Your Country Needs You!

This show... oh God. This show dressed itself up as Britain finally taking Eurovision seriously then spent the whole hour mocking Eurovision and putting a bunch of folks with no love of the contest in charge of the selection process. Hmph.

From the meeting between Lord Webber and Prime Minister Putin (sorry to keep you from oppressing legitimate protests and invading annoying your neighbours Mr Putin) through to the crappy tongue in cheek elements (like that frigging Miss Moneypennyesqe secretary) this show kept repeating the mantra "We're taking Eurovision seriously" whilst sniggering to themselves about how silly it all was. Watching Graham Norton swanning around Moscow, the same city that has an awfully homophobic mayor and a very poor human rights record, making jokes and swinging a shopping bag like a big fairy mad me nearly throw up.

Here's a crazy idea: why not stop wasting time with this obviously idiotic selection process and instead select someone quickly and then base the rest of the shows on their travels around Europe promoting themselves and Britain. Wouldn't that increase our chances of winning more than a meeting of all the European Ambassadors in London? Because, news flash, most of those ambassadors will be in Britain and unable to vote for us at the time of the contest!!! Totally idiotic and childish, fronted by Lord Webber the least charismatic man ever to grave our screens.

But, let us try not to forget, it's all about the music. We hope.

Terry Wogan, all is forgiven. You might have grown jaded and cynical but at least when you made fun of Eurovision you did it with wit and charm.

And note to all behind this show: The British public can't vote for the British act in the contest so what exactly is the point of basing this show in the UK? Wouldn't it be better gracing the televisions of all the other countries rather than our own? Or perhaps actually, maybe it's best with kept this rubbish a dirty secret.