I Don't Want To Leave Twitter But...

I've been on Twitter since 2007. Not a pioneer but an early adopter (I think following on the tail of Dear Constant Reader Steve). When I first went on Twitter it was, for me, a mini-blogging platform with added conversational opportunities. I tweeted about high-minded things like Big Brother and Eurovision. There was a little group of people I interacted with and had quite a laugh. Hard to believe but I still think the vast majority of my tweets come from my first three years as conversation threads (not that they had such things for much of that time!) could go into the hundreds of entries.

Then the 2010 General Election happened. I started following Lib Dems. Then Tories. Even a few Labour folk. Politics gradually pushed out my non-political Tweeple until they disappeared entirely (realising the platform had changed and it was no longer for them). I want to blame the "normal folk" for "ruining Twitter" but I'm complicit and engaged in just as much annoying politicking as everyone else (including their dog).

For a time I thought this was a good thing. We organised. Same-sex marriage in this country came quicker thanks to Twitter. I've no doubt about that. It'd still have come, don't get me wrong, but the Twitterati got it moved up the agenda.

But ultimately... Twitter's popularity and the change to the way it is used has been to its detriment. Public shaming (as documented in the fantastic Jon Ronson book "So You've Been Publicly Shamed"), social justice warriors and the alt-right. These are terrible things. Things we shouldn't have allowed to rule Twitter.

I find myself actively disliking people. The people who insult each other. The people who think they are superior to other people. The people who think they are right. They are not.

I've been those people. I've done those things. I stopped going on Twitter for a while and felt tremendous but found my way back because... it works so well at helping me keep in touch with people, showing me stories of interesting things and randomly dropping pictures of hot men at regular intervals.

So I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but I'm going to be a better Tweeter. Focus on happy things. Be the silly, nonsense person who cares only about things that interests him and ignores the hate and arguments. Because if we don't do that, if we join in with the crazy people, we give them Twitter. The angry and the boring... they are taking over the internet. We need to fight back. We need to internet like we used to... 

I Love Rainy Days

They are just so goddamn dramatic. They have starts and finishes whereas sunny days just seem to go on forever. There's an atmosphere to rainy days that makes them far more enjoyable.

And there's nothing better than being inside in the warm watching the rain come down.

Hell, I'm a committed pedestrian. Get soaking wet on a weekly basis. And still... love rainy days.

Second Life Sunday: Turning Japanese

In an effort to avoid boring you, and to try to bring some order to this blogging thing once more, I'm setting Sunday as the day I do a round up on my Second Life "adventures". I cannot promise you that they'll be exciting but there you go. 

Inspired by my recent Asian-esqe purchase I've taken out my pond and replaced it with a koi viewing pavilion from Jian. Yes, there's a lot of landscaping still to be done but I think this corner of my island will become a little bit of Japan. 

Plus I've got a little Japanese rock garden. 

Once I find some decent trees (my Japanese maples and sakuras are really poor quality) I'll give the area a little zazzing up. 

Concentration

Today we didn't have any electricity for four hours. This was because Jim was rendering repairs on underfloor heating and, selfishly, didn't want to get electrocuted. Foolishly, I'd not prepared and my phone was running low on battery.

This all meant I had to try to amuse myself non-digitally. And I just don't think I've got the concentration for it!!

I read. I read almost every day. My commute mainly involves me reading. I LOVE books. But when silence descended on the house and Bella came and fell asleep on my lap, my ability to read more than a few lines before putting the book down was lost.

I tried reading serious books. I tried reading manga. Nothing worked.

I really, really need to relearn the ability to embrace silence and concentration. I'll add it to my to do list.

1998

1998 has a special place in my heart. My memories of that year are full of warmth.

This is a clear sign of misplaced nostalgia. I spent the summer in detention at school. I wrote a suicide note and seriously considered acting upon it. I had very few friends. My Mum broke up with my stepdad which was a source of anguish for her and thus for me.

Sounds like a fairly crappy year, right? I've almost convinced myself. However I consider it the year that I truly came of age.

It is the year I finally got a real sense of myself as an individual. It is the year I accepted my sexuality. This is the year my tastes in music, movies and books coalesced into something recognisably similar to my current tastes.

In 1998 I still believed magic was possible and hope could still win over cynicism. And it was the year men really became super hot.

So, in order to help me find things to post about every day and to mark off the 20 years since then, there will be regular 1998 themed posts to take you, Dear Constant Reader, on a little trip through time and see the events, music and films that made me... me.

Now men with longish dark hair like this were highly important to my development and this picture isn't exploitative objectification but totally relevant to the post above...

What's Going On?

Hmm... Due to the long commuting times weekdays nowadays really are just same-same. Get up, go to work, work, head home, collapse on sofa and attempt to smile. 

I am working on some side plans to try to escape my daily grind. I'm well respected at my work but... it is too far away for my quality of life to be where I want it to be. 

Website set up for my side plans. And after this pay day when I will have some money to set up the payment system I'll be ready to go... I hope it'll give me more financial security even if it doesn't rescue me from the daily commute. 

Things to do:

1) Get a new crush. It's been a long time since the likes of Tube Boi and Rugby Boy. I'm hardly Jae without someone to definitely not stalk.
2) Tidy up my family tree. Speaking of which, oh Dear Constant Reader I can't believe I forgot this one, some blood relatives were in the news last month. As "Britain's Worst Family". Soooooo proud. The Mum in that article is my aunt and the kids are my cousins. I've never met them, they are in my Dad's side. Researching his family tree finds a very, very lengthy list of petty criminals. Mmm...
3) Damn it, the pot in the photo above is ever so slightly off the pedestal. Going to need to readjust my terrace (I deleted it accidentally and when I rezzed it again it was out of line...)

A Post Every Day Is Hard When You Are Boring

Collabor88 Haul #SecondLife

Collabor88's January event has begun (the catalogue is here) and, like almost every event in Second Life, it is mostly female fashion. But I still managed to get a couple of awesome things. 

Firstly Jian has a Panther Chameleon available for L$288. I seem to be unable to resist anything Jian offers at events but this is a particularly great one. Not only do you get a cabinet display with one gorgeous chameleon but you also get a stick based version to use around your home area and a wearable one for your hand complete with an animation override. Great value and gorgeous too. 

And Trompe Loeil, another creator I can't seem to resist, has a great little Asian-inspired "cottage" which is absolutely beautiful (seen on my island below) which is only L$88. The quality is so fantastic, and Trompe Loeil always seems to offer their stuff for ridiculously low prices. Amazing. My island is filling up with their builds!

One Of Those Days

Alarm doesn't go off.

Work clothes didn't finish their wash.

Headphones played hide and seek.

Toilets blocked at work.

Annoying email asking me why something had happened to a customer in June when I'd not touched that account any time since April.

Missed lunch.

At least soon we might have President Oprah

WORK AHOY!

Since last I wrote about work things have changed quite a lot. Firstly I'm no longer a manager, instead I'm the "Digital Continuous Improvements Lead". (DCI Kay for short... ;) ). Secondly my schedule has changed from "delightful skipping into work within walking distance" to "desperately dodgy cars on a country lane to get to a bus at a stupidly early time in the morning".

When I was living in Folkestone work was a 25 minute walk away. I could leave at 7.30am and be there 30 minutes before my start time (I like a warm up period before my official start). Now I leave my house as 6.15am. I walk through dark, unlit country lanes without pavements to catch a bus at 6.30am. That gets me to the train station (due it be invariably late) just in time to usually catch the 6.52am train to Folkestone. 35 minutes later I get off at Folkestone and have a 15 minute walk to work to make it just in time for an 8.00am start.

It's not very pleasant. One further point against is someone who gets on the bus at a stop after mine. He gets on every time and moans about the bus being late. He then gives some bizarre ticket request which the bus driver gets wrong several times. He grumbles. I get stressed. I sometimes pray he's not there as we approach his stop.

But there's a bright silver lining. Literally bright. Just opposite my bus stop is a house with no curtains and, every morning, a man stands in the brightly lit window getting dressed. He has no shame. I don't ever look directly but in the pitch black his window is the only light so it is hard not to see things...

So that, Dear Constant Reader, is what I get to look forward to tomorrow...

New Man Of The Blog

This blog is all about coming back to what you know and you, Dear Constant Reader, know I have a few favourite men who appeared frequently back in the old days. However, things do move on... new men find their way to their nearest gym and into my heart... 

So I thought... who is it who has captured my eye since last we discussed such things? Who has a body that is worthy of worship? 

There could be only one answer, so I present for your approval: Liam Jolley. 

Ready Player One

So yesterday I did a quick look at my Second Life. There is a reason I returned to SL and that reason is even geekier than SL itself. Ready Player One.

About two years ago I read Ready Player One and instantly thought of Second Life. But Jim has installed Linux on my laptop and, being an idiot, there was no way I was going to figure out how to install SL on to that laptop. So it was quickly forgotten again. Then back in May I was reading it a second time when I got a nice bonus come through and I bought myself a new (Windows) laptop.

And that is how I got the addiction back. Now, of course, I was aware a movie was coming up but I was sceptical as to how good it'd be. However the trailers have impressed me and now I totally excited for it! It looks fantastic!



The level of detail, in terms of geeky references, totally matches the (at times annoying) level found in the book itself. Can't wait, check out this video which shows some of the awesome 80s stuff coming our way!

My Second Life

A long time ago in a blog far, far away I used to play Second Life. I had a silly avatar and a little house and had some fun. Well last year I decided to log back in and check in on my Second Life self... and I hung around a bit. 

Just to demonstrate how far SL has come, here's old SL me (top of the range ten years ago!)

And here's the new me (well one of, I like to mix it up):

My home is a little larger than it was before. Two floors just aren't enough when you've got a horse to ride around on. So I thought I'd share a little tour around my island... 

First up is the Roman Terrace, a place that's good for dancing and Christmas Tree displaying. 

Then there's my still sparse beach house... I still can't quite work out why you need a house in Second Life... you could hover the furniture floating in mid-air and it'd be just as usable. But old habits die hard...

My pond! Inhabited by some Lovecraftian monsters (hey I can put what I like in there, they are quite troublesome if you get too close...)

My latest acquisition (from the latest round of FaMESHed) needs filling up but my hanging chair is hiding in my inventory... until then it's just a cat in front of a fire and a water tub... but it is pretty...  

Of course I have a forest!

My stone pavilion is also pretty cool.

And finally at the far end is this area... it's just... huge... and it tends to be where I hang out when I'm working on my avi. 

And what do I do on Second Life? Well I've actually got a home on a medieval sim too and hang out there with some friends. I create new avatars. I go on scavenger hunts. I go to "club nights" to chat. But most importantly... between 8pm - 10pm every Sunday I go to the 3Bears club night where we have the silliest, funniest conversations that always send me to bed smiling before the week ahead. 

So yeah... this is a fairly big part of my leisure time now. And it makes me happy.

How Not Giving A Damn Really Can Cheer You Up

When I was a kid I stood on the playground at school one day watching my friends play football. My teacher came up to me and said "You are looking thoughtful there Jason, what are you thinking?" And I responded with the remarkably cynical "What exactly is the point of football?" My teacher, being also the boy's football coach, just laughed. But that came to mind again recently when someone on Second Life, yes an actual SL player, asked in a group for a particular brand of male body "Why does anyone want a penis on Second Life, there's no point it's not real!" (we weren't actually talking about penises at the time but hey-ho...)

Let's just take a look at that statement right there... someone on a virtual sim (who likely buys virtual clothes and does virtual stuff) thinks that being virtually anatomically correct is pointless? Well I had to take that up. I went for the biggy though, the absurdist argument, of pointing out that eventually the universe will end and thus everything that has ever been done by anyone, no matter how "important", will be rendered completely pointless. I never did get a response to that.

Why am I talking about this? Because of the constant outrage online. Over anything. No matter how pointlessly stupid. Like a churning barrel of water, the tide of outrage surges one way and then the other. Yet it is all so pointless. I've been known to engage in it too, don't think I'm innocent in anyway. My minirants can often be not so mini.

Now, however, I feel quite disconnected from it. I watched the outrage over Logan Paul and felt really pretty cold. Though his arms soon warmed me up.

I'm trying to avoid commenting on news and politics but I feel this take is pretty important... doesn't Logan Paul have nice arms? pic.twitter.com/fIjqNZGFZi

— Jae Kay (@JaeKay) January 2, 2018

And I feel happier for it. Not worrying about what other people say (like our penis-less friend above) is so relaxing. It really is quite good. I took a social media break last year and that made me feel pretty damn happy but this whole "nothing really matters" approach is working out even better after just a couple of days.

Of course stuff does matter, biologically and culturally humans have to care about stuff as that is how we're made, but not worrying and not considering my views to be important enough to share anywhere but with you, Dear Constant Reader,  is the way forward I think.

Now back to Second Life... I've got a scavenger hunt to complete (I'm wearing clothes so my penis isn't attached, you'll be pleased to know...)

Checking In On Charles Dera

It's been such a long time! Let's check in on our favourite man: Charles Dera. Sporting more facial hair he looks... TASTY AS HELL.

Want a better life? Quit complaining. Whining only attracts more negative energy! Smile and enjoy yourselves you're still alive! pic.twitter.com/E7CB1byGUT

— Charles Dera (@RealDera) July 19, 2017

Yeah... I still would. ;)

Happy Ayden's Birthday!

Ayden is 6 years old today!

There are those who frown upon being too loving towards one's pets. But Ayden... Ayden is a precious thing indeed. He is such a laidback wolf, you'd think he was selected by Providence herself to be our companion. 

After 6 years with this amazing animal there are things we've learnt:

1) BROOMS ARE SCARY

2) HOOVERS ARE SCARY

3) PEOPLE WAVING THEIR ARMS ARE SCARY

4) No cuddles please, we're Ayden. 

5) Chicken can be sensed at a distance of 4 - 5 kms 

6) DID WE MENTION BROOMS? BROOMS ARE THE WORST.

I love this big bundle of fluff. 

Who Am I?

My Great Aunt Joy (Auntie Joy to one and all) passed away two years ago. Her money was split between my Mum's generation. Her household effects were quickly sold. Her real treasure though, other than her cat who moved in with my Uncle Graham, was her collection of photos and family history which ended up in my loft.

We gave her no end of trouble over her constant demands for photos at even the most informal of family gatherings. She was the butt of many, albeit gentle, jokes. But her collections of 1000s of photos not only record her meticulous garden and her beloved pet cats from 1950 to 2015. It also records a nearly perfect timeline of our family over that same period. Babies are born. Waistlines grow. "Extras" appear (and disappear). It is wonderful to flick through.

I've taken the responsibility of "owning" these records very seriously and have begun scanning each album and every box of slides so I can keep a record online (first on Facebook but now also on a special website made by Jim) so every member of the family has the same access as I do.

Here I am at my Nan's 60th birthday in 1998. Despite this table being for the "outcasts" (my Grandad left my Nan in the late 70s and this was his first meeting with her since then) I made a bee-line for it as I was suffering a serious case of hero worship of my newly met Grandad (a very intelligent man who suffered from a total lack of focus) and also his son Uncle Derek (only 4 years older than me, he was thus the closest thing to an older brother I'd ever met) who I'd spent a week staying with the month before.

And we've not just got a record of "our" family but of the two generations before our family on Auntie Joy's side, my great and great great grandfamilies. Birthday books from the 1800s. Photos of weddings long forgotten. Trophies belonging to my great-grandad (a fantastic runner).

Here is my great grandparents, the Waters, wedding day in Upchurch, Kent with their parents, the Waters and Witherdens, and assorted family members in 1928.

All this work has spurred on my work on my family tree. I've taken an Ancestry DNA test which has helped me immediately move back on my Kay family branch. I've found the Kay family were a working class family from Darwen, Lancashire who appear to have been there for over a century prior to my great-great grandad Harold meeting his wife in South Africa (I assume he was there for the Boer War but how Nellie got there, I don't know) and getting dragged back to her home in Kent.

Despite my Ancestry results suggesting I'm only a mere 9% British, I've yet to find anything exciting in my trees. Agricultural labourers for the most part with moves into industry (especially paper mills both in Darwen and in Kent) once the industrial revolution had finished its work. And on the Witherden side an interesting but as yet unexplored reoccuring Royal Marines theme.

What's the point? I don't really know. It's a like a great game, a puzzle and each time I find a piece or put a face to a name I get a little thrill. And in the face of relentlessly idiotic nationalism it is nice to know that Europhiles like me have just as strong a claim to the British identity as those who want to pull up the drawbridge.

And the best thing I've seen is this... my family have always LOVED their pets. Carefully noted in each family album is the name of every pet. They are seen in almost every outdoors informal photo. And even one of the earliest formal photos of the Witherden family from before the First World War, there's the family dog and their cat too. Pets are our constant companions come what may...

Sometimes They Come Back

It has been a long time since I wrote to you, Dear Constant Reader. Too long. I'm sorry. You are the most patient of listeners, but I think I've pushed your patience to its limit this time. You've probably forgotten who I am!

So it is 2017. I'm 33. I still live with Jim in a barn in Eastry. I still work for TVW in Folkestone (and now often Hatfield). Mr Gibbs the Bearded Dragon has sadly passed away this month. Ayden the Tamaskan maintains his position on HIS sofa (unless Jeff or Bella want it...). Jeff the Maine Coon has quickly risen through the ranks and is now Supreme Overlord of Eastry, Woodnesborough and Worth. And there's a new pet added to the menagerie since last we chatted, Bella Wella. She's a rescue dog and she's the new deputy boss. No one can top Jeff for bossiness, Bella's tried but he has a remarkable ability to ignore her. She's definitely second in command now however.

Workwise I received another promotion last year. Major changes have been going on now since December last year and I think the stress of facing them each day has really not been good for me. Just as I allowed myself to be railroaded to University without deciding if that was what I really wanted, I've let myself be railroaded into positions over the last 3 years that haven't made me happy. I'm trying to change that now.

Country-wise, after Brexit, Trumpageddon and last night's abysmal Eurovision: You Decide, I've decided to simply pretend I'm German.

And, most importantly, Jim wise... after a wonderful Christmas break in Wales we returned home on a Thursday. On the Friday Jim had a heart attack. I'd tell you about how scary that experience was for me, but I suspect my feelings on the matter pale into insignificance in comparison with Jim's. The paramedics who came to his rescue and the staff at the William Harvey Hospital were fantastic and saved Jim's life that day. Without their assistance I'd have lost my entire world. I can't ever thank them enough. He has been resting up for the last three weeks at home and hopefully his recovery will continue without hiccups.

There's nothing like a sobering emergency to remind me of just how important Jim is.

Goodbye Auntie Joy

Auntie Joy passed away on the 23rd January 2015. She was my great-aunt, my maternal Nan's older sister, and a central member of our family. She was famous for her love of photography, gardening and cats. She especially loved mixing up those loves so as a child I, and my cousins, would be posed around the garden as she took huge numbers of photos of us. Avoiding Auntie Joy and her camera was a family sport at any gathering and one our pet cats turned into an art form but such attempts at escape were ultimately futile...

Both my Mum's generation and my own remember playing with Auntie Joy's button box, her viewfinders and attempting to avoid her very scary "room of dolls" (a room I had to go in on the day she passed away as we gathered up important paper work... it was still creepy...).

Thanks to Auntie Joy's extremely careful "tidy hoarding" (as my Nan was quoted as calling it in the eulogy today) our family has an extremely valuable (when measured in terms of "love" anyway) historical record... from her family tree research, through her labelled and organised photo albums dealing with every important event in our lives to things she'd kept that belonged to her parents, our great-grandparents, which are truly touching.

She has kept letters dating back to the 40s (mainly to famous people of the time, she was obviously a fan of many!), diaries for every year of the last 70 and one very big hole in all our lives.

The funeral was today at the Medway Crematorium. It was full of talk of Jesus and eternal life but the only bit that really had me slightly tearful was the description of her given by the rector, which summed her up so perfectly. A shy, intelligent and caring lady with staunch royalist heart and a devotion to cats and flowers. We'll always remember her.

Ayden The Tamaskan Turns 3!

Today is Ayden's birthday! 3 years old and still looking wolfy. I think he is one of the best purchases we've ever made, and has brought so much happiness into our lives. Here are just a few of my favourite Ayden photos.