Happy Samhein to you Constant Reader

Okay I have a question for all my non-British readers. What is the significance of November the 5th?

Work was dull, but was not a problem.

Sam has left university. Sam good luck in what ever you do. Wanna go out for a drink soon? My diary is filled till Sunday. Wanna go then?

Feeling incredibly gay today. Oh have I told you... I have a boyfriend. ;o) Oh sorry yes I have. Just like to say that. Oh look..... over 10000 visits!! Thank you guys (please note.... random SKUBA searcher has returned!).

I need a subject to write about so have you any questions, or subjects for me? Ask me anything. I will always answer! Go on... even do it just to make me smile. And if you don't have a question..... just say hello!!

I am so glad that I did not go to work yesterday! ET was closed the whole day, the train crews had to help out at the call centre as things went BALLISTIC. I successfully missed it!

Today at work I must of taken 300 calls... all asking "Is it open now?".....

I have a picture to show you....



I am the one in the middle (no really I hear my mates say). Stephen is the one on the right. Don't ask me who the other one is. This pic is from a whole different Jay's life, I barely remember it. 'Twas my "I only hang out with gay people phase" when I was just 16.

Blogger still banned over on JKay8839. Hmmmmm... (aaahhh did it again, stop using that noise!!). Am definetly thinking about Gert's advice about getting a second job. If I do get a permanent job, I will know my hours ages in advance so a bar job wouldn't be out of the question.

Hmmmm....

I have been over using the above sound. Hmmm...

Things that annoyed me yesterday. The train being so deeply slow.

Stephen phoned my mum while I was on way up to have a "chinwag". This annoys me. He knows I dislike her, yet still goes out of his way to talk about her. He even suggested we go meet up in London with her. Ha!!!!!!! The other thing is I hope he doesn't treat me like a child this time. He sometimes seems to act as if I have never been out to gay shops or clubs, or had sex with other men. It's like "I have been gay for a long time, I have lived in Brighton and down the whole 'gay thing', just because I don't really do that anymore doesn't make me any less experienced than you!!"

People: I have a boyfriend. That feels real good to say. Yay!! Yay! Yay! Yay!

Oh me and Stephen split because I am a complete arse and can never decide whether I like him or not.

And Jason Has Sex

Hmmm... ok so lets start at the beginning. The train tanoy bloke was deeply sarcastic... when reading out the reasons we were delayed (5!) he made everyone laugh. I got off train.. meet Stephen. We went into Soho, visited the Prowler store. Stephen made a big thing of the porn section. I was like..... have lived in Brighton... am NOT A CHICKEN!!! We went off window shopping (went to Ralph Lauren [tis huge} and Disney store [made a scene as I love Woody way too much]). This foreign gay couple came up to me and Stephen (they saw we were gay and thus had to chat with us) and made me take thei picture... yay! Then got tube/bus to his student digs, he made a pizza, we watched Masters of the Universe, and we had sex. I knew it would happen. It was like this exual energy in the air, and as I was very horny I really couldn't say no.

And may I add twas one of the best shags I have ever had.... mmmm....

So me and Stephen are back together.... (have already been told off by Becky, Ben and Laura sooooo don't bother)

Then made my way home (deeply satisfied) and went straight to Leas Club, saw Ben and Becky got drunk... I do love those two.. they are great... Am going to Ben's leaving do at Paris on Friday...

Oh and Blogger still banned on other account.... bugger

Mmmmm... I want Stephen again.... he feels nice..

Oh went to Comptons...... and saw a fire in Soho.... (mmmmm... firemen.....)

Have you guessed.. am drunk and tired... sober versiopn later...

Yay!! I have successfully avoided paying my rent until Friday (note= pay day!)!! Rock on!! So am off to London.

In sad news Blogger, Gert, Emmsy, Emily, NellieQ, Sister Mary Matthew, and the Group Captain have fallen victim to some tougher parental controls. Thus I can't actually read your blogs, or post to my blog from the account I am allowed. This is being posted from my secret account although repeat usage of this will get me a stern telling off. Aaaaahhhh!! This is what I have to put up with.

Mum and the Twins are also going to London but on different trains *breathes sigh of relief*

What will I do without the ability to post to my blog? Hopefully I will be alowed on it later.... Censorship really stinks.

Oh and Tony accused me of burning his shirt.... now pardon me for saying this but.... I DON'T IRON STUFF.... I am one of those people who really can't give a fuck about what clothes I wear and how bad they smell/look...... (PS I hate people who do care about such stupid stuff.... like Elliot..... he tells me off for wearing my fav t-shirt a lot.... well I AM SSSSOOO SORRY... or not.... is Elliot a girl? Just wondering....)... so how could I have bloody burnt his shirt.... he too worries way too much about his appearance and too little about how he treats others...

If I can avoid paying my rent, fat chance :o(, I shall go to London tomorrow to visit Stephen. I just need to get away for the day. Me and Stephen were texting last night and he basically told me I have to go. I haven't seen him since we split up, and it'd be nice to see him again.

Had another Buddy today. She was very nice but talked more than me which isn't a good thing!!

Mum had £1000 stolen from her account last night. O-er missus (thus am unlikely to escape rent paying......)

Am moving on the 12th November.......... la la la la.....

Leeds Castle fireworks on Saturday... yay!!!

Thanks for all your support guys... your cheques are in the post...

*looks at the current world's population* You must have a lot of frustration then.

What pisses you off?

Created by ptocheia

Thanks Nat!!

I blog because I am unhappy. It is as simple as that. The day I become satisfied will be the day I stop doing this.

I wonder if you know what its like to feel suicidal all of the time? Since the age of 14 I have halfheartedly attempt suicide (as am big wuss) about twice a year. Last year I took a very large overdose. This year I did something different (a change will do you good yadda yadda) and ran away to Europe for a couple of weeks (half hearted yet again Jason, naughty boy!). Today I feel suicidal. And this is because of Mum and Tony. Usually I try and blame something else. The weather. Steps splitting up. Mental imbalance.

But today I can say that I have been contemplating suicide as I can't stand it here anymore. And knowing there is nothing I can do about it which isn't very drastic is even worse.

I love a lot of my life right now. I have lots of friends. I have a job... with prospects. Money is coming in. But the most important thing in my life, my home, is missing. No I didn't lose it down the back of the sofa (at least I hope not). All I want is to come home and not feel unwelcome, insecure, and alienated. I want to not fear coming home. I want to leave work, and smile instead of leaving work and desperately wanting to claw my way back in again.

What I really wish is that for one day I could smile and mean it. I could feel wanted. I wish for one day I only met nice people who smiled and joked and were highly random.

What I really wish is that I had a home.

The Sunday Club

The last few days in a nutshell....

Marie-Anne left work, thus leaving me as the most senior temp in my team.

My Auntie Chris was expelled from Australia when her visa expired and she foolishly asked the authorities what to do about it (she was emigrating there). The Australians arrested her, put her in an internment camp and then sent her back.

My Aunt Jill and my three cousins went on holiday a little while back to the south of France and were thrown out of their holiday camp for being too noisy. It now transpires that they had a film crew with them and their exploits will be on TV in January.

I still don't know when we are moving.

Angel baby is all better after a trip to the vets. Yay!!

Had a Mexican for dinner last night. I thought yay! This is nice all the family round the table eating. Mum had to go ruin it by stressing out... same this morning.... Tony of course, tactfully, called her miserable. I am sure any sane man who had lived with a woman for 10 years would know 1) when its her time of the month 2) when to keep his mouth closed. I can't believe he doesn't know how to handle her.

I went out to the Leas Club last night with John, Chris and Zoe. I simply was way too interested in that bouncer. He is ssssooooo fine a roonie.

Am sssooo not doing overtime next week. Am sssooo tired!!

Things To Remember

Going out on Tuesday with Becky and Ben.
Terrorists ARE NOT going to attack the Leas Club (I've been reading too many newspapers)
Don't spend your money Jason!!!!
Create marvellous Pumpkin like creation for Zoe's Pumpkin Competition thingy.
Get this man to fall in love with you...

It's Over. How terrifying was this story? Chechen terrorists... I have lost any remaining sympathy for your cause. Freedom is never worth the blood of innocents.

Went out last night. Zoe and Chris came and picked me up. we then went and got Jody and Russell and made our way to Spoons to meet Rob, Arron (or is it Aaron?) and Elliot. 'Twas a good night all in all. Some cute guys, nothing to call home about however.

I am so tired. Could sleep for weeks. I am also so horny. Poor CDG and FT (another guy I like at work) have to put up with me googling them every time they..... breath.... eat..... exist....

Oh yes have realised that my sexual tastes have done a whole topsy turvy move from submissive to dominant. Ho Hum.

woke up this morning.... with a big grin on my face. Walked to work humming a tune despite it pouring down with rain. I was told off by some miserable bugger for being too happy on such a "depressing day". Well I happen to think rain rocks.

Yes I know call me King of Mood Changes. Had another buddy today .... girl by name of Jo... she was scared by my issue of Attitude... obviously not my kind of person.

I love men.....

I am poorly again. In the head. Sometimes it comes in quietly, creeping into my mind until I feel so depressed I could explode. But other times it hits me like an express train. This is one of those times

I woke up this morning and SLAM! there it was. Confidence seemed to ooze away from me. Happiness packed its bags and has now taken a holiday. Illness is the absence of love. I certainly have no love of myself today.

I then got up and went up the shop to get my news paper and obligatory bottle of Pepsi max. It was okay until on the way back some old git stopped me, and said "Cor, it must be cold up there this morning". I had to restrain myself from 1) hitting him 2) sobbing and 3) flinging myself under the nearest bus.

I got home, and came on here, as usually the net cheers me up when I am down. But blogger wasn't working. So I went to my usual places for a chat. And my usual chat partners were there. "Yah!" I thought they are always fun, and silly, just what I need. That was when they started doing their flirting thing with me, telling me I am cute and stuff. Usually I think that's great.

But today it only hurt me more. They don't know me. I am not cute, and if we ever meet I would just be dumped on as freakily tall, slightly bizarre Jae.

"I went thru some nights consumed by shadows" where is this from? Ten points for guessing correctly.

Blogger is almost as good as a big pile of poo.... almost

When you read this it will mean Blogger will be publishing my blog finally. Blogging used to be fun. Now it is all stressful. Calm down readers, I shan't be stopping, but once I've moved (hmm.... when is that happening?) I shall begin focussing more on my Xanga site, moving my links, signing it up to the same cliques and blogrings etc.

Once all that is all done, I shall throw in the towel over here on blogger, get off Blogspot Plus (my old non Blogspot Plus blogs post fine I have just discovered!! See here) and not renew my Blogger Pro. Don't worry you will all be invited to visit my other place.

Of course if Blogger starts to improve/or I am too lazy to move my site then I retract all of the above.

Washington Sniper... Caught? Could it finally be over?

Why do human beings feel the need to harm, scare and generally abuse other members of our species? See here. Are we just animals? Because I am sure we can be more than this. My job has made me realise that their are more stupid people in this world than I would have credited. But surely being dumb can't explain war, hatred and terrorism can it? Sometimes I worry about this world. Imagine *starts singing* what we could do if we all worked together. Just imagine where we could be tecnologically, socially, and morally. Although each day my political optimism disapates a little more, I do still dream of a day when humanity finally becomes more than just a biological term.

Yesterday at work I became so stupified at how dumb some customers were (i.e. those who think being rude to call centre agents will get them a good deal. This is not how it works!!) I decided I may start to drop random questions in to see just how dumb they were.This lead to a discussion with Stacey which lead to some marvellously stupid answers.

"Stacey, name me three pre-WWII Prime Ministers?" (Of the United Kingdom may I add) "Um.... Hitler? Nelson Mandela, didn't he wear a patch" "I think you may be thinking of Napoleon, and/or admiral Nelson"

"Name me three countries other than the U.S.A in the Americas." "Errrr.... the Seychelles?"

Stacey did get her own back....... "Name me three Care Bears" I couldn't name one. Despite having once been a keen fan. Oh the shame. My best effort was "erm.... fairy cake?" So can you answer our questions?

This site rocks!!

Don't you just hate it when Blogger refuses to publish for like days? Some of us were under the impression that this was a way of enabling instant expression. What really annoys me is that I decided to pay for this. Boy what a fool I was.

Cover Your Ears Children!

I need a fuck. Sorry kids but I got say it as I feel it. And fuck seems to be the word that best expresses what I need.

I am so tired and stressed, and I get home from a 10 hours shift at work to deal with four human beings who I dislike (although in three of the cases also love as they are family, but that is the only reason). And its been months/seemingly years since I have had any physical contact with another bloke.... and mentally that is taking its toll. I need a man/group of men. :p

Oh isn't the Bill getting good. One lesbian. Two gay men and a closet case (aka Ste from A Beautiful Thing.... ps Ste will you marry me?).

Am having a pint... but nobody is here..... is this the first sign of alcoholism?

OK so sniper strikes again. Horrible. What can you say? I mean more people have died in "normal" murders in the same area in the period this has been occuring. Are their murders any less scary/disgusting/upsetting? What's your thoughts on this media circus?

Fireman strike soon. Joy. So they want a 40% increase in pay. Fine, they work hard. So they want to ruin Guy Fawkes Celebrations by striking from 2nd November to 4th November. Fine, they deserve that pay rise (can I have one too?). But they will also put people's lives at risk. And people WILL die because of their actions. Not might. WILL. People who probably support the pay rise for the firefighters WILL die. And all so the firemen can get a 40% pay rise, which we all agree they deserve, well we will until people die I hope, in which case we deduct 40% and give the combined total to the victims families.

No doubt the more lives lost the quicker they get the rise. Lucky them. My thoughts remain with the soon-to-be victims of this bloody ransom.

Hmmm.... stressed out. Can I have a back massage, a pint of Stella and MT naked, and also gay. Thanks for your co-operation.

I have a message for the random GOogle.com (yes people their browser recognises google after just two letters now) searcher who comes here looking for SKUBA. Stop right there mister/missy and tell me who you are please. I don't bite or nothing.... unless you are a gorgeous man who wishes me to. I really wanna know who you are!!

OMG GBLogs has closed. :o( Have been a member of that portal since august last year!! Good Luck jen with what ever you do.

*sobs* Blogger wouldn't publish yesterday. :o( So read yesterdays posts please, if you would be so kind.

I went out to Spoons and Gees last night with Zoe. I drank quite a bit considering that there was only two of us. It was nice to go to Gees after so long away. When did I last go to Gees? Shall have to check that up but I guess it was quite a while ago.

As is a Sunday tradition I played around with the Jukebox much to the horror/dismay of all the hearing folk within the bar. I played such brilliant classics as "Your Woman" by White Town (is the only song to ever get to number one sung by a gay about loving a man? Oh is my gaydar and my understanding of the song missing the point?), "Take A Bow" by Madonna, and "Come Back To What You Know" by Embrace. Anyway Zoe grew so annoyed she put up some good songs. Then Vikki gave us a quid to play even more songs! Woohoo!!!

Bah! Work! Am so not in the mood. Am in mood for a little bit of loving with Charlie from Busted. Ok so am just plain in the mood for a little bit of loving from any bloke. Am such a big slut somedays.

I have a long list of "secret" blogs. These are blogs that are way too good to be linked to by me. Don't want them knowing I read them and then them coming over here and finding out how crappy this blog is. One of these is The Big Man Restless rather good blog that it is. Started up only a little about a week or so ago.. I think... I do lose all track of time...

Anyway... lo and behold twas linked to by that seeming God of blogging Troubled Diva. Where it was pointed out about some tendency of gay bloggers to link to other gay bloggers. I don't really fit that pattern... looking at my links I link to those I enjoy. Most of the blogs I link to aren't super popular.... but they are super great!!!