come back to what you know

Deary me... hasn't a lot happened in Big Brother of late? So, since we last discussed this, Dawn was ejected for breaking the rules (using a code to communicate with her sister), then Bonnie was evicted. To replace Shahbaz and Dawn two new housemates arrived... Aisleyne (what a name!) and Sam(uel)antha. Pete continued to look far too gorgeous for words prompting me to consider bidding on a golden ticket just to get a chance to get in the house. Then today... George walked, which is a shame. Not because I liked him that much but because this house is not really being given a chance to stabilise and show us what it's made of.

Aisleyne seems a bit like Grace and Imogen... a bland beauty... YAWN! Sam... I was instantly prepared to hate her but you know what... she seems alright. I'll give her a chance.

Glyn is growing on me. He seems a little dim but his sheer child like glee at the mere thought of breasts makes him quite endearingly sweet. As Ste used to say... awwwww... Bless.

Nikki... good lord. Please let her out before she melts all our brains...

Now if anyone has any pics of Pete looking fab (i.e. no hat) let me have them. He's GORGEOUS.

New housemate must be due shortly to replace George... fingers crossed for someone nice.

Technorati : bb7, big brother, big brother 7, pete

Wanna learn some new recipes? Why not check out Wanna Be TV Chef, it looks great and I bet it tastes even better!

Technorati : blogexplosion

Yesterday I watched United 93 which, unsurprisingly, is all about what happened on United 93 on 9/11 (I wrote that just so that I could fit in those links. I know... I'm obsessed with Wikipedia).

Now I can't say it showed me anything I didn't already know (I'm one of those sad people who owns the 9/11 Commissions Report). But it certainly takes you on an emotional roller-coaster, showing in graphic details those things we had all imagined happened that day, and reminding us of the terror that those on the planes must have experienced. I think the word to describe this movie is "harrowing"; I defy anyone to watch this and not get a lump in their throat or a tear in their eye at least once.

It's an American movie tradition to bad mouth other countries when making historical films (us Brits are an easy target)... and it looks like they even managed to slip some patriotic xenophobia, however small, into this movie!! See Skating on Thin Air. What really annoys me about that is the disrespect to this person... it's really soured the movie for me... I know it's only one person. But he was a real person, with real feelings and with a real family. Based on NO evidence he's made out to be the wimp. Grr... the basis for the movie was exciting/disturbing enough already without the need for too much artistic license. And they used up all their artistic license allowance on fleshing out what we suspect happened (i.e. that which we have at least some evidence for, through cockpit recordings and telephone calls).

Good movie, just marred in my mind by the above.

Technorati : 9/11, movie, united 93

Jim's Blog continues to detail our trip to Thailand.

It's my birthday on June 18th. I don't desire much... but everything I do can be found on here. Ok not everything. A Ganesh amulet neckchain would also go down well.

I love the Dildo Song...

Here's a video Jim filmed at the Amsterdam Bar in Ko Samui during their nightly cabaret show.

Amnesty International began it's life today. Join up here and make a difference.

Technorati : amnesty, dhoom dhoom, dildo, ganesh, samui

IMDB



When I first left the cinema I thought "Wow that was good". The Beast rocked. Kitty Pryde was great (brave yet foolhardy just like the comics). Colossus was HOT. I cried when Prof X died, and was proud when the X Men made their stand on Alcatraz to protect Leech and his defenders. With those emotions clouding my judgement I forgot all the bad bits.

Magneto, despite some good scenes, was written for badly. I can't put my finger on it, but the Magneto of the last movie was far better... bad but not truely evil. Only early on in the comics was he truely evil... he soon became a more conflicted character with more depth.

Killing Cyclops and making this a movie about Jean and Logan's love was a major error in my mind, the conflict between Logan and Scott and their constant need to overcome it in the face of a common threat makes the love triangle more complex and real. It was also symptomatic of the movies attempt to cater to the Wolverine cult strong amoung X-Fans. I'm not a big fan of his. He's okay, but Angel was always my fave.

ANGEL... a bit part??? A BIT PART?? SCANDALOUS.

Where was Nightcrawler? Colossus, one of the best comic book heroes of all time in my opinion, needed some more depth... in the film there are only 6 X Men... surely the writer could have fleshed them all out.

The story was kind of weak... could have been so much better.

This movie could of been a lot more. It isn't.

But hey at least you can still read a kind of homosexual undertone into the movie (even if it is unintentional). The Cure... the mutant reaction to it... all very Exodus-esque.

I think my deep hatred for the Ex-Gay movements underlying beliefs can be left to another day. Needless to say... Rogue... HOW COULD YOU???

The final thing was the ending... a big let down. This wasn't helped by the fact the three leaders of the X Men were dead...

X Men

JP at work is now officially coolest person of the week. We were on a customer service/work night out last night (to Picos, Portuguese beer and table service. Lovely) and I was being random and cupping my hands over my ears to discover new and interesting forms of sound (as you do). He started doing it too... and also discovered crazy and slightly worrying underlying sounds in the conversations going on around us.

Now doubtless I was pissed at the time (and at only 7 o'clock as well... shame on me!) but still we kept it up for 10 minutes exchanging worried glances and amused grins. Ah... I like finding random people, they remind of Folkestone.

I sometimes forget not everyone on the planet is boring.

I have no money till Wednesday and I'm beginning to starve. Same same... but different.

I just can't put my finger on why I dislike him the most out of all of this years housemates (Shahbaz obviously doesn't count). Sezer is slimy (just as I thought!). Nikki is like a loud version of Chinese water torture (sob sob sob sob...). Grace and Imogen are slags playing up to the slutty boys (I was brought up to believe women were more intelligent than men. LIES! They're just as thick). But there is something about Richard...

I knew as soon as he arrived that he wasn't my kind of person... image obsessed and rather bland. But as time has gone on I have begun to wish he wasn't in there. Watch this space and I will work out exactly why I dislike him...

In other news Pete cried when Shahbaz left. Compassion! I'm telling you... Pete is a babe. Intelligent, compassionate, gorgeous, well endowed and quirky. My perfect man (excluding Jim)

So's Dermot O'Leary... not excluding Jim... ;)

It's strange how easily confused memories can become. Especially memories from your childhood. I'd always been a little confused regarding the Great Storm (ask any Brit and they'll tell you all about how they slept through the Great Storm of 1987...). What's so confusing about that? I hear you ask.

Well... I distinctly remember the storm being during the day. I remember being at school and hearing tiles starting to fall from the roof. Before I knew it Mum had shown up early and all the other parents were there too, encouraging their kids to run like hell towards home. I remember the rushed trip home fighting through the winds with Mum looking deeply terrified by the amount of roof tiles flying on the pavements before and after us... luckily I only lived over the road and safety was only a short, hunched over run away. It's one of the most dramatic memories of my life.

So I've always been a tad concerned that everyone says they slept through the Great Storm, because it occured overnight... Did I dream it all? It dawned on me today that the Great Storm occured in 1987. I wasn't at school then. Intruiged I did some research...

Who has ever heard of the Burns' Day Storm of 1990? Did you know it killed more people than the Great Storm? And it occured during the day? But who ever mentions it? Does anyone even remember it?

If I had a penny for every time I've heard the story of the Michael Fish controversy I'd be a rich man. But no one ever mentions the Burns' Day Storm. Maybe they all slept through that one too...

Shahbaz has left the BBuilding. It has to be said he needed to be out... he was going insane.

Is it me or is Richard the biggest, most childish bully ever? Shahbaz deserved the flak he got. But good lord Richard brought playground politics to a new, petty level with his "ignore Shahbaz" game and shouting "Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice" to his face. Richard... grow up you big pansy.

Pete... oh Pete. Last night on the Big Brother nightly show he was in the pool with the girls who managed to get a look at his manhood. And they were mighty impressed. Words to the effect of "I've never seen anything that big" were uttered. Pete will you marry me? ;)

Don't worry Dermot, you're still my one true love.

Look, a boyfriend shouldn't undermine the one he loves... but Jim has gone and done it. What has he done? I hear you say. Just look at the evidence. Not only is his blog far better written than mine, it's bloody gorgeous as well. Bastard. (Love you really!)

Not only did he find time to design his blog in the few days since we landed back here in blighty... he also undertook the massive task of cataloguing all our DVDs. All 539 (legal) ones that is. It doesn't even include our vast pirate collection... check out Jim and Jae's DVD Collection.

And in between this he has cooked some delicious Thai yellow curries, taught me how to cook katsudon AND been his usual marvellous self. Could I ask for a better boyfriend?

It looks like we have a new (old) country... Montenegro. Welcome back!

Shahbaz. When I saw him enter the house I thought he was going to be annoying but on occassion a source of amusement. It turns out he is one of the most hideous people I've ever seen on Big Brother. Here's why:

Glyn, an 18 year old native Welsh speaker, was feeling a little uncomfortable with the amount of touchy feeliness Shahbaz was throwing in his direction. Glyn, with some obvious difficulty, because of his age and difficulty speaking English, brought the issue up in a very sensitive way. Shahbaz immediately played "the gay card" and basically accused Glyn of being homophobic and told him that he sympathised with him but wasn't going to stop touching him because he couldn't change who he was!!!

Given the fact Glyn couldn't have been more endearingly sweet in his attempt to stop Shahbaz's social ineptness I can only say I was sickened at Shahbaz's reponse.

He talks about gay pride and gay togetherness then gives us all a bad name by playing the gay card in a situation where homosexuality wasn't the issue.

I don't like being touched by girls. This doesn't make me a gynephobe does it?? It just means I value my personal space! Shahbaz GET REAL!!!

By the way Pete took his hat off and didn't pull any faces. God lord isn't he a cutie??



And by the way aren't Thai men just divine? Picture yoinked from Sonny under a Creative Commons License

gay, Big_Brother, Shahbaz

The presenters arrive... Oh my god... it's Will and Grace!! And you thought Eurovision couldn't get any gayer!

The contest in brief... The points are my own over generous scores...

Switzerland - Pure pop trash. I loved it... aspirational, full of hope in the future. Sung fairly well... 8 points
Moldova - I could sing this song better... crap. One of the singers is almost cute 4 points
Israel - Mum used to rate them nil point with the remark "stop killing Palestinians". Now although I may not agree with the principle, I have to say this song didn't light any fire within me. Very American... 6 points
Latvia - Erm... 12 points for effort??
Norway - Lovely... although I hadn't realised human cloning was now legal? :p 8 points
Spain - The "We couldn't be bothered song..." DULL. 1 point Terry Quote "Spain lost the plot years ago"
Malta - deserved to do better - 6 points
Germany - Should have won... love it! 12 points
Denmark - Cloning again??? Whats happening in Scandinavia? Fun. 8 points
Russia - Can I marry Dima? He is very nice... I wasn't listening to the song other than the "flesh on my flesh, bone on my bone" part so... 12 points!
Macedonia (I hate the FYR part... let them be their own country!) - ok 6 points
Romania - ish 6 points
Terry Quote "No sign of a drink yet?.. no..."
Bosnia & Herzegovina - ok 6 points
Lithuania - TQ - "keep an eye out for a bald maniac who may be harry hills brother" I love Terry... this song is so crap (and quite mad) it's almost good. Almost... nil point.
The United Kingdom - CRAP. Come on... I've said it since he won Making Your Mind Up. Sorry dear Daz your heart was in the right place. But rap is soooo last century... 12 points for effort but I'm not feeling very patriotic this last week so... 2 points.
Greece - cool 8 points
Finland - The mighty Lordi. Refreshing... The Arockalypse of Eurovision's perceived pop obsession. Loved it... 12 points
Ukraine - It's Shakira! Oh wait... 8 points
France - And normally I like the French ones... 4 points
Croatia - TQ - "It's obviously much more fun to sing than to listen to". I agree. 4 points
Ireland - Yawn... 2 points
Sweden - Nothing special 4 points
Turkey - Love it... 10 points.
Armenia - Ok 6 points

The BBC's take on the night. Well done Lordi!


Thai guys are so hot.

Lordi, Eurovision, gay

I had one of the worst nights out of my life yesterday. Ok... so it wasn't that awful. But it was still the worst I've ever had.

I headed out to the office to meet up with the work crew for a few drinks for Sam America's 23rd birthday. It was actually nice to see everyone, i.e. some people in this country who I don't want dead, and a group of us headed out to the Rose.

Before we go any further I'll own up here and say I just wasn't in the mood to be going out; I was there only out of a sense of duty to Sam. So most of my lack of enjoyment was my own fault.

The Rose was packed out and the staff seemed to be under the illusion they were working in a dance club rather than a pub so they'd cranked the music volume up to be even louder than the already screamingly loud crowd. We stood around attempting to talk and gradually more and more of our group left. Being poor after my holiday, and not in the mood for drinking, I broke my record for slowest drinking and had 3 pints over 3 hours. Considering I normally guzzle one down every 15 minutes that's impressively slow.

It was extremely annoying having to stand for hours on end and I was in such a bad mood Tamara kept mentioning how hostile I looked. And I couldn't even find the will power to fancy even one of the guys in there. I knew then something was really up. Then Meredith shoved my face in her breasts... Joy...

By the time we got out of there only Sam, Meredith, Tamara, Owen and I were left. The latter three of us were sober. The first two were not. They had some sort of fight as we wandered towards Vauxhall bus station and I really felt like I wanted to get away. We got a bus and the Americans broke out the cans of Strongbow. "Oh how classy", I thought.

We ended up at Clapham High Street and some club named Inferno. Words fail me at this point. Imagine the tackiest place in the world. It's done out in hideous black and neon. It's empty. It SMELLS. Thank God I got in free. I would of thrown up if I'd paid the £10 entrance fee (HA!). Now I know I sound like a snob, but Owen and Tamara seemed to be having the same reaction. We sat in our special reserved area which wasn't too bad... except then the rest of Sam and Merediths friends turned up. Rude bastards that they were. No class... pretending to shag each other and having mock fights. Fucking hell kids, that might of been fun when you were 12...

Owen and Tamara seemed equally unimpressed and abandoned me for places unknown... thanks guys. Then Sam's mates tried to talk to me by saying how bored I looked. When I pointed out how truely crap this place was they told me "It's not the place that should matter but the people you are with". Thanks Gandhi... how trite.

I decided not to point out the difficulties I had with that statement and instead tactfully retreated... out the door and onto the tube. Where I become homicidal. I get on a train and the guy in front of me spends the whole journey swinging from a pole... not in a fun pole dancing kind of way but a dull one step forward, two steps back routine (not to music; I think he was just intellectually challenged). By the end of the journey I was pushed up against the door with his backpack in my chest. It was all I could do to stop myself reaching past his pack and snapping his neck. God, I hate being polite...

Finally I get off at Greenwich... and spend the journey home trying to get past an umbrella welding inebriate with the mind of an amoeba who kept swerving into my way... I used some relaxing breathing techniques to avoid stealing the umbrella and using it to spit roast her...

This country sucks.

Check out my Flickr page.

Can you stand the excitement... here, unedited, are my notes as I watched...

Armenia Andre - Without Your Love,.. not bad... wish he could sing though
Bulgaria Let Me Cry Mariana Is that Ursula from the Little Mermaid in the background??
Slovenia - Facial Hair Attack
Andorra - Crap
Belarus - how very eighties
Albania - hats, bagpipes. I'm losing my faith!
Belgium - getting better... She can dance!
Ireland - OH DEAR GOD...
Cyprus... Stop already...
Monaco... Half naked men... this is what I live for
Macedonia
Poland... Green hair....
russia to win!! CUTE!
turkey - male dancers.. improvement...
ukraine - (this is where I got bored and was about to watch porn when the commentator mentioned Big Brother was on...)
Big Brother 7
Bonnie - chavette HATE HER
Pete - Tourettes??? GENIUS!
George. Let's hunt him with hounds. He fears transvestites and overly gay men.
Shabaz - the Pakipoof (his words!) please kiss George!
Lea - She's a twat. Why do I say this? because she hates herself.. no i'm not talking about the fact she has had surgery... listen to the way she talks about "fat" and "ugly" people. Way to go you insecure mean spirited woman.
Imogen - "my kinky things would be very expensive". Oh god.. it's not sailor hat wearing thormaldehyde bathing prostitutes is it??
Mikey - Chauvinist... hates ugly people... Hates transvestites and Gay men as well. Let's send in the ladyboys
Dawn - ray of light... what a bundle of Joy... she hates everyone and doesn't want any friends
Glyn - NUDIST!! Yay.. Sexiest Lifeguard in North Wales... are there that many lifeguards in North Wales?
Richard - Canadian Sexual Terrorist... OHDEARGOD. I'm starting to fear gay men too...
Grace - Let's shoot her...
Lisa - Cliched! In your face, get what you see... common as muck...
Sezer - Bling, God save us from arrogant twats...
If Shabaz says OH MY GOD when Sezer goes in I'm going to go get a Singha beer out of the fridge...
Mmm... refreshing... Be A Thai!
Nikki - COMMON. Let me repeat... COMMON...

I'm glad to see that Big Brother has again performed the public service of locking up Britain's least likeable people for the duration of the summer.

I'm home... if there is anyone nice out there please donate some money so I can go back to Bangkok to live. I promise to do whatever you want!!! This place is the pits. Almost as bad as Ko Samui...

9th May 2006 - Chaweng Must DIE

The plane flew in low over the island and it's amazing beaches and coconut palm copses blew me away. We landed at Ko Samui's "famous" tropical airport. It just seemed a little tacky to me... got our bags and met our transfer. She seemed a little confused when we handed her our voucher for the Chaweng Regent but she didn't say anything. We were dropped off at the resort and although I was fairly impressed by the exterior, I could tell Jim was already unhappy. By the time we were checked in and in our bungalow I wasn't that happy either.

The Bungalow was warm (too warm!), small and totally unsuitable. Considering the high quality of the last two hotels we stayed in we knew something was up... we got moved to a better one (better as in the air con worked if you left it on for 12 hours but still rubbish) and pondered why this place was totally unlike the place we had booked... It didn't take us long to realise we were actually at Chaweng Resort a budget cheapo backpackers place. So the rest of the day was spent trying to sort out this mess (Lastminute.com hadn't booked the Regent in time and booked the Resort instead without telling us) including a massive long walk down Chaweng Beach Road.

Chaweng Beach Road... imagine the scene. Every car that passes is a taxi or songthaew (a cross between a taxi, a pick up truck and a bus). In each car is a stupid idiot who seeing you are farang (a Westerner) beeps his horn at you. Repeat till you become hideously unamused. Then in the background imagine a loud speaker on the back of a lorry repeating a message to go to Chaweng Stadium and see Muay Boxing. "Get There Earlier, Get There Earlier... Best of The Best, Champ of the Champ". You will hear this every two minutes while you are outside... Now as all this noise if going on you will need to carefully side step overly tanned Westerners who can't help but get in your way while you also dodge the, to be expected, sales pitches of every Thai you pass. But unlike Thai's on the mainland this lot will be rude to you. "Oi tall boy, come get a suit, man". It was hell.

We went for a swim in the sea in the evening to try and relax... the beach and the sea are the only good things in Chaweng. Had dinner at the Captain Kirk which was alright but no where near as good as mainland Thai.

Bothered and bewildered we fell into Amsterdam and were delighted to discover a cabaret show, and cute barmen. It was refreshing and totally entertaining (ladyboys flanked by gorgeous Thai lads...). Only down side was a creepy barlady who kept showing everyone her legs.

May 10th - Is Nothing Sacred?

Asia World. We love you. Asia World managed to find us a new place to stay... the Chaba Samui Resort. Nowhere near as good as the Chaweng Regent but at least the rooms were cool. Totalled pissed off with the carnage out on the street we spent most of the day in the resort in the pool.

We went to the Amsterdam again. Food was nice. Being big spenders we soon found ourselves with the full attention of the owner. He whispered something into Jack's (the cutest barmen) ear and we received free drinks... and Jack's over the top attention. It soon seemed obvious that the owner was just trying to get us to spend more money on massage boys and we left feeling cheated out of our one refuge from the exploitation on Chaweng Beach Road. It upset me greatly in fact...

May 11th - Things Can Only Get Better.

Had lunch at "The Deck". Well when I said had lunch, the service took so long it counted as dinner and breakfast for the next day as well. Service in Thailand has been the one thing I couldn't fault... it dawned on me that Ko Samui isn't Thai. It's a nowhere place like Ibiza or Torremolinos... a hot place filled with tourists and locals out to rip you off.

Dinner was had at an ok but not great Italian restaurant (plus point did have a cat, negative point I've probably now got rabies knowing Ko Samui). We couldn't face going out so stayed in and watched Star Movies... our saviour.

May 12th - Do You Want Jae Rare or Well Done?

It was Visahka Bucha Day so we spent it in the pool. For too long. And we both got burnt to a crisp. In constant pain we stayed in the hotel for the rest of the day.

May 13th - The Last Hope.

Now I was trying to remain postive about this part of the holiday and continued to fool myself that Ko Samui must have something to offer us. So I forced and unwilling (mainly due to sunburn and fatigue) Jim to accompany me on a round the island tour. It was quite unspectacular... when the trip includes a tacky shop on the tour you know it's desperate for material. Ok so the Big Buddha, the Mummified Monk, the Monkey Show, and the many armed Chinese Lady would be great... except they are on Ko Samui.

Defeated we got back in the over warm mini bus and headed back with the group to our respective hotels. On the way an Aussie couple were telling some health spa travellers about how to navigate around Bangkok using the Skytrain. I could of cried I was so pinning for Bangkok. It would seem so was Jim as by the time we were back at the hotel he had his heart set on it. Asia World pulled through again and it was arranged we would leave in the morning.

We gave the Amsterdam another chance (it was the best place on the island after all!) and Jack did us proud being polite and courteous and the show was as awesome as ever. All was forgiven...

May 14th - Back to Bangkok

The plane journey was easy and as we drove through the storm flooded streets of Bangkok we felt as if a weight had been lifted off our shoulders. We checked back into the Zenith saw Poseidon at the Paragon Deluxe screen, lunch in the food hall. Jim bought me a shirt from the tailors he got his suit done at. It's very nice. Tip Top was our destination for dinner (cute arsed waiter isn't very good at taking orders... but god that arse is divine) and on the way I felt like hugging the DVD sales men and ever present baby elephant at the bottom of the steps of Sala Daeng BTS station. It was good to be back.

We made a truimphant return to The Balcony where Sea attempted to seem unbothered by our return while Tom practically did himself in with excitement trying to entice us to sit on his patch across the way... Bless them all... you just have to love the staff at this bar.

May 15th - I Feel Pretty... Oh So Pretty... I Feel Pretty and Witty and Gay!

Practically skipping/dancing as we went we wandered Bangkok shopping. Had drinks at Dicks Cafe (inside this time) and it was such an improvement on the last time we were there, we went back after changing at the hotel and had a tasty meal. For research purposes, obviously, Jim and I felt it was really required that we visit one of the many "off bars" (go go bars/sex shows/hustler bar). We decided upon Fresh Boyz as we'd been eyeing up the guys in there all night...

Directly through the door is a stage... filled with boys (men!) only wearing their underwear who move round it slowly... all wear numbers on their underwear. We sat not more than a foot from the stag and, although Jim felt uncomfortable, I settled right in... watching the totty go by Jim and I remarked on our faves... Jim looked further down the line and pointed one out to me. Number 66. He was a muscular, smooth bloke with a winning smile. As soon as Jim pointed him out, even before I could form an opinion, Number 66 spotted me looking and spent the next 10 minutes staring at me, smiling and attempting to get me to buy him. Even when he was on the far side of the stage he stood with his back to the guys over there and smiled at me instead. Darn he was persistent (not helped by the fact all the other boys were also determined that I was going to buy 66 and kept pushing him my way)... which is how he ended up sitting by my side with a drink in his hand. Jim now felt very comfy as all the other boys on stage left him alone, while I was starting to feel less comfy.

Ok physically I was very comfortable as I had my hands on/around/all over a gorgeous 25 year old Thai guy named Tee. But mentally I was completely uncomfortable... sex is good, money bad. The idea of paying for sex (when it's freely available as well!) turns me off and goes against my instincts. I like a guy to desire me, that turns me on. I don't want him to want me for money. Jim, Jack (our host) and Tee spent the night trying to convince me that I'd regret not sleeping with the big armed, big pec'ed and not badly endowed (I know cos I got to see) Tee who spent the whole evening staring up at me from under my arm and SMILING that bloody nice smile at me.

But I was strong folks... despite the fact it would of cost me only £20 for the night... JUST £20 for sex, Britain has a lot to learn from Thailand.... I didn't sleep with him. If I didn't have a lovely boyfriend and if Tee didn't want money from me I would have shagged him silly in less than a heartbeat... but alas...

The sex show was fab... not half as tacky as I thought it'd be although the moment that Jim assisted in removing a 15 foot long piece of ribbon from a guys arse (impressive indeed) bordered on the tacky side...

May 16th - Be A Thai.

Our last day. We wandered some more. I was quite upset to be leaving. Had our last evening at The Balcony and tried the food. My God... we'd been missing out. Their yellow curry was divine. Jim was pleased to see Nut again. There is a guy at the bar opposite who we'd been oogling on our visits. We called him Leo because of a T Shirt he wears... tall and good looking. Looking at him I realised he'd been one of the boys at Fresh Boyz the night before. Now in his job at the Telephone Bar he is a confident, strutting guy. At Fresh Boyz he looked so uncomfortable, self conscious and shy. So because we are soooo not mean hearted Jim and I spent the entire evening laughing loudly whenever we saw him. What a fun game.

May 17th - If I Could Turn Back Time...

Homeward bound. We arrived at Heathrow. It was raining in that can't be bothered kind of way British rain has and it was soooo cold. Minimum temperature we had in Thailand was about 30 Celsius. And that was at about 1am. But I tried not to be depressed about being home... till we were on the tube and some girls got on. Looking like a bunch of tarts they sat down and f'd and blinded their way through a conversation. The British have no class. As the day was well over 24 hours long I slept well.

May 18th... TODAY!

Went and did some shopping today using the money we gained from collecting all our change together (£68!). Went to See Woo, it felt good to be around Asians. Jim has just cooked up an awesome Katsudon. YUM!

I've just arrived back in the United Kingdom... culture shock and jet lag leave me wishing I had a gun. Home sweet home.

I've been in Bangkok for the last few days.... long story which I'll get to eventually!!

6th May - The 30 Year Old Virgin Rent Boy

Flew by propellor plane (a novel experience for someone who is... uncomfortable... with flying)... picked up again by private transfer (everything is sooo easy here in Thailand) and arrived at the Royal Princess. This hotel was totally superb.. classy.

Wandered... for hours through Chiang Mai searching out an elusive gay district... we never did get there. We were so tired and grumpy by the end we got a tuk tuk back. Tuk tuks are far less exciting than I had been led to believe. That was something to cheer up scaredy cat Jae!!

Dinner was had a bar called Friends just near the Night Bazaar where our barmen Ken delighted us by guessing we were gay. Sweet! Then went to a gay bar called Friendship where we met Sit... he claimed to be a 30 year old virgin but I doubt both those ascertains.. he decided to sit next to me and cope a good feel... repeatedly... pictures will follow... made a hasty retreat.

7th May - We Should Have Brought A Bigger Elephant.

Headed out of Chiang Mai with our tour guide (who lived in Folkestone for a year... small world!) to go elephant trekking in the north. After walking over a rickety rope bridge we got to feed the elephants and watch them bathe. This was followed by a logging show and then... the Ride. They saw us and immediately called for a gigantic elephant... HUGE! It was also very headstrong and would repeatedly stop in the most inappropriate places (on a steep hill, in a river or just above a deep ravine) and eat... and eat... and eat. There was no moving him! :) Got back and had a lunch (FEAST!) by the river before heading to a log raft and spending an hour floating serenely downstream... very lovely. Afterwards we went to a very dull orchid farm before heading back to the hotel. Had dinner by the river in a lovely, perfectly lighted restaurant called the Good View.

8th May... Living The Good Life

Hired a tuk tuk to take us to the zoo.... for 300 Baht (less than a fiver) he agreed to drive us around the zoo so we didn't have to use our legs (LAZY!). There were pandas (I saw one briefly... shy creatures!), a hilarious childrens show, crocodiles and caymens and just about any animal put on this planet. It was awesome... spent 4 hours there. Had lunch at an O'Malleys as I was beginning to miss ketchup... dinner at Le Bristrot (a crappy Italian restaurant...) and then some goodbye drinks with Ken at Friends... and several games of Connect 4. He was well good.

9th May - The Nightmare Begins...

We flew to Ko Samui. As the plane decended (thank God the Italians on board had driven me into a near hysteria) to the island I looked out the window and saw a tropical paradise. This was one of the only fond memories I have of the place.

tbc

Hi all, I hope you are well.

I am currently on the island of Koh Samui. It is... a shithole... but let us not let that ruin what started off as a very promising holiday...

May 1st

The journey to the airport was sooooo easy (and cheap) and we had a dinner in a Cafe Gerard served by a mad waiter called Max. The flight was cool... sure the fact there were stupid people on board (who would lean over you while you were sleeping and open your window to see outside... in the middle of a flipping night flight while there was daylight outside no less) did make it a bit horrid but the Thai Airways crew were brilliant.

May 2nd

We landed in Bangkok in the afternoon and to our surprise we were meet by our own private car and tour guide called Pui. She was verz friendly and informative even if she was constantly tryin gto sell day trips to us. Our hotel was the Zenith on Sukhamvit Soi 3. It was nice, even slightly faded and the staff polite. We were right near the Skytrain which was our main waz of exploring the city. We headed to the famous Patpong market off Thanon Silom and had dinner at Tip Top where they had the cutest waiter in the world serving the best Thai Green Curry in the universe... sublime... Patpong was filled with people desperate to part you from your money but they were not over the top and did things with a smile...

May 3rd

Siam Ocean World ROCKS MY SOCKS. They had everything... a trip on a glass bottom boat over a shark infested (BIGGEST SHARKS I have ever seen) aquarium, penguins, otters, beavers and so many different kind of sea life it will blow your mind... Lunch was had in side the Siam Paragons amazing food hall filled with all sorts of delicious and cheap taste sensations I almost fainted. Jim went and bought a suit...

Dinner that evening was had on Silom Soi 4 at the Sphinx which was pleasant and as always in Bangkok, the service was faultless (even if it was our waiters first day). Drinks were drank at the awesome Balcony bar staffed by gorgeous, friendly, and very relaxed (in a good way) bar staff such as Nut, Tom and Sea (he was my fave).

May 4th

A lie in followed by lunch at Siam Paragon again. We then went to see Mission Impossible 3 in the Paragon Cineplexs Nokia Deluxe screen. I can not express in words how good it is... I think I will try though in a seperate post. I will just say... the waiter in the waiting room served us on his knees (not like that you crass dirty minded reader) and treated us like Gods. All for a tenner...

Being creatures of habit and needing more green curry dinner was again had at Tip Top and then we moved on to the Balcony again to help them celebrate their 8th birthday... http://www.balconypub.com/ We saw David who once gave me his phone number while I was very drunk in the ye Olde Rose and Crown in Greenwich... Small world

May 5th

Having spent more time doing shopping and hanging out in bars we decided to be touristy and headed for the Grand Palace by boat. of course it was the Kings Coronation Day so it was closed... but we had loads of touristy things to do at the Wat Pho... the Reclining Buddha is reallz rather impressive. Had lunch at a bar near Marahaj Pier.

That night we went and visited the really seedy gay area of Bangkok so we could perve over all the cute Thai guys while appearing slightly respectable in Dicks Cafe... mission accomplished we went and said goodbye to the Balcony (SOB) after dining at the Sphinx...

May 6th... Chiang Mai and our adventures with Chang (elephant) and Sit the rent boy...

tbc

Yesterday Jim and I headed to Maidstone and my Auntie and Uncles new house. It's a brand new 3 storey "townhouse"... and it's gorgeous. And this is Jae "I think house's are truely boring" Kay talking here... the ceilings are 9 foot high... I can't even touch them on tip toes. YUM!

After a wonderful lunch there we headed down to Folkestone and to Lympne, passing under bridges on the M20 filled with people awaiting the Gumball Rally. At my parents house I rediscovered my coin collection and the last few remaing DVDs from collection... my life is complete...

OK... for the next 3 weeks my posts may be few or even non existent so to keep up with what's going on I suggest you subscribe using the following buttons...

Jae Kay Is Away... see you soon Dear Constant Reader