Monday, October 27, 2008

Who Am I?

So there I was cyber stalking MT (Facebook is my friend [privacy settings cannot stop me...], I was thinking he'd probably aged badly... how wrong could I have been!), when I suddenly started getting nostalgic about the "olden days". And I don't mean about school (which I hated) nor do I mean my social life (which was great don't get me wrong). I mean about who I used to be. My inner self. I know that sounds incredibly like "up my own arse", pop psychological nonsense but how I am now inside my head is totally different to how I was then.

I spend my entire life thinking about the mundane. Be it thinking about catching a train, or answering the phone at work, or what I'm going to blog about tonight (not on this blog of course, I just make this stuff up as I go along... ;) ). How's that different to before, I hear you cry? When I was a teenager, I was a dreamer. I spent my time dreaming, imagining. And I'm not talking practical dreams, I'm talking imagining scenarios just for the sheer fun of it. Dreaming of a different world, just to pass the time. Entire series of movies played out in my head in the ten minute walk from school to my house. Or maybe, if I was thinking of real things, I'd be digesting the latest political story I'd read in the paper or pondering on my latest obsession (or MT, my constant obsession... sorry Jim, I love you! But I'll never stop fawning over my favourite football player...). I just don't do that anymore.

I tried giving myself some time at lunch today to let my mind run wild but found it had become very difficult not to think about money, or work, or the journey home. I've gotten rusty.

I think the problem is, I never give myself any free time. I'm always on my laptop, or listening to a podcast, or talking to someone. I never have quiet time to myself, just to ponder. I used to love my long walks around Folkestone, that was when I could truly let my mind run free. Maybe I should start getting off the tube early on the way to work and walk the rest of the way iPod free. Because I really miss dreamy Jae. He's much less boring that I am.


  1. Sorry to be the one to state the obvious here, but could it not just be the fact that your all grown up now ( and i use that term loosely around you ;-) ). Its easy to let your mind wander when the most important thing you have to worry about in your life is wether to put sugar on your frosties or not. Adulthood brings responsibility, worrying about money, work and a million other things. Dont get me wrong, I think its a complete crock, and I'd rather not have to worry about such things, but this is the rat-race after all, and in my experience its not something thats easy to get out of.

  2. 成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,
    ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 免費A片下載, 性愛, 成人交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲,