What A Beautiful Morning

Had a rather lovely day yesterday. Spent most of it in the pub, which is always a god start, but also went shopping (although was a rather strange incident where a man accused Jim and I of letching over his girlfriend, LOL). We popped into Pets At Home and discovered their new reptile section, and Jim fell in love with bearded dragons. I give it a month until we have one scurrying around our home *pretends disinterest while secretly suppressing his joy*. Really pleasant sort of day.

Today we started early, went and got some breakfast, sat and ate it in Greenwich park feeding the starlings and pigeons and being looking at longingly by passing dogs. Then went round the Queens House and admired the painting collections and the scary Tulip Stairs.

The Ghosts Of The Tulip Stairs

On the way back we stopped off at the market where some idiotic old man grabbed my arm and told me to mind my head. HA! A tall joke I thought (and basically said). I think I am no more than two more tall jokes away from breaking somebody's neck. I was so pissed off that not only did he think making a tall joke to a complete stranger was appropriate behaviour but that he thought TOUCHING me was acceptable. Well it's not and the next person who tries it will die. Unless they are beautiful. Then it becomes acceptable. Grab me all you like I'll shout as I laugh at their hilarious tall jokes. I'm such a hypocrite.

Want to help me get featured in a book? Just click on this link and watch the video. It's about a trailer for a book, safe for work yadda yadda. Pass it round! ;)

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Primeval: Why Hath Thou Forsaken Us?

I have given Primeval a lot of leeway. I've done that because I find the concept so appealing. Prehistoric animals, time travel, action, adventure and a little bit of geekiness all thrown in together to create a show with near endless possibilities. It's Doctor Who Mark 2. Sadly, and with much regret, this show has become what Sliders (another show I truly, passionately adored and dreamed of being so much more than what it became) became.

Firstly, the cast changes. Getting rid of Stephen Hart at the end of series two was alright. I'd never really taken to him as he just seemed to be there to provide the macho man that such shows seem to assume is required. But I hope Nick Cutter leaving was because Douglas Henshall wanted to move on and not because the producers thought he wasn't what was needed in the lead role. Because him leaving was a very bad thing for the show. The Cutter character was great as a leader, heroic when needed but intelligent and reflective too. Plus his oft broken heart gave the character a quality to empathise with. Plus getting rid of hard but soft Jennifer Lewis was just as silly a mistake.

Now we have this Danny Quinn bloke. What are we meant to think of him? He was introduced as a police officer who had

1) failed to notice a rather violent and aggressive future animal living in an abandoned house which was the centre of his obsessive investigation into the death of his brother FOR TEN YEARS. Hardly what we'd call a super sleuth. You'd have thought he might have noticed this creature before.
2) he had relentlessly pursued an innocent boy/man who he thought had killed his brother and when he discovered he hadn't barely even apologised to him!

And we are meant to believe he is some sort of super cop and accept him as the leader of the ARC team and a hero? He seems more like a stupid tosser to me, but maybe that's because I've been following the character development unlike the writers.

Season 1 was written to an acceptable standard. You could watch it, enjoy it and forgive the slight slips into cliche and sometimes plagirism. Season 2 was much improved, sharper writing and even a season long build up of a story that was brought to a close with the end of the season.

Season 3 has been... rubbish. You have an almost limitless set of scenarios and they seem trapped around the same ones. Ooo... let's bring in mythology. Ooo... let's do a scary horror in a house. Ooo... let's have one where Helen is really evil. Ooo... let's have a dinosaur one again! Each of those is the ENTIRE plot of each of the first four episodes. In order.

Last nights was the last straw. It was so bad it didn't even actually have a plot and seemed just an excuse for some Jurassic Park-esque shots of Terror Birds (oh God I'm lying in the back of a trailer and the T-Rex Terror Bird is CATCHING UP). It was truly atrocious, and wasn't helped by the really awful editing. The car chase scene was so badly edited that at times the car was being put into reverse and then the shot would show it going forward. AH! Plus one scene includes a car hitting a mine. It was obviously edited badly because the effects were so badly done. Why did they do them in the first place? Was it necessary to the story to have the car explode? No. But they did it, they did it badly and then edited it so it looked even worse.

It's frustrating to watch and so I'm left with only one choice. I'm never watching this show again. It is a disgrace for such a wonderful concept to have been destroyed by lazy writing, cheap effects and bad acting (Connor, Abby and Lester are the only ones left who can act and really I'm being kind to Andrew-Lee and Hannah there...)

Such a bloody shame.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Barbers: What's To Like?

There's something about given up control over the space around your head to someone who's only qualification in life is a proficiency in scissor wielding that doesn't sit right with me. Worse is the need to make small talk and my awkward refusal to do so leading to long silences and much unhappiness. Oh and the mirrors. Staring at my ugly mug for thirty minutes is enough to have me feeling suicidal.

Anyway... it's over for another month. Yay!

Try my latest favourite Youtube music video, yoinked from io9



This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Strange Dreams That Hold Us Together

I finally give in, it's about time I commit blogger social death and talk about a dream I had! 2069 posts and 8 years surely gives me permission??

So... Thursday night:

I dreamt Zoe and I (hi Zoe!) had gone to the cinema to watch a movie, I forget what it was, and afterwards headed to a pub. Said pub was a cross between my local, a country pub and Folkestone Spoons. We were "early" so went to our beds upstairs for a sleep. Zoe wasn't too happy and left as MT was sleeping on the floor and was using half her duvet and kept stealing some from her. He then did the same to me, but I encouraged this until we both got out of bed (relax there was only some weird angled leg rubbing, nothing too erotic in this dream [who am I kidding weird angled leg rubbing with MT is a bit like having sex with Spartan in my opinion ;) ]). At which point we discovered we were members of two rival families (think mafia, but less scary) and we began to argue (joined by some brat claiming to be MTs younger brother who was rather rude I must say and not welcome back round my dreams again)

I stormed off and found myself outside a bookshop celebrating "Lesbian History Month". Inside I perused a book about the 100 Greatest Gay People whilst chatting to a lovely old lady shop assistant about who was our favourite (consensus: Alexander the Great as we like a man in uniform). Afterwards I went downstairs and found Jim playing some sort of ball game. On the other side of a wall was his opponent who had so far won £22 off of Jim. He started to taunt Jim so I turned into a Stegosaurus and scared him off. Jim then turned into a Stegosaurus too and some bloke who was watching became a Triceratops and we all frolicked in a strange volcanic landscape for a while before I found myself at work.

Well I say work, it was more a set of desks on a pier directly next to a strange road which was like a loop the loop without the important top bit. My managers discussed how they had once scaled this mighty landmark whilst I developed swine flu and found myself collapsed over my desk at which point I woke up.

WEIRD.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Having Money Is A Wonderful Thing

You know, getting paid my first monthly pay cheque (for a 3 week period) and knowing next months is not only going to be bigger but bigger than any pay cheque I've ever had (even more than when I was working two shifts at TVW from 8am to 11pm) is quite wonderful. EO seems so long ago and whilst this job isn't perfect it's sure as hell beats working at EO any day (sorry EO kids!). If I forget about the extreme lack of eye candy it's almost perfect. Happy Days indeed.

Today though the Government swine flu posters went up around the office, seeming to cover every surface. This lead to first cynicism and then fear, I tried to explain that the WHO had told all Governments to implement their flu pandemic plans which meant that our Governments plan was simply going ahead by the book but no one paid attention. Alas.



Spartan was on Are You Smarter Than A Ten Year Old? last night. This means my mood is even better than usual. Honestly he is divine!!

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Behind The Front Lines

I think it's agreed... anyone caught sneezing (or in my case coughing) is quickly assessed as a danger. I have to admit on the tube home today even I was wary of the sneezers on the train, and even caught the eyes of one lady as she wiped her nose and she seemed even more worried than I was about her sneeze. This did not help me get over my urge to start walking to work (a practical impossibility alas).

Here in London it feelings like people's feelings are in flux caught between keeping calm and sensible based on the evidence and panicking like a mad person based on rumour and conjecture. We get a confirmed case of transmission on a tube train and London will grind to a halt.

But perspective is key, it's hardly anything to really concern ourselves with at the moment. More worrying are the stupid idiots being brought out of the woodwork who I mention on my other blog.

In better news I earned my first flexi day today (i.e. a day off because I've worked over my hours) and can't wait to use this new novelty following on from my rather large first pay cheque yesterday. Happy times for me!

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Do Fantasists Dream Of Apocalyptic Sheep?

As I'm sure you, Dear Constant Reader, are more than aware I have a Stephen King fetish obsession. One of his most well known books is The Stand, which just happens to be one of my favourite books of all time. I'm blaming this for my current state of excitement anxiety over the latest flu hoopla.

My over excited mind already has the entire train of infection leading directly from Mexico City here to my place of work. I can see the imaginary journeys and interactions leading to the ultimate collapse of civilisation pretty clearly in my head, possibly all due to a badly trained police man trying to warn his out of town relatives on the outskirts of Mexico City. Darn him. Yes, I have read The Stand far too many times.

I foolishly ventured into Boots chemists in Hammersmiths at lunch and found myself surrounded by coughing/sneezing sick people. This did not help my overheated imagination.

This is exactly how I was during the SARS outbreak sitting someone between excited, anxious and not bothered. Yes I do understand how excited sounds pretty grotesque given the personal tragedies involved. I'm not encouraging it, just being honest!

So I've contented myself with trying to believe that the swine flu is a mild, soon to be forgotten incident somewhat less than even the SARS outbreak and that I've nothing to be excited/worried about. Oh... except for the stupid internet folks I spoke of yesterday on my other blog. I'm extremely worried about these people and hope that if anyone else must contract swine flu it is those who believe that the name "swine flu" is offensive to their religions. That is something I'd describe as criminally stupid.

P.S. Saw TubeBoy today, and he was looking particularly awesome (i.e. his hair's grown out again after a gruesome marine style cut). Did well not to follow him. That way madness lies.

P.P.S Left "The End of Faith" on the self service checkout at Tesco's. :(
This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Drunken Ramblings Of A Kentish Bent

So after a stressful week at work (as per usual!) it was a relief to get out of the city and back down to Kent for Jim's birthday on Saturday. On Saturday, after a McDonalds breakfast, we headed up to the County Members (the local in Lympne) and proceeded to get somewhat intoxicated. In fact we were there for 8 hours during which we consumed more alcohol than I've drunk in a very long time.

It was a good day/night in which Jim, Tony and I put the world to rights, played rubbish music on the jukebox and I even failed miserably at a round of pool.

Afterwards I came home and collapsed into a drunken sleep.

Today we've been looking at properties in Stowting, a pleasant village just down the road from Lympne where my family wants to buy a house and stables for their horses plus a cottage for Jim and I. Oh, it doesn't hurt to dream does it? To escape the big smoke and live out in the country...

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Let The Right One In

Or, as we should rightly call it, Låt den rätte komma in.

Sweden... land of meatballs, Ikea and child vampires. And all the better for it.

This movie is a delight. A delight in the dark, backing the murdering bastards sort of way. The central youthful love affair between Oscar and Eli will draw you in, even as the blood and gore with satiate the hardened horror fans among us. Your horror movie hiding pillow will be wet with tears.

The idea of an American remake is, to be perfectly blunt, an insult and an abomination. Perhaps those who are unable to watch movies with subtitles, through no physical impediment, do not deserve to see such gems as this. To remove it from it's context, from it's intrinsic Scandinavian character, would be to remove any joy from it whatsoever.

Once America was the land of movies, but now they just remake their own, and everyone else's, movies. Whatever happened to their writing talent?

Anyway... watch Let The Right One In in Swedish and be a better person.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Topless Rugby Players In The Name Of.... Advertising???

Tamati Ellison and other rugby players go topless... for some difficult to discern reason...

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

The Love Of My Life

Whilst Jim might rightly be described as such there is a second; the animal kingdom. No not in that way you dirty minded person! But imagining my life without interactions with animals is difficult.

So it recent things I've picked up on at work really disturb me. Kelly, an Australian, was talking about her recent riding trip to Wales when one of my colleagues mentioned she'd never been on a farm. I was taken aback. Never been on a farm? It had never crossed my mind that someone would not have visited a farm.

Now you might think that coming from Kent I'm some sort of abnormal country boy. But trust me I'm not. I was brought up in Snodland and Folkestone, which are fairly average towns as it goes. Although I admit that I had a best friend who lived on a farm, the reason I was shocked was that a trip to a farm was one of the first school outings my school every did. It was treated as one of the "basics". You learn to add. You learn to write. You visit a farm and learn that animals smell. It's all delightful.

So I was shocked by that but discovered she wasn't alone, and some even suggested that the idea of "touching" animals repelled them. I thought that sounded like something you'd want treated like a fear of balloons or an annoying twitch.

I know, I'm being incredibly judgmental and wrongly projecting my world views on to others. But I sorta feel sorry for these people.

So I said I wasn't a country bumpkin but I have spent a lot of time in contact with animals. First the domesticated ones; the pets of my life:

11 cats (Misty, Garfield, Marmalade, Bonnie & Clyde, Crystal, Millie, Angel, Herlock, Scooby, Tinkerbell)
4 dogs (Max, Shane, Geisha, Molly)
1 American bullfrog called Pocket Money (sadly banned in this country)
Uncountable amount of fish both goldfish, pond fish and tropical.
Stick insects
6 or 7 rabbits (Shudder... BOB!)
A guinea pig
2 goats
2 tortoises (Thomas I and Thomas II both of whom were found wild and returned (i.e. they wandered off) to the wild in and around Snodland)
5 hamsters (Honey & Spice, Chekov and a couple more)

Then the wild ones. We used to take Shane and Geisha for walks in down The Pit in Snodland every day and it was one of the most amazing places for wildlife I've ever been to. Adders, smooth snakes, grass snakes, slow worms, sand lizards, common lizards, newts a plenty and frogs of every colour (some of rather worrying colours). Nothing quite like seeing a pike staring up out of the water at you from underneath an overhanging tree. You'd think twice about getting into the water after that, trust me! Seeing the dark shapes of unusually big fish (carp but could of been whales the way they looked!) from up on the edges of the pit looking down. Poaching goose eggs (yummy when scrambled!). Hunting rabbits. Fishing on the Medway. Hunting lugworms in Dymchurch so we could go fish off the sea wall at high tide. Even just walking to work from Lympne and seeing foxes, rabbits, pheasants and... sheep. Horse riding. Horse jumping.

And then the exotic:

Being mere centimetres from the face of a rather pissed off silverback at Port Lympne, riding an elephant in Thailand, watching porpoises swim along side Bill's yacht in Spain as we went for a cruise or stroking a tiger in Kanchanaburi.

What would my life really be like without those experiences? Amazingly dull. Terrifyingly dull. And whilst I don't think everyone SHOULD have those experiences I really wish they did.

I'm sure they can say I'm missing out on things they do that they love. But at least I'd probably not be repelled by it.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Erm.

Saw Zoe on Sunday, which was lovely and that is the highlight of my week. Roll on Saturday.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Planet of the Dead: Doctor Who 200?

Doctor Who was on last night for what was billed as the Doctor's 200th story. Woo!!! It can't be all bad if he's made it to 200!

I am going to be honest, I was not looking forward to this special. The end of series 4 left me feeling cold and the Christmas special was the biggest disappointment ever (Cybermen everywhere are still angry).

But I was actually rathered pleased with it. It was watchable, the acting wasn't too cheesy and even an appearance by Lee Evans failed to spoil it. The effects were good, the story didn't drag and David Tennant was brilliant as always. It wasn't the best Doctor Who story ever, Rembrance of the Daleks was of course the best, but it certainly saw me through the evening yesterday!

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Polar Bears Are Not Cuddly (But They Are CUTE)

Polar bears are the world's largest land carnivore. Males can be up to 3 metres long. The largest male ever record weighed a metric tonne! So I think now all understand... going head to head with a polar bear is a bad idea. Nobody surely would be as stupid as to jump into a polar bear enclosure, even if it did contain the world famous Knut?



Yes. Someone really was that stupid.



This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Easter Weekend

I've made it to Lympne and the family. Jim's hand looks horrible as the big bandage has been removed but, good news has been received meaning things look better health wise for him. Yay!

Yesterday we went shopping. Homebase, B&Q and Pets at Home. Jim got a new laptop which means I get his old one on Monday meaning: NORMAL SERVICE SHALL BE RESUMED! Saw the largest rabbit at Pets at Home, a giant house rabbit at a mere £129. I want!!!

Today we all took Noodles to the beach in Dymchurch, driving across the Marsh which made for a scenic journey. Noodles loved the sea, and is now thoroughly exhausted. I won Jim a rabbit on the grab machines. Had some ice cream and Nan even turned up. All very nice.

I hope everyone else is having as enjoyable an Easter!

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Pedants Corner

I struggle every day to not be pedantic. I'm becoming more accepting of really bad English, mainly thanks to a recent Stephen Fry Podgram where the T'Internet Messiah Himself admitted he too struggled with language pedantism and needed to get over it. But there is one subject on which I cannot stop myself correcting "mistakes": Britain.

I know, the United Kingdom has only been around a couple of hundred years and is very likely not to last another decade. I am slowly accepting this. But even so I cannot stand people referring to British monarchs as "English". It drives me to distraction. Call them wastes of space. Call them German. But please don't suggest Queen Victoria was "Queen of England". Please do not even think that Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, is "Queen of England". It's just wrong. I'm not being political here, although as a unionist I'm sure you know where I fall in a Britain vs. England political argument. But calling Her Queen of England is not correct. It is not true. It might make sense to some people, but I've always been more a "de jure" person rather than "de facto".

So you can imagine my disgust when my brother showed me some chocolates Mum had bought him when she went to Hampton Court Palace this week. No, I wasn't jealous of the chocolates (he was giving them to me.. mmm...) but instead was shocked by the fact the chocolates were themed on the "Kings and Queens of England". Included among the Stuart and Tudor monarchs (who I will accept had the titles "of England") were Queen Victoria, King George III and King George IV. They are British monarchs. These chocolates had educational "tidbits" on the back and I just thought, how can they be educational when they are historically wrong?

So I sent the House of Dorchester a message explaining that it was wrong. And I feel bad about it. No, not about pointing out their obvious mistake (made no doubt by some poor soul who doesn't understand how disrespectful to the rest of the British population it is to suddenly steal Queen Victoria for England alone). But instead I worry about what that makes me. I find everyone else is so much less dogmatic and pedantic than I am about history and our monarchy. I wish I could be so flexible with the truth. I wish I could not be a pedant but embrace the St. Georges flag (note he never killed a dragon and he never came here so exactly what the heck is this Christian martyr doing as our patron Saint???) and just enjoy myself. Instead I find myself watching everyone else embracing their Englishness and feeling ever more sickened with it all.

I'm just going to have to accept that whilst I'll never consider myself English, the cause of being British is lost. Maybe I can set up a musuem. Where the chocolates have British monarchs and English monarchs and even, imagine, Scottish monarchs. That would be a hell of a lot of more educational.

And Dear "Foreign" Constant Reader do me a favour. Next time you here someone talking about the Queen of England (and not refering to Queen Anne or someone earlier) correct them. Just do it for me. Please. And I'll make sure people over here know Sydney is not the capital of Australia, that the United States of America is not full of idiots and that Holland is just a small part of the Netherlands.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Am I Posh?

We were discussing Twilight at work today and I dismissed it as a piece of trash (easy to do when you haven't read it, I find near jerk reactions to popular items much easier than true critical review) because of it's representation of the relationship involved and the subservience of the girl to the boy which frankly rubs me up the wrong way. Anyway...

After I some how insulted everyone by accusing the News of the World Screws of being rubbish and came out as a Guardian reader one person said I was "posh".

Me? Posh? This boy from Snodland, Cheriton and a caravan on Hermitage Lane? I mean, what is posh?

I grew up the son of a single teenage Mum herself a daughter of a divorced Mum of 5 working 3 jobs and living just above the poverty line) and after we left Nan's house when I turned 5 (and Mum turned 21!) we moved first into temporary B&B accomodation in Tunbridge Wells (Tunbridge Wells = Posh, Temporary B&B = NOT POSH). Then we moved into a caravan on Hermitage Lane (next door to a man with a hook for a hand who scared me silly!) and finally into a council house back in Snodland. Hardly posh?

Then what happened? Mum married Shitface, house raided by police, Shitface imprisoned, Mum and me flee to Sellindge and I sleep on the sofa in Tony's room. Now sure it was a mansion, but said mansion was home to the mentally disabled so hardly posh!

We eventually moved into Folkestone, with a nice house and Mum got herself an education and a job. I went to Grammar school, but it was in Folkestone so whilst it might be posh to some who live there to everyone but other than to those from Thanet it's nothing to get excited about (in Thanet I believe they worship Folkestonian Grammar School kids... well I've seen them burn effigies so I'm assuming...)

So I went from working class to middle class. I talk odd for a Kentish person (I've stopped saying "Ain't it" which means 50% of the population no long understands me)

Ok... maybe I'm a snob. But I'm not posh. Alright? And if you call me it again I'll get one of my cous' to fucking belt ya one... ;)

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Poor and Poorly

Oh yes, poverty has struck me once more, although there is one more pay day before I have to wait until the 28th for my next cash injection. But as I'm normally paid on Friday I'm crossing my fingers the pay run is put through early for tomorrow otherwise I'm truly buggered.

And I'm poorly with the sorest of sore throats. I woke up this morning and experienced that momentary cross between devastation and joy that one gets when you realise you are very ill but won't be going to work. But, alas, my voice returned within 5 minutes and I decided to make my way in so the joy part was replaced with an added dash of more devastation. D'oh.

Planning on heading down to Lympne tomorrow evening after work to spend the Easter weekend with the parental units. Jim deserves the comfy bed and warm surroundings in his current state.

Hmm... hungry and tired and poorly. Hopefully things will get better after the 28th.

Ooo... I just saw a pig fly past my window.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Kayne Lawton

Forget Charles Dera, forget even Spartan. There's a new kid in the fight for Jae's unwanted attention. Kayne Lawton of the Gold Coast Titans rugby league team. Whilst I am more a union man myself, I can't help be amazed by his athletic ability.




Yoinked from All Aussie Beef

Yeah... look at his athleticism. Yum. Such a sports fan... ;)

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Mecca Mosques "Wrongly Aligned"

It's this sort of story that really highlights the stupidity of the religious. I don't have a problem with others believing what they believe but honestly guys... can't you see it goes too far when people start suggesting using laser beams in order to be certain of aligning your mosque correctly to Mecca???

Why is no one scared by this? And why is no one worried by the new religious tones of the United Nations Human Rights Council?

It sort of puts the whole Cat Religion on Red Dwarf into perspective:

"Most of the cats on Red Dwarf died in Holy Wars fought between the two factions -- those who thought the hats should be red and those who thought the hats should be blue."

No matter how much of a good laugh the Red Dwarf jokes are, it's sobering to think people actually think like that IN THE REAL WORLD!.

Well not about the hats.

We all know they should have been blue.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Hater

So the last two days have been kind of a let down. Based on the G20 protesters self promotion and the media furore around the event I was expecting nothing less than an apocalyptic rearranging of the natural order of our civilisation.

Instead we got some broken bank windows and a couple of bloody noses which, even if we count the one possibly unrelated fatality, is probably a better tally than a Friday night in Soho. Hardly revolutionary.

Thanks to Zoe who bought me a book from my wishlist! Hater by David Moody which is, based on the first few pages I’ve read so far, the sort of book I like. Zoe is hereby awarded “Dearest Constant Reader” status.

Things I’ll Never Understand, Part One of Many

1) People who press the buttons to open the train door before the button lights up. And I don’t just mean press it once, they stand there pressing it repeatedly and, in so doing, inevitably miss the moment the button lights up and make us all wait an extra second. Sure I don’t mind the extra second, but it just seems to be counter productive as I’m assuming they are pressing the button so furiously as they are anxious to vacate the train. Based on my experience I’ve so far never seen a train door open BEFORE it lights up thus is there really any point standing there repeatedly pressing the button like a numpty? Nope.
2) People who read magazines in W H Smiths. So you are bored, waiting for your train, and you decide you want to have something to read while you wait. Do you: i) go to W H Smith, buy a magazine, keep people in the retail and press sectors in honest work and go to a place out of others peoples way to read it or ii) go to W H Smith, decide to be a cheap arse and thoughtlessly stand in the way of those paying customers wishing to get to the magazines you are standing directly in front of just so you can peruse some trashy mag? Which do you choose? If it’s ii) I think you suck. I went to W H Smith the other day and spent almost 5 minutes trying to reach one magazine during which time not one of the mindless zombie readers even thought to move an inch let alone let me pass. And if you are reading this magazine just to check that you’ll like it before purchasing it, I shake my head in disbelief. Buy the magazine. If you don’t like it, don’t ever buy it again. It’s £5 and possible disappointment or you save money but cause inconvenience to others. £5 is cheap, surely, to avoid getting in others way? Or am I the only person who cares about other people when in public?
3) People who can’t use pelican crossings. It’s real simple. There’s a button, you press it, you wait for the green man to appear, you walk. It seems every time I get to one of these crossings everyone is standing there like an idiot and not one of them has thought to press the button. I appear, press button and due to the length of time that’s passed since the last normal person came by and pressed the button the green man comes on immediately and everyone crosses. Amazing!
4) People who wait until the last minute. Be it waiting to get their ticket out until they are at the ticket gates at a station, waiting until the cashier asks them for money before they begin the long hunt for their purse/wallet or expressing surprise that those behind them might want to use the cash machine as they finished half an hour ago but have decided the machine gives the space to rearrange the contents of their coat pocket/bag.
5) People who moan about other people getting in their way, and delaying them. Who do they think they are? Do they think the world should revolve around them? Arrogant bastards the lot of them ;)


This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Braindump

Yoinked from World Asian Beauty

Picked up Jim from hospital today, and feel a lot better having him home again. Saw Religulous which was actually pretty good. Sure I found the way Bill Maher a little rude at points, and the editing seemed somewhat... obvious, shall we say. But overall the bizarre nature of the religious came through loud and clear, although the complete denial of the Muslim interviewees at the end of the show left even me shocked (and I read FSTDT!)

The Sun's headline today (seen as I peered across at a fellow tube passenger from behind my Guardian, might I add!) was "The Porn Ultimatum". Come on Sun writers! That gags already been used, to far more success, in the rather excellent Porne Ultimatum, starring everyone's favourite porn star Mr. Brent Corrigan. Talking about that story I have a few opinions

1) expressed in my Twitter feed yesterday: who pays for porn? I mean, I used to buy porn DVDs but then the internet got faster and I saw no need for them any more. Honestly... What a waste of £10.
2) Given the huge sums of money involved in the Government's bail outs of the banks, and even with the rest of the MP expenses non story, £10.00 really isn't the issue here. Move on folks.
3) MPs expenses are a drop in the ocean compared to the money we are spending on bonuses for the even more inept banking executives out there. Perhaps we might wish to bring our attentions back to bringing the world out of financial crisis before we start dealing with the little things. Sometimes the press does the Governments job for them, distracting the criminally stupid with titilating side stories whilst the really rich laugh all the way to their off shore bank (although I understand that the off shore banks aren't half as dodgy as some of the American states banking practices). And off shore is so early noughties.

And amazingly people seem to be surprised that Iraq, a state where the insane religious people have far more power than they did before we (the Coalition of the Willing) invaded, might be about to start officially executing homosexuals (as readers know, last month we all watched a video on the unofficial executions, didn't we!). Hardly news worthy, considering plenty of other countries have long prison sentences and/or the death penalty for homosexuality. Iraq would just be another wonderful addition to that dirty club.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Just Another Manic Monday

So... there I was  walking to the shop past the local Baptist church and I was disturbed to see them all standing up and swaying as some guy played an acoustic guitar. On the way back they were still doing it. I really didn't believe Christians actually did that, most disturbing. 

Jim got up at some ungodly hour this morning (an hour before me!! Unheard of!) and headed off to hospital for his operation. I felt bad I wasn't going with him but work is obviously far more important to me. Oh wait... no it's not. Why didn't I go with him??? Mean me. 

Work was... horrid. I spent the whole time staring at my mobile waiting for a call (the call?). When it eventually did ring I grabbed it so hard I disconnected Jim. D'oh! Anyway, the operation appears to have gone ok (in that they cut open his hand and removed something which is to be analysed). 

Went to visit him in the Princess Grace hotel hospital near Baker Street. The trip up was fun as I amazed and dazzled fellow H&C line passengers with my backwards book... mwhahaha... 

The hospital... well it was nice, and proves once and for all... going private pays off ! But poor Jim, looked like everyone does when they are in a hospital gown, and in pain. :( 

I stayed for a couple of hours, ate the yummy food, annoyed Jim, and then left feeling like an arsehole for leaving him there. Sorry Jim, love ya. Can't stand seeing him like that. 

Hopefully, all being well, he will be home tomorrow whilst we wait for results. Am off work tomorrow to go "collect him" (that's go to hospital and get taxi home with him in it) and make sure he has everything he needs. 

Me no like Jim being poorly. 

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Post Office Stupid

I went down to the "Post Shop" today, just after 9 a.m., to collect an Amazon parcel that I'd had redirected there (containing the 2009 Spartacus Guide [the queer Bible] and Death Note Volume 1 [which I was pleased to note is still in the Japanese format so I can look weird on the train as I read it "backwards"]). Outside was the usual group of foreign students who seem to always gather there (I think there's an English school there but these students looked more like an Italian school party rather than students of the school) . They just stood inside and outside of the door of the "Post Shop" and any attempt to get in discreetly was blocked (I tried the slipping through a gap approach and the "Scusi" way.... to no effect). So I had to actually barge my way through them, at points having to put my hands either side of them to move them out of my way. 

And they didn't even blink. 

I thought this was weird, even for the disorganised Italians, but on the way back out I had to practically pick up one of the boys (who was about 18) to get him out of my way.

And nobody made a remark or even looked in my direction.

Is that not really strange??? 

I know from experience that Italian students are bizarre but this was a little too much... 

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

The Weekend Is Most Welcome

I got my contract today so, all being well, I'll have a permanent position as of 6th April. Yay! I don't know if to be happy or sad though... the tenants can be somewhat difficult.  But life assurance will be mine! Mwhahahaha.... 

Jim is off to hospital for a possible over nighter on Monday. Have got Tuesday off work anyway just to be careful. 

I've become far too obsessed by Deal or No Deal.

I can't decide whether I embrace the oncoming anarchist/Communist/socialist takeover or be disgusted by the flagrant disrespect shown to Her Majesty in this Guardian opinion piece. Can you be a Royalist, a libertarian and a Communist sympathiser? It's most confusing. 

I do think a lot of the press is bigging up the protests possible violent elements in order to justify, in advance, the brutal police repression that will envitably occur... I know... I've been reading the Morning Star too much...

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

A Letter

Dearest Constant Reader,

I've been feeling out of sorts of late, and I think part of that is because me and you and have stopped communicating properly. It's my fault, not yours. Well I'll try to be better!

Things in my world are, alas, a little iffy right now. Money worries, tenant worries (I'm in the middle of an ongoing issue at the moment meaning the trip to work each day is filled with worry over what has gone wrong for that day) and Jim worries. All add up to a not so happy Jae.

But it's time for a little British stiff upper lip. Time to stop mopping about feeling sorry for myself (and for Jim!). Time to be positive. I've got a job when many haven't (although the guy on BBC Breakfast who had only gotten 5 interviews from 1000 job applications amused me, sorry but even in these "hard" times a sensible person wouldn't send 1000 applications! It stinks of the sort of psyche that might turn off many employers). I've got a boyfriend who I love dearly and plan to marry (yes Arwen, in Canada.... with polar bears!). And I've got Malted Milk Creams. Things can't get much better... except Jim is cooking currywurst right now so they just did!!!

Hope all is well in Dear Constant Reader land.

All my love

Jae xx

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Life Funk

Obviously I try not to write too much about other people's lives, even Jim's, here on my blog for reasons of personal arrogance (IT'S ALL ABOUT ME OKAY??? ;) ) and being decently discreet about others.

But I will say this: I am worried about Jim.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Head Funk

Wow. I am not a happy bunny today, in the depressed, melancholy sort of rabbit way not the angry Donnie Darko bunny one.

Listening to Foo Fighters "There Is Nothing Left To Lose" probably doesn't help.

Jim going through hospital tests probably doesn't help either.

Oh and not having ANY money is also wonderful. My tenants complain of being poor but I have only 75p in my pocket and I made that up from change I found around the house. And I have no idea how I'm getting to work tomorrow. Lunch is a distant dream and dinner is subsidised by Jim.

Then there's the not having any social interaction besides Jim and work because I have NO MONEY to facilate it. I'd love to go down to Folkestone and catch up with a few people (Zoe, Sam, Stacey Lady) or seek out John, Vixie, JP, Elliot or anyone else in London who I miss.

Thanks to having no money I have no clothes either. £40 for a new pair of jeans is a bit outside the realms of possibilities when you can't even afford a bottle of Diet Coke.

Oh yes... no Diet Coke at work. That's fun, as anyone who knows me can imagine.

The distant prospect of a monthly pay cheque (May? June?) slightly higher than I was earning 12 months ago is instantly shot down by thoughts of 4 weeks without pay leading up to it and the debts that need to be repaid out of it.

6 months after probation at work starts I'll get another 10% pay increase but God I feel depressed at the boring, unhappy life I'm going to have to lead until then.

Caffiene.. must have caffiene...

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Xisco Isn't Even Gay

Queerty, and a couple of other sources, report that Francisco Jiménez Tejada is gay. This seems to be based mainly on lots of pictures of him kissing guys.

Personally I don't get a gay vibe from him. These pics just seem to be your bog standard pictures, which can be found across Europe even here in Britain, of drunk straight guys.

If he is gay, then my gaydar has stopped working and I need to get a new one.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

First They Came For The Smokers...

Then they came for the unhealthy eaters...

Now they are coming after the drinkers.

The constant attacks against consumers, whilst allowing the producers to continue to exist, seem idiotic and bizarre.

If you want to socially engineer your population do it, don't do this half hearted weak "deterrent" policy. Ban the stuff. Otherwise back off and let us make the decisions we want to.

I believe in freedom, I can understand fascism but the nanny state is something I'll never get my head around. It never solves anything!

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Things That Are Good

1) Ajoo from South Korea. Yoinked from Gay Boy Thailand.

2) Currywurst. There is a wonderful German sausage stall in Lewisham town centre and Jim introduced me to this tasty German treat. YUM! Really am liking Germany more and more every day. Maybe this is because I've been reading the Spiegel's International Edition for news recently. I find reading the papers from the continent really interesting as it gives you a different perspective on all the stories of the day.

3) Understanding the irony of a protest in support of Palestine using the Rainbow flag, as seen in Lewisham. I'm all for Palestinian rights but let's remember being a gay Palestinian is a fate none would envy. I understand the Rainbow flag is also the Peace flag but still...

4) Death Note: The Last Name was really very good.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

What's My Motivation Here?

Hmph. What to write? I've had a really mundane week. It was all listening to podcasts, walking to and from work and worrying about Jim. That's all. Literally.

Nothing wrong with that I suppose...

I'm moving into a Doctor Who Obsession phase... which isn't a bad thing I suppose, given that the next Doctor Who special is on next month. Been listening to lots of Big Finish stuff in preparation.

And that's it. Sorry guys. BORING.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Melly Mels 1973 - 2001

It's been 8 years now since Melly died: March 9th 2001.

Not much more to say really. She's gone and life has, cruelly, continued. This world sucks.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Movie Weekend!

I've watched a few movies this weekend, in an effort to save money and also to allow Jim some relaxation as he currently has a poorly hand (jokes on a postcard). Some old, some new.

I saw Milk. Given we already have the Oscar Award winning "The Times of Harvey Milk", this movie had to do one of two things for me to like it;

1) give us more insight into some of the personalities involved than given by the aforementioned documentary
2) give us a reflection of our own times through the prism of these past events.

It did neither. The Times of Harvey Milk gave me far more of a feeling for who Harvey Milk and Dan White were as people than this movie did. And rather than being a reflection upon LGBT rights today it seemed to be little more than a nostalgic, rose tinted looked at the heady pre-AIDS LGBT movement of the 70s. And, as a comment on this article suggests, all at the expense of everyone else involved and gives Harvey Milk all the credit (not that he didn't deserve a lot of credit for what he did, but let's not make him out to be a superhero, when he was just a good guy).

Really, what was the point of this movie? It wasn't entertaining, and it was no more educational than a 25 year old documentary. I must have missed the point.

I also saw Death Note which was entertaining and, based on my limited experience of Japanese movies (read Godzilla films and The Ring cash ins), was different to the usual. Liked it, a lot, and not just because Tatsuya Fujiwara is a hottie.



Classic movies watched include the awesome "Crimson Tide" and "King Kong Vs. Godzilla", not so awesome but a lot better than most 60s sci fi movies.

Oh and I want this house. How frigging call would that place be?

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Gaucho Canary Wharf

Last night, rather randomly, Jim and I headed out and ended up at Gaucho's in Canary Wharf.

Had a lovely meal, if expensive (we used money we didn't have... but so worth it), served by a wonderful South African waitress. The starter, crab cakes, was delicious. The main close, bife de lomo, was awesome along with a side of sweet potato chips. The dessert was... not so good though.

But they did the best mojitos, really delicious.

Just what I needed I think, thank you ever wonderful Jim.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Jae Takes A Walk And Gets A Job

Yesterday was a busy day in which very little happened.

Case in point; I spent my lunch break taking a walk. Just a random hour long stroll around west London. Boring, huh? Yet somehow it cheered me greatly. Used to be I would go on my "Long Walks" (as I called them named after Stephen King's excellent book!) for bad reasons. It started when my parents began throwing me out of the house as a young teenager after we moved to a new place in the hopes I'd go mingle and make yet another set of new friends (no thanks, I liked the old ones!). Instead I'd wander the streets of Folkestone come rain or shine, just thinking. I hated having to do it at the time. Then there were the times during my depression when I'd take Long Walks just to get away from it all, wandering up to the North Downs and out in the country. My Long Walks in the city began when I first ran away and, having nothing better to do, wandered London, Paris, Valence, Marsailles, Menton, Florence and Rome until my little long legs could carry me no further. Finally last year during my unemployed phase I implemented extensive Long Walks to central London just to pass the time.

So as you can see these Long Walks hardly encompass happy times in my life. But... now they seem to be one of the things that make me the most happy. Yesterdays walk, listening to the "sound sex" that is Stephen Fry's podcast, really put a spring in my step, it was a lovely day, I was seeing new things (even if they were as exciting as just a new Tesco Express I didn't know existed) and admiring the pretty men and college boys on their lunch break. Wonderful.

So I returned to my desk at work with a smile which was sadly wiped off my face within fifteen minutes by news that the position I was applying for had been "temporarily closed". Angry that I hadn't put in place a Plan B like a I had last year, I was determined to start applying for new jobs immediately.

Less than an hour, and one fire alarm, later and suddenly I found myself being called up to the 5th Floor... to find myself being given "feedback" on my interview. My interviewers drew it out for two minutes with phrases like "We must remember there were a great many applicants for the position." I got myself prepared for disappointed... when suddenly they broke out, told me they couldn't get up the charade any more and that I had got the job!!! I'll still be temping until the contract is signed, and based on others past experiences that might be some time yet, but finally the security of a permanent position, and the legal requirement for advance notice of termination, is in sight. Happy times.

Plus I saw Tube Boy today. Mmmm....

Sadly this weekend was not as good with plans to go to Lympne scuppered by traffic and car problems (Blackheath remains closed causing immense traffic jams outside my house). And plans for a quiet weekend was squashed when it became apparant that due to a clerical error Jim's residents parking pass was two months two short giving us a weekend of worry as parking tickets began to pile up. :( Hopefully now a new pass has been issued correcting the mistake these tickets can be contested.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

The Weekend That Wasn't

There's never enough sexy black guys on this blog... thankfully Spartan's gladiator colleague Tornado came along. Yum.

Not been a very good weekend for a variety of reasons almost all related in some way to money and the lack of it. One day, Dear Constant Reader, I shall be writing this to you from my sun draped villa in some exotic locale surrounded by pool boys and hunky gardeners. But that day is quite far off at the moment...

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist