come back to what you know

For God So Loved The World He Gave Us Porn

Hmm... in agony over allergy related rash at mo.. it's a "nettle rash" which does pretty much that... stings like a nettle! All the time! Ouch!

After an end of week trip to High Wycombe to see my wife, Laura (older readers may remember we married for a toaster), I am totally exhausted... I designated yesterday as a rest day... thus I didn't go to sleep till 2am as I was busy watching straight porn... very amusing stuff...

First off... the SeX Files. Hilarious, about Grogan family video stores where if you buy a video from them, you'll start have near constant sex. Alien conspiracy to take over the world obviously, and not just a feeble excuse for porn! Men very sexy, and confirmed I am 100% gay. Second was the amazingly poorly named Erotic Time Machine 2. Hmm.. needs more muscle!

Bizarre but true, Jae spends entire evening critiquing porn that doesn't really turn him on. Silly boy!

Jae's Grand Tour 2004

As readers may know, I often set aside weeks where I just.. do stuff. Like the this week and last week. I have never been to or through London so much! I am sure I've started to leave a Jae-feet shaped trail between Charing Cross and Soho. Monday I went up to London and meet a guy I've been chatting to for two years. A S. He was far cooler than I had expected, really interesting, and we hung out in Retro, Ku Bar, the Edge and finished off the evening clubbing in Heaven.

He lives in Docklands.. last few weeks of my life have had a Docklands/DLR theme... he he... Yesterday was spent having a pleasant day in East London, chatting, eating and then travelling home.

Do I have to go back to work? Wish I could find work closer to London/Brighton and that is interesting.. and preferably really homosexual! :o)

I shall not be going to Gay Pride this year. 3 reasons: 1) all my exs will be there, I'll be bound to bump into one, and that isn't something I'd want. 2) I have no one to go with this year... and 3) it's sooooo boring! Instead I have purchased tickets for Gay Shame. Cos it looks more fun (it has a radical knitting circle. Need I say more?)

Also been chatting with ex (I just can't bring myself to say his name any more, seems fairly pointless), which has made me realise something. He's a great guy, I'd like him as a drinking buddy (I think friend is a bit too much of a statement). But he is so arrogant, and dull. And I think, although it hurts me to say this, it was a good thing he dumped me. I have taken off my rose tinted glasses, and seen that the six months I was with him were hell, that he treated me badly, and the only thing that stopped me from dumping him during that time was that I didn't wanna be lonely.

Of course I still live in fear I'll end up lonely forever... but if I keep on putting myself out there, meeting new people, living a little, then someday I might meet the one who will sweep me off my feet and live contentedly ever after.

New Kids On The Block Had A Bunch Of Hits, Chinese Food Makes Me Sick

Dear Constant Reader,

Oh you're a sly one aren't you? You worm your way back into my system so easily! God darn you! :op I am getting a cam phone today, and will thus be using this as a photo blog as well as a normal one! Exciting stuff!

I will be putting my links up soon, I'm half way through checking them. It's good to see some of the old hands still about. And sad to see some of my absolute fave sites are no longer around.

Why am I back here? Because 1) it constitutes nearly a fifth of my life!, 2) using some smoke and mirrors I shall try and keep my mates from reading this, 3) I've mised ya!

What have I been up to? The usual; random dates, MT stalking, working hard *cough*, and even a visit to Sheffield to see Pete and Chris.

Oh and I plan to move to Brighton shortly. FUN!

Oh Gorgeous Blog Of Mine

Dear Constant Reader.

Today is my 21st birthday. This is my 736th post to this blog. We are both getting old!

Things have changed. As always I stand a bit like a rock in river *islands in a stream....* remaining mostly unchanged as people and places pass it by.

I still wear the same clothes I always have. I still like the same things I always have. I still have that bloody unshakeable stupid belief that one day I will fall in love and someone WILL fall in love with me. Everyone else seems to move on, get better, and most importantly seems to have someone fall in love with them.

I'm not bitter (much :op).

People tell me to do something about it. So I do... I go out and do stuff, I make new friends, find new places. But that only seems to ostracise those I left behind, the very people who told me to get off me bum and do something!

People say they have fallen in love with me, but in the end they never have. It's like it's ok to mess with my head as I'm pretty simple and gullible.

I have found my truth. And that is I don't wanna change. I want to find someone who likes me just the way I am. I wanna keep on living and never settle down.

I wanna touch the stars, feel the surf round my feet, I wanna see things, do things, be me!

I have decided to stop worrying so much. I am me. I have a huge number of people who call themselves my friends. People who when I pay them a visit seem totally overjoyed to see me. People really like me. And I love them.

To be honest, as they'd say in Rock Profile, "sometimes I think the whole world is mad, and we're the only sane ones".