Tuxedo Jae

Last night was my companys industry awards. Stationery is the industry so you can well imagine what fun it was.

The Tuxedo fit me. Darn it. I was sooo annoyed with that... my final chance for a possible escape from having to wear the bloody thing scuppered... Sadly pictures will follow.

Sat drinking beer in the office while wearing a tuxedo, which was one of those surreal moments that give you pause. The other guys in the office started undressing and, being a good boy, I didn't look. This was made rather difficult by comments such as "Wow... you must work out" and "With pecs like those you could...". That guys is called "cruel". Really cruel.

We got a cab from work in Vauxhall to take us to the Royal Lancaster Hotel near Hyde Park. Instead of heading over Vauxhall Bridge the cabbie told us it was closed and thus began a long tour of the backroads of Lambeth in search of another crossing. Needless to say he didn't find one so 15 minutes we were back at work. This time we headed to Vauxhall Bridge which was in fact open. Grrr.... we then had wonderful time sitting in traffic for 20 minutes before finally reaching the hotel. Thank God.

The place was jammed packed with stationery "grey" people all getting in my way, so I beat a path to the bar, got some wine and hung around with my mates until we were lead into the hall.

The first speaker was the head of our trade federation, who made such hilarious jokes that I began contemplating suicide via butter knife. Thankfully his speech was short enough to avoid this fate and the food began to arrive. For what it's worth the two mouthfuls I managed to get from each course were ok. But the portions were TINY. We joined at dinner by several chimps who we'd taken from an unsupervised stand just outside the hall door. I've named mine Bonobo... I'm sure you Dear Constant Reader will know what a Bonobo is...

Paul Ross was our guest MC for the evening, regurgitating jokes about his brother and five year old email circulars...

Our company did win the award for Dealer Excellence which was nice. Got ratarsed in the bar after to celebrate.

My head hurts.