Why am I sssssooooo angry?

This story just made me sssssooo angry. I mean really too angry for words. I want to go out to this backward nation, and kill each and every homophobe there. And when I say kill I mean slowly, painfully drain their lives away, until they beg for me to stop, and then put a bullet through their head. Sorry but that is how I feel. I am pleased that this boy was granted asylum here, and I hope that if similar cases occur the same courtesy will be extended to others. It's not the first time this has made me irritated, I remember listening to a documentary by Rikki Beadle-Blair and crying at the end. And read down to the bottom of this to see my heroes (that's Peter Tatchell to you) protest against the nomination of TOK, a horrendously homophobic Jamaican band.

Oh and while watching Heaven and Earth I became so angry that I had to read this to stop me going on a murderous rampage to nearest CofE congregation.

Speaking of which..... hmmm.... for weeks I have been annoyed by the church goers at All Souls CofE church parking their cars on the yellow lines while they go and worship despite a car park being a mere two minutes walk away (and that is if they crawl). But today I became so annoyed I may write a letter of complaint to the priest or whatever they call him. The illegally parked cars were all along the road, causing a girl of 7 to have to brave the road without having clear view of traffic. She walked out straight in front of a car. Only because a man dragged her out of the way, and it was a competent driver in the aforementioned death machine, that she wasn't killed.

I would of thought Christians would of been more careful about keeping to the law (oh wait, no I wouldn't). I am off to write a few letters I think.

OK everyone, I want you all to be good and read this. Sometimes I worry about what goes on in this town....

At work there is a place on some far distant wall that when really bored I stare at. There is only one desk between me and there. Selani used to sit there and her being short she never noticed me absently staring in that direction. But a new girl sits there now. she is getting very worried.

It's not like I am staring at her.... it's just she is directly in the way of my staring space....

Well today guess who decided to sit there.... Cute Dutch Guy (CDG).... oh how I had to really try not to stare... oh he is sssooo gorgeous... but so frightfully boring....

Anyhew (omg sound like Stephen that is his fav word) spent down chatting with Reena, informing customers that despite stupid firemans strike (like I live on tuppence but don't plan on striking....) we would remain open. Some didn't believe me. That is how stupid customers are. Aaahhhh football is on!

hmmmm was going to link to a guardian article that talked of links between al-queda and the Washington sniper (just for you John!) but couldn't find it....

I looked at myself in the mirror today. This is quite rare. I hate my own reflection, almost as much as I hate windows. In fact in the last two years I haven't looked at myself in the mirror beyond cursory glances. Most of my self image is based on photos.

So this morning, I made a conscious effort to look at myself, and to not turn away scared of what prolonged exposier might do.

I saw a very unhappy person looking back at me. Looking tired. But I also noted something. I am not as ugly as I thought. Sure I ain't gonna win any beauty contests, but I am not the hideous, scary freak I had been hiding from. I look normal.

Debt worries seem to hang around me eternally don't they? Note to self: Leanne Woods

Saw Reena at cinema, and then watched Red Dragon with Zoe. 'Twas rather good. And Ralph Fiennes is sex on legs. What do you mean "You shouldn't fancy the serial killer"?

Oh God, I wish Tony wouldn't lock my cats outside when it is so cold.....

So You Think Things Are Getting Better, Do You?

Why I do this particular series.....

One day I was in a gay chat room, and I was shocked by how little the other guys there knew, or even cared, what rights they did and didn't have. Then I realised some actually believed that they didn't deserve the same rights as hetrosexuals. I have never gone back to a chat room, and plan never to.

I thought maybe this wasn't the case out here in the real world. But after questioning some gay people I know, Stephen, Ben, a few random bods, I found they hardly knew anything about what goes on for and against us. Ben didn't know the age of consent was now 16. And 90% of the gay men I speak to seem to share the whole self hating thing. If you are gay, and hate being gay, go away. Right now. You are far worse than homophobes. And I don't want you having anything to do with me.

So I started this to remind me what is going on out in the real world. The hate. The injustice. To remind me to be proud of who I am despite these things.

So I have good news.... Baronness Young died last month. Sorry if any one is offended by me suggesting I am happy a dear old lady has passed away. But she was no better than Hitler. And my great grandad did not fight in the war, just to allow the Nazis to rise again as "Conservatives". I feel very sorry for her family.... having to deal with her passing, and the shame of having her as their mother.

And some bad news. Lady O'Cathain, hello and welcome. You homophobic bitch. Hmmm..... think I may have to write another letter to the Queen. I am worried about the quality of peers she is allowing into the House. Can't have all this intolerant riff raff in there now can we!

OK..... who keeps visiting my site through WWW.GOOGLE.COM, searching for SKUBA FOLKESTONE and why oh why do you keep CAPS LOCK on? please leave comment, I just want to know!

I Think I'll Die Another Day

"I think I’ll find another way
There’s so much more to know
I guess I’ll die another day
It’s not my time to go

For every sin I’ll have to pay
I’ve come to work, I’ve come to play
I think I’ll find another way
It’s not my time to go"
Madonna "Die Another Day"

Angel has got a lump on her back. She will have to go to the vet. I don't want her to be ill. She is my baby. Just the idea she is, makes me cry.

God lord.... my debts continue to come back and haunt me. Yes folks its time for round 3 *ding ding* ...... who ever said that going to university would be a good thing for me? So far it has been the thing that has made me most unhappy in this life.

I don't know when the move is, haven't even been to the house. I am so kept in the dark about things.

Anyway, will not wallow in self-pity, have decided I must fight. I mustn't give up. Something good is just around the corner. It has to be. So shall wait, and save money, and persist, until finally I am free of this "family" and never have to speak with them again.

Oh at work yesterday I got another temp sitting with me. His name was Neil, and he did all the talking and typing so I just had to sit there and watch. 'Twas great.... had someone to talk to as Reena and Stacey were off, and Lynda has family troubles so she wasn't in the mood for my silly jokes.

OH, and some foolish coach driver forgot 46 passengers on the Terminal yesterday. Just drove off without 'em. The FOOL!!

if suddenly posts stop, or something, remain calm. Do not panic. Keep all arms within vechile. Don't disembark an til we have been brought to a complete stop.

Yes people in the move I may lose access to the internet for an indefinte period. And access to Sky. *sobs* So will be in Lympne with no internet nor any music channels... *sighs with resignation*

Why bother fighting this? .

.......

*breathes deeply* Bye Bye Happy Jae. Bye Bye Freedom..... see ya soon.. I hope....

Oh sexy Dutch guy is so so SEXY. In a Jae kinda way. He seems to care little about his hair (found out his mum made him cut his hair to keep with ET (new code for where I work!) standards) and he wears clothes he is comfortable in instead of really fashionable ones...... This makes him far far more attractive to me. He looks ssssoooo great.... I ssssoooo go for grunge.... oh... get over it Jae....

Did you know that one of the victims in Bali came from Hawkinge. And another from Dover? Thats really close to home. My thoughts are with the families.

FUNNY STUFF: Stacey answered a phone call while crawling around her desk.. couldn't stop laughing... and she was buddied up with Joe and stuff...

I would like to make it clear that I do NOT endorse the shooting of Muslims, or Christians. I was simply suggesting that sometimes it is hard to remember that Muslims are not evil, and that it's the Fundamentalists that are worng.

But also remember I am part of a minority of which many Muslims and Christians would like to see the back of. So I have never really had any liking for either religion. All organised religions have a lot to answer for and until they admit that at times they are wrong, I shall not and will not suggest that Islam, Christianity, and the rest are in any way "good". OK?

Oh I seem to be gathering a group of bisexual girls around me at work.... Emma and Julia at the moment. Hmmm.... its like a little GLBT meeting every lunch time.

Another shooting. I have a piece of advice for the Americans "Gun Control". See what fear guns bring? And Mr. Bush, if you really do "weep" for the victims why not renounce your own guns as a symbol of your empathy?

Bloody Islamic Terrorists again.... each time something like Bali occurs I must remind myself they are exceptions and that not all Muslims deserve a good shot in the head. Shall remain tolerant.... altho I am a supporter of an attack on a Iraq, maybe Dubya could do a little more of a war on terrorism instead of trying to settle his daddy's old scores?

Oh had another brilliant evaluation... offer of permanent job increased to "I will go ask for you to have a permanent job" from Jenny. She said some really nice things. When I told her I might have to leave as I was moving to Lympne... she told me off!! Told me to sticj it out for a couple of months... get a permanent job and move back home to Folkestone... I don't think have ever had such nice comments before...

Me and Stacey on overtime together.... went to Tescos with her.. (I miss Ben!) and saw Peters mum....

Parents come home on Wednesday... don't want them to. These two weeks have made me realise just how bad it is when they are here... a few months... thats all... then I will be free...

Porn, Truth, and Morality

When I was young and naive, and filled with hope, I thought freedom and justice were intrinsic to a democratic state. Sexual repression was for the stupid backward nations. But in the last few years my hope has been drained and I have gone from being optimistic about humanity, to being deeply pessimistic and worried about what the future holds for us in the sexual minorities.

Just look at this news story. Porn can and should be something good (see this old news article), something beautiful, erotic, and entertaining. Certainly I admit, most of it, especially the American shite, is deeply disturbing. But why do governments think they have the right to tell us what we can and can't see, and do, in the privacy of our homes? They don't!!

Parents will say it is for the protection of their childrens innocence. Shouldn't their innocence be the parents responsibility? If you don't like what you see on TV, don't watch it!! Get rid of the TV and make 'em go to church.

Another thing that worries me is how prudish people are about nudity, and sex. It makes me laugh when I read in the Guardian about the stories other papers are writing and what they are saying about things! Romps!!! What kind of freak calls two people having sex a ROMP!! You have to be a total prude to read these stories with their stupid innuendo. The thing is people who read this stuff probably think it is highly erotic, and they are just so naughty for reading it. (That is exactly the word they would use.. naughty). I could be more explicit in my own room, on my own!!

Children shouldn't be hidden from tasteful nudity, where it is treated as natural. Otherwise they will grow up to be really, really messed up just like all the readers of the Sun, the Daily Mail, the Telegraph.... etc.... and that would be an immoral attack on their freedom to be happy. I mean when was the last time you saw a happy Telegraph reader?!

On a different but not lighter note..... all they wanted was a good time

Had 'orrible day at work.. don't want to discuss it...

House seems fine despite leaving it in the... erm... competent *cough* hands of Elliot and John this morning... my cats are still alive and stuff...

*brmph* so my Saturday posse what you been up to today? All none of you... why am like the only person in the whole of the blogging universe who updates at a weekend... :o( Talk to me. Tell me stuff!!!

Why the fuck hasn't the bastard responsible for this been struck down by a bolt of divine lightening?

Work was fine, had to sit through lunch with Sexy Dutch Guy trying to make conversation and me thinking.... hmmm..... your nice to look at but really you are so boring it's best you just sit there and look pretty!! I didn't say that of course and tried to be as polite as reasonable...

Decided my chair was in fact not my chair and went on a thrity minute long hunt for my chair wih Glynis.... until we discovered I had been sitting on my chair all along... any excuse to get out of work!!

God Terry (see first ever buddy!) has really nice nipples... mmmm....

It was John 20th Birthday! yesterday and so we went out to celebrate.... first off Zoe picked me up from work... we headed into town to get him a present (a groovy Plasma Ball) and saw Smiley Laura!! Then met Elliot in Woolworths.

We went home and Zoe cooked us a dinner (mmmm... pizza...)... oh wait saw MT in safeways *swoon*..... and then sje went on a mad cleaning frenzy in kitchen... Please.. I am a bloke... I like mess!!

Then she went off me and Elliot got a taxi to Spoons, met up with John, Zoe (again), Aaron, Rob, and also saw sexy Alex of previous posts (aaahhh feel like cradle snatcher for fancying him!). 'twas fun. Then walked Zoe home.. ordered two taxis... why? Don't know.... Elliot went off (against my advice) to find swings..... taxi arrived... John filled with moral duty to await Elliot... I wasn't (have work in like 6 hours now!!)...... so we left while looking for him....

Got home.. gave John his present.... and Elliot has just wandered in with kebab and many tales of woe... that'll teach him!!

Well last night was strange. Let us look at some things of note.

I got drunk. Which has become quite rare.

I knew EVERYONE from the Lesbian Bar Maid at 'Spoons to Colin the taxi driver.

Ben was as usual very quiet. Becky, who goes out with him far more than me, asks me "God Ben's quiet isn't he?". "Errr... no he is always like this." This was when Becky informed me that in fact Ben is pretty...erm... rowdy. Obviously not when I am around.

I was conversely pleased that Ben knew immediately on our first day at work that I was gay. Yet Becky hadn't a clue, and told me I "look straight". Why both things please is something I will have to ponder.

Oh dear I really did make rather firm plans for a month long random jaunt to Europe. Had hoped I was dreaming. Bugger....

God had to try and persuade Becky that Jon Peace is 1) not attractive and 2) a twat. Think I managed it.

Sorry about my language last post. Mister lambert just really is not a subject I should discuss.

Aaaahh... have got drunk and spent money and stuff I shouldn;'t do.....

OK so it was quite dull before I got drunk... I sent zoe an sos and stuff....

I went to 'Spoons to meet Becky, Ben and Terri. Got there last (first time I've been late for like ever!!) and got strange looks from Gemma (formerly Lesbian Barmaid). Becky noted strange looks... realised I once chatted with Gemma two years ago in West Bar, a gay bar in Canterbury... aaaahhhhh!! That's why she gives us the look of recognition Pete!!!

Anyway saw Elliot, Ed, Natalie and a person from work.... plus sexy dutch guys mum......

We then moved to Leas Club... Terri left with headache.... organised a party in London.... plus a random month long truip to Europe, had so much to drink... got drunk... axctually had fun...

WOOHOO!!

Scared Becky in taxi as ttaxi driver was Colin of |Faulty Towers fame... we chatted about demise of Peter Fucking Bastard Twat Lambert.. (the stupid effeminate slutty hetrosexual grrr.......)

*For my newer readers.... this is a kind of very irregular series where I discuss stuff... usually about gay rights....*

So you think things are getting better, do you?

Well yes. Somethings are. So reading through some recent Data Lounge stories, I thought hey let us do a cheerfull edition!!

We are now increasingly visible and recognised as shown by this story. Most people know someone who is gay, bisexual, lesbian or even transgendered. And most people have begun to realise.... we ain't so bad!!

I mean how many people below the age of 30 are homphobic? Many less than even 10 years ago. In fact many young people openly support gay rights. See here

And even our more rabid detractors are beginning to see the light... only beginning.... but it's a start!! See here

The media has always been one of the major obstacles to the cause of human rights.... let us hope that our newspapers take a few tips from this story

Oh and my hair has been cut people, I no longer look like a walking bush.... for a week.... hey Pete how is your "grow your hair really long campaign" going?

Hmmm.... here we go again.... see this. Scary.

No I didn't watch Tipping the Velvet last night, mainly as the Daily Mail had called it "explicit" and that obviously means "really, really dull stuff". I really wish I had the chance to teach the editors of the Daily Mail the actual meaning of explicit....

Shall do one of my "So you think things are getting better?" tomorrow or later on. Yeah!! My last one got me an email from the writer of the Attitude article I... erm.... "quoted" (plagirised). He said it pleased him, and he was flattered not offended... I mean I gave himfull credit etc....

I love my cats. Scooby is quite literally becoming my stalker. He even sits on the side of the bath when I am having a wash!! He is so cute!! Or scary, however you feel.

Oh I have the day off!! Woohoo!!

OK so got up... looked at messy house, had major incident involving loss of security pass... found it... ripped shirt, got changed, went to work.... thought shit this bad day.

Had an evaluation.... my best yet during which my mentor cooed with pleasure at my.. erm.. statistics...(call statistics may I add!!)

Had a boy named Joe buddied up with me.. he seems nice weird hair... oh I need hair cut as well....

Have signed up for overtime for next.... four.... weeks... whoops!!

Oh had a top secret document passed around about top secret stuff... 'twas in French but I still understood everything. Yay!!! Am I becoming... intelligent? Nah... just can read French... how did that happen?

Work was dull today. Stacey asked me to marry her, I said no.... the usual.

God Sexy Dutch Guys new, sexier look almost made me forget how deeply boring he is. I sat opposite him at lunch.... yawn!

Karen saw Dolly Parton. She is so lucky!! I love Dolly!! *working nine to five.....*

Oh My God!! Adam was just on TV. And he answered questions and stuff!! Me and Zoe didn't actually understand these questions so we can't say whether this was a good thing.

How it sounded to us....

"Blah blah blah blah Oxford blah blah?" - Presenter

BUZZ

"Yes Adam of Leeds"

"Blah blah Orange" - Adam

"That's right!"

Me and Zoe aren't stupid. Just we know stuff... about stuff! Not lots about nothing.

Anyway well done Adam. It was so strange seeing him on TV!!!

Got a strange phone call from Pete... oh wait no.... it was from Pete's flatmates...hmm.. and nice phone call from Sam!!

Firstly isn't this very scary?:

- James Martin, 55, killed in the car park of a grocery store in Wheaton on Wednesday evening
- James "Sonny" Buchanan, 39, killed around 0745 on Thursday as he was mowing grass in the White Flint area
- Taxi driver Prenkumar Walekar, 54, shot dead while putting petrol in his car at 0815 in the Aspen Hill area
- Sarah Ramos, 34, killed 30 minutes later outside a post office in Silver Spring
- Lori Ann Lewis-Rivera, 25, shot dead at a petrol station in Kensington
- Pascal Charlot, 72, shot in the chest as he walked in Washington DC on Thursday night
- Woman, 43, shot and wounded in Fredericksburg, Virginia, on Friday

And then this. It is almost like a horror movie.... except there is no director to shout "and that's a wrap." Very terrifying.

Oh work is having a Health and Safety week... which meant an embarassing fifteen minutes of stretching a "Stretchy Rubber Thingy" to allieviate stress.... joy!! Then I returned and holding my "SRT" I had to put up with Geoff going "Oh I do like a man in rubber!". Yes, yes Geoff.. hilarious. Then when he got his he firstly turned it into a Rambo esqe bandanna. Then did a rather engaging ballet dance twirling it round above his head...

There I was sitting nonchalantly when I saw the most gorgeous guy....EVER! I uncontrollably stared/drooled in his direction until he looked at me and waved hello.... and quickly stopped when he saw the hunger in my lust filled eyes. That was when i realised.... it was Sexy Dutch Guy! He had got rid of his dreamy curls..... and looked even more... edible.... phwoah!!

Stacey was on a late, and came running in screaming "Jason did you miss me?!!" She is quite loony... in a really coooool way.

Mmmmm.... pizza is nice.... mmmm....