Friday, April 26, 2013

Some Homosexual Apologetics

"I ne’er was struck before that hour
  With love so sudden and so sweet"

Out of a sense of modesty (Me? Modest? Some mistake...) I often shy away from defending my sexuality in the stringent way that I want to. But the attacks I read on a daily basis during my marriage for all crusade so often present a picture so different to the reality I perceive as to be almost certainly lies. What I say below in no way suggests I view different-sex relationships as inferior, I'm not crazy like the homophobes, and I can only speak from my experiences as a gay man (rather than a gay woman or a bisexual).

I've said before that there is nothing wrong with being gay. Nothing. 

I cannot imagine how flesh on flesh contact between two members of the same-sex, in a sexual way obviously, can be considered "sinful". It is total nonsense to suggest that something as simple as consensual sexual contact could be sinful. It is, surely, the motives behind such contact that give it it's moral character not the physicality of it. 

Some like to say that sexuality outside of the heterosexual marriage bed (and thus "ordered" for procreation) is simply selfish and by having sex with someone of the same-sex you are using them for your pleasure. This is what comes from spending too much time thinking about subjects academically and philosophically. Humans have a variety of motives for doing allsorts of things. I've no doubt some people use others for sex (and a great deal more). But I also believe in human kindness, selflessness and love. Certainly the pleasure motive is there when it comes to sex, but there is also the pleasure of giving someone else pleasure. And there is companionship, human contact and a whole range of other good things that motivate people to have sex. And get this... homosexuality isn't just about "eros". It also has a healthy dose of philia. 

There is something wonderful about the love two men can share. Something beyond words. A mixture of deep romantic love, friendship and like-mindedness that is utterly fulfilling. The beauty, strength and intellect of a man is something I can't imagine not finding attractive nor inspiring. I will never understand the idea that homosexual relationships are in some way inferior to heterosexual ones nor will I accept they are ultimately empty and unfulfilling. Take the following quote from this article:

Here’s a very sad fact of life that never gets portrayed on Glee or Modern Family: I find that men I know who have left their wives as they’ve come out of the closet often lead diminished, and in some cases nearly bankrupt, lives—socially, familially, emotionally, and intellectually. They adjust their entire view of the world and their role within it in order to accommodate what has become the dominant aspect of their lives: their homosexuality. In doing so, they trade rich lives for one-dimensional lives. Yet this is what our post-modern world has taught us to do. I went along with it for a long while, but slowly turned back when I witnessed my life shrinking and not growing.

This is the sort of thing you see a lot. A cross between pity and a warning to others. There are depressed gay people. There are deeply lonely gay people. But there are deeply lonely straight people too. It is not a "gay" condition. I do not recognise it as a part of my life. In the most depressed moments of my life (usually over money issues) I've taken solace in my love of men (And I don't mean I went out a shagged every man I can find before some "Christian" comes along to pass judgement, philia not eros). It has been a bright, positive aspect of myself that has seen me through some dark times. Those dark times are many years behind me now and as I approach ten years with Jim they couldn't feel more distant and I can't believe how happy I remain.

Homosexuality is not a curse. I don't need your pity nor your acceptance. I put this out there only to counter the constant negativity from those who seek to shame us. I'm without shame, without fear and without a desire to change. I'm a happy gay man. And that is a great thing to be. 

"Perish miserably they who think that these men did or suffered aught disgraceful."

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