come back to what you know

So here's why I like having a journal. I can always look back and remember what I said, so let's look back at last years "Plans"

Plans for the new year. Not resolutions, because they are so corny and so 2004. No... plans, that may go wrong, or get amended by events.

1) get into shape. My body is a temple, one that can be quite attractive if I just bothered to eat right and work out sometimes. people say I'm cute and have a brilliant smile and that I'm sexy and other stuff that shouldn't be mentioned in public... But I need myself to believe that... I want to be the best I can be... mentally, physically and spiritually.

Hmm... ok... if at first you feed your fat face till you're sick; try, try and try again... My new diet starts tomorrow!!!

2) leave this house, and hopefully this town. Folkestone isn't that bad. There are plenty of places far worse. But like all people i should leave, live life a little and spread my wings.

YAY!! Look at that! I made it... I DID IT! I now live in *puts on posh voice* Historic Maritime Greenwich, don't ya know?

3) Be nice. Over the last 3 years all my faith and hope in humantiy has been eroded to the point that I see most people as STUPID and the rest as just plan up their own bums. In fact last year I probably said "They should all be lined up against a wall and shot" at least twice a day. All that kind of adds up to making me a bit of an arsehole. This year I hope that I can restore my faith in humanity and seek out nice people who are clever but not arrogant... who wish to talk rubbish and smile a little.

Moving quickly on...

4) Avoid clubs. Since January 2002 I have lost the will to club. I must admit it... after leaving university clubs just seemed (and still seem) a bit lame, full of freaky hormonal Norms (those who I used to refer to as Extras). I don't enjoy clubs, so why bother wasting my time (and money) in them?? And dancing??? A BIG no no.

YAY!

5) Be nicer to Jim. Let's face it... if I want to keep him... I need to go all out, pull out all the stops, use the good china, and work my arse off to ensure I never lose him. Cos I've thought about it; I don't think I could stand the pain of yet another rejection.

Ok. I hope I managed this one, Jim can judge.

6) Rediscover my sexuality. Cos of late I haven't been feeling how I used to feel about being gay. It used to be the one thing that made me smile and made me happy. Now? I have plenty of stuff to make me smile and be happy... I need to redefine my homosexuality... is it just one part of me now? Or is it still the essence of my being? (side note: I don't wanna become one of those castrated men who are partly ashamed of their homosexuality and just say "I just like men, it's not important"... cos trust me... sexuality is VERY important. Straight blokes... imagine saying "I like women, but it's not that important to me". WHO WOULD YOU BE TRYING TO KID???)

Done. San Francisco has reaffirmed my faith.

7) I may go to uni, but to be honest... it's not something I care about. I care however about how other people see me. And I don't like the way they see me as a non degree bloke. Maybe that is something that I need to think about and deal with. And I shouldn't worry about other peoples expectations... that's what got me into trouble last time I went to uni...

Maybe next year...

So sucesses and failures. That's called real life! Tomorrow... 2006's plans!! Stay tuned.

Ok so here's my list of the best of 2005....

Best Person: Jim. Sorry but no one famous has moved me this year. Jim has been the driving force behind my 2005, the best year of my life (SO FAR!)

Best Place: San Francisco. Prague was top of the pops of 2004 because it was new, fresh and beguiling. San Francisco had those same properties. It was totally different to what I expected, in good and bad ways (see HOMELESSNESS and POVERTY). That won it for me.

Best Podcast: Bad Weeds San Francisco. A Bad Weed is hard to kill. Corkey, I love you!

Best News Story: Speaks for itself!

Best Looking Man: Brent Corrigan

Best Post On This Blog: The Censored One! That link isn't the post as the post is... censored! A naked picture of Kevin Mcdaid, who did some porn in his youth. Blogger didn't like it. SHAME! He was quite cute.

Have a Happy New Year!

Don't some news stories fill you with glee? Such as this one. To see some rude lout get his just desserts makes my heart leap with joy. Why should one person be allowed to get away with being so rude and nasty in an enclosed space like that with so many others. Way to go Mr Pilot!

So there I was searching for some new nice pics for the New year when I came across one which I just had to post... with a question for any American who drops by... who is Jeremy Bloom?



Who ever he is... I want one!!

Met the Screamer of Vauxhall today. Now most people at work seem to have met him before, guess I've just been lucky enough to have avoided him. Until now.

Coming out of the Wheatsheaf after my first lunch break in days, Peter and I were stopped as a man appeared from around the corner screaming. I don't mean to suggest he was shouting. He was emitting a high pitch scream, ala horror movie victims too numerous to name.

Supposedly he does this most days all around Vauxhall.

He is most disconcerting.

Gosh I have been busy! First off sorry to Becky and Zoe who I didn't get round to seeing even though I promised I would. I'll try to explain!

Friday and work was tedious. Got out early and caught the train to Westenhanger. Mum picked me up from the station, I dumped my stuff, washed and dressed and headed off to the Burlington Hotel for the water boards Christmas do. My date for the evening was the lovely Stacey Lady



Had fun, seeing a few of the old faces, and discovering that nothing has changed at my old job. I felt like I hadn't been away... there was...



Angela and Karen



Sarah - as you can see she was rather sober



James, Carolyn and Katy

One of my work colleagues confided to me her worries about her son who has come out to her. Which explains who Kate was talking about. He's only 16 bless, although he's appeared in Finding Neverland amoung other things. Bastard. ;o)Oh the circles I mix in. I was supposed to go stay with Henry and Sarah, but you can see the state she was in! I decided to go home instead. Snuck in the backdoor and slept on the sofa.

Was woken by Mum, had breakfast with the family...



Then went shopping with Mum and Beth for the last few presents. Wasn't too bad. Had one of those moments where I realised why I love my Mum so much. As we walked past a Big Issue seller we both stopped to buy one. The Big Issue seller screams "Ally". My mum and Jess (Big Issue!) hug and chat about the good old times when Jess was in one of Mums projects and they kiss goodbye. Not many people have a Mum who not only knows, but cares about, the homeless kids of Folkestone. She spent the rest of the weekend worrying about Jess.

Got back to Lympne, made Beth wrap the presents for me...



Then we picked up Jim from the station and drank ourselves slilly for the rest of the evening.

Slept on the most uncomfortable bed ever that night... it was on a 45 degree gradient... ewww...

Christmas morning! I got loads of pressies and was pleased with the response the ones I gave got. The rest of the family turned up for dinner...







And then the most exciting moment of the holidays arrived... the Doctor Who Christmas Special!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!

Boxing Day... it all started off normal enough. I was to go into town, meet Becky and then move on from there to Zoe's house warming. But first my phone died, and while I tried to get my sim to work in other peopels phones I went up the pub. 5 and half hours later my Uncle David, Jim and I were found rather worse for wear debating Britishness. Hmm... and that's why I never made it out. I was too pissed!

And then it started to snow. And snow. And snow.

This morning I woke to find a winter wonderland outside...





But no trains. :o( I thought we would be stranded in Lympne but after a couple of hours the folks got bored of us and drove us home...

And as we drove up the Old Kent Road I realised... London is home for me now. I felt so much better when we crossed through into Greenwich Borough... mmm...

And now the kids are here... joy!

Hope you all had a fab xmas!

Guess who was in the Bay Area Reporter (San Francisco's top gay newspaper)??? Go on... well ok yes it was Corkey Mineola. But who else? Some guy from "England" (where the hell is that???"). Twas I!!! Although may I make it quite clear I live in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland. England ceased to exist years ago... it has been England and Wales since like the 15th century...

Read it here

Merry Christmas! Don't forget to visit my current tenant in the Rent My Blog section.

I really don't wish to darken anyone's special day now that civil partnerships are legal. But those who are taking part in civil partnerships are selling themselves, and the rest of the LGBT community, short. They have given up the fight not just for true equality, but also for freedom for everyone (be they gay or straight) from the demands of the "righteous".

We have failed to meet two totally different goals of two quite different parts of our community. One was total equality, to have no difference between gay, straight, trangendered etc; to have full, equal marriage rights not similar to, but the same as, heterosexuals. That we have now not achieved and may not achieve for decades!

The other goal was more radical. It was to change the face of the world, and to free us all from a very self destructive socialisation we fell into around the time of the industrial revolution. This was the mixing up of romantic love and marriage, a mix that really doesn't fit. By selling out to this bizarre and strange mix of marriage (a formerly practical institution) and love (not practical, beautifully aloft) we have enslaved ourselves and abandoned our basic principles.

Somehow today a dream has died, and something wonderful has become dreary.

Christmas Special Mmm.

David Tennant. Mmm.

Doctor Who. Mmm.

Cybermen. Nuff said.

Being gay is a lot like being very tall. People always say the same things to you. If they see me in the street it's always "You're tall, aren't you?" What compels them to talk to me, let alone say something so stupid has always fascinated me. Do they go up to aged people and say "You're old, aren't you?", I often wonder.

Well being gay there's a similar stock question from both straight people and gay people. "When did you realise you were gay?" Now I've always had a stock answer for this. "When I was 14", which flows off my tongue almost as easily as "I'm 6'8" ".

But it's not true. I was four when I realised I was gay. I didn't know what being gay meant. I didn't know about sex. I hadn't a clue about much at all. But I knew I wanted to see Dolph Lungdren naked. Obviously I don't tell them that as it'd weird them out (children never think about sex, it's the law) Why mention it? Because it gives me a chance to post a picture of the sexiest man of the eighties...



Did you think I was gonna be all deep and meaningful???? This close to Christmas? You must be kidding!

12 hours of BBC News can send you mad. If the news presenter remarks on how amazing it is that the fire is still going on in Hemel Hempstead I'm going to carve the fire triangle into his forehead. HELLO! Fuel + heat + oxygen = FIRE!

He is making my head hurt.

So last night was ok. We all went up on the London Eye for a 30 minute champagne "flight", before we took a Humvee limo into town (I lost my limo virginity to a big'un). Had a few drinks at the Akbar and dinner in the Red Fort. Then went to some other Soho place. Had sooooo much champagne. Spent an hour waiting for a taxi at Charing Cross, and got home at 4am. I'm a dirty stop out!1

There's a dark cloud over London today thanks to this incident. Gill and the kids live just opposite the blast area in Hemel Hempstead, they are fine although their patio door has been blown off. Can't believe the cloud from the fire is over us here many, many miles away. That has got to be some fire!

Pictures of last night and the dark cloud will follow when Jim finds the camera lead.

Yesterday was secret santa day at work! I got two presents, which is worrying. George was one of my secret santas and he got a me a singing dog, which woofs "I Wish You A Merry Christmas". It is sooooooo cute. He's only been working with me for two weeks but he has me sussed. The other gift is a Worst Scenario calendar which is great, but who got it for me???? It's a mystery.

I went out last night with some people from work for Merediths birthday/Lindsays leaving drinks. Went to the Lavendar, and had a good time. Moved on to "The Phoenix" near Sloane Square and had an ok time.

Got Civ IV today!!! It didn't work, but Jim has fixed it being the most excellent man that he is.

Off out for the works Christmas do tonight. Pictures to follow.

Did you know Santa Claus is not Father Christmas???

Have you all down you Christmas shopping yet? If so, spare a thought for this Microsoft executive. He doesn't even get an xbox for Christmas. How harsh (I'm filled with sympathy!)! Good to see Christmas shopping is hell for everyone.

Ok I have to buy for Mum, Nan, and Tony. Will do this on Saturday then my Christmas shopping is over. Praise the Lord!

Brent Corrigan has a blog!! :o) Now isn't that news to warm your heart! Santa obviously read my letter...

A brand spanking new mammal is found in Borneo. Now being interested in cryptozoology this fills my heart with glee. If land mammals this large are still being found then imagine what lies beneath the ocean. Ooo... fingers crossed for a megalodon ;o)

Robbie Williams is not gay and I don't want to hear any suggestion that he is. Cos we don't want him!

There is one story I'm a little peeved about but as I'm not allowed to moan we'll play a guessing game... it was on this page at 21:37. First person to guess the story and the reason I'm peeved wins a prize...

And on a lighter note... David Boreanaz IS GORGEOUS.

I received a reader complaint yesterday. Jim moaned at me for moaning too much about... everything. Although I would say this is the whole point of a blog, an outlet for my moaning, I will admit it has been worse of late. So... I promise that right up till Christmas Day you'll hear no bad news, no grumpiness and a whole lot of cheer.

Ooo... so I've nearly finished Christmas shopping just gotta get stuff for Tony (erm??), Nan (something nice from Greenwich Market) and Mum (God darn her my default Christmas present for her has turned into her birthday present and I'll get something nice from the market too). Feel quite chuffed. Depending on the money might get something extra for Jim. ;o)

I have to say my bolognese came off quite well yesterday. I learnt some lessons (less water) but overall I think it was quite yummy. Self congratulatory pat on the back required...

Hey did you know it's nearly Christmas, and do you know what I love? I love to get gifts from my readers. It makes me feel so wanted, loved, cherished, happy and gives me a desire to post more half naked men. So hey look here's My Amazon Wish List just in case there's any body out there who loves me!

I was going to post pictures of kittens in santa hats, but thought PETA might kill me so instead I present Santa taking a nap...

London is it's own kind of TARDIS, just in reverse. It is smaller than you think. Jim set me a challenge yesterday just before he disappeared to Hemel Hempstead.. I must cook a bolognese sauce from scratch (he's just bought the Silver Spoon italian cookery book). And so today I headed to Tesco in the centre of Lewisham in search of ingredients. Which is 10 minutes walk from the centre of Greenwich where I live. Sometimes I forget it's so close. It's the same with Canary Wharf. It's 11 minutes on the DLR. You can see it from our street. But somehow my brain tells me it's TOO FAR. In Folkestone I'd walk half an hour just to catch a train. I'd walk 40 minutes just to get a magazine. I could actually walk to where I work in less than an hour. (it takes half an hour on a hideously crowded train, I might just consider it!)

I've been in this city for 6 months and still haven't explored it properly. My first NY Resolution is to discover London. I owe it to the city I've spent my life dreaming I'd live in.

AH! Two gay blokes on telly talking about civil partnerships... "At the end of the day it's equality and that's what we've been after". IT IS NOT EQUALITY! God, sometimes I wish I was born in Canada like most of my family... at least gay people didn't settle for second best there. Hmm. It's time to start writing letters. And give Nick Raynsford, my Labour MP, a kick up the bum.

Pretty soon we will know the name of the new leader of the Tories. Hmm... the country isn't exactly shaking with excitement now is it? Personally I hope David Cameron gets it as I'd like to see his take on the drug problem. I'm taking bets on just how hypocritical it'll be... quite, very, amazingly or awesomely...

I went to Canary Wharf today to try to find Civilisation 4. I came running back. Xmas shoppers annoy me more than any other type of people. In this internet age there is no excuse for walking around soooooooo slowly, and paying everyone else no heed at all. If you're a slow shopper, please do it from the comfort of your own home. Cheers.

I still have a cold. :o( But at least it's nearly Christmas!

Chatterbox MP blocks the vigilante bill. Thank the Lord! Reasonable force is all you need to stop people on your property. This means you can defend yourself and your property from an attacker. It also means you can't shoot a fleeing teenager in the back when he has ceased to pose a threat. Simple.

I am not against victims rights. I think if someone attacks you and you kill them in the course of defending yourself, you shouldn't be prosecuted (although I'd hope you'd feel some remorse at taking another's life). But if you chase and attack someone fleeing from you, even if they have your TV under their arm, then you are no better than the criminal and should deserve no protection. No piece of property is more important than ANYONE's life. Yes even a bastard thief. Recovering property is the task of the police. It's what I pay my taxes for.

Jean-Paul Sartre showed his genius in just those four words. I admit I'd hate to be alone somewhere without any human contact. But some of the people who I encounter when I leave the safe confines of home are truely terrifying. The gormless ones, the loudmouthed ones, the rude ones, and the real life challenged people ("Yes these are escalators. You must start to walk by the time you reach the bottom. Oh darn, failed again, maybe tomorrow huh?").

I'm not saying I'm perfect. But I at least don't walk round a train station pretending I'm the only person in the world and thinking my luggage somehow has the right to be throw in five different directions all at once just to frustrate those attempting to get past me.

And I'm the one who gets funny looks from the strange people who jam themselves on to a crowded train while I stay on the platform because there's a perfectly empty one following in the next two minutes. That's called understanding basic math. This train is filled with people who have reached their embarcation points within twenty minutes before departure. The next will be filled with people who reach their embarcation points within two minutes before departure. Hence the second train should have 10 times less people on it. Ok so we have to take into account most people will be aiming for certain timed trains so it's probably more like only 10% less, but it's nice to have room to breath anyway... Considering how empty the second train is I must be slightly more intelligent than most of those on the first train... Which worries me as it's a very crowded train... ;o)

Brain dump over... Lochgoilhead photo of the day ahead.