Dear Diary...

Guess who I saw today? In "the larder", no less. 

That is pretty much all. Still working Mondays and Tuesday in Hatfield although now staying in a gym. Seriously. It's a hotel IN A gym. Nice for oogling bad for a good nights sleep. Work is all a bit odd right now as I seem to be doing a lot of new things and I'm just finding my feet. 

Jim's finally been to the doctor about his arm. We'll find out what the problem is later on today. 

Ayden is still being gorgeous. 

The lack of snow whereever I am is getting to me. Can we have a proper blizzard over the Easter weekend please? Thank you. 

An Olde Style Blog Post

Today begun with a quick trip to Sainsbury's where I picked up a copy of our beloved local newspaper, the Folkestone Herald. I only really buy it for three reasons: 1) to cry over the lack of decent job adverts to at least allow a nice "I'd love that job" fantasy, 2) local political news (seems we have an independent anti-cuts guy called Eric Segal stirring things up at the moment, sadly his letter reads like "more of the same" rather than the less of the same he's trying to represent. More "those parties are all the same, whereas I'm different" stuff which is getting quite old now) and 3) to allow me to distance-stalk my victims.

Today it was mostly useful for the third and final reason. There was an MT story! Good times *scribbles notes furiously*

In other news... I saw Zoe today! We went out to Googies for lunch which was... quirky. Lots of models, and badly stacked board games. But the food was decent (my Pinky and Perky burger wrap was lovely), the staff friendly and relatively attentive (more than Django's) and the clientele interestingly random. I could see myself going back there often.

It was lovely to see Zoe who was very polite in suffering through the early afternoon day time TV fest I subsequently inflicted upon her.

Today's blast from the past... is not my own post but one of Zoe's very own about a very amusing day we spent in London.

If you feel benevolent and particularly generous, this writer always appreciates things bought for him from his wishlist

The Little Things

Despite being a highly secretive person, my life is (almost literally!) an open book. My loves, my hates, the time I ran away, all are recorded here for you to read. Well, Dear Constant Reader, you still don't know everything! So I thought I'd give you a helping hand with some tidbits about me, things most people don't know.

1) For all my primary school life I was known as Jason Martindale. Even after the end of my Mum's disastrous first marriage, I continued with that name until I began secondary school whereby I took up my mother's maiden name once more and decided never to change it again.
2) One of my oldest memories is of being at a nursery in New Hythe, near where my Mum worked. I wouldn't have been any older than 3 years old. I can't remember precisely what happened but I do remember that I had somehow persuaded myself it was pool day and that was how I found myself naked in the paddling pool in front of everyone else who obviously knew it was jungle gym day not, not pool day! I don't think the embarrassment has left me yet.
3) Another embarrassing memory from my youth is standing on the hill at Sharnal Lane overlooking Saltings Road estate and scream "My wings are a shield of steel" ala Batfink. A decade later I returned to Snodland and was walking through Saltings Road with Melly when a guy came out of his house and went "Look, it's Batfink!". Fame at last!

4) I gave up my Christianity when, whilst going through a period of typical teenage Jae mental instability, I decided that if the church doors at the next church I went to were locked then God obviously wasn't listening. After following this route I discovered he really wasn't when I came across a locked church in Newington. It was still a few years before I worked out there was no God at all.

5) I used to keep a tally of every time I saw my crush at school in the back of my homework diary. It puzzled some of my friends as to what I was doing leading only to awkward questions. Those were the days!

P.S. Notice my new design. I likes.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Happy 8th Blogaversary

Yes, it was 8 years ago today when I first opened a copy of the Guardian and discovered something called "blogging". No less than 5 minutes later I was sitting in the dining room on the computer starting up this very blog under the name "Aah!! It's Uni Time".

I'd like to thank you, Dear Constant Reader, for taking the time to read my insane ramblings and hope they've sometimes made you smile.

8 years ago...

Jae was on his summer holidays before starting at Brighton University.
Jae was living in Cheriton, part of Folkestone, Kent with his family.
Jae was single-ish. My strange relationship with Stephen was still sort of happening.
Jae had visited only France, Italy and Spain.
Jae was a Wiccan.
Jae was a self-loathing and melancholy bastard and it's a tribute to my friends that they stuck by me despite some of my comments about them on this very blog.
Jae was just 18 years old. *sob*
Jae had a crush on a certain person... MT. Well some things don't change!

If you are lurking here, why not drop me a comment... I know there are some long term lurkers who need to say hi! Forgive me, I don't panhandle for comments usually though do I? ;)

Of course any retrospective of this blog would not be complete without a Charles Dera pic. Enjoy!



This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Strange Dreams That Hold Us Together

I finally give in, it's about time I commit blogger social death and talk about a dream I had! 2069 posts and 8 years surely gives me permission??

So... Thursday night:

I dreamt Zoe and I (hi Zoe!) had gone to the cinema to watch a movie, I forget what it was, and afterwards headed to a pub. Said pub was a cross between my local, a country pub and Folkestone Spoons. We were "early" so went to our beds upstairs for a sleep. Zoe wasn't too happy and left as MT was sleeping on the floor and was using half her duvet and kept stealing some from her. He then did the same to me, but I encouraged this until we both got out of bed (relax there was only some weird angled leg rubbing, nothing too erotic in this dream [who am I kidding weird angled leg rubbing with MT is a bit like having sex with Spartan in my opinion ;) ]). At which point we discovered we were members of two rival families (think mafia, but less scary) and we began to argue (joined by some brat claiming to be MTs younger brother who was rather rude I must say and not welcome back round my dreams again)

I stormed off and found myself outside a bookshop celebrating "Lesbian History Month". Inside I perused a book about the 100 Greatest Gay People whilst chatting to a lovely old lady shop assistant about who was our favourite (consensus: Alexander the Great as we like a man in uniform). Afterwards I went downstairs and found Jim playing some sort of ball game. On the other side of a wall was his opponent who had so far won £22 off of Jim. He started to taunt Jim so I turned into a Stegosaurus and scared him off. Jim then turned into a Stegosaurus too and some bloke who was watching became a Triceratops and we all frolicked in a strange volcanic landscape for a while before I found myself at work.

Well I say work, it was more a set of desks on a pier directly next to a strange road which was like a loop the loop without the important top bit. My managers discussed how they had once scaled this mighty landmark whilst I developed swine flu and found myself collapsed over my desk at which point I woke up.

WEIRD.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Oh Yes, It's My Gayaversary!

11 years ago. I'm getting old.

Of course I've been gay all my life, I know that and knew that even in '98. But accepting I was gay, that was a bit more difficult. Well it was until I got the hots for someone!

I won't lie, when I was a teenager I used to wish I wasn't gay. Not because I wanted to get married or lead a "normal" life. But because I didn't want the hassle. And I'm not talking about homophobia. Being gay just makes interactions all a little more tricky.

But being gay is something I love and wouldn't give up now for anything. I love men. I like the different perspective being gay gives me on the world. Being straight would mean a life without Jim, my best friend as well as my boyfriend. That would be truly awful.

I sometimes wonder what straight Jae would be like. Perhaps he is out there, in some other dimension. Wouldn't it be interesting to meet him? Nah... he'd probably vote Tory.

From Dolph Lundgren



Through to Spartan.



Men. Love 'em.

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Ways To Make Money 1: Rile Up The English

I have upset some rather brash and cynical "English" folk over on Walk This World with a badly written and ill thought out rant (is there any other kind?) but the plus point of this is... I got so many hits! And of course some Google Ad revenue came my way. Even as they fling insults at me, each one is helping me out just a little bit. I don't think I should tell them how much I appreciate that as I think their heads might explode with their misdirected anger. Bless them. They have accused me of being a northerner, posh and worse still... English. One is not posh. One is from Snodland.

Currently sitting here contemplating the bag Mini Reese's Cups which Jim has arranged to collect from an American friend he is meeting on a business trip to Paris today, which I can't wait to get when he gets home. Yum yum!! Feeling rather lovey dovey at the moment, more so than usual and that was before Jim announced Reese's Cups were on the horizon... Gotta love the Jim!

A few weeks ago I saw this truly gorgeous man on the District line. The sort of guy who would usually become the subject of an instant crush, stalker dossier and all. But I managed to maintain my composure and forgot about him... until I got on a train at Earls Court and there he was... You will be pleased to hear, Dear Constant Reader, that I managed to keep repeating "You have Jim. You have Jim. You have Jim." which allowed me not to follow him towards Tesco's at Hammersmith when we got off the train (it was my original destination but I know what I'm like... I refuse to get another idiotic childish crush ever again). How proud of me are you?? Because this guy was, and I'm going to say it now, more attractive than MT!

This blogger works for nothing but the joy of writing but always appreciates things bought from his wishlist

Who Am I?

So there I was cyber stalking MT (Facebook is my friend [privacy settings cannot stop me...], I was thinking he'd probably aged badly... how wrong could I have been!), when I suddenly started getting nostalgic about the "olden days". And I don't mean about school (which I hated) nor do I mean my social life (which was great don't get me wrong). I mean about who I used to be. My inner self. I know that sounds incredibly like "up my own arse", pop psychological nonsense but how I am now inside my head is totally different to how I was then.

I spend my entire life thinking about the mundane. Be it thinking about catching a train, or answering the phone at work, or what I'm going to blog about tonight (not on this blog of course, I just make this stuff up as I go along... ;) ). How's that different to before, I hear you cry? When I was a teenager, I was a dreamer. I spent my time dreaming, imagining. And I'm not talking practical dreams, I'm talking imagining scenarios just for the sheer fun of it. Dreaming of a different world, just to pass the time. Entire series of movies played out in my head in the ten minute walk from school to my house. Or maybe, if I was thinking of real things, I'd be digesting the latest political story I'd read in the paper or pondering on my latest obsession (or MT, my constant obsession... sorry Jim, I love you! But I'll never stop fawning over my favourite football player...). I just don't do that anymore.

I tried giving myself some time at lunch today to let my mind run wild but found it had become very difficult not to think about money, or work, or the journey home. I've gotten rusty.

I think the problem is, I never give myself any free time. I'm always on my laptop, or listening to a podcast, or talking to someone. I never have quiet time to myself, just to ponder. I used to love my long walks around Folkestone, that was when I could truly let my mind run free. Maybe I should start getting off the tube early on the way to work and walk the rest of the way iPod free. Because I really miss dreamy Jae. He's much less boring that I am.

Firstly, very long post ahead....

Right I must apologise for the lack of comments. Netcomments has gone off somewhere and enetation is down too.... so if you need to comment, just go to my message board (there for just this kind of temergency we all remember the great comment drought of April).

I went to France yesterday, isn't the Chunnel just super?! So fast, convient and free for me!! French men rule. Love 'em. When ever I am in France my problems seem to just melt away. I want to move there like yesterday. Impressed family with my French skills "Je voudrais en pain au chocolat si vous plait". See I'm fluent..... or not...

Nan came along and outside a sex hop loudly proclaimed she couldn't go in there as she might come out with a vibrator "or something". May I just say I wasn't attempting to tempt her from the righteous path here!!

Got back..... was tired. Pete "made" me go to Leas club, spoons, and club with various bods.... It was a gay friendly night which was very fun, lots of foam...... I got very, very drunk. Got home threw up, decided not to go to work today.

Meet another Folkestone blogger yesterday. Where are they all coming from? Did she discover blogging via Annie or somewhere else? You know there are so many bloggers here we may as well do a blog meetup all of our own!! Preferably involving lots of beer and a troop of male strippers. Anyway her name is Ellie (I think) and here is an exerpt from her blog....

right, heres the really good bit. MT. he looked sooooo lovely was wearing pale grey waistcoat and lilacy type bow tie. yum. he was nice to me actuslly when thought had lost bag but really stupid lauren had kidnapped it. anyway i spoke to him for a while but he was clearly having final fling wih evil KM (he told me they were just friends!!) oh well, i'll have him another time. shall lie in wait in stlyle of lioness who is stalking helpless gazelle...eeexcellent....

Yes she likes MT too, she writes extremely well, oh her blog makes me laugh!!....... go see her blog here.

TTFN

Peace, Quiet and the Real End of the Affair

I have been obsessed with MT for 4 years. It is time to stop. I have to move on from such a childish crush and so I bid farewell, he shall not be mentioned, stared at, or obsessed over by me ever again. Promise scouts honour, matey!!

I have finally found some peaceful, stress free time to actually do some worship. My religion has been on the back burner for a while as with my family here I have had difficulty practising. But this morning I awoke and decided to actually get out my Book of Shadows and do stuff. Wasn’t I good?!

Its Zoe’s Eighteenth Birthday today!!! Congrats!! All the fun things you can now do vote (well I think that’s fun!!), drink (legally that is!!), and get loans and stuff!

Currently I am watching round the clock Big Brother 3 audition tapes. That boy who was once a child prodigy in the antiques world who then had a sex change applied!! I just saw his video!! If I hear another bloody poem one, or someone saying “Pick me, please” I may go bananas. How sad am I for watching round the clock coverage of people who haven’t got on!!

Google is Just Plain Evil

I just did some searchs on Google. The good news is I return to the top of the list for searches like Faulty Towers. The bad news is I'm third on a search for MT. Darn it!! My secret is out. (only joking I think its way cool!!)

I had a night in last night because I despeartely needed one, I had been out 5 times since Monday!! Looks like it may be another night in as Kim has hijacked mine and Lauras night out. Oh well theres always tomorrow.

The MT Saga Part IV: The Never Ending Crush

OK I'm in trouble I've just been searching for MT on Google. Please don't let it be a return to the crush I had on him for so many years!!!!!!. He does have a few entries on the Harvey Grammar site though.......

Murder on the Dancefloor

Murder on the Dancefloor

I have just been out with Pete, Laura and Sophie the Hardc0re 3 and a guest return to spite Sam's indignant comments!! I meet Pete near Matt's house to find he had already drunk half a litre of vodka. We then went to the Leas meet the girls and had afew drinks (am I only the only man gay or straight who still drinks pints of lager?).

We headed for the club in reluctantly high sprits. After purchasing a pint of Heineken for £6.50(!) we hung around occassionally doing the straight mans shuffle. I decided I hated Folkestone clubs (as compared to Brighton clubs that is). That was until I saw MT. I went weak at the knees among other things and decided this place wasn't too bad. After spyibg a couple of really hot guys place a genurous sprinkling of gay guys I settled down for a okay night.

Pete on the other hand went from bad to worse until his eyes became unfocussed, his speech slurred and his dancing dangerous to passers by.

As I got into my taxi at the end of the night I realised that the driver was Colin our soon to be Gym manager!! Of all the places to meet him!!

The 9th of March is the first anniversary of Melly's death. She died because of an infection that she couldn't fight because of her treatment for leukaemia. I dedicate this blog to her memory from this day forward. I just want to say that I miss you Melly and I will never forget you. I hope they have pigeons in heaven. ;)

I have been listening to Lyte Funkie Ones "Summer Girls" today. It was quite upsetting as it reminds me off the summer of 2000 when my life was as easy as could be. For one thing Melly was still alive (although she did have leukaemia by then). And I had secrets. Oh how I miss having secrets. Being in the closet was fun!!! I didn't have to worry about being judged by my sexuality and could live a double life (Stephen, casual sex, secret crushes on people like MT).

I mean having secrets was FUN!! No two ways about it. Now I'm like a bliming open book. There is no fun in being open and honest. Its so frightfully uninteresting.

Any how went out with Pete, Laura and Chris last night and we went to band night at Gees to see Fallout. We made up lists of most attractive boy/girl in the group (no that's not a category just for Matthew you cruel people!!!). I came fourth on both Laura's and Pete's lists (not anything to be frowned at).

A couple checked into today and I placed them in a room we just turned on (hotel speak) number 4. Josie and Peter have only just vacated the room and Josie still had a key. She didn't know the couple were in there and upon hearing strange noises she investigated.

After all this was a ground floor room it could have be thieves!! Anyway it wasn't. They were having sex in there and Josie just walked in!!! This really is Faulty Towers!!

jasonkay@bushinternet.com

*EDITED 18/07/2007*