So here's why I like having a journal. I can always look back and remember what I said, so let's look back at last years "Plans"
Plans for the new year. Not resolutions, because they are so corny and so 2004. No... plans, that may go wrong, or get amended by events.
1) get into shape. My body is a temple, one that can be quite attractive if I just bothered to eat right and work out sometimes. people say I'm cute and have a brilliant smile and that I'm sexy and other stuff that shouldn't be mentioned in public... But I need myself to believe that... I want to be the best I can be... mentally, physically and spiritually.
Hmm... ok... if at first you feed your fat face till you're sick; try, try and try again... My new diet starts tomorrow!!!
2) leave this house, and hopefully this town. Folkestone isn't that bad. There are plenty of places far worse. But like all people i should leave, live life a little and spread my wings.
YAY!! Look at that! I made it... I DID IT! I now live in *puts on posh voice* Historic Maritime Greenwich, don't ya know?
3) Be nice. Over the last 3 years all my faith and hope in humantiy has been eroded to the point that I see most people as STUPID and the rest as just plan up their own bums. In fact last year I probably said "They should all be lined up against a wall and shot" at least twice a day. All that kind of adds up to making me a bit of an arsehole. This year I hope that I can restore my faith in humanity and seek out nice people who are clever but not arrogant... who wish to talk rubbish and smile a little.
Moving quickly on...
4) Avoid clubs. Since January 2002 I have lost the will to club. I must admit it... after leaving university clubs just seemed (and still seem) a bit lame, full of freaky hormonal Norms (those who I used to refer to as Extras). I don't enjoy clubs, so why bother wasting my time (and money) in them?? And dancing??? A BIG no no.
5) Be nicer to Jim. Let's face it... if I want to keep him... I need to go all out, pull out all the stops, use the good china, and work my arse off to ensure I never lose him. Cos I've thought about it; I don't think I could stand the pain of yet another rejection.
Ok. I hope I managed this one, Jim can judge.
6) Rediscover my sexuality. Cos of late I haven't been feeling how I used to feel about being gay. It used to be the one thing that made me smile and made me happy. Now? I have plenty of stuff to make me smile and be happy... I need to redefine my homosexuality... is it just one part of me now? Or is it still the essence of my being? (side note: I don't wanna become one of those castrated men who are partly ashamed of their homosexuality and just say "I just like men, it's not important"... cos trust me... sexuality is VERY important. Straight blokes... imagine saying "I like women, but it's not that important to me". WHO WOULD YOU BE TRYING TO KID???)
Done. San Francisco has reaffirmed my faith.
7) I may go to uni, but to be honest... it's not something I care about. I care however about how other people see me. And I don't like the way they see me as a non degree bloke. Maybe that is something that I need to think about and deal with. And I shouldn't worry about other peoples expectations... that's what got me into trouble last time I went to uni...
Maybe next year...
So sucesses and failures. That's called real life! Tomorrow... 2006's plans!! Stay tuned.
Ok so here's my list of the best of 2005....
Best Person: Jim. Sorry but no one famous has moved me this year. Jim has been the driving force behind my 2005, the best year of my life (SO FAR!)
Best Place: San Francisco. Prague was top of the pops of 2004 because it was new, fresh and beguiling. San Francisco had those same properties. It was totally different to what I expected, in good and bad ways (see HOMELESSNESS and POVERTY). That won it for me.
Best Podcast: Bad Weeds San Francisco. A Bad Weed is hard to kill. Corkey, I love you!
Best News Story: Speaks for itself!
Best Looking Man: Brent Corrigan
Best Post On This Blog: The Censored One! That link isn't the post as the post is... censored! A naked picture of Kevin Mcdaid, who did some porn in his youth. Blogger didn't like it. SHAME! He was quite cute.
Have a Happy New Year!