come back to what you know

It Has Been A Very Horrible Day

Everyone here is depressed, except me, which means I am in yet another really angry, ready to tear off some ones head/arms/legs mood. Not even got a Toblerone to cheer me up, and even if I did I wouldn't eat it as I have lost my appetite completely.

But to remain cheerful I decided to get an online birth chart reading. Here are some excerpts....

.....Be sure to reward the loyalty you value.... It's easy to enjoy new duties and routines. You can improve your sense of well being. Take pleasure in new experience. Personal relations get better now.... Consider abstract subjects. Make a dream come true.... Rather than plunging into a bottomless pit, keep your eye on self-transformation.........

.........TIP: Your power is volcanic Jason. Within you is a crucible of creation................

.........Altogether, you prefer to deal with pleasant realities. When you're under too much emotional stress, you vacillate and procrastinate, especially when it has something to do with money. Occassionally you can become ultra aggressive when feeling emotionally or physically cornered...............

...........You need partnership, including mental compatibility. When your primary relationship is going well, you're most happy, when it's not you are most unhappy............

Not The Way It Seems

After re-reading my last few posts I get the feeling some people may think I am depressed or something. I am not!! Just very annoyed with myself for allowing myself to start fancying Ben. So no need to worry, okay?

Debbie Debs and Tony have gone to France today.... I am guessing a big Toblerone gift is on its way... joy!!!!

Mum On A Rampage

Mum got a new car on Friday as she starts a new job on Monday. She is very proud of it. Now it would seem George was throwing stones yesterday and one accidently hit mum's car. She found out today. She is in one of her moods (this happens every weekend) and has made George feel really awful.

It was when she said, "You never threw stones did you Jason?" to me in front of George that I went mad. I have more important things to do than put up with more of her silly mind games. I shouted at her, berated her, told her george hadn't meant to do it and to let it go!! My anger is increased ten fold.

While babysitting last night I went onto the gay chat rooms, places I haven't been in years. It's nice to talk with other guys about politics and sex etc. Calmed me down. Pride Season starts on the 6th with London Mardi Gras. Anyone wanna come to Brighton Pride on the 11th of August? All welcome.

A Mystery

Hello, okay I just got an email from a guy called Mark. He says he knows me and he knows I was once known as Jason Martindale. Here is his profile.

Member Name: Mark
Location: Atlantis
Sex: Male
Marital Status: Single & Fabulous
Hobbies: Erm... DIY
Computers: Lap - Top
Occupation: Student
Personal Quote: Loaded with cum & cash

Who is he? How does he know me? Only bloke i remember called Mark who would know my email is my first well shag..... But he wouldn't have known me as jason martindale. I am very confused. I haven't been called that since I was about 10.

Jae Flips Out

I went shopping today with Chris, pete, John and Zoe where Pete got a brand spanking new phone, which is the exact one that Ben has. While purchasing aXm from WHSmith the cashier attempted to make conversation, but I blanked her, I had other things on my mind (more of which in a mo). Said cashier turned out to be the lovely Annie. Sorry Annie, really sorry. I really didn't realise it was you.

I can't sleep, I can't eat, I am in a really angry mood with myself. I even turned away a chinese take away, mum's clever effort to cheer me up. I think people should know me well enough by now to guess... Jae has another obsession. Ben. I am absolutely in a rage with myself for letting it happen, and am glad I won't be seeing him very often now as otherwise I would go mad with obsessiveness. Yet again I fancy the most unattainable man possible. So right now I am babysitting B and G in a really bad mood. Always my mind and heart set out to make life hellish for myself. Grrr...

Incidently Pete introduced me to a new spelling of Jay which I really like. Jae rules!!!

All Sobered Up

Time for a sober account of last night. Me and Pete went to Skuba as planned. Lee greeted us "Hello Ladies" and we had a nice time, with dancing lesbians, camp barmen and some really nice people at the bar who chatted to me when ever I went up there. This was quite often.

Becky, Emily and Ben arrived and we moved on to the Leas Club. Becky and Emily were already drunk, and i was well on my way there. Meet John in Leas. Becky and Ben kept asking me, quite cruelly, "where do you find your friends?", which I didn't justify with an answer.

I went to the loo and Ben went with me, to chat, he wouldn't let me leave him alone in there as straights scare him. Me and Ben with little regard for my mates, ran to catch up with the girls who were already well on their way down the hill to the clubs. I feel in a hole. Embarassing.

Ben couldn't get into the club because he was wearing trainers, and my interest in the night ended. Got really bored, and drunkenly angry. And John never did turn up all tho I waited up for him until 04:45.

Still Totally Fucked Up

While drunk i suppose i should be honest. do i fancy ben? no. it really is that he has final;y made me remember that str8 people are only out to hurt me (no offense meant). i am gay, and the formally hated ghetto looks veryb safe and appealing right now.

somebody save me.

Totally Fucked Up

So I am drunk right now. Oh yes, I went to skuba with pedro and that was fine. I got a little tipsy. ok so a lot tipsy. ty=hen becky, emily and ben arrivced and i was quite happy to see them., we all went to leas club, met johnny (with h, don't taslk to jon without h anymore), i went to loo where ben told me to look after him as straight blokes were around.

he informed me the girls had left for the club so we ran (with little regard for poor pete and john, sorry) to join them, i fell down hgole. got in club, ben didn't, he went home.

joined pete and john and we went beach (club) where ig ot bored and realised i was turning into "evil jason". I quickly left the club. i apologise to everyone. Evil jason took over and i remember throwing a couple of upstart rudies to the ground outsidre debenhams (they wanted fags i think). Became scary, people crossed road to avouid me. i am not in a good mood. in fact i feel like smashing things right now.

straights bore me, any help here? Can no longer bear straight places (no offence to my mates who i really like)

waiting for john, he is staying over.

TFI Friday

Surreal night last night. Check out Pete's Site for a blow by blow (no dirty thoughts please!!) account.

This morning I was paid and the evil cash machine let me have money!!!!!! Muhaha!!

I was buddied up with a lady named Jane in the morning, went to the Leas Club for lunch in Dave's car, then returned, gave Lynn a bunch of flowers, a card and a bottle of wine. I then joined my team and went LIVE on my OWN!!! Traing is now over, I am a big kid now. Had a nasty bloke on phone who made my life a living hell for 5 minutes. Bastard.

I am going out on a work night out tonight I'll probably be in Skuba if any one wants to join me. Phone me at home to arrange it if you know my number. All welcome!!

OK. OK. OK.

Got 91% on my second test and then went live. Oh yes it is now just one day between me and proper work and just the lovely Becky for company. It will be sad. I mean I will still see the group, only far less frequently.

Today the customers were arses. My buddy was a lovely French girl called Reena. Everyone was complaining and miserable. Or just plain dumb. Oh well, Reena said it was just a bad day.

This morning we did a round of "what you doing tomorrow?" I simply mentioned that I wouldn't mind going to Skuba but doubted my friends would come.

Returning from my session on the phones Becky and Emily informed me that their (+ Ben) would be going to Skuba as well. I think it was just a passing thing, not really serious. But they are definetly interested. They will also being going down the front. I shan't as my mum is too (it's her leaving do for work), and clubbing with your mum is not my idea of fun!!

I say OK way too much on the phone it's reflexsive and I really need to stop it!! And today I was told I was the most talkative of the group.

Oh and before I forget I saw Elliot at McDonalds when I went there with Becky, Emily and Ben. Pete great idea about Skuba tonight!!

Good Luck Fay

Today at lunch time Fay and I left early to "go to Tesco's". As we drove there she told me that she was leaving for a new job at ABC Holidays call centre. It was quite a shock especially as this morning Emily had been talking about people who leave during training to Lynn. It's really quite sad as I like Fay, she is intelligent and good natured. I wish her luck in her new job. She was escorted out of the ETCC after lunch by Lynn. During afternoon break me, Ben and Emily (the non-smoking group) sat round the table starring at Fay's empty seat. :o(

New temps started today. They stole our table!! Will tell them off tomorrow. They need to know their place!!

We go officially live tomorrow, and will thus probably not be together on Friday. I doubt I will see much of Ben anymore so it really is time to find myself some gay friends. Time to go to Skuba, no?!

Going Live

I became the first person in my group to handle a call!! I went live!! 9 calls to my name now (my first was an upgrade to Club Class WooHoo!!). New temps start training tomorrow so it won't be long before we must fly the nest.

We also had a test on the MARCUS computer system. Hope I did well. Went to Leas for lunch, on the way Fay stopped to get fuel so me and Ben had some time to chat "gay". We discussed how having gay friends is different to straight mates, our various trips to G.A.Y, and his rugby playing boyfriend. His life is like a fairy tale. dreams do come true.

I was buddied up with a German girl named Steph who forced me to take calls and told me how everyone was chatting about me at lunch. Grr........

Tonight was great. John, Elliot, Chris, Zoe, Pete and I went to Brookhill Country Park and had a BBQ. Zoe cooked and it was fun!! We had the whole place to ourselves. Thanks guys. Muchos gracias.

We Saw The Whole Of the Moon

Some apologies: Sorry to all those who thought I might go to 'Spoons tonight. But Zoe did ask me out before you so I kind of had to honour my agreement with her. Sorry guys.

I have just had one of those evenings that turn out to be so very unexpectedly nice. Chris, Zoe and I headed up to the East Cliff (that's near the martello towers and that great big pill box) and flew a kite, played some Snitch (a game involving a velcro ball and some velcro pads, work it out) and then went and got snacks at Sainsburys.

After that we headed for the White Cliffs of Dover and watched the ships sail in and out of port, complained as the view of France was far better from the East Cliff, and watched the red moon rise over France, spectacuarly quickly. Really peaceful and rather lovely. That was until a giant horse hornet attacked causing us to flee to the car (running, screaming like small children), which it dive bombed occassionally. A couple seemed to be doing some rather unsavoury things in the car next to us (no not actually next to us in Zoes car!!).

Hands up. Who likes their job?

Last night was dragged out last night wearing, shock horror, shorts. Went with Chris, Zoe and Pete to Pete's dads house, Macdonalds, a park, Hythe Canal, Pete's mums house (watched crystal maze). Yet another surreal night.

Work again today (really nice sunny day) and in exciting news I have been assigned a team (Jenny and some French lady surpervising) for next week and I have my first weeks shifts (early on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday).

Learnt about insurance and amendments today. I had to buddy up with a guy named Jeremy today and do all the typing during the calls. Him being cute, gay and Australian made it very hard to concentrate. As Lynn got my chair she warned me the back was loose and I shouldn't lean back in case "you end up with your legs in the air". This caused Ben so much amusement that even two hours later he was still giggling about it!!

Tracey, agancy lady, came round as she is interviewing more temps and told me off (in a jokey way!!) for being a "miserable old bastard" as I didn't acknowledge her waving to me last Wednesday when she did her rounds. I just did the "ooh err" handbags at dawn symbol and she laughed.

Becky is "annoyed". Sarcastically of course as she has the same shifts as me and we are in the same team!! By the end of this week my group will split up to join their teams and we all agree it will be a sad day.

I went to Leas Club for lunch in Kat's car. And no Karen I really don't watch BB3 anymore. It is rubbish.

Two Weeks In Review

It has almost been two weeks since I started the great "New and Improved Jason Project 2002". The first stages are complete. I have a job. I have dumped Stephen. I am shedding the final remants of my shyness. Success!!

But still to come. Jason stops bitching and starts being ultra outgoing and friendly. Jason gets a whole new, cuter boyfriend. Jason expands his group of friends to include not only the nice Folkestone lot but a fair proportion of random bods (Pete I blame you for my use of the word "bods" :o) ).

I suspect many of you think I have a crush on Ben. I don't. What I have is an obsession with the fact that I have found a gay bloke who I am not going out with/shagging. It's great, I like it. Reminds me of Uni Zoe who I used to chat with. A feeling of utter openess (FLASHBACK: did I invent the word "backness" last night?) that I am only just starting to foster with the Folkestone crew. More gay/bi/lesbian friends per favor!!

Aftermath

So I am single!! Woohoo!! But having dumped Stephen it means I now have a grand total of 0 gay friends left. I know I shouldn't care but isn't it nice sometimes to have someone on your own wave length to talk to? Having Ben at work has made me appreciate it even more. Need to get more gay friends (where the last ones all went I don't know).

I went out last night with Pete, John, Chris, Zoe, Laura, Chris (G), Smiley Laura, and Adam. I drank a large portion of a bottle of Jack Daniels (never a good idea!!), and paid the price all night being drunk, with a pair of really awful beer googles. The security guard at the Leas club was nice wasn't he?? They all went down Indigo with my free tickets. I really didn't feel like going.

I did see Mat (and that is how he spells it) from work at the Leas. Said hi.

The Deed Is Finally Done

I just broke up with Stephen. It's kind of a shock to the system to say the least. I don't feel altogether good about it although I am not regreting it that much. I know lots of people joke and jest about me and Stephen but we have been going out so long. It's left me feeling rather insecure, and slightly terrified of the future.

For the first time in two and half years, I don't have a boyfriend. That is quite a big deal.

Festive Greeting

Yesterday was Solstice and I did find a little time to celebrate!! I got a birthday card from Debbie-Debs (she is never on time!!) which went :

Dear Signore Jason

I hereby and forthwith wish you greetings of the festive variety,

ENJOY!!

Love Debbie.

I told you. She is mad.

I went out to Bar Vasa, Gees and the Leas Club with Pete, Chris and Zoe. All were very busy. But they all lacked a certain something...

Saw Stephen Stanley, James Price and Scott (all from my primary school) in the Leas Club.

I'll Do Anything For a Mars Bar

Thursday was great. I did another buddy thing with John, I passed my test (100%), and we all moved to the computer training room and phoned each other up. Great fun. Becky and me spent much of lunch chatting, and Ben spent most of lunch time convincing her that if he "signed up" ten gay people he'd get a kettle. Loads of laughs when she actually believed him!!

I went out last night to Gees (band night, no Andy, Face to Face [really rubbish]) and the Leas Club (empty) with Chris, Zoe, Sean, Ellliot, John, Laura, and Pete. Not the best night, not the worst one either.

On the way home I bumped into a girl from work (she is 6'4") who accosted me (while drunk and good naturedly) for cigerettes, money and a quick shag. She got none. Her name was Rebecca and she spent Friday looking rather sheepish and apologetic!!

I was the only person from my team to go to work during the game (for £7.50 we could buy an hour and half "off"). So I was buddied up with Holly. She was lovely. One of our calls was a complaint (unfounded may I add) from a French man. Despite Holly being really nice to him he ended the call nastily with "And I am glad England lost!!" No need for that!! After the tears from some of Holly's team mates over the English defeat I rejoined my tardy group for another day of fun.

I had to wear a bright green top, get a new security card, and went to France. OK so to the Club Class Lounge which is technically on French soil.Oh and we all (minus Mat) went to the Leas Club for lunch. What Emily is to Ben, Becky is to me. We spent our time as we wandered round the terminal discussing cunning plans of avoiding afternoon lessons (all seemed to involve my untimely death/injury/embarassment). Then we discussed the perfect man, and then we kept phoning each other and attempting to book impossible combinations of shuttle. She is great and popular (she looks like Kylie). And Kat is a loon (in a really good way!!)

During our second break we were told Tom Cruise willl be filming at the terminal in two months!!! Me, Ben and the girls are well excited. Also Sarah (Lynn's boss) joined us for lunch. While looking at Ben's nice new phone she noticed his screen saver. A great, big cock. This was thus passed around the whole call centre much to me and Becky's amusement.

I will be dumping Stephen tomorrow. Becky promised me a Mars bar if I did. The deal is sealed.

Another Day At The Office

Last night I went to the cinema to see Spiderman with Pete, Zoe, Chris, and John. Chris and Zoe bought me Dreamcathers by Stephen King and Sarah bought me a Tops Of The Pops CD. Thank you guys. Pete being his usual self bought me a Fathers day card (with the words fathers scribbled out) and a lump of rock that has those purple crystals on it (I've got a piece already). Thanks Pete.

I didn't like the movie. I arrived for work at the same time as Ben and we had a discussion on the relative merits of Tobey (sic) Maguire in tight clothing. The morning was occupied with more learning plus my first test (General Knowledge Level 1). People don't realise that Eurotunnel call centre staff are supposed to know everything. Everyone except Mat (who goes home) went to lunch at Bar Vasa. On the way back in Fay's car I heard Emily and ben (who are getting to be very close) whispering. Enquiring as to what about, I was told they were discussing the fact that I never properly walk home with Ben (I am always a couple of hundred metres in front of him and he can't catch me up). So I apologised and promised to always walk home with him.

In the afternoon it was back on the phones with John. He always spends his time watching the Eurotunnel web cameras. We got a funny phone call about watching the football on Friday. After much searching we discover the Terminal wil have a giant TV screen putting the customer at ease (the sad football obsessed freak).

I did wait for Ben with Becky after work but he didn't show, which upset me a little more than it should. I mean in that I didn't get to walk home with him way, I wasn't annoyed that he didn't turn up. Intruiging.

Mum has gone away for two days so I am alone in this house with Tony and the kids. More incentive to enjoy work evenmore than I do now (and I love work!!!)

Birthday Boy

I went out last night with Chris (that big enough for you?!), Sarah and Laura. Nice to see them as I haven't seen them in ages!! We went to 'Spoons for a drink and the others (Elliot, John, Zoe, Kim, andPete) arrived. Elliot, John and Kim were the first to give me a present and a card. The card was one with George from Rainbow on it and it sung "Happy Birthday". Cheesy!! I loved it!! My "gift" was a Gamecube box. That is, a cardboard box. Thanks guys (I think).

So today I am 19. The last teenage year of my life. :o( But I am happy. So what presents did I get? Some arty pics based on album covers (Marilyn Manson, Placebo and Foo Fighters), a New York Yankees baseball cap (I support the Red Sox!!), a Ben Sherman shirt (its really, really horrible tho), some new shoes, Stephen bought me a designer rucksack (which I love and showed off to all my workmates) and I got five pound from Great Aunt Joy and ten pound from Nan. Beth was rather original creating a birthday card and envelope for me. Bless her.

I went into work to find Kat doing a rendition of "Happy Birthday Mister President" and then I was given a birthday card and a box of scrummy chocs (shared liberally of course!!). I hadn't even told them it was my birthday!! Really made me feel good. This morning was more learning and the afternoon was listening on phone calls (I was partnered with a man named John (he is a very senior call centre agent). It was interesting. Me, Ben, Fay, Becky and Emily went to Tesco's for lunch.

Despite my familys best efforts to the contrary, I have had one of the best birthdays ever. It's been so lovely. I wish every day could be like this (minus me coming home and being stressed out by these people).

OK Karen you want to know more about Ben? He is cute, quiet, shy, funny, playful, and polite. He will be doing a nursing course next year, and I think he is genuinely a very nice person, indeed.

Parents and kids really stressing me out today. Fuss, fuss, fuss. Oh well shan't let it get to me!! New and Improved Jason is far better than that!! Just to let you know I shan't be going out of my way to watch BB anymore. It smells. If you want to keep up to date just go to my links and goto Big Brothers site.

A Little Adventure and A New Job

Firstly I issue a retraction of my spelling "Scibble Do" it is actually spelt "SkibbleDu" although pronounced how I wrote it.

Last night Pete phoned and asked if I wanted to go on a little adventure with him. We headed towards Safeways until I pointed out it was closed, a subsequent speedy direction change brought us to Lynwood, The Six Former territory. Here we meet a group of children. "Hi Pete" said one. "Do I know you?" says Pete. "Yes we are Tony's kids, your cousins". My mind boogles that Pete doesn't recognise his cousins. Anyway they turned into our guides (although I knew the way!!)

We made it to Sainsburys where we hoped to see a petrol station being knocked down. Sadly news of said destruction had been wrong. After a stern "We are closed from one of Chris' collegues we headed firstly for McDonalds, then for Zoe. She gave us a lift to the seafront where we saw a rehearsal for a play at the amphitheatre, went to the beach and had a nice little car crash. Returning to Sainsburys in the faint hope of Chris having finished Zoe did some rollerblading in the car park. Another surreal night out.

Today has been brilliant. Work has been great. I am training with Ben (more of him later), Emily (lovely girl), Kat (hilarious and sassy), Dave (the daddy of the group, literally he has a baby girl), Becky (cool), Fay (nice, intelligent, and quite) and Matt (distant). Our trainer is called Lynn.

I meet Ben and Becky outside the call centre where we chated about our previous life, then got let in. We had to sit through a safety video (yawn), do a safety tour of the building, and then travel to the terminal (I went in Emily's car) and get our security passes. I started to suspect that Ben was gay.

We were allowed to go shopping in the terminal where I visited Pete at WHSmith. Afterwards was lunch me, Emily and Ben in one car the others in another two, Matt disappeared. We went to Tesco's for lunch then Bar Vasa, where we bonded. On the way back Emily asked me if I had a girlfriend, I said "I may as well come out and say I have a boyfriend." Ben leaned forward, and in a highly camp voice said "So Have I!!"

Afterwards we spent the rest of the day in a lecture taking notes. It has been great. Although Tony has tried to get me down it hasn't worked!!

Visit Chris. See you all tomorrow.

Scibble Do

Friday Pete, Chris, Zoe and I went to Gee's karoke. Through some bizarre coincidence, I had meet Pete's drinking mates in a kebab shop (which thrilled him no end). It was dull so we went to the Leas club and meet Sam. I quite liked it, we had seats, it was really lively, it was nice. But some of the others didn't so that is how on a Friday night we found ourselves playing, and I am not joking, Stuck In The Mud. Needless to say there have been better nights.

Saturday I took George to the barbers for his haircut, watched Trooping the Colour, then I meet John, Elliot, Chris, Zoe, and Pete at the Black Bull pub to watch England (yes I am being "politically correct" to keep my "English" readers happy) thrash Denmark 3-0. OK so we watched the first half at the pub then we left Chris with his family and watched the second half at Zoe's house. During the game a lost seagull chick (who was just the cutest) wandered into the house and then wandered out again. Bless.

Peter then suggested we go on an "adventure" which turned out to be a trip to Claire's (Cla as she is sometimes known) house. It was lovely. Her mum fussed over us making pizza and chips and sharing her Southern Comfort. Claire was ill and kept coughing so Pete came up with a version of Bless You just for coughing. Scibble Do. Zoe and Chris joined us later to watch Princess Diaries (Lily rules). Thanks Claire for a lovely day.

I got home to discover my family had been taken away on one of the family buses (oh yes we have "family buses") to some family knees up or another. (I think it was Tony's grandads Platinum wedding anniversary or something.) Which gave me the house to myself well into the early morning. Joy.

Today I have pre-new job jitters and I went shopping at the "Tents" (Mac Arthur Designer Outlets). I love it there. Cute guys in nice clothes, good shops, loads of fun. I bought a giant Union flag while Mum and Debbie Debs bought Svengland (sic) flags

I have discovered I fancy far too many men. If you are:
a) a human male (definitely not negotiable),
b) alive, (ditto)
c) not a mate of mine,
d) not Stephen or Jon
e) have all your limbs in tact (this one could be negotiable) I probably fancy you

Chris I like the new look blog, can I link to it or what? Note I have changed back to my old comments design, its easier to see hyperlinks etc.

Good Luck Sam. Have fun counselling at Camp America!!

I Hope This Feeling Never Ends

Still as happy as can be despite about twenty people asking me if I am "in a bad mood". This included the Co-Op lady, the Barber and Laura. Note to everyone, asking me if I am in a bad mood is more than likely going to cause me to get into a bad mood. :o) VH1 are having a Madonna Day today so I am very happy!

I would like to wish a very happy birthday to my beloved Nan and to Big Dad for yesterday. They are 64 and 65 respectively. I hope Nan has a good birthday as this last year has been hard for her, giving up her house so that she can look after Little Tony (Melly's son and my favourite/most hated cousin depending on my mood). Stephen passed all his uni exams. Adam's University Challenge team won their first round, well done. This means he will be on TV twice. That's another party, guys. Who wants to come to Indigo on the 22nd, I have free tickets?

Tony went snooping in my room last night which normally would have got me depressed. Instead something unique happened. I got angry. For the sake of my continued residence in the house I withdrew to my room otherwise I would have started shouting and, far worse, swearing. I went down to Gee's with Pete for band night (Mental Floss, they were crap). On the way I had to aid some poor child who was really badly hurt after a cycle accident. Everything turned out fine thankfully. Then with Zoe we decided to pay a visit to Skuba (where there was recently a nasty incident involving a broken pint glass).

If at all possible, Lee seemed to have got camper. This time he was doing renditions of ABBA songs with added lyrics ("I've got an apple that needs filling" "There's not a penis out there"). He still calls me Steve, which is irritating. It was nice tho. Then we sat on the Leas Cliff Hall overhang and had a nice pleasant conversation before heading home.

Today I decided to get my hair cut (my hair had started to draw crowds of onlookers, you know, the ones who go and watch car accidents). Feels much better now.

I am going to be working for the "New Appointments Group" who have today been hounding me for references (I gave them four already!!). I don't control the lives of those I reference, so why do I get the stick when Debs and Leigh are in meetings?!

I was going to do an in depth investigation into how unhealthy my obsession with MT is. But found it so shockingly sad and obsessive I shan't be publishing it. Needless to say it borders on stalking and I need to STOP!!! ;o)

STOP PRESS!! Stephen's job in Heaven has not materialised he will be home this weekend!!!

Jay Kay does Romney Marsh without innoculations!

I went out with Sam last night to deliver Liberal Democrat newsletters to the villages of Newchurch and Ivychurch. Newchurch is a very strange village. The church hall is huge. It could hold a few hundred people despite the fact there can't be more than 70 people in the village! There is no pub. Most houses don't even have letterboxes! Ivychurch was more normal. It was bigger, livelier, and the church hall was appropriately sized. There was a pub. After we finished delivering the leaflets we decided to have a drink in the Bell Inn in Ivychurch. We went in. All 5 people at the bar went silent and stared at us as if they hadn't seen outsiders since the sixties. Probably haven't. It was a nice pub though. Afterwards we went and woke Pete up and took him to Gees. Sonia was barmaiding and she is always a good laugh.

Sam leaves for Camp America on Sunday! Adam is recording his University Challenge today. I will inform you all of when it's on so we can all have a good chuckle (in a nice way of course).

Is it time to stand up for myself?

"Everything is Everything,
After Winter, must come Spring,
Change will come eventually."
Lauryn Hill "Everything is Everything"

I haven't felt this good for just over four years. I have started writing stories again. I actually do stuff instead of sitting passively in front of the TV. Although, unfortunately, my parents continue to irritate me. I am giving them two weeks to change. Then I am going to sit them down and tell them how I feel. If, as is usually the case, they refuse to listen then they are in for a shock. I won't be taking any abuse from anyone any more. The government may take my rights away (that stupid new amendment to the Communications Bill and Section 28) but my parents should not. I want to be allowed to use my own account again. No filters. No time limits.

If anyone (Sarah) still wants to get a flat at the end of this summer I really am up for it now and we can start planning like yesterday!

Question of the day: How can anyone find Gareth Gates attractive? He looks younger than Aaron Carter, and he wears rubbish suits. Need I say more.

New and Improved Jason gets a New and Improved Life

I know I told you all here a few weeks ago I wouldn't mention a certain person ever again, but events have made me change my mind.

Mark Towse (from know on, to ensure I don't get flagged up by google again, known as MT) is a bloke I have had a bit of a thing for, for like my whole gay life. Well yesterday morning I received a text from Laura saying she had booked his holiday (Laura is a travel agent by the way). Of course I was dead jealous, and when me, her, Pete, Zoe and Chris went to the Ashford cinema to see the Time Machine we chatted about it in the car. So we went into the cinema (thanks by the way Zoe) and who should be sitting not two metres away? MT. So I spent half the movie staring, in a highly embarrassing way, at him. God he is so hot. I know I shouldn't fancy real life (as opposed to Dermot and Tom Welling) straight blokes but I can't help myself when it comes to MT.

The movie was great (in a highly entertaining but not artistic way). It spawned a dream involving me, MT, Dermot O'Leary, Dame Edna Everidge and a horse with a strong resemblance to Her Majesty. All in late Victorian dress. And no sex. Surreal.

In more amazing news, I have a JOB!!! I had to go up for an interview in Ashford today, Tony gave me a lift . Once there I had to do a few typing tests which I passed. I was informed I would be on the back up list as a girl was coming in to take the last place. Bugger I thought. The girl was someone I knew from Brighton!! But anyway as my train pulled up at Ashford International, I got a phone call from the nice interview lady (Tracy) who told me I had got the job. So I trudged back (passing the girl who I gave a sympathetic smile to) and signed some things. The train home was slow and filled with Americans.

I will be starting on Monday at 5 pound an hour, working at the Eurotunnel call centre (in the old Exhibition centre). Groovy.

Saw Zoe's sister Jody at the station and saw Zoe and her mum in Safeways.

Argentina and France are out of the world cup!!!! Britain and Ireland still in!! Sandy has run away from the Big Brother house in a daring/idiotic rooftop leap. Hoping someone cute replaces him.

Not My Birthday Day

Oh yes today is the day I was due to be born 19 years ago. As always I had to be arkward and arrived a week late (and it still took mum a week to think of a name for me). Which (Jason does a quick calculation) means I was concieved on the 11th September (oh dear...) 1982.

The last two days have had a eighties theme (Dave Lee Roth music videos, Masters of the Universe [Dolph Jungdren turned me gay!!], Adam Ant and Tiffany). I went out last night after being invited to 'Spoons by Elliot. Getting a lift with Chris and Pete I arrived to find Elliot wasn't there!! How rude is all I can say, Mister (or should that be Missy) Elliot.

In 'Spoons I hatched a "fiendish" plot to steal a Wetherspoons News until Chris pointed out that not only were they free, they had a label saying.. "Please Take One". Darn it, foiled. Zoe joined us and so we resumed the great Jaffa Cake hunt. This hunt is a tad dangerous. Last time I needed a rescue party (Chris) after I got lost in Tesco. Well we found them this time with no incidents, joy!!.

As we qued me and Chris chatted about Oujia Boards and how he would test them (by asking what the name of his grandma was something we wouldn't know). So I decided to guess. Long story short, in the end me, two cashiers and a large group of other shoppers had joined in the game. "Mildred?" "Mavis?" "Lynne?" We finally found out it was Elizabeth and we left happy having made some new friends.

After a brief trip to the beach and a nasty incident involving me, Pete, a back seat and a failed head first lunge into the latter, we all went home.

The poor side of the BB house ganged up on the rich and Jonny and Lee are up for it.Goodbye Lee.

I thought until last night that the West Wing was the best American drama ever. I was wrong. I am now totally obsessed with the drama "Six Feet Under" and the comings and goings of the Fisher family. Its on Channel 4 every Monday at 11 and repeated on E4 every Wednesday at 9. Watch it. I besiege you. It is the second best thing on TV (the British drama "Murder" is slightly better). Do it. I am one hopelessly obsessed fan. It is even better than the Sopranos!!
OK question of the day (just for fun I know the answer).... I remember this show involving two children and a magic man with a strange tuft of hair who lived in a windmill. Can you guess what it is?

I Am Just A Little Girl

"'Cos I am just a little girl, you see,
But there is a hell of a lot more to me,
Don't ever underestimate, what I can do,
Don't ever tell me what I'm meant to be"

"Just A Little Girl" Amy Studt

Firstly I have had a little bit of a revelation yesterday. You know I can often be self-pitying, self-absorbed and downright selfish? Well the depression that has been on me for the last couple of weeks has done something odd. Instead of lifting it has morphed into a kind of deep set anger. The dark cloud has lifted to reveal a red haze, if you will.

It is not really anger. it is more a kind of energy that has given me the hard push I need to move on in my life. Good bye Old Jason with all your emotional hang ups and laziness. Hello New and Improved Jason, who is filled with a renewed wonder for the world.

Big Brother Update

So Alison left on Friday, claiming that Alex was a "fairy" (what ever could she mean? :o) ). Then on Saturday the house was split into a rich side (big food budget, hot water, access to personal items) and a poor side (no budget, cold outside shower, no access to personal belongings) by glass bars for the remainder of Big Brother (each week anew task will decided where each housemate goes.. By virtue of a task Spencer, Adele, the Snow Queen, Jade, and PJ (the most boring person since Baroness Young) are the unlucky "poor". On the rich side Sandy (the arch planner, who now is thinking of walking), Lee, Sophie, Jonny, and Kate (the "House Whore").

While Sandy schemes and plots with Adele and Alex, Lee is chasing Sophie (literally as well as emotionally), and Kate is being a right whore simply to make friends.

Who exactly searched for the following at Google?

A Piece of My Mind

Instead of telling you how I feel today I think I shall give you my feelings in the form of pieces of advice.

1) Never make a 6'8" bloke angry. Big mistake.

2) Never fall in love with a straight bloke when you are gay. Ouch, does it hurt. I did it yesterday with a long term family friend, who is an obsessed cyclist (what is it about me and cyclists?)

2b) Never fall in love with a number of straight blokes over the course of 4 years ensurng you go slowly round the bend.

3) Keep smiling.

Very boring night last night. If I have to move from a pub within an hour of arrival again I may go mad. Saw Natalie and her sister the other day (Hi you two!!)

BREAKING NEWS Saw Mr. Singh!! He is willingly to go to court against Mr. Lambert on my behalf to ensure I recieve my £652!!! Isn't he a true gent?

Hello All, Yet Another Missed Post

Right update time. Thursday night I went down to Gee's for band night with Adam, Peter and Sarah. Andy, The Barman, was not there. I stupidly had two Jack Daniels and Cokes (big mistake as always). The band (Black Cat Bone) smelt and after their first song they blew a fuse and band night was over early. So we moved on to the Rotunda where we met Chris. I was persuaded to go the Log Flume (something I haven't braved since the time when me and Jon Edgeworth went on it eleven times when we were 11). It was fun.

Friday I went to the Black Bull pub with Chris, his family and Sarah to watch England beat Argentina 1-0. A little later after a brief stop at Zoes house for pizza me, Zoe, Laura and Chris headed for Gee's. It was empty. We left for the Leas Club which was packed. A quick trip to rescue Sarah's cat (i.e. let it in) failed and a massive search for jaffa Cakes ensured (I admit this was one surreal night). Saw Zoe's mate Lauren in Tesco's where I also amazed everyone by getting 100% lost.

Spent today watching Touring Cars Championships. I love motor racing!!!

I Have A Minute. Tell Me Everything You Know

Oh wow. I love my new carpet. It is great!!! My room feels more like home now.

Stephen phoned. The job maybe on after all. He has an interview tonight. I wished him good luck. He ranted about how terrible his life was. I ranted about how bad mine was. Mutual healing ensured. Discussed my birthday (18th of June. Mark those diaries!!), my present (I am guessing it will be rather dirty or some more jewellry [I lost my fav neckchain he gave me!!]) and how he might visit to "celebrate" it. "Cheers for the present, Steve. Oh by the way you are dumped. Sorry"

Was going to rant about heterosexuality and the League of Castrati but that can wait 'til tomorrow as I have very little time.

See you all tomorrow my dears!!

Carpet Monster

Well the last few days have been good. Nice and peaceful and fun. That is if I ignore my family, of course. But it has been nice.

Today a storm blew in bringing thunder and lightening plus loads of rain. Got a brand spanking new dark green (my favorite colour) carpet for my room today. Finally getting rid of those evil floorboards. I have spent the day reading my third book of the week (The Regulators by "Richard Bachman", that's Stephen King to you and me) and looking after the Twins (AKA evil brats from hell determined to have me admitted to a psychiatric ward).

Stephen phoned. His job in Heaven has fallen through so he might be home for the summer (so I can break up with him). Currently he is living with a 45 year old named Jim. Smells like a Houseboy to me, don't you think?

OK does anyone remember a cartoon of the early nineties about a school on a space station with a normal boy, some three mouthed girl, some flying alien who was always falling in love, and some really crazy cteachers. Any one know the name I think it was something like Space High.

God Save The Queen

I went out last night with Pete and Zoe and after carefull deliberation we decided not to go to Gee's. Instead we picked up Sam and went to Pizza Hut, went on a McFlurry run (where we saw Olly Smith a old friend of mine, who is like 6'4", hunky with some real sexy stubble. Hubba Hubba), and then went to Ashford cinema to see "40 Days and 40 Nights" with the lovely Josh Harnett. It wasn't too bad.

Today I am in a very British, royalist mood. I watched the Jubilee parade ALL day. It was great. I love the Queen (and really fancy that hunky prince William).

Big Brother haven't really seen it. Alison, Alex and Sandy are up for eviction. Sophie seems nice. Major fights going on. Lots of sexual tension and Dermot O'Leary is looking so fine on BBLB (he is presenting with Lynne as is tradition).

Think I need sex as I am in a real "Phwoah isn't he nice" kind of mood.

Beaches

Happy 50th Year on the Throne Your Majesty!!

Last night I went up to Sarah’s house to "hang out". We watched Scary Movie, which was just hilarious. Then we went to pick up Pete from work and watched Big Brother (their "All Or Nothing" task was so easy!!!) plus a documentary about Queen (the band). Sarah’s cat Benny is so cute!!

Today I went down to the beach with mum to avoid the England match. Every house either had a Union Jack for the Jubilee or a St. Georges flag for the World Cup, some had both and one had an Irish flag and a Union Jack…. Interesting combination.

Anyway the beach was deserted despite it being the nicest day of the year. We laughed at a poster for a Jubilee Jazz concert in Hythe (I mean how silly…. This will become significant in a minute!!). Went home had a picnic, watched a new housemate (Sophie) enter the Big Brother house (God I am sure it gets worse each day). Then Pete and Sarah came round and we all went to…. The beach, nice and calm, then we went to a park where we sat and watched….. the Jubilee Jazz concert!!!! Plus we made daisy chains. Got home had a barbeque, went on a McFlurry run and so here I am!!! Busy day all in all…..

Big Brother really is crap. This year they just put a bunch of normal people in. That is not what we want to watch!!! Remember Penny? Brian? Anna? Marjorie? These weren’t ordinary people (okay so one was in fact a chicken but still….). ordinary people aren’t interesting!! As a fan of Big Brother since the very concept was created I am appalled at Channel 4. And Alex (or as Pete calls him “The Snow Queen” Why? Because he is so far in the closet he is in fucking Narnia [you see what he did there..])

A Travesty of Justice

“Would all housemates please gather on the sofas immediately.” – Davina

Fine so far, the housemates look cocky. After informing Jade and Lynne they had been nominated they were sent away. The others were informed they had three minutes to evict one of them. PJ, Lee and Jonny’s cocky expressions disappeared immediately!!

But here is where it all went wrong, Lynne, a lady who tells it as it is, was evicted. Fine I thought the housemates have spoken. But then the crowd went mad. They booed poor Lynne, a display so vile it has not been seen before. Sure there has been booing but never this much. Lynne’s crime….. she once, while drunk, told Spencer he was a bit cocksure. Davina was not happy telling Lynne she would be fine and giving the crowd the evils and not being very nice to some fence jumpers. .

I love Lynne, confident, unafraid of confrontation but apologetic. I think Spencer had a soft spot too….

Adele is bisexual and has a girlfriend. Lee says its fine with him. He says Adele makes him feel far better than anyone before.

It is my reckoning that a new housemate should arrive today to replace Sunita. Both Claire (Nasty Nick’s replacement), and Josh have arrived on Saturdays. It really scares me that I know that….

I believe the housemates will not nominate Jade but Alex and he will be evicted. He is a freak, annoying me no end. And as I have told Laura he is so far in the closet he is in f***ing Narnia. Dom Joly (from Trigger Happy TV) was EVIL to Alex’s dad yesterday on BBLB (Dom Joly is not addicted he only watches 18 hours a day!!!)

Sorry if I don’t reply to your comments, between reading my fav blogs and emails I don’t have time due to the ban. But I do read them!! That poll may be there for some time as I don’t have the time to make and publish a new one.