Post Office Stupid

I went down to the "Post Shop" today, just after 9 a.m., to collect an Amazon parcel that I'd had redirected there (containing the 2009 Spartacus Guide [the queer Bible] and Death Note Volume 1 [which I was pleased to note is still in the Japanese format so I can look weird on the train as I read it "backwards"]). Outside was the usual group of foreign students who seem to always gather there (I think there's an English school there but these students looked more like an Italian school party rather than students of the school) . They just stood inside and outside of the door of the "Post Shop" and any attempt to get in discreetly was blocked (I tried the slipping through a gap approach and the "Scusi" way.... to no effect). So I had to actually barge my way through them, at points having to put my hands either side of them to move them out of my way. 

And they didn't even blink. 

I thought this was weird, even for the disorganised Italians, but on the way back out I had to practically pick up one of the boys (who was about 18) to get him out of my way.

And nobody made a remark or even looked in my direction.

Is that not really strange??? 

I know from experience that Italian students are bizarre but this was a little too much... 

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

The Weekend Is Most Welcome

I got my contract today so, all being well, I'll have a permanent position as of 6th April. Yay! I don't know if to be happy or sad though... the tenants can be somewhat difficult.  But life assurance will be mine! Mwhahahaha.... 

Jim is off to hospital for a possible over nighter on Monday. Have got Tuesday off work anyway just to be careful. 

I've become far too obsessed by Deal or No Deal.

I can't decide whether I embrace the oncoming anarchist/Communist/socialist takeover or be disgusted by the flagrant disrespect shown to Her Majesty in this Guardian opinion piece. Can you be a Royalist, a libertarian and a Communist sympathiser? It's most confusing. 

I do think a lot of the press is bigging up the protests possible violent elements in order to justify, in advance, the brutal police repression that will envitably occur... I know... I've been reading the Morning Star too much...

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

A Letter

Dearest Constant Reader,

I've been feeling out of sorts of late, and I think part of that is because me and you and have stopped communicating properly. It's my fault, not yours. Well I'll try to be better!

Things in my world are, alas, a little iffy right now. Money worries, tenant worries (I'm in the middle of an ongoing issue at the moment meaning the trip to work each day is filled with worry over what has gone wrong for that day) and Jim worries. All add up to a not so happy Jae.

But it's time for a little British stiff upper lip. Time to stop mopping about feeling sorry for myself (and for Jim!). Time to be positive. I've got a job when many haven't (although the guy on BBC Breakfast who had only gotten 5 interviews from 1000 job applications amused me, sorry but even in these "hard" times a sensible person wouldn't send 1000 applications! It stinks of the sort of psyche that might turn off many employers). I've got a boyfriend who I love dearly and plan to marry (yes Arwen, in Canada.... with polar bears!). And I've got Malted Milk Creams. Things can't get much better... except Jim is cooking currywurst right now so they just did!!!

Hope all is well in Dear Constant Reader land.

All my love

Jae xx

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Life Funk

Obviously I try not to write too much about other people's lives, even Jim's, here on my blog for reasons of personal arrogance (IT'S ALL ABOUT ME OKAY??? ;) ) and being decently discreet about others.

But I will say this: I am worried about Jim.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Head Funk

Wow. I am not a happy bunny today, in the depressed, melancholy sort of rabbit way not the angry Donnie Darko bunny one.

Listening to Foo Fighters "There Is Nothing Left To Lose" probably doesn't help.

Jim going through hospital tests probably doesn't help either.

Oh and not having ANY money is also wonderful. My tenants complain of being poor but I have only 75p in my pocket and I made that up from change I found around the house. And I have no idea how I'm getting to work tomorrow. Lunch is a distant dream and dinner is subsidised by Jim.

Then there's the not having any social interaction besides Jim and work because I have NO MONEY to facilate it. I'd love to go down to Folkestone and catch up with a few people (Zoe, Sam, Stacey Lady) or seek out John, Vixie, JP, Elliot or anyone else in London who I miss.

Thanks to having no money I have no clothes either. £40 for a new pair of jeans is a bit outside the realms of possibilities when you can't even afford a bottle of Diet Coke.

Oh yes... no Diet Coke at work. That's fun, as anyone who knows me can imagine.

The distant prospect of a monthly pay cheque (May? June?) slightly higher than I was earning 12 months ago is instantly shot down by thoughts of 4 weeks without pay leading up to it and the debts that need to be repaid out of it.

6 months after probation at work starts I'll get another 10% pay increase but God I feel depressed at the boring, unhappy life I'm going to have to lead until then.

Caffiene.. must have caffiene...

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Xisco Isn't Even Gay

Queerty, and a couple of other sources, report that Francisco Jiménez Tejada is gay. This seems to be based mainly on lots of pictures of him kissing guys.

Personally I don't get a gay vibe from him. These pics just seem to be your bog standard pictures, which can be found across Europe even here in Britain, of drunk straight guys.

If he is gay, then my gaydar has stopped working and I need to get a new one.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

First They Came For The Smokers...

Then they came for the unhealthy eaters...

Now they are coming after the drinkers.

The constant attacks against consumers, whilst allowing the producers to continue to exist, seem idiotic and bizarre.

If you want to socially engineer your population do it, don't do this half hearted weak "deterrent" policy. Ban the stuff. Otherwise back off and let us make the decisions we want to.

I believe in freedom, I can understand fascism but the nanny state is something I'll never get my head around. It never solves anything!

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Things That Are Good

1) Ajoo from South Korea. Yoinked from Gay Boy Thailand.

2) Currywurst. There is a wonderful German sausage stall in Lewisham town centre and Jim introduced me to this tasty German treat. YUM! Really am liking Germany more and more every day. Maybe this is because I've been reading the Spiegel's International Edition for news recently. I find reading the papers from the continent really interesting as it gives you a different perspective on all the stories of the day.

3) Understanding the irony of a protest in support of Palestine using the Rainbow flag, as seen in Lewisham. I'm all for Palestinian rights but let's remember being a gay Palestinian is a fate none would envy. I understand the Rainbow flag is also the Peace flag but still...

4) Death Note: The Last Name was really very good.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

What's My Motivation Here?

Hmph. What to write? I've had a really mundane week. It was all listening to podcasts, walking to and from work and worrying about Jim. That's all. Literally.

Nothing wrong with that I suppose...

I'm moving into a Doctor Who Obsession phase... which isn't a bad thing I suppose, given that the next Doctor Who special is on next month. Been listening to lots of Big Finish stuff in preparation.

And that's it. Sorry guys. BORING.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Melly Mels 1973 - 2001

It's been 8 years now since Melly died: March 9th 2001.

Not much more to say really. She's gone and life has, cruelly, continued. This world sucks.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Movie Weekend!

I've watched a few movies this weekend, in an effort to save money and also to allow Jim some relaxation as he currently has a poorly hand (jokes on a postcard). Some old, some new.

I saw Milk. Given we already have the Oscar Award winning "The Times of Harvey Milk", this movie had to do one of two things for me to like it;

1) give us more insight into some of the personalities involved than given by the aforementioned documentary
2) give us a reflection of our own times through the prism of these past events.

It did neither. The Times of Harvey Milk gave me far more of a feeling for who Harvey Milk and Dan White were as people than this movie did. And rather than being a reflection upon LGBT rights today it seemed to be little more than a nostalgic, rose tinted looked at the heady pre-AIDS LGBT movement of the 70s. And, as a comment on this article suggests, all at the expense of everyone else involved and gives Harvey Milk all the credit (not that he didn't deserve a lot of credit for what he did, but let's not make him out to be a superhero, when he was just a good guy).

Really, what was the point of this movie? It wasn't entertaining, and it was no more educational than a 25 year old documentary. I must have missed the point.

I also saw Death Note which was entertaining and, based on my limited experience of Japanese movies (read Godzilla films and The Ring cash ins), was different to the usual. Liked it, a lot, and not just because Tatsuya Fujiwara is a hottie.



Classic movies watched include the awesome "Crimson Tide" and "King Kong Vs. Godzilla", not so awesome but a lot better than most 60s sci fi movies.

Oh and I want this house. How frigging call would that place be?

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Gaucho Canary Wharf

Last night, rather randomly, Jim and I headed out and ended up at Gaucho's in Canary Wharf.

Had a lovely meal, if expensive (we used money we didn't have... but so worth it), served by a wonderful South African waitress. The starter, crab cakes, was delicious. The main close, bife de lomo, was awesome along with a side of sweet potato chips. The dessert was... not so good though.

But they did the best mojitos, really delicious.

Just what I needed I think, thank you ever wonderful Jim.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Jae Takes A Walk And Gets A Job

Yesterday was a busy day in which very little happened.

Case in point; I spent my lunch break taking a walk. Just a random hour long stroll around west London. Boring, huh? Yet somehow it cheered me greatly. Used to be I would go on my "Long Walks" (as I called them named after Stephen King's excellent book!) for bad reasons. It started when my parents began throwing me out of the house as a young teenager after we moved to a new place in the hopes I'd go mingle and make yet another set of new friends (no thanks, I liked the old ones!). Instead I'd wander the streets of Folkestone come rain or shine, just thinking. I hated having to do it at the time. Then there were the times during my depression when I'd take Long Walks just to get away from it all, wandering up to the North Downs and out in the country. My Long Walks in the city began when I first ran away and, having nothing better to do, wandered London, Paris, Valence, Marsailles, Menton, Florence and Rome until my little long legs could carry me no further. Finally last year during my unemployed phase I implemented extensive Long Walks to central London just to pass the time.

So as you can see these Long Walks hardly encompass happy times in my life. But... now they seem to be one of the things that make me the most happy. Yesterdays walk, listening to the "sound sex" that is Stephen Fry's podcast, really put a spring in my step, it was a lovely day, I was seeing new things (even if they were as exciting as just a new Tesco Express I didn't know existed) and admiring the pretty men and college boys on their lunch break. Wonderful.

So I returned to my desk at work with a smile which was sadly wiped off my face within fifteen minutes by news that the position I was applying for had been "temporarily closed". Angry that I hadn't put in place a Plan B like a I had last year, I was determined to start applying for new jobs immediately.

Less than an hour, and one fire alarm, later and suddenly I found myself being called up to the 5th Floor... to find myself being given "feedback" on my interview. My interviewers drew it out for two minutes with phrases like "We must remember there were a great many applicants for the position." I got myself prepared for disappointed... when suddenly they broke out, told me they couldn't get up the charade any more and that I had got the job!!! I'll still be temping until the contract is signed, and based on others past experiences that might be some time yet, but finally the security of a permanent position, and the legal requirement for advance notice of termination, is in sight. Happy times.

Plus I saw Tube Boy today. Mmmm....

Sadly this weekend was not as good with plans to go to Lympne scuppered by traffic and car problems (Blackheath remains closed causing immense traffic jams outside my house). And plans for a quiet weekend was squashed when it became apparant that due to a clerical error Jim's residents parking pass was two months two short giving us a weekend of worry as parking tickets began to pile up. :( Hopefully now a new pass has been issued correcting the mistake these tickets can be contested.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

The Weekend That Wasn't

There's never enough sexy black guys on this blog... thankfully Spartan's gladiator colleague Tornado came along. Yum.

Not been a very good weekend for a variety of reasons almost all related in some way to money and the lack of it. One day, Dear Constant Reader, I shall be writing this to you from my sun draped villa in some exotic locale surrounded by pool boys and hunky gardeners. But that day is quite far off at the moment...

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Oh Yes, It's My Gayaversary!

11 years ago. I'm getting old.

Of course I've been gay all my life, I know that and knew that even in '98. But accepting I was gay, that was a bit more difficult. Well it was until I got the hots for someone!

I won't lie, when I was a teenager I used to wish I wasn't gay. Not because I wanted to get married or lead a "normal" life. But because I didn't want the hassle. And I'm not talking about homophobia. Being gay just makes interactions all a little more tricky.

But being gay is something I love and wouldn't give up now for anything. I love men. I like the different perspective being gay gives me on the world. Being straight would mean a life without Jim, my best friend as well as my boyfriend. That would be truly awful.

I sometimes wonder what straight Jae would be like. Perhaps he is out there, in some other dimension. Wouldn't it be interesting to meet him? Nah... he'd probably vote Tory.

From Dolph Lundgren



Through to Spartan.



Men. Love 'em.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

The Sexual Cleansing Of Iraq

Most of us LGBTs have heard of what has been going on in Iraq... Maybe it's time we did something?

Watch the video:



Read the Peter Tatchell comment.

Get involved... before it's too late.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Gran Torino and Patrik 1.5

Seen two awesome movies this week. Gran Torino was really good. I'm not the world's biggest Clint Eastwood fan, but his performance in this was pretty darn perfect. The ending of the movie was inspiring if a little sad. Go see it.

Patrik 1.5 is a Swedish movie about a gay couple who adopt a child. An administrive error makes them think they are adopting a 1 and a half year old boy (1.5) but end up with a 15 year old delinquent. Turmoil, trauma and a happy ending result. This movie has it's faults. The gay couple start off being extremely unlikeable, and whilst Gustaf Skarsgård as Göran Skoogh eventually brings his performance back to acceptable I did not warm to the character of Sven Skoogh at all. Thankfully he's not in it so much. The ending is one which will make even the hardest heart melt. Beautifully shot too.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Is It My Gayaversary Tomorrow Or Thursday?

1998. 10.25am. Just after Media Studies. I saw HIM. The Sixth Former. That's when I made my decision to accept, embrace and nurture my sexuality rather than continue to despise and fight it. My diary from the time is long lost, thrown out in a teenage fit of depression (I think that was just after my Mum found it). So the question is... is my 11th gayaversary tomorrow or Thursday??

I know it was either a Tuesday or Thursday of that week (as that's when I had Media Studies) and I thus know it was either the 24th or 26th.. but other than that? Nothing... and I'm the sort of person to whom dates are so important, so it sorta annoys me...

Let's just say it's the 26th. 11 years of gay Jae. Happy times. Here's to 11 more (and some, if I'm lucky!)



This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Is It Really Only Saturday?

Feels like a Sunday which will mean I'll have a pleasant surprise tomorrow!

I feel totally restless right now... like I have a ton of stuff I should be doing but... don't.

Can't relax. Grr...



Aww... Our Lord Spartan looking lovely as always.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Instant Karma

I can't help it. That naked photo of Spartan from Gladiators is addictive! That smile. It actually makes me weak at the knees. Literally... not figuratively. That is no man, that is a god.

Farewell Charles Dera, there's a new man in my imaginary life. You've been good to me, never complaining as I yoinked pictures of you from various pages of the internet and never offering payment of any sort. I appreciate that. But you know, straight porn is just so unattractive.

Now... time to start *cough* obsessing over someone new! Yay!

Maybe Jim shouldn't have bought me more than one double of JD and coke... hmm...

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist