You've Got Mail

The Murder Of Matthew Shepard - 20 Years On

Bag of Bones - Stephen King

Will and Grace

This Is My Truth, Tell Me Yours

17th (!) Blogaversary

The Truman Show

Come Back To What You Know

Living Witness (Star Trek Voyager)

My 10th Rez Day In Second Life

So... what was once my alt avatar has reached it's 10th anniversary. Jae Villa has spent most of the last 10 years off grid, hibernating.

He was created as my way to interact with Jim who had gotten in Second Life after me. Jim became a clothes creator and I became... well to be honest Jae Villa didn't really have a Second Life. He wandered. He dressed up as a Cyberman. He explored different places but made few friends.

So when Jim left Second Life, Jae Villa left too. And I stopped playing altogether. My other avatar, for reasons that are quite beyond my memory, Jae Corinthian was suspended (I think it may have been to do with Linden Labs policies on alts back then) and his main virtual friend went off to real life jail (I know! DRAMA!). So I, like most of the world, forgot about Second Life. The companies and universities that had heralded Second Life as the next stage of evolution for the internet quietly packed up and left...

So fast forward to last year. I was re-reading Ready Player One and I'd just replaced my laptop that ran Linux (and was thus a mystery to me) with a Windows-running laptop. I decided to check out if Jae Villa was still about.

I logged in. He was. I wandered. Alone. Then I started chatting to people. Began to find my feet. I explored and, as I made friends, I began to take them with me on explorations. We found an RP sim (Stoneleigh) and settled down, renting homes. That RP sim collapsed as the owner disappeared due to some flooding issues in RL. But those of us who had made it home sought refuge elsewhere... and that's how I ended up in Cyssan.

And that's the thing... Second Life is what you make it. It can be quite fun for a day but after a while of wandering around on your own there's only so much fun that can be found. But friends are easy to come by. Chat to people. Follow event notifications. Go to clubs. Soon enough you'll find a niche, Second Life is basically just a huge collection of niches, and then the real fun begins. Adventures, creation, comradery. And overall... silliness!

With Second Life about to celebrate it's 15th birthday and making some fantastic changes to help keep it fresh... here's to another 10 years! And this time I'll be around for more of it.

Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress

Enlightenment Now: The Case for Reason, Science, Humanism, and Progress is the latest book from Steven Pinker. He's considered pretty controversial but his outlook seems eminently reasonable.

Based on science, reason and all the good stuff Pinker lays out why keeping the values of the Enlightenment is ever more important as a bulwark against things such as the rise of Trump and Brexit.

All very logical and, unlike today's "Progressive" movement, very firmly grounded in human progress and liberty.

Loved it.

There's A Crowd...

Enjoying The Journey

I've always believed I more enjoy the journey than the destination. Staring out the window of your train or car and watching the world go by (relax, I'm always a passenger). It's delightful.

However... I think the commute to and from head office will one day destroy me.

Today's itinerary:

05.30am Leave the house, due to the early hour there are no buses. So walk 45 minutes down dark country roads clutching torch all way to Sandwich

06.26am Board train to St Pancras

07:00am Engage colleagues joining train in brief conversation before planting earphones firmly in ears as a stranger sits next to him.

07.50am Arrive at St Pancras. Frog-marched by group of colleagues to King's Cross

08:00am Train at King's Cross is the front 4 coaches... of a 2 million car train. On the furthest platform away. And it leaves in 4 minutes. Cue scurrying.

08:04am Squeeze on to train just prior to departure... hold breath for 20 minutes.

08:30 Arrive at Hatfield and fold long legs into a tiny taxi.

08:50 Arrive at destination.

Then switch for return journey only with legs beginning to hurt by time train home reached Ashford and in near tears before reaching home...

No. NO. Nooooooooooo....

I've got to leave the house at 5.30am for a 50 minute walk to the train station so I can go to a conference north of London and not get home until after 7pm.

NOT AMUSED>

Monday Diet Check In

Since Friday I've been... not following a diet.

Back on it tomorrow. It's just been a really, really godawful week that ended yesterday with my laptop dying and a new one that's not powerful enough for Second Life.

I mean... what's the point????

But back on the diet tomorrow. And on Second Life on another new laptop...

Second Life Sunday

Melodifestivalen: Jae's Choice

Need I say more?

Dark Crystal Returns!

How did I miss this news??????

Still Not Feeling It

Happy times needed. Just like the old days!

Just Not Feeling It Today

A very bad day today. With the promise of more.

Tuesday Bus Stop Fiend

After last week's cold weather caused a bus to be 20 minutes late a lady at the bus stop spoke with me about it.

She was back today. She spoke to me again, this time with no disaster to talk about.

This is the worst thing that can happen to a British person.

Dear Lord, I may need to stop getting a bus on a Tuesday.

Monday Diet Check-In

So I made it to Day 37 before I took a break this weekend.

Beth and Jordan came round for the weekend so I relaxed somewhat. However I'm pretty confident I still didn't go over my calorie limit.

Despite that I'm not counting the days and so today marks the start of Phase 2.

Onwards, ever onwards! So pleased with my progress now... the positive comments from others are starting to come in.

Now... new life goal... to wear something this fucking cool!

Second Life Sunday

This week, in Second Life... 

I've started preparing for Easter though the underwear needs to be whiter. Much whiter! 

I bought a vespa in the latest round of Uber. 

I visited the Arcade which wasn't so good but did ended up with a UFO. It's got cool driving animations and can get involved in combat. For 75 lindens it is a steal!

Though this biplane might look pretty cool, it is a bit rubbish with no avatar animations.

Another attempt at a new avatar... hmm... needs work! But here he is on USB's Smoker's Chair which is being released at the next round of TMD. 

It's time for Fameshed! Dufaux has some Long Johns out as modelled by my main avatar above. I love Dufaux stuff. 

Also from Fameshed was Ascend's Bruce top and Riot Elliot jeans which are pretty awesome and this will definitely be this avatar's main casual outfit.

Done a little more work on my main avatar. I think as I've now got a couple of decent unshaven avatars, I'm happy to go full "Daddy" on this one. I think it works pretty well. 

Beth and Jordan Come To Visit

It's Still Snowing!

More Snow!

To be frank, I've been underwealmed by the snow here in Eastry... especially when Southeastern have closed my trainline when we're in the least hit area of Kent!

Overnight what snow we had dwindled to almost nothing but this morning it snowed for pretty much 6 hours straight! This made me very happy. 

Here is our garden about halfway through this morning... 

Here's what Jeff has been doing for most of the day... except for the one time I let him out and he killed a bird within 30 seconds of leaving the house. I couldn't save it. :(

Here's what else Jeff got up to exploring his snowy domain:

And in his attempt to escape the torment of being a dog's chew toy, Teddy met his end in the vast snow covered patio. RIP Teddy...

Snow Day

Couldn't get into work today. Had planned ahead and agreed annual leave. Decided to still conference in to an important meeting I was going to represent my department at.

An hour long meeting when you aren't working is the LONGEST hour any one could ever experience. It was painful.

No trains tomorrow either. So... oh God. I'll be working from home...

Snow Day!

Disappointed with the snow covering I headed to work... which is when the heavens opened and quickly covered Sandwich in a blanket of snow. Made it to work... easily... damn it!

And whilst I was at work Jeff the Maine Coon launched a modelling career... 

Monday Diet Check-In

Day 35!! Still going.

People have started to notice.

All is good.

20 Years A Gay

20 years ago this week (possibly today, 80% certain it's today and not the 24th which is the other option...) I saw the Sixth Former.

I've told the story of my coming out story which started with the first time I saw the Sixth Former, the object of my unrequited love for a long, long time after. I think the fact my memory of the George Michael thing, which happened AFTER the Sixth Former, suggests my memories are not to be trusted too much and that, if that's true, I was still in denial about my sexuality for a few more months.

But I think this post, written closer to the time and thus a bit more reliable, gives you a taste of the power of my unrequited love. I'd totally forgotten this incident. At that time I was... emotionally unstable. It may not have happened. But... I was working when I wrote the post so I very much doubt I made it up.

Reading it certainly suddenly made me remember that first half term after my crush on him had appeared. It was literally painful. I can't imagine feeling emotions that strong nowadays. Teenage hormones certainly have a huge effect.

I don't know his name. There's no way he knows what an influence he had on my life, my tastes in men and, for a long time until I gave it all up, my religious beliefs. He passed through my life never knowing me and I never actually knowing him. But he left a large wake behind him and I surfed that wake all the way to Jim.

I hope he is well, living a happy life. I'm not as crazy as I was then. No "OMG I LOVE HIM!" stuff. Yet I do wish him every happiness possible for he was more influential on me than almost any person outside my Mum.

That quiet, beautiful boy. This poem always reminds me of him.

Second Life Sunday

Continued to work on my other avatar. Given him a new hairstyle from this month's Men Only Monthly and decked him out in gear from Remnant Dark Days.

Stonewall Continues To Live Up To Expectations

In the last decade Stonewall has become infamous for dividing the gay community. It's opposition to same-sex marriage, it's attempts to criminalise gay youth and it's "pragmatic" opposition to boycotting businesses owned by homophobic world leaders all show it really doesn't have the best interests of gay men (the group I'm a member of, I'm not LGBT [I've come to see that term as an attempt to neuter and desexualise lesbian, gay and bisexual folk] though sympathetic and supportive to the LBT elements and their own struggles) in mind. 

Now it has withdrawn support for Pride In London. That's right. They won't boycott a hotel owned by a homophobe. They won't support same-sex marriage without INTENSE levels of shaming by thousands. They encourage parents to report their gay kids (who may not even be out!) to the police. But they will withdraw support for the biggest Pride event in the country over diversity issues (I've no idea of the validity of the concerns, they might be right to do this but given their previous actions it seems somewhat mad they are suddenly decisive over something) and go on to support Black Pride (which doesn't sound like a diverse event to me...).

I honestly can't believe companies and individuals continue to give money to an organisation that seems hell bent on dividing and destroying the communities it claims to represent (of course it's only been representing trans people for half a decade after quite the debate... slow to every cause unless it involves undermining (or locking up) lesbian, gay, bi and trans folk) 

Snow Is A-Coming!

It's been years since snow has properly hit where I live.

Eastry appears to exist in some sort of strange anti-snow bubble and it drives me bonkers. I'll get to work and being crunching my way through snow whilst back home (a mere 19 miles away) is bone-dry.

Well no longer... it seems like next week is going to be cold. I can't wait! I want LOTS of snow. I might ask for Wednesday off work so I can make snow angels.

That's how much I love snow.

Ray of Light

Catatonia's International Velvet may have been the main stay on my Walkman as I went about delivering papers in early 1998, but Madonna's Ray of Light album was equally important on my boombox (yes, I had a boombox). Frozen and the Ray of Light single were always on the radio too and remind me of driving around with my Mum to Snodland and Tunbridge Wells.


Frozen was there in the cold winter months of 1998, when depression was rising and my first crush was blooming. Ray of Light came along when the first crush was over and summer had arrived, playing on the radio during my work experience at Saga that year.



Two songs that practically defined my 1998 (and cemented my love for Madonna which was first born in the 1980s when I LOVED Holiday when I was Tiny Jae).

Plus the other songs on this album like Candy Perfume Girl, Nothing Really Matters and the Power of Goodbye are epically good.

Lost In Space

1) I loved Lost in Space when I was a kid.
2) Lost in Space came out as a movie in 1998, that fabled year. Despite it being pretty bad, I liked it and it came out during my peak geek period.
3) I'm pretty excited for the latest version which had a teaser released today
4) I'm really just not in the mood to blog properly today so... this is sort of cheating but it's still content so it totally counts!

The Angry Chef: Bad Science and the Truth About Healthy Eating

I've just finished reading Angry Chef and it is quite delightful.

This is no academic work but as an angry polemic against dodgy diet advice and dangerous frauds it really works.

It offers a fresh perspective and the rigorous defence of "processed" foods is wonderfully unexpected.

This is a book that doesn't have any time for woo, for people making money off diet and wellness plans based on nonsense nor for Gwyneth Paltrow. He's really, really clear on the Gwyneth Paltrow thing.

If you are after a nice kick up the bum for beliefs around superfoods, detoxs and paleo... this is the book for you.

Monday Diet Catch-Up

Today is day 28! Yes, it is hard to believe but this is now my fourth week of dieting.

I'm pretty proud of myself. I often start things but don't finish them. That's not to say I will finish this, there's still a long way to go. However I've stuck to it for nearly 30 days with very few slip-ups and I've not gone over my calorie target one single time!

I've been putting my calorie intake up on Facebook which has kept me honest but it has started to attract "advice". I'm no dieting expert but... I don't need advice from other non-experts.

So reporting in: all good! :)

Today's "inspiration". Ahem.

Second Life Sunday

A couple of weeks ago I bought a new jacket from FashionNatic. It was great and won me $L600 at a best dressed competition (theme was military). So when I saw they had a new top for sale at this month's round of Ultra, I bought it without a second thought. As you can see, it is pretty great!

And I got myself a Star Trek: Discovery uniform... just because I could...

Star Trek: Discovery

Despite all my concerns, shared still it seems by many, Star Trek: Discovery's first season turned out to be one of the best seasons in Star Trek history.

There was character development, twists, unexpected deaths, a diversity of storylines (managing to mix a series long storyline with episodic stories very, very well) and amazing effects, costumes and make-up.

I love Michael. I adore Saru. The universe the series displays is vibrant and exciting. This isn't Star Trek in the way any other Star Trek has been but... you can say that about every series. 

This IS far more Star Trek than the reboot movies have been (don't get me wrong, I love them too but there are people out there saying Discovery isn't Star Trek so just comparing!). 

Long may it continue!

I've been a Star Trek fan for longer than I've been a fan of almost anything else (Disney probably only exception) and I'm still happy with it 30 ish years after I first saw an episode of TNG. 

Brimful of Asha

There was one song that you could not escape in 1998. Brimful of Asha.



This was my soundtrack for that summer. It was EVERYWHERE. Definitely mixed up with my emerging crushes on guys at school at the time, hearing it now gives me a sense of warmth and happiness. It also reminds me of solitude as my thoughts were very much turned inward at the time even as I was laying the foundations for friendships that'd soon come to dominate the next few years of my life.

Red Dwarf Turns 30

Red Dwarf featured pretty strongly in my social group when I was at school. And now... it turns 30!!! Crazy.

So I thought I'd share my favourite scene...

Last Night: In Detail

*Jae gets into bed*

*next door's burglar alarm goes off*

*our house's disconnected alarm is linked to next door and begins to sound*

*Jim remains totally asleep*

*Jae struggles to get dressed as Bella runs around the house barking at the disruption*

*gets outside to find his next door neighbours are away and house is empty but over-the-driveway-neighbours (joint owners of Jeff) are out of their house*

*Jae is established as chief burglar hunter and patrols the houses just in case checking all doors and windows are locked whilst Jeff's other family use their spare keys to get into the neighbour's house*

*Jae is handed a package that had gone "missing" which had been left outside next door's door in rain*

*30 minutes later Jeff's other family find the burglar alarm code and switch off the alarm at last*

*Jae waves good night to them as they lock up and returns to his house*

*discovers the alarm in his house is continuing*

*looks up how to switch it off online as it is not connected to the keypad*

*discovers he needs screwdrivers*

*searches fruitlessly finding only giant screwdrivers of comic sizes*

*tries to wake Jim who helpfully states "You know the alarm's not connected" before falling back to sleep*

*Jae decides to try to sleep through alarm, closing the shoe cupboard door on it and the bedroom door*

*covers head with pillow in bed*

*discovers he cannot hear the alarm through one ear no matter what he does*

*grows concerned at this new discovery but discovers he can hear everything else except for the alarm through that ear*

*eventually fitfully falls to sleep worried about alarms, ears and the fact someone might be lurking outside trying to burgle the property*

*wakes up to discover alarm has gone off on its own and Jim is sceptical any of this happened... ear appears fine... but finds the package he was given in the front room proving it wasn't all some horrible nightmare*

Coming To Terms With Past Jae

A bout of nostalgia overcame me last week due to a 15 year anniversary since I moved to my current company. And, as you saw, I read some of my old diary entries on here.

The trouble is... I didn't really like the boy I found. Yes, we're talking half a lifetime ago. But I'd like to issue a formal apology to everyone I've ever met for being such a highly-strung, overly-emotional idiot child.

He was mean and cruel at times. Self-obsessed at others. I'm still these things sometimes but feel like I recognise that a lot more nowadays. Usually.

So yes... sorry!

Past Jae has, however, made me want to re-double my efforts to be a good person.

Monday Diet Check In

Day 21! Three weeks of the diet complete. I feel good, mainly just about having kept to something. Sure I've broken a couple of times but always kept under my calorie limit for the day.

I'm not weighing myself, as this led to disillusion on my last significant attempt, so it is hard to tell if the weight is falling off. However I'm in this for the long term (especially up until the wedding!) so just going to keep at it.

Each day is another victory.

Inspiration*

*Not necessarily diet inspiration. Ahem.

Second Life Sunday

Not too much has happened in Second Life this week as I'm pretty satisfied with my home area and my avatar. Saying that, I did spend a little of yesterday making a new Signature mesh body avatar to wear clothes my main Aesthetic avatar doesn't support. Here he is in a sweater and tie from Tonktastic, currently available at this month's round of TMD. 

Meanwhile I picked up an amusing attack gyrocopter at Man Cave.

A Big Surprise

Jim came home today. He's currently snoozing next to me on the sofa. YAY! :)

Obviously, with him coming home, I did a quick tidy of the house. The pile of letters by the door was getting a bit outrageous. I never get post so no reason for me to check it, after all.

I sorted them and, worryingly, there was a letter for me. Bulky. It looked important. I opened it with the sense of dread only someone who finds money incredibly stressful can feel.

It was from Barclaycard. I have just under £200 left to pay off of my card and I know I've... erm... been ignoring it. Damn it, I thought, here comes the chase up nasty letter.

I started to read. It was about a PPI claim. They'd sent me a letter months ago about PPI and I'd responded after MUCH nagging from Jim. I'd convinced myself all this PPI stuff was either a scam or, in this case, pointless. They'd come back a while later to refuse my claim. I was smug because obviously I'd been right, it was all pointless.

Then a few weeks later they'd sent another letter saying they may have missed something when they reviewed my case and I should do a new claim given a recent Supreme Court ruling. I didn't complete it, much to Jim's horror. But eventually it was sent back again. I forgot about it.

Well as I read the several pages of letter about my claim I realised they wanted to refund me money. There were lots of sums given. It was written in rather opaque language so I didn't really know if the sums were all part of the first sum mentioned or separate.

They were separate. At the back was a cheque for over £2900. I stopped my tidy up and went and had a sit down. That's enough money to pay off all my debts and leave me with a couple of hundred spending money.

Amazing. Then I checked my bank balance. I've got no money until Thursday. Typical. :)

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

1998 was when my Buffy obsession went from "This is good" to "THIS IS EVERYTHING I'VE EVER WANTED!".

The best 1998 episode was of course a Xander centred one. Whilst everyone else was drooling over Angel, my heart belong to Xander.

And in typical Xander fashion (we all remember what havoc he caused in Once More With Feeling!) he misused a spell to try to win the heart of Cordelia but ended up causing every woman in Sunnydale to fall in love with him... except the cold-hearted Cordelia. 

It's got the best mix of madcap comedy and emotional kick that helped make some of Buffy's greatest episodes.

I wouldn't be the man I am today without Buffy. And my love for Xander will never die...

A New Team

So... I'm sort of fostering a new little team at work. It's funny... the last four teams I've been closely involved with (two self-managing and two as a manager) I've joined at their inception when they were somewhat experimental. This is no different.

Sort of exciting, even though soon enough they'll get themselves a proper team leader. But I get to leave my mark on the team structure and hopefully create something that lasts.

Meanwhile... my terrible walks home in the evening have come to an end today. Feel like I should celebrate somehow! Jim is home tomorrow and that definitely warrants a celebration. Have missed him so much!

2 Weeks; No Jim

Two weeks alone with just the fluffies in Eastry has been... not very nice.

Jim comes home from Mexico on Saturday and I can't wait. This is the longest we've been apart for years.

Once I've got to the weight I'd like I think I need to, finally, learn to drive. Being alone in London or Folkestone, that was one thing. But being alone in the middle of nowhere, where even walking to a shop in the evening is impossible due to the lack of pavements and streetlights. A journey into Sandwich is like an 30 minute trip braving the dark lane and catching a bus. A journey to Folkestone to go out with anyone I know is nearly 2 hours away if you factor in the bus, train and walk. Driving? Sandwich is like 5 minutes away and Folkestone 25 minutes (it'd be quicker if it wasn't for Dover being in between here and there with its crazy road network of doom).

So yeah... maybe 2019 is the year Jae learns to drive.

Eurovision You Decide 2018

Mel Giedroyc and Måns Zelmerlöw brought us as a decidedly Swedish contest to select the British entry for Eurovision 2018 (there was a tribute to Abba, showing us yet again that Britain lives very far in the past...).

"Crazy" by Raya was a very 90s song with no real umph. Didn't do it for me.

"Astronaut" by Liam Tamne was alright. Like a low-key Heroes. Which is the problem, low-key.

"Legends" by Asanda. To be honest with you... didn't actually understand many of the words of this. Just a bunch of screeching. No thanks.

"You" by Jaz Ellington was flipping amazing. Really good. Maybe not for Eurovision but... man he can sing!!!!

"Storm" by SuRie was good. Not a Eurovision winner but a Eurovision contender, that's for sure.

"I Feel The Love" by Goldstone. Just no.

I voted for Jaz Ellington as he deserved but when SuRie won I wasn't too disappointed. She was the best of a bad bunch of others.

Re-Blast From The Past

Turns out that this month marks 15 years since I started my first tour of duty at TVW (a predecessor company to the one I currently work for). Out of the 7 people in my original training group two have last 15 years and one, me, has returned to work at the company. That's not bad odds.

Anyway... whilst confirming that fact via this blog I found this little post and I just couldn't resist resharing. What a silly boy I was! Love it.

Monday Diet Check In

Day 14 of the diet. Still going strong.

Week one was about calibrating nutrition. Week two has been about organising and calibrating exercise. On both nutrition and exercise there's a LONG way to go but I've now got both into my normal schedule.

This week has also been about changing my "mañana" attitudes. I've been pushing myself to DO things. If I need to go to a shop... I go. If I need to tidy the kitchen, I do that. I'm very guilty of saying "tomorrow" or "later". That mindset is fundamentally behind how bad I've gotten and won't go away easily or quickly. However I'm confident if I use conscious effort to just DO IT, I'll get better.

Average calorie count still sitting around 1500 - 1600. That's well below my base metabolic rate (BMR) so hopefully will do the trick to kickstart the weight loss.

Now some workout inspiration.

Second Life Sunday

I've removed the large outdoor stage area and replaced it with a new house from Trompe Loeil (at this month's Uber) which is pretty neat. Still need to finish landscaping outside and decorate inside but that may wait for the delivery of my Deco(c)rate 

I've searched through my inventory to put together a more casual outfit for my avatar. Looking like a muscle model all the time isn't really appropriate in most of the SL sims so this is my "Normie Sim Outfit". And just behind me you can see another new building on my island which is an Asian influenced house with a pool (from this month's Fameshed). Again I need to decorate it.

I've started by putting my other acquisition from Fameshed in there... Jian's latest release is a ball python! It's 500l but you can get a companion python to walk alongside you, a wanderer that you can release on your land and, my favourite, several versions of vivarium with a pet snake in it. Here I've put out the full viv with snake and table.