Friday, May 31, 2002

Where Have I been?

”Doctor, doctor, won’t you please prescribe me something?
A day in the life of someone else.
Don’t let me get me.
I am my own worst enemy”
“Don’t Let Me Get Me” Pink

Gonna be a bit long, okay?

Yesterday I was in a very dark, unhappy and, ultimately, self-destructive mood. I wrote a rather nasty post which involved some rather choice words. I decided not to post it, or anything that tried to be jolly, as I felt it was inappropriate. (You know me, I hate swearing!!)

So let me update you on what has been going on. On Wednesday Tony came home from work and had a go at me for no reason. He preceded to ban me from the internet. Again there was no reason. I have not looked at porn or anything salicious (love that word) as Tony put the AOL settings as those for a 12 year old months ago. I pay for my own AOL account but I have been banned from that for a while. I am only allowed on the internet for half an hour each day when Tony is home. I won’t bother telling you what this did for my depression. You can probably work it out. Tony has a way of charming people so that they don’t believe he does these things. That don’t believe how much he goes out of his way to hurt me. I won’t dwell on it any longer but needless to say I have never been so depressed (that includes the events of December and January when I think you’ll agree I went rather bizarre).

Anyhew I went out to Gees, Leas Club and McDonalds Drive-Thru with Pete, Chris, Sam and Zoe last night. Gees band were Clacket Lane. Quite good. Lent Zoe my old school tie as it is her last day at school today (is it some girls school tradition to wear Harvey ties?). That cheered me up. Then got home to discover that Ruby (Wax) was on V Graham Norton dressed in some sort of sleeping bag in the shape of a penis. This also cheered me up!! Then went to bed and had lovely dream involving Dermot, Tom Welling and a beach. This of course was a very cheery dream indeed. ;o)

Where is Peter Tatchell when you need him?

Queens on the Leas, a Fetish picnic, has been cancelled because of police warnings of severe homophobic reprisals. Probably from the police themselves no doubt. I really worry about the Kent gay community if we are going to let some homophobes stop our fun. The police are there to protect us, we are not the ones in the wrong. If we are unable to stand up for ourselves then we will have our very lmited rights curtailed even further. This is a fact of modern homosexual history in Europe, has no one paid attention to rise of the BNP, le Front Nationale or the Freedom party? Am I the last gay man in the world to know about the Strichjungen? Answers on a postcard…

Big Brother Update Sunita left the house yesterday at 7pm to become the first British contestant to ever leave of their own free will. She promptly had an interview with Dermot on Big Brothers Little Brother. Phwoah!! He is gorgeous!! Lee turned 22 yesterday, they had a wrestling party. Alex (the twat) held a house meeting to discuss important topics such as: the toilet lid, late night snacks, and Spencer’s atheletes foot. Even though he is so obviously in denial over his sexuality I still want him out tonight (although the housemates don’t yet know they will have to evict someone instead of nominating as is usual!! evil laugh). I want Alex out but I suspect Jade will be the first (or is that second) to go.

Isn’t Eminem hot? 2002 World Cup starts today. I will, as always, support Brazil. Who are you supporting? The Queens Golden Jubilee weekend started today anyone doing anything?

Wednesday, May 29, 2002

Big Brother Gets Going

Thank you Gert for putting me on your “Blog Roll”. Although auditioning blogs seems rather, and I am being truthful here, silly. Thanks to Matthew and Karen for your very kind and supportive words, I am in a more cheery mood today.

Why?, I hear you ask, because Sunita says she wants to leave the Big Brother house. No offense but since last night I don’t think she will cheer up any while she remains in the house. And I want someone interesting to replace her (Madonna anyone?). Jade, Adele, Spencer and Lee seem very close in a anti-Alison pack. Alex reminds me more and more of how I imagine (now bear with me here I love history and privately study gay history [yes I am slightly sad!!] ) Emperor Hadrian’s lover Atonius (I think that is his name I will check it out). I have seen some statues of Atonius (who hasn’t? Hadrian put them up all over the Roman empire) and he and Alex share a rather girly frame (may I add Atonius was 14, Alex is supposed to be a man). Alex is no man. He acts like he has “a rocket up his arse” as Adele said.

Fav man: Sandy. He is polite, down to Earth with a brilliant dress sense. The rest are all strange…

Fav girl: Alison, she seems so bubbly and my enemies (Jade’s) enemy is my friend. And I like Lynne too as no one else likes her. She is the only one who seems to act normally.

Is it just me or does everyone fancy everyone else in that house? And just how bitchy are they all? I haven’t heard so much bitchiness in BB since Brian and Narinder were split up!!!

Today I received a letter in the name of “Ben Cole” from Netscape Online. Gosh I haven’t used my alias in years!!! And where did Netscape get hold of it?!

V Graham Norton is still doing much better than when it started, Ruby is possibly the best morning show in history, and sadly life in the Edwardian Country House finished yesterday. It was brilliant reality TV.

Today’s Ruby left me pondering just how many people does it take to hang one piece of wallpaper?!

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

Another Set Back

Warning the following may well be incoherent, however, I understand it.

“Young hearts be free tonight
Time is on your side
Don’t let them put you down
Don’t let em push you around
Don’t ever, ever, let them change your point of view”
Rod Stewart

As always one of my infamous depressions has descended like a dark cloud. Each time one arrives it breaks down my spirit just a little bit more. They used to herald what are I know as Changes, such as me discovering my sexuality, or the time I ran away. Now they only herald sadness, and a terrible loneliness.

I try to remember the last time I was really happy and that was the summer before Melly got sick. I was in the closet but happy about it. I liked having my secret life, sleeping around with guys I didn’t even know the names of, having a house so full of life, be it from Melly-Mels, Debbie-Debs, Christine, Kelly or mums random boyfriends. Tony had moved out, I was FREE. I had no need for money, no want or worry.

Now look at my life. I am poor (I still refuse to touch my savings), Tony lives with us again, Christine is running off to Australia, Melly is dead, Debbie is still in mourning for her mum, Kelly was fired when the kids started school. No more do I wake up to find a Dutch soldier waiting for me to give him my blessing for being my mum’s boyfriend (he felt he should ask me, the man of the house, I was so pleased!!), no more do I wake up in some house in Whitstable or Maidstone after my mum’s friends parties, no more do I have to explain the mess in my bedroom to Kelly on the morning after the night before. I am not me anymore. I am a boring shadow of who I once was, with no prospects in love or wealth. Mum has returned to her depression again.

It’s like the God’s struck down all those who I loved and took me to a new level of living Hell.

And despite the year that has gone by I still miss Melly so much, maybe more than I did the day she died.

So right now I sitting at home, listing to the tapes that Eden made me long ago and trying to think of what needs to be done to make my life better again.

“If I could turn back time
If I could find a way
I’d take back all the words that hurt you
And you’d stay”
If I could turn back Time – Cher

A Sincere Thank You

I have just been reading a coming out story that was particularly upsetting to me and I’d like to do something here that I can’t remember ever doing before. And this time in public where they can all bask in the glory of recognition.

I would like to thank my friends, from the bottom of my heart, for handling my coming out so well in the last year. You have all been great (far, far better than my homophobic family). Not even in my wildest dreams would I have believed that I could ever be myself with you all. In fact I had thought that some of my worst fears would have been realised. So for the record. Thank You All. And when I have the money I will buy you all a drink. Promise.

Sorry about the last couple of introspective posts just getting rid of some junk floating around in this mind of mine!!
Jason’s Update Special

Stephen: I had a really good plan. It involved him coming home for the summer, and then I could go see him and break up with him face to face without the need to be cruel. This plan was doomed from the outset. Needless to say Stephen’s got a job in a gay club in London and he won’t be coming home. And so I am going to have to wait until I have the money to go visit him to break up. I refuse to be cruel and break up with him over the phone or in an email. I have had some questions that me and Steve don’t act like boyfriends. It’s now mainly a long distance thing with lots of phone calls and stuff (joy…)

Jon: After Jon kind of declared his love for me I decided it would be best to avoid any sort of sexual atmosphere and just chat to him in phone calls. It has been easy as he has been busy in his job in London (a large computer related business). But a couple of days ago he phoned and said he could take a duvet day sometime this week and we could go for a picnic in Kearsney Abbey (a very nice park). He knows how I feel why won’t he take no for an answer? It’s not like I am Brad Pitt or something so why do I have obsessive stalkers?

Faulty Towers: I am assuming that the deal has gone not to Kryton but to the developers who want to turn it into flats. No big lose.

Mental Stability: For those of you who might worry about my mental state sometimes, I am surprisingly sane of late.

So me, Sam, Chris, Pete, Zoe, Elliot and Sarah went out last night to Wetherspoons followed by the Leas Club. Fun, except I meet James Dallison, never a good thing (he is a prick). And if any of you are serious about getting a flat I am up for it!!

I’d just like to wag my finger at those naughty people out there who are obsessed with searching for things like “Big Brother Sunita Transsexual” or “Big Brother Is Jonny Gay”. (That I assume would probably yield more results for the Aussie Big brother 1 which had a gay Jonny, didn’t it?). Tut Tut.

Monday, May 27, 2002

Big Brother Bonanza

So little old unassuming me was sitting when I worked out that the amount of Big Brother search referrals to my site could increase traffic ten fold. Grrr.... first it was "Faulty Towers" now it's "Big Brother Alex Gay" or "Big Brother Sunita" I shall continue as normal regardless.

Sad News: Chris' house has been sold. :o( He will be leaving us in two months. Who will do Spaced impressions now?

I remember now why I was going to rant. I was reading some Christian Institute Documents about homosexuality (known thy enemy and know them well). Grrr.... May go insane if I read any more. To cheer us up I have refound an old link to a long running teletext service that I have been a fan of for years!!!! Ptext
The Weekend That Was

After Big Brother started on Friday, you can imagine what a large portion of my weekend has consisted of. So Alex is straight. He fancies Kate (d’uh!!!! She is evil!!). But still he looks good in a shower, doesn’t he? (oh yes for like the first time ever BB on E4 showed us a shower scene!!).

There was going to be a rant in this post (I’m in one of those moods) but I have managed to control myself today at least.

Other things I did this weekend:

Read up on some Chinese articles, a strange boy band phenomenon (the Flower Band?), Chinese women abusing their bodies trying to increase their height and thus their social status, and their plans to start lunar exploration by 2010 (I love the idea of them having a permanent moon base before the Americans!!!).

Read up on how to emigrate to Canada

Caught up with Frank the Cat (remember him!!)

And attempted to understand why Pakistan and India want to start a nuclear war over such a relatively small strip of land.

Debbie Debs has been round all weekend ordering TVs off the net, decorating our glasses, making fun of Tony and the like. Great fun. Will give you up dates on Stephen, Jon, Faulty Towers, and any thing us you want to know (just ask me anything!!) tomorrow.

And in a chuckalicious turn of events if you type in big brother and a contestants name into google you will discover I am quite high on the list (of the ones I have tested I have been on the first two pages). So for those who come here I don't like Kate, Jonny or Jade (although Jade really can't help it its just she is so loud!!)

And to Karen:- I choose Alison as my part of The Bet.

Saturday, May 25, 2002

Latvia: 12 points!!

And its all over folks. Latvia won, they had a strong support here at the des-res. I loved the two cute guys. Well done to Jessica though. Good show!! Slovenia should have won though (did you know they caused a tax protest in their country!!).

Here are some quotes from my mums score sheet (we take eurovision very seriously here!!!) "Israel: No Points Until You Stop Killing Palestinians" "Latvia: I told you u her trousers were coming off" "Germany:Shoud be David Hasselhoff [popular in germany for some reason] probably was him actually. 12 points for the dancing." "Lithuania: I Love Terry Wogan"

Now can anyone decipher the code messages in the links this year.... "Anything can happen in Estonian Clubs"... now have urge to jump on a TGV and run off to the Baltic states!!

LOVE EUROVISION!!!! It rules!!
Who is in and who is out

Big Brother
Firstly my predictions, I believe Alison will, and should win at this point. She is a very lovely person. Jade should be voted off. She seems to have a brain the size of a petit pois. “What’s ‘Sparagus?”

Jonny - Don’t like
Lee – Seems moody
Sunita – Sassy
Kate – Don’t like her as the Sun does. (soon she will be called Big Brother Babe or something)
Adele – Have no idea
Spencer – Very quiet, always a bad sign may turn out to be like… Paul…. NO!!
Sandy – Down to Earth light hearted father figure
Alex – I think he is straight firstly, although cute and intelligent. Good friends with Sandy
PJ – Have no idea
Lynne – I like her seems like someone I would befriend.

OK am I the only person who couldn’t care less about sex in the house, the Sun makes out its all that matters. I just like watching them as they make friends and enemies. What do you think?

My last poll results were interesting:

6 of my readers (40%) are straight (yippee for them!!), 4 (27%) are very lucky indeed and are gay, 3 (20%) refused to be put in such arbitary categories, and there is one bisexual and a bicycle (7% each). What was intriuging about the poll is it showed I really don’t know my readers. Three times in a row polls have logged an average 14 people voting, and out of them half never make their presence known. So come on guys and girls come out and get involved. Try my new poll: who is your fav big brother contestant? After each eviction I’ll update the poll. Have fun!!!

Friday, May 24, 2002

Big Brother 3 Begins

Very Briefly (much more depth next post) my initial thoughts. OK Alex the predicted gay man is cute, but I really love Alison (Aretha Franklin like). I loath Jonny (who let Sandy and Alex carry the "ugly" girls bags but as soon as some one cute arrived his smarmy little hands were offering "help") HE MUST DIE. And Lee, love the muscle (and his shorts seem well filled too ;o) ) hate the man. What a show off!!! And poor Spencer he looks Left out, almost like he is going to cry!!!

Love the house!!!!! Needs a cat tho :o).

May well be reporting on OnlineBigBrother in the near future (thanks for the tip Karen) and anyone got any tips for the forfeit for me and Karen's bet which officially begins Monday?

P.S. Dermot looked real cute :o)
Dermot O’Leary Day

The quiet tones of Madonna’s Ray of Light album, and the annoying sounds of Robert Kilroy Silk being homophobic wash over me right now. I am in a grumpy mood as despite seeing my old friends last week at the Black Bull pub I am still living in the past. I am also in what I like to call my “heterophobe” mood, not personally hating any individual heterosexuals out there, just hating a culture of thought I don’t like (old fashioned, if you are a modern thinking person disregard my mood)

My comments system is working. Yay!!

Big Brother 3 starts today!!!! Dermot O’Leary returns to E4 with his gorgeous smile and his lovely arms (I am a tad obsessed!!) to present BBLB.

I went out to Gees last night with Sam, Pete, Sarah, Chris and Zoe (who can now drive and has a car, well done!!). A couple of really cute guys were there. It worries me that I haven’t attempted to chat up anyone since January, have I lost the nerve? Andy was there and the band was Don’t Ask and they were very good.

Sonia came up to me last night and begged for me to apply as receptionist at the Hotel Burstin in town. Which I’ll do soon enough. Planning on going and visiting my old school with Sam today so that we can crash Mrs. Makepeaces last A-Level class of the year and steal some cake. Mrs. Makepeace may I add once said when told I had come out… “Oh so he has admitted at last has he.” She is rather astute for a RE teacher!!

Thursday, May 23, 2002

Happy Birthday Joan

Joan Collins has a birthday today (although I won’t say which as it would be cruel). HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Right firstly all my problems involving blogger and netcomments are sorted. So enjoy my brand spanking new comments system, in a new style and everything, at the bottom of each post!!!

I signed up for the Community Service Volunteers yesterday and hopefully I should get a placement soon. My ticket out of this small smelly town!!! I went to Gees last night with Sam where we talked loads and loads, and me, him and Sonia (the Wednesday barmaid) had an excited chat about Big Brother 3.

OK I have an apology to make. I don’t fancy Tom Selleck. A mistake wholly on my part possibly led to you to believe I fancied some old man (cute in his day but not my type!!). I actually like Tom WELLING from Smallville. Apologies to Sam and Pete who tried to correct me!!

Last episode of Smallville series 1 yesterday (sob). I fell head over heels in love with Mr. Welling when he tooks his top off yesterday. As Laura said… phwoar. He has the looks of the Sixth Former and the body of a Greek Adonis with an innocent farm boy look in his eye. Thus I warn you I am about to become an obsessed fan. A link has been added already, I think I may start a blog ring!!

The last poll was 12/14 in favour of me dumping Stephen. So I really need to. The current poll is interesting. Who is voting what?

Friday is Big Brother Day (also Dermot O’Leary Day) I am very, very excited. Saturday is Eurovision Day (with the sarcastic tones of Terry Wogan). Let us pray the presenters aren’t as annoying as last year.

Under a month until I turn 19. I’m getting all grown up!!

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

George Lucas Must Die!!

I went to see Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones last night. When I said I was really bored at the Scottish band the other night I was wrong!! Star Wars has been ruined it was boring, badly written, and not in the least bit funny. I will focus on the positive in a second but I want to say that not only was this one of the worst movies I have ever seen (and I’ve seen a few), it made a Phantom Menace look good.

The positives: the effects could not be faulted, the end scene involving Star Destroyers was cool, Yoda getting mean was brilliant. Oh, and C-3PO and R2-D2 were back together and almost saved the movie, until George Lucas wrote some really bad jokes. Needless to say I watched Return of the Jedi to remind me of why I loved Star Wars as soon as I got home.

My comments system will be online shortly. After sorting out the problems at netcomments I have to sort out some blogger problems. Sheesh!!!

I have got to go to Canterbury today. :-( Never a good idea I can tell you. Oh well I should be back by late evening.

To Annie, making your life more exciting ain’t easy. I really don’t know why you are asking me as my life is dead dull. But some tips: Do utterly random things every once in a while (and I’m not talking, drinking Pepsi instead of Coke here!!!). Go out whenever anyone invites you. Get involved in a new and crazy group of mates (I hear you know Kaz_Pixie2? Why not try her? Or join our group?) Get involved in a twisted love triangle. Or JUST BE YOU!! Why do you need to change>?!

Tuesday, May 21, 2002

“Come on Amma!!” “Demons. I see Demons”

Big Brother 3 begins this Friday. The only rumours that I have 1) heard, and 2) substantiated at all, are that there will be a transsexual in the house plus a glamour model. Remember there are 12 contestants this time. But most importantly Dermot “Nice Arms” O’Leary returns to our screens!!!

I went out last night with Sam, Sarah, Pete, Chris and Elliot. Firstly we went to Wetherspoons which was, as always on a Monday, cheap. We got bored and via a trip to McDonalds, we went to the Leas Club. While Sarah, Chris and Elliot got their food me, Pete and Sam went on ahead. As we walked into the Leas Club a loud, unmusical tune struck up. Seeing men in kilts we strategically retreated back to the others.

We returned en masse and went in. For some bizarre, unknown, unfathomable reason there was a full on highland band!!! Bagpipes, drums, kilts, short people and terrible swear words. I have only rarely been as bored as I was just at that precise moment (I texted Laura and told her to send superman, a code for boring, or unfortunate situations). Elliot bought loads of drink and seemed to be settling for the long haul, which aggravated me more. While Elliot and Sam played pool, the rest of us escaped outside. Was cheered up by Chris’ “Spaced” impressions.

Things started looking up when Elliot came out and started throwing up. Now this was a night out, I thought!! We joined the Rude Boy car circuit around town, saw some illuminated cars and headed for the play park. In the play park it quickly became apparent that people were having sex. How stupid of them!!!! The play park is our place to go, they should of got a room!!

So we all went home happy anyway!!

Monday, May 20, 2002

Decisions, Decisions

Pete, although your idea to make this a place open to “abuse” by the likes of the Folkestone lot is intriguing, abuse of this site will be heavily frowned upon. I shall in fact become mighty angry over abuse similar to that which Elliot has reaped upon my map. This site is my little baby, its been going for like 9 months now and even if I stop posting I will keep an eye on it.

Mr. Creighton (will just call him Kryton from now on its so much easier) failed to call me on Friday, but as he doesn’t usually call me if there is nothing to report, I still have my fingers crossed for a satisfactory outcome tomorrow over whether or not Faulty Towers will reopen.

Am in a really nasty mood today. I spent the weekend either hiding in my back garden with my cats or shopping at Bluewater (I got a Danger Mouse beanie toy!!). I went to Bluewater with Debbie Debs. I’ve got the wanderlust again, the urge to go off exploring some forgotten part of the world (as Ray Mears Extreme Survival was on last night I have a “need” to go to the Australian Outback).

Talking of Aussie Land, my “auntie Chris” (she isn’t really my auntie just my mums best friend after Debbie Debs) announced the other day she would be leaving her kids, marrying some drunk and running off to Australia within one week!!!! My mum decided to tell me this only because we drove past Chris’ house in Chatham. Really didn’t my mum think I would want to know something so important about the mum of best friend so I can counsel him accordingly?

Oh and the uncle David and auntie Jill saga of December continues as they use their children to bitch fight. David has found a girlfriend, you see, which scappers Jill’s idea he would be back with her within six months. Currently he has taken refuge with nan and Little Tony in Snodland. I am the only other member of the family who hasn’t told him to go back to her (she is an overbearing, nasty cow who treats my beloved nan (and David) extremely badly).

Oh one last thing, while at uni, Uncle Derek has contracted scabies. Derek what have you been up to, huh?! :o)

Oh (really this will be my last oh!!) and the commenting system will return shortly just ironing out a few last minute chinks.

Friday, May 17, 2002

Should I stay or should I go?

This blog has done everything I have asked of it. It has allowed me to communicate my feelings to those who know me and those who don't. It has allowed me to learn a little HTML. Its helped me find other hilarious/touching blogs and bloggers.

But what next? I look at it and its a mess. And now I've found Xanga. Here I get a sense of community, I can easily upload pics, I can make more like minded friends. So I am running two blogs at the moment which is kinda annoying. If I were to move I would lose a lot of readers as Xanga is very much "members only".

So what do you think? Tell me on my message board as its nearly the weekend and my updates are usually sporadic. John and Elliot, my message board is not the Flooble down the side bar, it is the button marked "message board" on the left, okay?
Sunny Days drifting away...

I spent much of yesterday gardening, reading in my garden and watching the cute topless guy across the road. Twas a great day!! It was really sunny and warm.

Anyway went on a Hardc0re 3 night out last night to Gees (Raw was playing and Andy wasn't there). Possibly our last planned one EVER!!!! Scary thought huh?

I have applied for several jobs at Camber Sands Pontins, which would mean I would have to move to a sunny (well sunny for like a day as this is Britain after all!!) beach resort, with accomodation supplied. Darn it!!!! :-)

My commenting system will be back on line (after like a month off!!!) as soon as I remember my password :-(. And Porn won the last poll. Why not vote in the current one?!

Thursday, May 16, 2002

A Blast From The Past

The following are extracts in full and unedited from my 2000-2001 academic diary. Anything not in italics and/or in [square brackets] is there to explain obscure references to you. These are from a diary no one has seen before.

Wednesday 9th May 2001

Dear Journal,
Today I made a big mistake. I found out that Adam was seeing a girl called Claire. The mistake was that I told Sam (Claire after all is in our politics class). He then proceeded to make fun of Adam which was annoying. Then he mentioned my name. For about an hour they argued over who I betrayed. The consensus (issued by Matthew (who was judge)) was that I betrayed everyone.
Adam now hates me. I feel bad.

Thursday 10th May 2001

Dear Journal,
Did crap RE essay and Adam still hates me. Very arkward day at school.

Friday 11th May 2001

Dear Journal,
Tumber likes me again.
Sam is close to finding out my secret. He caught a glimpse of my wallet pic of Colin, only a glimpse though.
Then he had a conversation with George who knows friends of Stephen. He told Sam everything. But Sam has yet to make a big deal of it. Sam keeps asking me about it.
[this was all about me being gay just to clarify]

Saturday 12th May 2001

average Saturday, normal stress levels, i.e. high

Monday 14th May2001

Dear Journal,
Girls from FSG
[Folkestone School for Girls] went mad with eggs and flour. Police involved. Boys retaliate. Complaints left, right and centre.
Sam still very suspicious.
Caused more agro with Tumber today by accidently telling more people

Tuesday 15th May 2001

Dear Journal,
Talk from head. Guilt trip. It failed. Sam Haggar
[head boy, embarassing them is a tradition] kidnapped, tied up, assaulted, tied outside the girls school. Head goes ballistic.
Makepeace sad to see us go. Got choccy cake and apple juice. She’s so lovely.

Wednesday 16th May 2001

Dear Journal,
Last SNHis
[Mr. Norman History class] The countdown is on
School going crazy. Planning (this is very initial planning!!) to come out on Friday. Everyone should know by now anyway.

Footnote 27th July 2001- oh my God Jason. You actually went through with something prepared in this diary. This must be a first. I don’t think I like being out. People don’t want to talk about it. Its like its okay for me to be gay as long as I don’t talk about it and act straight.

Thursday 17th May 2001

Dear Journal,
Had no lessons today. Teachers in Belgium. The Herald thinks the girls were protesting. MAD!!!!

Friday 18th May 2001

Dear Journal,
Last day of school. Ever. Mr. Conley did a normal lesson. Mrs Whitehead brought us choccy cake (more!!).
After exam breifing went to Leas Club. Got drunk. Elliot threw up in Maccy D’s toilets.
Big News. I came out. Not to everyone but Tumber and Claire were told. Others will thus fin dout.
Met nice girl called Laura
[smiley Laura] in Wetherspoons. She gave me lift home after everyone abandoned me. (NOT REALLY simply all left in drifts and drabs without me noticing as I am stupid)
Not sad to see back of school. Pleased finally to have come out.

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

So Good Graham Norton

V Graham Norton was much better last night. It was longer (always good :o) ), had a better guest (Gillian Anderson), more internet fun, and best of all Betty in the press pack outside the Star Wars Premiere. She “interviewed” Richard Madely (Gillian Anderson: “Who the fuck is he?!”), Halle Berre and Samuel L. Jackson (who was very confused to be interviewed by a seventy year old lady, one whom looked rather scared and who keeping turning to the reporter from RI:SE for help in asking questions). Richard gave her a hard time which got him booed by the crowd (who had spotted Betty and gave her more cheers than the stars!!). Brilliant.

I went round Pete's last night with Chris and Zoe and watched a little of Miss Congeniality. Mr. Creighton phoned wants to go out for a beer on Friday. Decision on the future of Faulty Towers due on Monday or Tuesday. As is my summer ritual I have started reading Stephen King's IT. This will be the sixth summer I have done this.

There was I was going through one of my old diaries earlier, and realised it was May. I am crap at keeping Wiccan festivals. So I rarely do. But I have my own “festivals” that I celebrate/commiserate on. And May is like the most important month of the year for me (and for Colin, a former boyfriend who lives in Glasgow now, I just phoned him up and he was like “Oh are you nearly ready Jay?” I lied and told him I was). AAAAHHHH. I have things to do!!!

This will mean I may not post as regularly as always, I might do but I will have to see if I have time. And I might not be out as much. Imagine Christmas and my birthday added together and you are not even close to how important the coming days are to me.

May future post (finally use one of Blogger Pro’s features) some silly stories for the days I can’t post. These are stories from my past that are funny/scary like the time I meet Natalie Woods, or saw a ghost, or the time I persuaded half of Snodland I was Batfink……. Actually all are funny for you to read and scary for me to live thru. Damn…..

Plus some old diary entries from yesteryear. Get a real insight into the private world of Jason Kay aged 17 and 3/4!!!!

Monday, May 13, 2002


I went into the lean to (what we call the “conservatory”) just now and had the most bizarre experience. Yesterday night I came into the house and fed my cats in the lean to. I had to move the folded up clothes horse out of the way to do it. So imagine my surprise when this morning I go to feed the cats and I find that sometime between 11.30pm and 8.00am some one has come into my house, sorted out the washing and hung it on the clothes horse. The clothes are still wet so it couldn’t have been done long a go. The doors were all bolted and locked, the windows closed (I am security obsessed).

This is not just strange but frightening. It was not done last night I know that as I distinctly remember wondering where the folded horse had come from as it wasn’t usually in my way. I really can’t, and possibly don’t want to, explain how the fuck this could be. I believe in much stranger things than this so I'll put it down to Melly Mels ghost and hope that explains it.

My family will be back later. Worse luck!!

'Tis the Big Party

So it was Zoes 18th birthday yesterday. I went around Chris' house first and watched Spaced on DVD. Twas great!! I love Spaced!! Then we headed to her house, where the best party ever was about to take place. Her friends Holly, Little Gem, Annie (a regular reader!!) and Lauren were there along with her mum and sister Jody. We played pass the parcel (joy) and I won a great big Yorkie bar ("It's Not For Girls"), we had jely and ice cream and we blew bubbles in the garden. But what really made it great was the party bag!! A Monster Inc. one which we carried with pride into Wetherspoons.

Sarah and Laura arrived, followed shortly by Arron, and after a couple of drinks we moved on to the Leas Club (via Sarahs smelly car [smelly as some milk had gone off in the back]). Great night out in all.

On Saturday Sarah got drunk in..... SNODLAND!!! Wow see people it actually exists and isn't just a creation my imagination!!!

Sunday, May 12, 2002


Now in the past people have taken my site too much to heart and I found this while I was surfing blogs and thought it best sums up how I feel. I'll add it to my side bar sometime later:- DISCLAIMER.

It's a bit heavy and as you know I love getting funny comments so don't take this too seriously either.
Peace, Quiet and the Real End of the Affair

I have been obsessed with MT for 4 years. It is time to stop. I have to move on from such a childish crush and so I bid farewell, he shall not be mentioned, stared at, or obsessed over by me ever again. Promise scouts honour, matey!!

I have finally found some peaceful, stress free time to actually do some worship. My religion has been on the back burner for a while as with my family here I have had difficulty practising. But this morning I awoke and decided to actually get out my Book of Shadows and do stuff. Wasn’t I good?!

Its Zoe’s Eighteenth Birthday today!!! Congrats!! All the fun things you can now do vote (well I think that’s fun!!), drink (legally that is!!), and get loans and stuff!

Currently I am watching round the clock Big Brother 3 audition tapes. That boy who was once a child prodigy in the antiques world who then had a sex change applied!! I just saw his video!! If I hear another bloody poem one, or someone saying “Pick me, please” I may go bananas. How sad am I for watching round the clock coverage of people who haven’t got on!!

Saturday, May 11, 2002

When Harry Met Jay F Kay

So last night there was a little "do" round my place. After wandering town for supplies with Chris and Zoe, meeting Robin, Aaron and Annie on the war I returned home to prepare. Chris, Zoe, Laura, Elliot, and Sarah attended (bringing drink and food, my fav part!!). It was alright I suppose. After some drinking tired Sarah lead her troops (every one but me and Elliot) home. Me and Elliot stayed, watched some "Jet Li" movie and I went to bed late. V Graham Norton was actually quite good (it had Josh Harnett as a guest!! Cor!!) last night.

I awoke at 8 in the morning (ungodly hour) watched my usual quota of deaf programmes (my BSL is really coming on a way now) and SMTV, watched Supergirl (cute guy in that) and then Elliot left to go home. Within minutes Chris and Zoe asked if I wanted to go to town with them. We bought a replacement fish for Zoe to replace one that died. Its tentatively called Jay the Fish Kay (JFK) (I am so pleased!!). Her fish Harry seemed pleased to have a friend again.

In town we meet Sarah, did some birthday shopping for Zoe and saw numerous other people (Little Gem, Chris' entire family, Zoe's Gran, her sister Jody).

Friday, May 10, 2002

Graham Snorton

Graham Norton’s new show, V Graham Norton, is growing tiresome already. You know I love Graham but the shows are 1) too short 2) on so often his brand of humour becomes unfunny and 3) really stupid. Even Betty seems to be growing tired of it and his guests no longer look embarassed for themselves, they look like they are embarassed for him!! Poor Graham. Channel 4 redeemed themselves with the rather good Daisy Daisy. Twas about Daisy (a female version of Louis Theroux) entering a beauty pagent. Very funny!!! She is not afraid to poke fun at her subjects like Louis does.

Chris and later Zoe came round my house last night. Which was nice. I am still looking for that job. Mr. Creighton keeps telling me to wait for him to take over the hotel (otherwise he has to start from scratch without me as a guide!!)

Pim Fortuyn is buried today. The hot favourite for leader is black. Maybe things will turn ut alright in the end.

What songs am I listening to?: Adam and the Ants “Stand and Deliver” and Daniel Bedingfield “Gotta Get Thru This” (Do I ever not listen to this?)

What am I reading? Several Bill Bryson books all at once!!

What films do I want to see? Other than Star Wars AOTC I want to go see Y Tu Mama Tambien (a faint hope as Ashford cinema shows English and Indian, but not Spanish, movies…)

Thursday, May 09, 2002

Folkestone Blog

I was looking up the Leas Club on Google (for no reason *whistles innocently*) and found this and this. I know most of you don't use my links (thats why I don't put many on!!) but why not check this out. This means you Pete!!
Come on Baby Light My Fire

So Jon came round Tuesday night, which really messed up my plans to watch TV, and we were really determined to have a frank discussion about whether we wanted a relationship, what I was doing about Stephen etc. etc. But we ended up having sex. I know it was naughty!!

The new Will Young video for Light my Fire is surreal but its growing on me. Saw the new Eminem video for “Guess who’s back”. I can’t help finding him attractive, despite my better judgement. And as I’m talking about cute guys, Smallville was on last night. Watch this space for the Tom Selleck Appreciation Society!!!

I went round Laura’s on Tuesday as I was bored and we had a little gossip. Wednesday I couldn’t blog as Tony was in all day!!

The Family has gone to Cornwall until Monday!!! Joy!! There is to be a drinking session around my house on Friday, bring drink, music and videos. My DVD player is deaded so no DVDs. Arrive any time I am here all day!! All welcome.

Tuesday, May 07, 2002

"Ouf" and other stories

Right Le Pen was defeated in the French elections, which lead to me say "Ouf" (French for "phew"). But he still got 6 million votes. Which is bad. He is expected to do well in the coming general election.

Remember Pim Fortuyn, the only right wing leader I respect? He was shot dead yesterday. His unique blend of reactionary and liberal values was a breath of fresh air. And his gay pride was heartwarming. I fear with his death, his hard line party wil get even more seats in the coming Dutch elections, and without his guidance may fall back into line with more Conservative right wing movements like Haiders Austrian Freedom Party, Griffins BNP and Le Pens Le Front Nationale. Dark days are ahead.

I went out to Wetherspoons and the Leas Club last night with Chris, Pete, Laura and Sarah. When I got home I caught the last bit of Graham Nortons new show and then had a phone call from Jon when he told me he loved me. AAAHHH!! I shall dump Stephen this week, it is the best thing for both us, we need to move on.

Sunday, May 05, 2002

Bank Holiday Weekend's Only Post

Some news I have forgot to mention recently:- 1) My mum has been accepted to a new job which doubles her salary to £50 000 a year. She is holding out accepting the job offer to see if she likes it.
2) Adam1 has been accepted on to the Leed's University Challenge team. Well done Adam1. Just don't do any William Hague Impressions okay? :o)
3) Zoe is going to see Westlife soon. Lucky cow!!!!
4) And Zoe you are right this website is now banned material at Folkestone School for Girls. Fame!!

I, like the BBC, was a bit premature in saying the BNP had won 2 seats. In fact they have 3(!). They must be fought on every level.

"We're right, and we're free,
And we'll fight, yeah, you'll see"
Twisted Sister, We're not going to take it

Saturday was good. I went home to Snodland for the first time in ages. Haven't been away from home for so long!! The Co-op had been moved, things looked much tidier than when I was last there. the crime rate is down for the first time in 20 years!!

We took Nan for a drive around the Weald of Kent (the most lovely place on Earth). In Snodland we visited the mysterious lake where Terrapins and American Bull Frogs live (rumour has it they are discarded pets that have multiplied out of control). Its a bit surreal there!!

Then up Seven Mile Lane (ah how good it is to talk of places of my youth!) we went to Brookside Garden Centre ("Our Jimmy!!"). I am always amazed at how comfortable English people are with the Latin names of plants.Tres Bizarre.

After that we visited a flower show in Birling (yawn). Birling is one of many lost communties, where people still go to church, never shop at supermarkets and leave the village only rarely. it is very scary meeting such people as they hate strangers!! The Weald may be beautiful but you don't stand a chance unless you speak like a Weald boy (a quality I still have!!). Without it you will be viewed with a deeply suspicious eye. Nan proclaimed it reminded her of the Midsomer Murders.

I went home watched TV. Then Jon came round we had some pints and fooled around a little ;o). He left to go visit his friends in Deal. I was persuaded by the freshly returned from France Pete to go to a "party" at Chris' house. It was fun, with Laura, Sarah, Zoe, Adam2 (the yummy one from last week remember?), Chris and Molly the dog (I'm not being cruel she is in fact a bitch, a female dog).

Got mighty drunk. :o) Not as bad as Pete though!!

Friday, May 03, 2002

Cat's Rule, Dog's Drool

I went out to band night/Andy the Bar man night last night with Pete. The band were great, the lead singer was cute. But Andy really isn't that attractive when I am sober!! He even managed to spill omeone's pint all over them!! Pete and Laura had a very mysterious phone call "He did what? With a stick?!! No!!" it went on like that for a good 5 minutes, leaving me confused.

The BNP have taken two council seats in Burnley, which is so bloody wrong it is beyond belief.

More people own cats than dogs now!! Well no actually more cats own people than people own dogs. But it is great, I can already hear Millie's evil world domination plans!! I may begin a "Free Mr. Tinkles Campaign"!!

Sarah H sent me a rather odd email, which I don't quite understand. Could she send like date references and things as I can't find any reference to what she claims in my blog. I am very sorry if I have upset her. And I was blaming myself for not keeping in contact with you and not blaming you for not keeping in contact with me.

Good news!! My comments system should be back up soon, i.e. within a day or two. Then we can begin proper discussion again!! Due to several complaints my message board is back in the side bar. And the map I "borrowed" from Karen really seems to be going well (in fact several people have borrowed it from this site!! Cool!!).

And Big Brother 3. The countdown has begun!!

Thursday, May 02, 2002

Jubilee Blues

The Queen's Jubilee truely is underway, with everyone talking about the propagandist documentary on the BBC last night. It made me feel like going outside, wearing a large Union Jack, standing to attention and singing "God Save the Queen". *shiver*

Local elections today. The BNP are posing a serious challenge in the north.

"somebody save me,
don't care how you do,
save, save, come on,
I've been waiting for you"
Smallville Theme

I am not at all happy right now. But finally I can tell you the cause of my recurrent depressions. After much analysis I can reveal it is my family who make me hate myself. But I shan't dwell on it. Instead I shall formulate an evil plan at this site. 'Tis very funny. And Smallville was on last night. Definetly getting an ever more unhealthy obsession with the star.

Jason's Silly List 4 - Silly Words I use Too Often

1) Kerazy (pronounced ke-RA-zy)
2) Fabtastic (when fantastic simply isn't good enough!!)
3) Chuckalious (is to funny what delicious is to tasty)
4) 'Tis ("it is")
5) Anyhow (no not anyhow as it reads but any-hew a phrase I picked up from Stephen)
6) Salute (why I use this word is currently under investigation)
7) Bonsoir (I really need to stop saying it especially in the morning!!)

My Evil Plan
Your objective is simple: World Domination.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Power

Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first clone a pope. This will cause the world to realize something is wrong, baffled by your arrival. Who is this really bad guy? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good as an intelligence transferred into a computer?

Stage Two
Next, you must seize control of United Nations. This will all be done from a floating fortress, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will give up, as countless hordes of evil clowns hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three
Finally, you must unleash your needlessly big weather machine, bringing about a 1984 police state. Your name shall become synonymous with the spice girls, and no man will ever again dare steal your woman. Everyone will bow before your mind-boggling insanity, and the world will have no choice but to give you control of the planet.

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

How things could have been...

Jehovah Witnesses have just visited. Every time they come round I instantly begin to question my life. I would so be a Jehovah Witness if I wasn't gay. And imagine how hard it would have been to slam the door on a six foot eight Jehovah!! Must think nice thoughts...

Guy was cute... must try to "convert" him. Praise the Goddess. Blessed Be.

There you go I feel much better...*runs off to read the Watchtower News*...Darn it!!

The pictures all look so nice and safe. Look a family reading the Bible. Two boys, heads bowed to pray, sitting in a cafe. Black, white and yellow living together in peace. And simply because of the way I was born I can never join them (I am a bit of a straight bloke in a gay man's body sometimes aren't I!!)
Happy May Day

Todays events:- The Queens Jubilee Tour begins in Falmouth. Large anti-capitalist (anti-Fascist) protests throughout the worlds major cities. London police will, as usual, cause it to be more violent than planned.

Yesterday Mr. Creighton (the one Mr. Lambert tried to dupe into giving him £10 000) phoned to say he is almost certainly taking over Faulty Towers on Saturday or Sunday. He offered me a job (basic title:- the only member of staff!!). Woo Hoo!!

Chris and Zoe, bless their little hearts, came round to see me. I do love having guests. Watched telly, and then was persuaded to go out. Thankfully as I have a job again I don't get big lectures every time I go out.

I went to the Leas Club with Sarah, Pete, Elliot, Chris, a Friend of Sarahs, plus we met up with Robin and Aaron. We then talked about Annie all night. (Not really Annie just teasing!!).

So it may be (it isn't 100% certain yet) that in a weeks time I will be back in Faulty Towers. Talk about deja vu!!