See... Dinosaurs Can Be Sexy

Hmm... what could I post about I wondered? The gay guy obviously heading on a booty call who tried to dodge his train fare? Nah. Hmm... Ooo... upcoming movies I'm looking forward to! Jurassic World 2! Isn't that Chris Pratt sexy? Especially as Star Lord...

So that's how I ended up with this...

I Don't Want To Leave Twitter But...

I've been on Twitter since 2007. Not a pioneer but an early adopter (I think following on the tail of Dear Constant Reader Steve). When I first went on Twitter it was, for me, a mini-blogging platform with added conversational opportunities. I tweeted about high-minded things like Big Brother and Eurovision. There was a little group of people I interacted with and had quite a laugh. Hard to believe but I still think the vast majority of my tweets come from my first three years as conversation threads (not that they had such things for much of that time!) could go into the hundreds of entries.

Then the 2010 General Election happened. I started following Lib Dems. Then Tories. Even a few Labour folk. Politics gradually pushed out my non-political Tweeple until they disappeared entirely (realising the platform had changed and it was no longer for them). I want to blame the "normal folk" for "ruining Twitter" but I'm complicit and engaged in just as much annoying politicking as everyone else (including their dog).

For a time I thought this was a good thing. We organised. Same-sex marriage in this country came quicker thanks to Twitter. I've no doubt about that. It'd still have come, don't get me wrong, but the Twitterati got it moved up the agenda.

But ultimately... Twitter's popularity and the change to the way it is used has been to its detriment. Public shaming (as documented in the fantastic Jon Ronson book "So You've Been Publicly Shamed"), social justice warriors and the alt-right. These are terrible things. Things we shouldn't have allowed to rule Twitter.

I find myself actively disliking people. The people who insult each other. The people who think they are superior to other people. The people who think they are right. They are not.

I've been those people. I've done those things. I stopped going on Twitter for a while and felt tremendous but found my way back because... it works so well at helping me keep in touch with people, showing me stories of interesting things and randomly dropping pictures of hot men at regular intervals.

So I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but I'm going to be a better Tweeter. Focus on happy things. Be the silly, nonsense person who cares only about things that interests him and ignores the hate and arguments. Because if we don't do that, if we join in with the crazy people, we give them Twitter. The angry and the boring... they are taking over the internet. We need to fight back. We need to internet like we used to... 

I Love Rainy Days

They are just so goddamn dramatic. They have starts and finishes whereas sunny days just seem to go on forever. There's an atmosphere to rainy days that makes them far more enjoyable.

And there's nothing better than being inside in the warm watching the rain come down.

Hell, I'm a committed pedestrian. Get soaking wet on a weekly basis. And still... love rainy days.

Second Life Sunday: Turning Japanese

In an effort to avoid boring you, and to try to bring some order to this blogging thing once more, I'm setting Sunday as the day I do a round up on my Second Life "adventures". I cannot promise you that they'll be exciting but there you go. 

Inspired by my recent Asian-esqe purchase I've taken out my pond and replaced it with a koi viewing pavilion from Jian. Yes, there's a lot of landscaping still to be done but I think this corner of my island will become a little bit of Japan. 

Plus I've got a little Japanese rock garden. 

Once I find some decent trees (my Japanese maples and sakuras are really poor quality) I'll give the area a little zazzing up. 

Concentration

Today we didn't have any electricity for four hours. This was because Jim was rendering repairs on underfloor heating and, selfishly, didn't want to get electrocuted. Foolishly, I'd not prepared and my phone was running low on battery.

This all meant I had to try to amuse myself non-digitally. And I just don't think I've got the concentration for it!!

I read. I read almost every day. My commute mainly involves me reading. I LOVE books. But when silence descended on the house and Bella came and fell asleep on my lap, my ability to read more than a few lines before putting the book down was lost.

I tried reading serious books. I tried reading manga. Nothing worked.

I really, really need to relearn the ability to embrace silence and concentration. I'll add it to my to do list.

1998

1998 has a special place in my heart. My memories of that year are full of warmth.

This is a clear sign of misplaced nostalgia. I spent the summer in detention at school. I wrote a suicide note and seriously considered acting upon it. I had very few friends. My Mum broke up with my stepdad which was a source of anguish for her and thus for me.

Sounds like a fairly crappy year, right? I've almost convinced myself. However I consider it the year that I truly came of age.

It is the year I finally got a real sense of myself as an individual. It is the year I accepted my sexuality. This is the year my tastes in music, movies and books coalesced into something recognisably similar to my current tastes.

In 1998 I still believed magic was possible and hope could still win over cynicism. And it was the year men really became super hot.

So, in order to help me find things to post about every day and to mark off the 20 years since then, there will be regular 1998 themed posts to take you, Dear Constant Reader, on a little trip through time and see the events, music and films that made me... me.

Now men with longish dark hair like this were highly important to my development and this picture isn't exploitative objectification but totally relevant to the post above...

What's Going On?

Hmm... Due to the long commuting times weekdays nowadays really are just same-same. Get up, go to work, work, head home, collapse on sofa and attempt to smile. 

I am working on some side plans to try to escape my daily grind. I'm well respected at my work but... it is too far away for my quality of life to be where I want it to be. 

Website set up for my side plans. And after this pay day when I will have some money to set up the payment system I'll be ready to go... I hope it'll give me more financial security even if it doesn't rescue me from the daily commute. 

Things to do:

1) Get a new crush. It's been a long time since the likes of Tube Boi and Rugby Boy. I'm hardly Jae without someone to definitely not stalk.
2) Tidy up my family tree. Speaking of which, oh Dear Constant Reader I can't believe I forgot this one, some blood relatives were in the news last month. As "Britain's Worst Family". Soooooo proud. The Mum in that article is my aunt and the kids are my cousins. I've never met them, they are in my Dad's side. Researching his family tree finds a very, very lengthy list of petty criminals. Mmm...
3) Damn it, the pot in the photo above is ever so slightly off the pedestal. Going to need to readjust my terrace (I deleted it accidentally and when I rezzed it again it was out of line...)

A Post Every Day Is Hard When You Are Boring

Collabor88 Haul #SecondLife

Collabor88's January event has begun (the catalogue is here) and, like almost every event in Second Life, it is mostly female fashion. But I still managed to get a couple of awesome things. 

Firstly Jian has a Panther Chameleon available for L$288. I seem to be unable to resist anything Jian offers at events but this is a particularly great one. Not only do you get a cabinet display with one gorgeous chameleon but you also get a stick based version to use around your home area and a wearable one for your hand complete with an animation override. Great value and gorgeous too. 

And Trompe Loeil, another creator I can't seem to resist, has a great little Asian-inspired "cottage" which is absolutely beautiful (seen on my island below) which is only L$88. The quality is so fantastic, and Trompe Loeil always seems to offer their stuff for ridiculously low prices. Amazing. My island is filling up with their builds!

One Of Those Days

Alarm doesn't go off.

Work clothes didn't finish their wash.

Headphones played hide and seek.

Toilets blocked at work.

Annoying email asking me why something had happened to a customer in June when I'd not touched that account any time since April.

Missed lunch.

At least soon we might have President Oprah

WORK AHOY!

Since last I wrote about work things have changed quite a lot. Firstly I'm no longer a manager, instead I'm the "Digital Continuous Improvements Lead". (DCI Kay for short... ;) ). Secondly my schedule has changed from "delightful skipping into work within walking distance" to "desperately dodgy cars on a country lane to get to a bus at a stupidly early time in the morning".

When I was living in Folkestone work was a 25 minute walk away. I could leave at 7.30am and be there 30 minutes before my start time (I like a warm up period before my official start). Now I leave my house as 6.15am. I walk through dark, unlit country lanes without pavements to catch a bus at 6.30am. That gets me to the train station (due it be invariably late) just in time to usually catch the 6.52am train to Folkestone. 35 minutes later I get off at Folkestone and have a 15 minute walk to work to make it just in time for an 8.00am start.

It's not very pleasant. One further point against is someone who gets on the bus at a stop after mine. He gets on every time and moans about the bus being late. He then gives some bizarre ticket request which the bus driver gets wrong several times. He grumbles. I get stressed. I sometimes pray he's not there as we approach his stop.

But there's a bright silver lining. Literally bright. Just opposite my bus stop is a house with no curtains and, every morning, a man stands in the brightly lit window getting dressed. He has no shame. I don't ever look directly but in the pitch black his window is the only light so it is hard not to see things...

So that, Dear Constant Reader, is what I get to look forward to tomorrow...

New Man Of The Blog

This blog is all about coming back to what you know and you, Dear Constant Reader, know I have a few favourite men who appeared frequently back in the old days. However, things do move on... new men find their way to their nearest gym and into my heart... 

So I thought... who is it who has captured my eye since last we discussed such things? Who has a body that is worthy of worship? 

There could be only one answer, so I present for your approval: Liam Jolley. 

Ready Player One

So yesterday I did a quick look at my Second Life. There is a reason I returned to SL and that reason is even geekier than SL itself. Ready Player One.

About two years ago I read Ready Player One and instantly thought of Second Life. But Jim has installed Linux on my laptop and, being an idiot, there was no way I was going to figure out how to install SL on to that laptop. So it was quickly forgotten again. Then back in May I was reading it a second time when I got a nice bonus come through and I bought myself a new (Windows) laptop.

And that is how I got the addiction back. Now, of course, I was aware a movie was coming up but I was sceptical as to how good it'd be. However the trailers have impressed me and now I totally excited for it! It looks fantastic!



The level of detail, in terms of geeky references, totally matches the (at times annoying) level found in the book itself. Can't wait, check out this video which shows some of the awesome 80s stuff coming our way!

My Second Life

A long time ago in a blog far, far away I used to play Second Life. I had a silly avatar and a little house and had some fun. Well last year I decided to log back in and check in on my Second Life self... and I hung around a bit. 

Just to demonstrate how far SL has come, here's old SL me (top of the range ten years ago!)

And here's the new me (well one of, I like to mix it up):

My home is a little larger than it was before. Two floors just aren't enough when you've got a horse to ride around on. So I thought I'd share a little tour around my island... 

First up is the Roman Terrace, a place that's good for dancing and Christmas Tree displaying. 

Then there's my still sparse beach house... I still can't quite work out why you need a house in Second Life... you could hover the furniture floating in mid-air and it'd be just as usable. But old habits die hard...

My pond! Inhabited by some Lovecraftian monsters (hey I can put what I like in there, they are quite troublesome if you get too close...)

My latest acquisition (from the latest round of FaMESHed) needs filling up but my hanging chair is hiding in my inventory... until then it's just a cat in front of a fire and a water tub... but it is pretty...  

Of course I have a forest!

My stone pavilion is also pretty cool.

And finally at the far end is this area... it's just... huge... and it tends to be where I hang out when I'm working on my avi. 

And what do I do on Second Life? Well I've actually got a home on a medieval sim too and hang out there with some friends. I create new avatars. I go on scavenger hunts. I go to "club nights" to chat. But most importantly... between 8pm - 10pm every Sunday I go to the 3Bears club night where we have the silliest, funniest conversations that always send me to bed smiling before the week ahead. 

So yeah... this is a fairly big part of my leisure time now. And it makes me happy.

How Not Giving A Damn Really Can Cheer You Up

When I was a kid I stood on the playground at school one day watching my friends play football. My teacher came up to me and said "You are looking thoughtful there Jason, what are you thinking?" And I responded with the remarkably cynical "What exactly is the point of football?" My teacher, being also the boy's football coach, just laughed. But that came to mind again recently when someone on Second Life, yes an actual SL player, asked in a group for a particular brand of male body "Why does anyone want a penis on Second Life, there's no point it's not real!" (we weren't actually talking about penises at the time but hey-ho...)

Let's just take a look at that statement right there... someone on a virtual sim (who likely buys virtual clothes and does virtual stuff) thinks that being virtually anatomically correct is pointless? Well I had to take that up. I went for the biggy though, the absurdist argument, of pointing out that eventually the universe will end and thus everything that has ever been done by anyone, no matter how "important", will be rendered completely pointless. I never did get a response to that.

Why am I talking about this? Because of the constant outrage online. Over anything. No matter how pointlessly stupid. Like a churning barrel of water, the tide of outrage surges one way and then the other. Yet it is all so pointless. I've been known to engage in it too, don't think I'm innocent in anyway. My minirants can often be not so mini.

Now, however, I feel quite disconnected from it. I watched the outrage over Logan Paul and felt really pretty cold. Though his arms soon warmed me up.

I'm trying to avoid commenting on news and politics but I feel this take is pretty important... doesn't Logan Paul have nice arms? pic.twitter.com/fIjqNZGFZi

— Jae Kay (@JaeKay) January 2, 2018

And I feel happier for it. Not worrying about what other people say (like our penis-less friend above) is so relaxing. It really is quite good. I took a social media break last year and that made me feel pretty damn happy but this whole "nothing really matters" approach is working out even better after just a couple of days.

Of course stuff does matter, biologically and culturally humans have to care about stuff as that is how we're made, but not worrying and not considering my views to be important enough to share anywhere but with you, Dear Constant Reader,  is the way forward I think.

Now back to Second Life... I've got a scavenger hunt to complete (I'm wearing clothes so my penis isn't attached, you'll be pleased to know...)

Checking In On Charles Dera

It's been such a long time! Let's check in on our favourite man: Charles Dera. Sporting more facial hair he looks... TASTY AS HELL.

Want a better life? Quit complaining. Whining only attracts more negative energy! Smile and enjoy yourselves you're still alive! pic.twitter.com/E7CB1byGUT

— Charles Dera (@RealDera) July 19, 2017

Yeah... I still would. ;)

Happy Ayden's Birthday!

Ayden is 6 years old today!

There are those who frown upon being too loving towards one's pets. But Ayden... Ayden is a precious thing indeed. He is such a laidback wolf, you'd think he was selected by Providence herself to be our companion. 

After 6 years with this amazing animal there are things we've learnt:

1) BROOMS ARE SCARY

2) HOOVERS ARE SCARY

3) PEOPLE WAVING THEIR ARMS ARE SCARY

4) No cuddles please, we're Ayden. 

5) Chicken can be sensed at a distance of 4 - 5 kms 

6) DID WE MENTION BROOMS? BROOMS ARE THE WORST.

I love this big bundle of fluff. 

Who Am I?

My Great Aunt Joy (Auntie Joy to one and all) passed away two years ago. Her money was split between my Mum's generation. Her household effects were quickly sold. Her real treasure though, other than her cat who moved in with my Uncle Graham, was her collection of photos and family history which ended up in my loft.

We gave her no end of trouble over her constant demands for photos at even the most informal of family gatherings. She was the butt of many, albeit gentle, jokes. But her collections of 1000s of photos not only record her meticulous garden and her beloved pet cats from 1950 to 2015. It also records a nearly perfect timeline of our family over that same period. Babies are born. Waistlines grow. "Extras" appear (and disappear). It is wonderful to flick through.

I've taken the responsibility of "owning" these records very seriously and have begun scanning each album and every box of slides so I can keep a record online (first on Facebook but now also on a special website made by Jim) so every member of the family has the same access as I do.

Here I am at my Nan's 60th birthday in 1998. Despite this table being for the "outcasts" (my Grandad left my Nan in the late 70s and this was his first meeting with her since then) I made a bee-line for it as I was suffering a serious case of hero worship of my newly met Grandad (a very intelligent man who suffered from a total lack of focus) and also his son Uncle Derek (only 4 years older than me, he was thus the closest thing to an older brother I'd ever met) who I'd spent a week staying with the month before.

And we've not just got a record of "our" family but of the two generations before our family on Auntie Joy's side, my great and great great grandfamilies. Birthday books from the 1800s. Photos of weddings long forgotten. Trophies belonging to my great-grandad (a fantastic runner).

Here is my great grandparents, the Waters, wedding day in Upchurch, Kent with their parents, the Waters and Witherdens, and assorted family members in 1928.

All this work has spurred on my work on my family tree. I've taken an Ancestry DNA test which has helped me immediately move back on my Kay family branch. I've found the Kay family were a working class family from Darwen, Lancashire who appear to have been there for over a century prior to my great-great grandad Harold meeting his wife in South Africa (I assume he was there for the Boer War but how Nellie got there, I don't know) and getting dragged back to her home in Kent.

Despite my Ancestry results suggesting I'm only a mere 9% British, I've yet to find anything exciting in my trees. Agricultural labourers for the most part with moves into industry (especially paper mills both in Darwen and in Kent) once the industrial revolution had finished its work. And on the Witherden side an interesting but as yet unexplored reoccuring Royal Marines theme.

What's the point? I don't really know. It's a like a great game, a puzzle and each time I find a piece or put a face to a name I get a little thrill. And in the face of relentlessly idiotic nationalism it is nice to know that Europhiles like me have just as strong a claim to the British identity as those who want to pull up the drawbridge.

And the best thing I've seen is this... my family have always LOVED their pets. Carefully noted in each family album is the name of every pet. They are seen in almost every outdoors informal photo. And even one of the earliest formal photos of the Witherden family from before the First World War, there's the family dog and their cat too. Pets are our constant companions come what may...

Sometimes They Come Back

It has been a long time since I wrote to you, Dear Constant Reader. Too long. I'm sorry. You are the most patient of listeners, but I think I've pushed your patience to its limit this time. You've probably forgotten who I am!

So it is 2017. I'm 33. I still live with Jim in a barn in Eastry. I still work for TVW in Folkestone (and now often Hatfield). Mr Gibbs the Bearded Dragon has sadly passed away this month. Ayden the Tamaskan maintains his position on HIS sofa (unless Jeff or Bella want it...). Jeff the Maine Coon has quickly risen through the ranks and is now Supreme Overlord of Eastry, Woodnesborough and Worth. And there's a new pet added to the menagerie since last we chatted, Bella Wella. She's a rescue dog and she's the new deputy boss. No one can top Jeff for bossiness, Bella's tried but he has a remarkable ability to ignore her. She's definitely second in command now however.

Workwise I received another promotion last year. Major changes have been going on now since December last year and I think the stress of facing them each day has really not been good for me. Just as I allowed myself to be railroaded to University without deciding if that was what I really wanted, I've let myself be railroaded into positions over the last 3 years that haven't made me happy. I'm trying to change that now.

Country-wise, after Brexit, Trumpageddon and last night's abysmal Eurovision: You Decide, I've decided to simply pretend I'm German.

And, most importantly, Jim wise... after a wonderful Christmas break in Wales we returned home on a Thursday. On the Friday Jim had a heart attack. I'd tell you about how scary that experience was for me, but I suspect my feelings on the matter pale into insignificance in comparison with Jim's. The paramedics who came to his rescue and the staff at the William Harvey Hospital were fantastic and saved Jim's life that day. Without their assistance I'd have lost my entire world. I can't ever thank them enough. He has been resting up for the last three weeks at home and hopefully his recovery will continue without hiccups.

There's nothing like a sobering emergency to remind me of just how important Jim is.

Goodbye Auntie Joy

Auntie Joy passed away on the 23rd January 2015. She was my great-aunt, my maternal Nan's older sister, and a central member of our family. She was famous for her love of photography, gardening and cats. She especially loved mixing up those loves so as a child I, and my cousins, would be posed around the garden as she took huge numbers of photos of us. Avoiding Auntie Joy and her camera was a family sport at any gathering and one our pet cats turned into an art form but such attempts at escape were ultimately futile...

Both my Mum's generation and my own remember playing with Auntie Joy's button box, her viewfinders and attempting to avoid her very scary "room of dolls" (a room I had to go in on the day she passed away as we gathered up important paper work... it was still creepy...).

Thanks to Auntie Joy's extremely careful "tidy hoarding" (as my Nan was quoted as calling it in the eulogy today) our family has an extremely valuable (when measured in terms of "love" anyway) historical record... from her family tree research, through her labelled and organised photo albums dealing with every important event in our lives to things she'd kept that belonged to her parents, our great-grandparents, which are truly touching.

She has kept letters dating back to the 40s (mainly to famous people of the time, she was obviously a fan of many!), diaries for every year of the last 70 and one very big hole in all our lives.

The funeral was today at the Medway Crematorium. It was full of talk of Jesus and eternal life but the only bit that really had me slightly tearful was the description of her given by the rector, which summed her up so perfectly. A shy, intelligent and caring lady with staunch royalist heart and a devotion to cats and flowers. We'll always remember her.

Ayden The Tamaskan Turns 3!

Today is Ayden's birthday! 3 years old and still looking wolfy. I think he is one of the best purchases we've ever made, and has brought so much happiness into our lives. Here are just a few of my favourite Ayden photos.

A New Cat In Our Life

Yesterday we (Jim, Ian, Ayden and I) awoke early for what would be a very long day. After dropping Ayden off at New Romney with Chris and then dropping Ian home in Hemel Hempstead Jim and I headed up north to Preston. Our mission was to collect the latest addition to our household: Jefferson the Maine Coon.

Our mission was going very well until Keele service station when we got stuck behind a wide load leading to an hour and a half of traffic jams. It was unpleasant but we got to Preston just a little after 1pm. Jefferson's breeders had a house choke full of extremely beautiful and friendly Maine Coon's. Whilst he attempt to hide behind a sofa we made a fuss of his delightful Mum. When we moved to another room to see his Dad (a very handsome fellow), his Mum followed us, jumped up on a cat tree and gave me a quick swat on the back insisting I return to stroking her chin!

Jefferson was in the cat carrier without any issue and we headed home. He meowed for about 5 minutes before becoming the most well-behaved kitten or cat I've ever had in a car! He was an absolute angel. 

We stopped off at Mum's, Jefferson escaped and hid under a cabinet then we collected an unsuspecting Ayden from Chris'. Stopped off at the Golden Bowl in Hythe for a takeaway then we headed home. Tired and exhausted we stayed up a little while to keep an eye on an extremely nervous Jefferson!

This morning I came down and though he remained extremely wary he had used his litter tray (an awesome cat, I'm telling you!) He agreed to a few belly rubs on the sofa so I think he is coming round. His purring is tremendous!!!

Ayden is being very good around him but Jefferson is not so sure about Ayden. I'm sure he'll grow to tolerate him in time.

Nearly 10 years since I left my home and my Angel cat (who at 15 is still pottering around Lympne flitting between families!). Finally, I have a cat again. Or a cat has me anyway. 

13 Years Of Blogging... Yes It Is Another Blogaversary

My oh my Dearest Constant Reader. We've been together for 13 years now! Sheesh... tempus fugit and all that rubbish.

It all started here. We've had a few adventures since then haven't we?

There was the post about my first, and last, game of "Nervous" at university. Remember that time I nearly killed myself in Italy? My first dumping (at a fairly decent age though considering my naughty history). Then there was the time my first date with Jim just got an "also ran" mention on my Livejournal. Then there was the time Jim made me chase after some sex workers in Prague and I fell in love with him. Then came a crazy period from 2005 - 2008 of living in London, working at Euroffice and having the time of my life with Jim (Prague again, Warsaw, San Francisco, Bangkok and Thailand twice) (summarised as part of my "2000 Posts" celebration)

And what about popular posts? My oddly popular Brent Corrigan post, my blog on the Oak Island Money Pit, the surprisingly influential look at the differences between marriage and civil partnerships, my look at the first few issues of DC's New 52, the time I was all proud of my sexuality and the real winner... Giant Spiders which was written in seconds (and you can tell) but got tens of thousands of hits.

My blogs have somehow got themselves into letter pages, newspapers, a boost from WWE when people were encouraged to search for "Randy Orton gay" and have waxed and waned over the years.

But, Dear Constant Reader, I always return here. My personal blog may not get many posts any more but I tend to find that there is a direct inverse correlation between number of blog posts and my mental well-being. Thanks for being there when I needed you, and I know you'll be there in the future too.  

Now on to the obligatory Charles Dera pic... Traditions must be kept!!

Been A Long Time

Life is... different.

I'm a manager now at TVW, with my own team of people. I no longer live in Folkestone. Jim and I have a hot tub. Things are getting very domestic (in the good way not the boring way). It is very odd.

My promotion remains a little over wealming 5 months on. I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually but sheesh there is a lot to do!

Moving from Folkestone was not as painful as I thought. Folkestone is not only my place of work and the place I grew up. It is the "literal" place of my dreams. My whole life my dreams have always dwelt on the places around Folkestone I know best. Moving away again and having to return to commuting was a daunting, but necessary, prospect. But it has not only be less painful that I imagined but it has been pretty damn awesome. Eastry is a beautiful place. Seeing birds and animals I've not seen in years (and in the case of the green woodpeckers who are besotted by the ants in our garden, I've never seen!), being able to take nice long walks with Ayden and just having a house surrounded by orchards; it is a fantastic village.

And the commute is far less annoying that I imagined. The worst bit is the 10 minute wait for the bus on the way home in Sandwich. Doesn't even compare in terms of awfulness to the old Greenwich to Hammersmith commute in London.

And our house is worth any commute. A converted barn with plenty of space and a large drive and patio area with only two neighbours. We have a hot tub outside our front room which Jim spent two weeks bringing back into service (he's also now done a fab job with our outside lights).

It is pretty mind-blowing to have gone from living in the middle of Folkestone above a shop with no garden to living in the middle of the countryside with plenty of space and a hot tub to relax in after work. I'm sure none of us expected this Dear Constant Reader!!  

 

Happy.

Jae's Eurovision 2014 Faves

Oh Dear Constant Reader, I've been very lax about Eurovision (and about keeping you updated, sorry!).

I was pretty saddened by the results of the semi-finals with many of my faves missing out to some truly appalling entries *cough* Poland *cough*. But perhaps there is a silver lining in that this means this year's UK entry has less intense competition!

And for once, excusing Scooch who I had to love because... well... they were Scooch, the UK entry is officially my favourite song of the contest!

Molly's "Children of the Universe" 




I also liked Finland's entry. Very pop.

Softengine - "Something Better"


Though Austria's entry, very popular on Twitter, didn't do it for me on the night of the 2nd semi-final those songs I much preferred were mostly eliminated and thus the fact it was well sung wins it some brownie points.

Conchita Wurst - "Rise Like A Phoenix"



I am generally a big fan of Ukraine's Eurovision songs. This year is no different, the stage act seems to reuse a set piece from "Be My Valentine!"

Maria Yaremchuk - "Tick - Tock"


She wasn't my pick from Melodifestivalen but Sanna Nielsen's "Undo" has grown on me. One of the best songs at this year's contest.

Sanna Nielsen - "Undo" 

The Year Of Grown-Up Things Continues

Well... Jim, Ayden, Mr Gibbs and I are moving. This month we (well Jim and I, Ayden stayed in the car and we thought taking Mr Gibbs would be overkill) paid a visit to a gorgeous barn conversion in Eastry (quite a bit north of Folkestone and Dover but NOT Thanet) and fell in love with it. It is absolutely lovely and we said we wanted to rent it as soon as the tour had finished. We will likely be moving away from Folkestone around 28th March.

The 4 years in Folkestone town centre have been good. After I got my old job back at TVW my commute was reduced to a 25 minute walk each way which was perfect for my anti-social side and for listening to podcasts/audiobooks. Being close to Sainsbury's and other shops were also awesomely convenient but we never really settled here. Folkestone is, and always will be, my home town. But hopefully Eastry will be a good move for us.

I have concerns, such as a rather longer and more "weather dependent" commute, but the new house is so nice that a little reduction in my quality of life is more than acceptable.

The move will also allow us to get a cat! We're looking to get a Maine Coon, fingers crossed we find one soonish!

My new position at work is going well so far. It is a little stressful but worthwhile. I'm looking after a lovely team of people and hopefully we can achieve great things together. Though some of them are making me feel OLD.

Speaking of which... with the packing begun I've already begun unearthy artifacts from the early days of this blog. Newspaper clippings, old diaries, the keys to Block 33, tickets to France and many other nostalgic things. And with today being the 15th anniversary of Queer as Folk and my 16th Gayaversary being on Thursday it is turning into a right trip down memory lane in my head right now. Why else do you think I'm here, Dear Constant Reader?

I suppose I could turn over a new leaf when I move and start updating you a bit more regularly on the goings on in my life. This year is the 13th year of blogging here. 13 years!!! Absolutely mad.

Ooo... Eurovision countdown can start now I suppose. I'll take a look at the current entries and see whether it is worth it...

2014: The Year Of Grown-Up Things

As you know, Dear Constant Reader, I'm basically a 6'8" child. I'm rubbish at serious relationships (how Jim has put up with me for what will be 10 years this year, I don't know), think getting toys as presents is still cool and I read comic books. In public places. 

Here I am, 30 years old and this year is already shaping up to be that long awaited year where GROWN-UP THINGS loom. The inevitability of this moment doesn't take away from the deeply upsetting feelings it creates. I don't want to grow up! 

In February I start a new role at the ol'TVW. With responsibilities and a more than occasional need for a serious face. Meanwhile our landlords will be putting our house up for sale this month and we want to be the successful buyers. Not only is buying a house and getting a mortgage definitely a GROWN-UP THING but hey-ho there may be some serious conversations with people that I need to have that I don't really want to have to make this actually happen. 

And then comes the big question... the one thing I didn't really think about when pushing for this whole same-sex marriage thing because, hey, it was never really going to happen right? Well happen it did and GROWN-THINGS are the inevitable consequence (yes GROWN-UP things and not incest as some of our more imaginative conservative friends thought). 

And yet I still feel no urge not to read comic books, no diminishing of my child-like glee at prospect of Jurassic World in 2015 and no shame at still being a 6'8" child. Perhaps this is a win/win sort of a deal. Or maybe I'm just abnormal (hush down there at the back!).  

Anyway... here's to another year.... 13 years of the blog! 10 years of Jim! 2 years of AYDEN! 

Christmas In Lochgoilhead

I've had a fantastic week in Lochgoilhead with Jim and Ayden. Sunday, after walking the Wolf Pack with Mum and Stuart in New Romney, we drove up to Doncaster and broke our journey there with a stop in a Travelodge. The journey wasn't so bad and Ayden was amazing, we didn't need to stop for him once!

Monday we did the second half of our journey north, encountering our first snow (Whoop!) and getting to Paisley around mid-afternoon. We spent a couple of hours with Jim's parents and their dog Harry who did not like Ayden one bit. I met Jim's dad for the first time.

And then, as the dusk began to set in, we set off for Lochgoilhead. The journey was, as always, full of beautiful scenery along Loch Lomond, with the snow topped mountains in the background. But we knew that snow capped mountains meant a snowy Rest and Be Thankful pass down into Lochgoilhead. The road from the A83 down into Lochgoilhead is hair-raising at the best of times with blind summits and turns. But with added snow on the upper levels of the road it was interesting. But we managed to get along it okay and found ourselves at the Drimsynie House estate and found ourselves pleasantly surprised with how fantastic their updating of the lodges were. We stayed in an Osprey Comfort Plus lodge and it was fabulous, so warm and the Christmas tree just made it so homely!

On the Tuesday we headed to Paisley again to do our Christmas food shopping and spend some more time with Jim's parents.

Wednesday was Christmas! Jim cooked a delicious Christmas dinner and we relaxed whilst the weather outside was frightful!

Thursday. We lucked out with a break in the storms and took the opportunity to go for a proper walk (much to Ayden's absolute delight). We went up the Glen Donich walk which was absolutely beautiful (we only went that way to avoid a confrontation with some cautious looking Highland Cows). It was a lovely day ended with a cold meat Boxing Day dinner.

Friday we drove up to Glencoe, through the some of the most fantastic scenery you'll find anywhere in the United Kingdom. Huge mountains, fast flowing waterfalls, streams and the River Coe. We did a very short walk during a break in the near endless rain around the An Tor wood and then had lunch (lovely soup followed by haggis, neeps and tatties) in the Clachaig Inn.

Saturday... the saddest day. We headed home. We nearly hit a Highland Cow standing in the middle of the road as we left Lochgoilhead, stopped off for breakfast in Paisley, 8 hours later we stopped off for tea and biscuits at my Mum's house and then we were home. A very long day but Ayden was, always, absolutely fantastic.

A good holiday indeed.

Romney Romps

Yesterday we took Ayden down to New Romney for the next outing of the Wolf Pack. It is so cute how much he and Finn love each other. As soon as he realised where we were, and could see my Mum in the distance, Ayden was OFF and bounding towards Finn. Bless him. 

Meanwhile I made friends with Logan who discussed I was carrying a bag of chicken pieces. He became my shadow. ;) 

Had a lovely lunch at the Coach House cafe in New Romney where Stuart, Mum, Jim and I were joined by Nat.

Lovely. 

Il Bordello And A Treat

So yesterday. We had planned to go to Belgium (even the ferry was booked) and enjoy a day in Veurne (a beautiful town, like Bruges but smaller and no tourists). However because we had a police officer coming round to take a statement over Ian's stolen bike we felt we should skip leaving the country and do something we could get back from quickly.

So that is how we found ourselves heading to London. There was a huge queue for tickets at both the window and the machine when we arrived (we later discovered it was because someone was trying to get a refund on a future dated ticket and book another future dated ticket!) but we managed to be the last people to get a ticket in time for the train. Phew! Got to London and negotiated the tube from St Pancras to Wapping (I really hate the tube these days but it was my first time on the old East London line since it became London Overground and I was impressed with the new trains!).

Why Wapping? Well, as any Dear Constant Reader should know, Wapping is the location of Il Bordello, my favourite restaurant. We arrived at the start of the lunch service and had bruschetta and calamari as starters. Absolutely gorgeous, of course. I then followed up with my usual, spaghetti carbonara. Washed down with an absolutely delightful pinot grigio. Staff were, as always, attentive but not intrusive. I love that place. Couldn't finish the main, their portion sizes are so awesome.

We then headed back to the tube and made our way to Stratford. We headed to Westfield in search of, and I kid you not, pralines. We did not find any but on the way Jim got himself a lovely watch, bought me some Invictus from the Perfume Shop (whose staff seemed somewhat disappointed to have to sell something to us) and then we wandered passed the Apple Store. Jim foolishly asked "Do you want an iPad?" and, not one to pass up such an open offer, I immediately agreed and thus I found myself the owner of 16gb iPad with Retina Display (i.e. 4th gen). Thanks hun! It is my first Apple device since the iPod video (just checked and found that was 8 years ago!) but I'm loving it already. My beloved Google Nexus is probably going to go the way of my Kindle Fire...

Got home but I had such a horrendous headache that I failed to objectify the police officer when he arrived. I'm losing my touch.

Today I had breakfast at Googies. Work tomorrow. Sigh.

The Wolf Pack

On Thursday last week I visited Mum's house (whilst she was out, though Stuart and Nat were in) to get introduced to Logan (and see the ever rambunctious Finn). Logan is a foster dog Mum is looking after and it looks ever more likely he'll be becoming a permanent edition to what shall from now on be known as "The Wolf Pack". 

Logan and Finn

Friday was a day of work, there's something pretty annoying about going to work for one day only. Didn't feel like I achieved anything. No more work now until... next Friday!

Saturday I went up to Greenwich with Jim and Ayden to see Denis and have a few drinks in the local. Though I'm pleased to be living in Folkestone I do miss Denis and the Ash. It was lovely being there and Ayden was so well behaved! He did experience a minor problem when he went out into the pub garden. He went down the stairs fine but when he turned to go back up he realised he could see through the gaps in the back of the stairs and this revealed his latest phobia: steps with gaps at the back. He thus sat at the bottom sulking in the rain. We eventually realised he'd been gone some time and rescued him by opening the other door to the outside.

Sunday morning we took Ayden to a huge dog walking area between the sea wall and the golf course at New Romney. Mum and Stuart were already in there with Finn and Logan. When Finn realised we had arrived he shot over to the fence and Ayden and he ran up and down excitedly until we finally coaxed Ayden to the gate. After he and Finn had done their obligatory chasing games, he finally was introduced to Logan and they seemed to get along fine. The Wolf Pack became a reality.

Ayden, Logan and Finn Await Some Treats From Mum

They then proceeded to terrorise the other dog walkers in the walking area by appearing from behind large mounds and racing towards them as a group. Given their size and speed there were a few worried looks!! Of course they are as soft as anything (all Ayden ever wants to do is say hello to every dog he meets) but there were a few frowny faces. One lady, walking her dog, informed us she actually had a phobia of dogs to which Jim replied that coming to a dog walking area was probably not the best thing for her to do then. People are silly!

We also met a huge Afghan Hound who soon put The Wolf Pack in their place. Cowed and in awe they followed said Afghan Hound on yet another tour of the dog walking area to terrorise the dog walkers again (including the phobic woman!). Ayden spent pretty much all of the rest of the day sleeping, totally exhausted.

Jim attempted a rather wonderful cheesecake with a cookie dough centre. Whilst tasty I feel we are going to be have a Cookie Dough Cheesecake 2.0 *rubs hands in glee*

Happy 12th Blogaversary

12 years, oh Dear Constant Reader, is how long you have put up with my yammerings. 12 years. Thank you.

I have neglected you for the last few years, but be aware that this is a good thing. Less personal blog means Jae is relatively content. Here is my 2000 posts post from 2009 (ignore the sadness as the sad times are over!) which really gives a good run down of my blog life before my return to Folkestone!

Gosh how my life has changed since that return. In some ways it is a little surreal to be back working in the same office I worked in before I moved to London to be with Jim in 2005. But that is also quite comforting. And Jim, Mr Gibbs and I have been joined by some new additions. Ian was certainly a surprising addition. Hard to imagine that he has been here for a year already! And, of course, Ayden the Tamaskan who has brightened up our lives. Somedays, when waiting for him to get home from his exciting adventures with Doggy Nanny (which may soon end), it feels quite empty in the house without him. He is quite the character and we all love him dearly.

Thanks again, Dear Constant Reader, for always being here when I need you and for coming along on this journey with me.

I will, I double promise with cherries on top, try my best to keep you a bit more up to date with the happenings of my life. Yeah... you've heard that before... *thinks a distraction is needed* LOOK! A new Charles Dera picture!

Well Hello Friend!

It has been too long since I last wrote you, Dear Constant Reader. Life is pottering along quite nicely. My travels to Hatfield are, thankfully, over although I remain seconded from my job. Last week I had my first ride in an ambulance, Ian had collapsed and smashed up his face. He is alright thankfully and was out of hospital within hours.

Had lunch in Rocksalt yesterday. It was okay. They don't accept Amex, they seated us right next to a door they'd opened to the outside so we had to sit in a weird "9 o'clock" arrangement rather than directly opposite each other, and the the main course was not really to my liking. Alas.

Ayden is doing well too. Although thanks to Jim's latest interest, astro-photography, we have discovered he does not like telescopes. I'm sure this won't hold him back in life that much.

OH GOD. It is THAT birthday today

So it finally happened. I'm 30 years old. 16 years ago today I last saw the Sixth Former. 12 years ago I first met Laura. 10 years ago I was sat in the Leas Club and Gareth turned up with a huge bag of goodies for me. It doesn't seem that long ago! Yet it is forever ago isn't it?

30 years Dear Constant Reader. Can't really believe it. Hadn't planned for this eventuality. What does one do? Who knows, but sheesh it is weird.

Hope you are well... you'll notice that for my birthday I managed to get out of going to Hatfield. WIN!

Some Homosexual Apologetics

"I ne’er was struck before that hour

  With love so sudden and so sweet"

Out of a sense of modesty (Me? Modest? Some mistake...) I often shy away from defending my sexuality in the stringent way that I want to. But the attacks I read on a daily basis during my marriage for all crusade so often present a picture so different to the reality I perceive as to be almost certainly lies. What I say below in no way suggests I view different-sex relationships as inferior, I'm not crazy like the homophobes, and I can only speak from my experiences as a gay man (rather than a gay woman or a bisexual).

I've said before that there is nothing wrong with being gay. Nothing. 

I cannot imagine how flesh on flesh contact between two members of the same-sex, in a sexual way obviously, can be considered "sinful". It is total nonsense to suggest that something as simple as consensual sexual contact could be sinful. It is, surely, the motives behind such contact that give it it's moral character not the physicality of it. 

Some like to say that sexuality outside of the heterosexual marriage bed (and thus "ordered" for procreation) is simply selfish and by having sex with someone of the same-sex you are using them for your pleasure. This is what comes from spending too much time thinking about subjects academically and philosophically. Humans have a variety of motives for doing allsorts of things. I've no doubt some people use others for sex (and a great deal more). But I also believe in human kindness, selflessness and love. Certainly the pleasure motive is there when it comes to sex, but there is also the pleasure of giving someone else pleasure. And there is companionship, human contact and a whole range of other good things that motivate people to have sex. And get this... homosexuality isn't just about "eros". It also has a healthy dose of philia. 

There is something wonderful about the love two men can share. Something beyond words. A mixture of deep romantic love, friendship and like-mindedness that is utterly fulfilling. The beauty, strength and intellect of a man is something I can't imagine not finding attractive nor inspiring. I will never understand the idea that homosexual relationships are in some way inferior to heterosexual ones nor will I accept they are ultimately empty and unfulfilling. Take the following quote from this article:

Here’s a very sad fact of life that never gets portrayed on Glee or Modern Family: I find that men I know who have left their wives as they’ve come out of the closet often lead diminished, and in some cases nearly bankrupt, lives—socially, familially, emotionally, and intellectually. They adjust their entire view of the world and their role within it in order to accommodate what has become the dominant aspect of their lives: their homosexuality. In doing so, they trade rich lives for one-dimensional lives. Yet this is what our post-modern world has taught us to do. I went along with it for a long while, but slowly turned back when I witnessed my life shrinking and not growing.

This is the sort of thing you see a lot. A cross between pity and a warning to others. There are depressed gay people. There are deeply lonely gay people. But there are deeply lonely straight people too. It is not a "gay" condition. I do not recognise it as a part of my life. In the most depressed moments of my life (usually over money issues) I've taken solace in my love of men (And I don't mean I went out a shagged every man I can find before some "Christian" comes along to pass judgement, philia not eros). It has been a bright, positive aspect of myself that has seen me through some dark times. Those dark times are many years behind me now and as I approach ten years with Jim they couldn't feel more distant and I can't believe how happy I remain.

Homosexuality is not a curse. I don't need your pity nor your acceptance. I put this out there only to counter the constant negativity from those who seek to shame us. I'm without shame, without fear and without a desire to change. I'm a happy gay man. And that is a great thing to be. 

"Perish miserably they who think that these men did or suffered aught disgraceful."

Eurovision 2013: Austria

Natália Kelly is doing the honours for Austria this year with "Shine"



A good song, a great voice but seems to lack the sort of "hook" that I tend to like. I'm a man of very simple tastes. Doesn't feel like a winner to me.