One of those things that sets me out from the crowd, other than being as gay as a window and causing chaos and destruction where ever I go, is my height.
Whatever it may be 6'8" - 6'10", it sure does draw me some attention. I think my now well practiced sour "London face" has assisted in keeping street level interaction down to stares and double takes. This is a vast improvement on being stopped every ten feet by an old lady who just wanted to tell me her Grandson was my height. After a while I realised that the population of Britain was either 50% giants or these old women were batty/annoying. Thankfully the scare stories about crime in London have scared the old ladies into minding their own business and no longer stopping me from getting on with my day.
However my height is not something I am ashamed of or that causes me undue distress and so I'll often add it to profile pages, such as Myspace, if the question is asked. This has lead me to discover a whole underground movement of people who have a fetish for height.
Now I've already discussed macrophiles before, and I've come to terms with them. But I'm not talking about macrophiles here... I'm talking about random men and women who seem to be stalking me on social networks and bombarding me with questions about my height.
You'll find them lurking around groups such as "I'm Tall, So I Am Better Than You". They will find someone tall and add them as a friend.
Now I foolishly changed my friends policy from "I need to at least vaguely know you" to "I'm bored of worrying about whether I know you or not, it's easier just to accept you". This was a stupid move that has meant every so often I now get a pop up message on Facebook along the lines of:
"Wow, you are soooo tall. What's that like?"
Sometimes I think this is just a conversation opener and if I reply it won't be long before we are discussing life, the universe and everything and become life long friends. Alas...
"So, what is your shoe size?"
This is a danger signal, ignored only at your peril. Soon it will be what's your weight? Where would I come up to? and other personal questions.
What I find so weird about all these folks is they don't even make a pretense about it. They don't try to pretend they just want to talk about any of the 500 other groups, subjects or people I've expressed an interest in so they can form a friendship and then investigate my height. No it's straight in at the height questions and within 5 minutes you'll get something like:
"So you could lift me up and do me against a wall?"
"If I pay you £100 will you beat me up please?"
Do they not read my status "In A Relationship"? Of course not because they also ask question like:
"Where do you live?"
"How old are you?"
"Are you straight or gay?"
They took the time to find out my height from my profile but can't be arsed to read it for two seconds and find out these simple answers.... grr....
So here's an idea for all you people who get off on tall guys and girls. Firstly: chatting them up is a good thing to do before you start to live out your sexual fantasies. Secondly: read a bit about them. If they are in a relationship like me, they probably aren't interested. Thirdly: be intelligent.
I think tonight I shall begin the process of deheighting my social network profiles, just as once I degayed my university rooms for visits from my Mum, so as to avoid these crazy people in the future. Sure some of the guys are very, very cute but I've got Jim. Who needs anyone else?*
*Please note whilst I do not need anyone else I am not ruling out completely the idea of sex with Charles Dera, Matt Damon or Brent Corrigan. ;)