, I don't want to have their bodies (too much hard work!). I want to HAVE their bodies. If you know what I mean. ;op I was accepted by other boys at school. I have friends from school who I still see (or at least should see more often, still sorry about Saturday guys!!)

I think Archbishop Desmond Tutu (the only one in the world who has my total, unwavering respect) says what I want to say best when he said:

"The orientation is a given, not a matter of choice. It would be crazy for someone to choose to be gay, given the homophobia that is present."


And that is what the ex gay movement is about. It's about people wanting to be straight because they are so small minded that they actually care about how people perceive them. They are scared to be themselves because they obviously find themselves quite disgusting. They are envious, bitter and deeply disturbed. I'd be fine with that except for the fact that they are forcing young gay people to attend their courses. THAT IS WRONG!



Oh well... if anyone out there knows an ex gay remember to give them a hug! They need it.

If you want to read a very interesting study on homosexual couples look here

If you want to read the writings of some fellow ex gay watchers see here

If you want to become an ex gay go here. Please leave this blog!

If you want to buy me a Christmas present go here.

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